Kyron Horman's stepmother is a profile in contradictions....

[curiousgirl2010]

OY! :furious: So wives and mothers should just do all they do and ppffttt it's the hubby's money....oh no. I refuse to believe that. That's like back to the dark ages and stuff. Being married makes it an "us" thing, and that includes the MONEY.

No... wives and mothers do not need to be solely responsible for taking care of the kids. Seriously, you think that's what women is supposed to do? Just stay at home, take care of the kids and spend their husband's money?

Well, I'm glad that's NOT the mentality of women of my generation. Every women I know is going to college and taking demanding jobs... We are equals now. We are NOT nannys.

If Terri accepted to be one... well, that's her choice but she can't complain her husband is worried about the money he is making.

 

[tehcloser]

No... wives and mothers do not need to be solely responsible for taking care of the kids. Seriously, you think that's what women is supposed to do? Just stay at home, take care of the kids and spend their husband's money?

Well, I'm glad that's NOT the mentality of women of my generation. Every women I know is going to college and taking demanding jobs... We are equals now. We are NOT nannys.

If Terri accepted to be one... well, that's her choice but she can't complain her husband is worried about the money he is making.

Whoaaaaaaaaaa...........I didn't say that! Don't twisty teh's words. :crazy: I said, the money is as much hers as his. That's equal. And TH is not the one complaining, it's KH.

 

[mmmagique]

The author of the article (Lynne Terry) is the same person that wrote the article about her interview with Terri's mother (CM) and reported what CM told her as fact.

Lynne Terry is also a member of the Terri's support page on Facebook.

She appears unbiased in the new article, but one must wonder what all she is leaving out, and or smoothing over.

This is VERY interesting information! Thank you SO MUCH for sharing it!

 

[curiousgirl2010]

Whoaaaaaaaaaa...........I didn't say that! Don't twisty teh's words. :crazy: I said, the money is as much hers as his. That's equal. And TH is not the one complaining, it's KH.

I just don't agree with that at all. The money Kaine makes from working everyday at a demanding job is Terri's because she stays home on facebook and takes care of the kids? I don't agree with that. The money is Kaine's. Nowadays, wives really should not depend on their husband's money. Look at Terri, she has been re-married so many times, marriage really doesn't seem like a "forever" deal to her.

I mean, the famous "Wear Sunscreen" song...

"Don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund
Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out".

It's 2010. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Just don't.

 

[grayjay]

I have been on all sides of the our money issue, but I have seen several cases where the SAHM controls the money. If she allows the guy working for a major corporation with above middle income to wear socks with holes and pack his lunch and he has a $5 a week (yes, a week) allowance, well, the word gets around and I hear about the most outrageous cases of "her controlling my money." Perfectly smart people can make no sense when it comes to the concessions they make to live with someone, I think.

:twocents:

 

[SurfieTX]

Every couple handles money and bills differently, I've come to realize, and there is usually a reason why they do the things the way they do them. With the economy being the way it is right now, money is a real pressing issue in many marriages (and it is even when the economy is good). I'm sure some of the problems and tension in that household were of a monetary nature - as it is with a lot of folks.

I don't think it speaks to anything sinister either way.

 

[mmmagique]

No... wives and mothers do not need to be solely responsible for taking care of the kids. Seriously, you think that's what women is supposed to do? Just stay at home, take care of the kids and spend their husband's money?

Well, I'm glad that's NOT the mentality of women of my generation. Every women I know is going to college and taking demanding jobs... We are equals now. We are NOT nannys.

If Terri accepted to be one... well, that's her choice but she can't complain her husband is worried about the money he is making.

It's very possible Kaine had legitimate concerns regarding her over-spending. WE DON'T KNOW.

However, not every woman (or man) from your generation or from mine, makes the same choices. Your thoughts on this are extremely one true wayish, and that...makes them...wrong. At least for those who don't choose that particular way.

A marriage is a partnership; not everyone wants to work outside the home. Those who are in such a partnership should not feel subjugated just because they chose a different path. (imo)

 

[For The Kids]

Thank you, merc and FTK! I'm getting closer. It's a video from June 25, so I've got the date now. I'll post the video as soon as I have find which one. There were several that day.

Kyron is well-versed in "stranger danger," his parents said, but because he has some trouble following directions in school, they have worked with him on listening to teachers and parents in a school setting.


http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/06/parents_of_kyron_horman_to_app.html

I actually wonder about that to a degree though. My husband used to work many hours a week when he was with his partner and there oldest child had adhd. He often felt the punishments she gave were too strict but because he was working and miles from home she was the one who saw the teachers and social services and when she told him yes the punishments were harsh but it was what she had been told to do he had no reason not to believe that she was telling the truth. After they seperated it turned out than in actual fact she hadnt been told to do what she had done to her son at all.

I do wonder here just how bad Kyron was behaving at school and whether Kaine was being told the truth or whether Terri was making his behaviour sound worse than it actually was for whatever reason so that she had a explanation for making him go to his room so much or shouting at him.

 

[tehcloser]

I just don't agree with that at all. The money Kaine makes from working everyday at a demanding job is Terri's because she stays home on facebook and takes care of the kids? I don't agree with that. The money is Kaine's. Nowadays, wives really should not depend on their husband's money. Look at Terri, she has been re-married so many times, marriage really doesn't seem like a "forever" deal to her.

I mean, the famous "Wear Sunscreen" song...

"Don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund
Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out".

It's 2010. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Just don't.

I'm not saying she should DEPEND ON IT...I'm saying that they are married, it's "their" money. How do we know KH didn't want her to stay home?

 

[nursebeeme]

:couch:great article puffy. Thanks for the thread and great to read everyone's input. Other than that I am staying out of the convo

 

[tehcloser]

Oh Lawd then I'll shut up. But seriously, to me marriage makes it "us" whether it's the mans paycheck or the womans.

 

[curiousgirl2010]

Oh Lawd then I'll shut up. But seriously, to me marriage makes it "us" whether it's the mans paycheck or the womans.

I do agree... BUT, Kaine should be able to be upset if the money he earns is being spent in an uncontrolled way... He did correct and say "our money" on the next line but people seemed to focus on the "mine".

And I mean honestly, what sort of partnership was this since Terri hired a hitman to murder him?

 

[Deleted member 718]

The article makes it sound like any typical blended family.

Money quarrels: check
Differences over discipline: check
Employment concerns: check
Weird In Laws: check
Parent teacher communications: check
Roommate disputes: check
Teen angst: check
Visitation and child support disputes: check

Did I miss anything? The only difference between this family and any other family today, is the fact they have a child missing. MOO

Where is Kyron???

 

[Melanie]

Well one question was answered for me. Conflicting reports of who threw James out of the house. Many said KH. Now I know it's TH.

In February, Terri sent James to Roseburg to live with his maternal grandparents.

"I was on a business trip when she made that decision," Kaine said. "She called me on my first day (in California) and said they had gotten into a fight. She couldn't handle it anymore. She was going to call his dad to talk about other options."

Good article.

ps: quite suprised they were married in their knickers (bathing suits). For some reason Kaine doesn't seem the type

MOO

Mel

 

[Ellebelle]

In reference to someone that asked if ADD people could control their behaviors, I can speak as a parent with a child diagnosed when he was young with ADHD. Whew......what a whirlwind of a life. I was 19 when my son was born, and being young and naive I thought when he was diagnosed that I could just teach him the correct behavior. Fact is he couldn't stay focused. He was still a great, loving kid, it's just his mind was on overdrive. So many kids now days get on the meds for ADD, not needing it for ADD but because their parents aren't disciplining them, IMO. If I had it to do over again, I'd use those meds as I feel that in the end I wasn't fair to him. He is a smart guy but life could have been so much easier for him, if I had only listened to the doctor.

To me this article showed me exactly who I think Terri is. I'd love to know what age she was adopted, and how her parents disciplined her. I've never heard but is she an only child?

I, too, have many questions, with her degrees, of how she couldn't ever find a permanent teaching position. I have many teachers in my family and I know that all disciplinary actions against those teachers aren't always "noted". Sad reality, but from what I've seen it's that way in a lot of professions.

As for Kaine and "my money", I consider mine and my husband's money as "my money" and have heard my husband do the same. It's usually when one of us thinks the other was being foolish with the money. I don't think Kaine really thought of this as his money only or he'd have not given Terri access to it. I think he was concerned, as my husband is, about the future and the what if's in life. What if there's an emergency, what if one of us becomes disabled, etc.

As for the drinking behind Kaine's back. Hmmm.... she said it was so she could sleep. I wonder if she was using a stimulant of some sort during the day. Don't get me wrong, as I have insomnia at times, and know it can occur.

I do think Terri could hurt Kyron, and I think she did. I think he just got on her nerves, and maybe more so after the baby came. If she's as controlling as I think she is, she is going to want everything just perfect and if it isn't she's going to be stressed. The focus of her stress, to me, would likely be Kyron. He looks a lot like Desiree, isn't her bio child, and isn't living up to her expectations. I think she put all of her focus on Kyron and what he wasn't doing, as much as what he was doing.

All just MOO

 

[watchful_eye]

This was a really good article, and not biased, IMO. Definitely raised some red flags:

-Roommate scenario

-Several husbands, and demanding more child support from her second husband, who was not even the biological Dad of James

**Getting a bachelors and masters in education and loving teaching, but never managing to nail down a FT teaching job. Even during this yucky economy, everyone I knew who got a bach. in education got a teaching job right out of college. This detail about Terri REALLY strikes me as odd.

-The constant checking in on Kyron's "color" warning scenario is offputting, but not as much as the other info.

-Suddenly doing the bodybuilding, then DROPPING it, after placing 4th in the competition. AND using the fat-burners, etc.

-Being able to hold managerial restaurant jobs and (only) substituting jobs---then going on unemployment. Bouncing to and from these situations. Obviously she is capable of holding a decent job----or is she---or does she want to?????

-Spending Kaine's money frivolously without consulting him.

-Abusing alcohol during a brief time period--but to the point where she drove intoxicated with her son in the car.

-Lying (Blaming Kaine for James' moving out; Telling Eckard she would ease up on her child support demands, then calling the sheriffs office to report him harassing her)

-Charm (according to friends and family)

I am by no means an expert psychologist or anything, and cannot say for sure if Terri is a sociopath. But I have read a lot about sociopathy and it's many faces. (I highly recommend the book, The Sociopath Next Door, which touches on several types of sociopaths...very eye-opening.) After reading this article, Terri seems, and I say SEEMS, because I am not an expert, lol, to exhibit some characteristics of sociopathy or ASPD.

-Charm
-Irratic, self-absorbed behavior (sudden body-building, not using her degree to her potential, bouncing from teaching to restaurant jobs to unemployment, drinking)
-Substance abuse (alcohol, diet meds)
-Some sociopaths are known as the "lazy, manipulative" type that never seem to keep decent jobs, and live off of others
-Moving the roommates things out of the house to make room for hers is pretty darn selfish, and with no sign of care or remorse

I'm not really buying the whole "Terri loved children and loved being a part of Kyron's life...treated him like he was her son...". I'm sure it seemed that way but it may have been all an act to blend in with society.

Terri could have worked hard to blend in and "pretend" she was like everyone else, until her planning started to unravel. Her true colors popped out every now and again.

Terri's history sounds a little bit like Scott Peterson's. He was popular in high school, charming, good-looking, went to college, dropped out, went to community college... and landed a job as a fertilizer salesman. Very low-achieving. Not to say all people who have retail or sales or waitstaff jobs at restaurants are lazy or sociopaths, but I'm just putting it in the perspective of the profile. Please do not take any offense if you or anyone you know has jobs of this sort.

Hopefully the LE can make an arrest, and that it will be the right person. Maybe one day we will learn the truth about who Terri really is or is not.

 

[BeanE]

Conflicting reports regarding the disciplining at school.

June 25 KGW Full Raw Interview -5:05

Kaine: We've had some concerns...

Desiree: Yeah.

Kaine: ...along with his teacher around listening to instructions from adults while at school.

So we've been working with him to try to understand that we need to work with the faculty there, the parents there, the volunteers there to make sure that when they give him instructions he's following those.

He normally does a very good job at doing that. Just occasionally we get a little bit of that behavior so we've really reinforced with him that if you're at school and you're working with a parent or a teacher, you need to follow their instructions.

So in that particular environment he would be expected to follow the instructions of an adult...

Desiree: Yeah.

Kaine: ...at school. Outside of school he's very well versed in the stranger danger and everything else, but in that one particular setting that's the type of behavior that's been reinforced through all of us.

Desiree: Yeah.



Note: Desiree nods affirmatively throughout this whole thing.


http://www.kgw.com/video/featured-videos/Raw-Kyrons-parents-full-interview-97177194.html


Funny how things have changed.

 

[debs]

With regard to diligently watching a child's progress in school, is anyone else bothered by the color coded performance reports the teacher has 2nd graders adhering to? Sure we can roll with it as classroom discipline and learning to stay on task, but the first mental image I get is a rat in a maze getting a jolt of electricity if he goes the wrong way. Secondly, terri's attentiveness could have been focused on kyron's stress for having gotten a poor performance. Monitoring that in hopes of gauging behavior at home makes sense. Kaine blaming terri and making her out to be a severe disciplinarian contradicts what we know about kaine himself. Desiree even describes him as strict. The fact of the matter is, we have no idea what reasons or who demanded the reports or meted out punishment, though in the article, it is clear terri left disciplining kyron to kaine. He himself stressed they were working with kyron to pay attention. So either he was participating in this effort, or he wasn't. But one thing for sure, if he looks at the money as his, I can't see where he would let someone else steer his child.

Wow, what an interesting informative article. There's so much more insight into Terri and more actual dates to go by. She worked much more than we realized over the years and was a take charge type of person. She was very beautiful in her pics and looked lovely in the wedding gown. It's obvious that Kaine was a typical man and very insensitive about her complaints about weight. He got tired of hearing it, hah. No wonder she got upset, IMO. According to the article both Terri and Kaine were strict. It's hard to think of little Kyron being sent to his room all evening with no TV unless he got a "good" every single day at school. Yet, Kaine simply says that Kyron was being "actively worked with" about school issues. I agree with Terri that the teacher probably should have sent a daily behavior record home with the kids. My kids' elementary school always has, but I think it can lead to abuse. I've seen a little boy come out crying and sobbing because he got an "okay" instead of a good. Coincidentally, this little boy's Dad also expects perfection but also got a DWI last year himself just like Terri did at one time. If I punished my grandson every time he didn't get a "good" he'd never be out of his room. Terri was too strict and should have only disciplined for Kyron being sent home or getting a call from the school over behavior. Kaine should have stepped in on that issue if he didn't agree and he also needed to learn symptoms of drug abuse. Also, it sort of makes me nauseated thinking of people so strict and expecting kids to be perfect yet they went around comitting adultery and one got a dwi. That's not a "good".

 

[Etilema]

It seemed to me like it was Ecker senior buying the boat and nothing to do with any money belonging to Terri at all.

Yes, exactly. Her father-in-law was planning to buy a boat and she was complaining that he was using up money that would otherwise have gone to her husband after her father-in-law's death.

 

[21merc7]

With regards to finding a full time teaching job. First, we don't know if KH wanted TH to be a stay at home mom, or if they both agreed or what.

Most importantly, teaching jobs are not easy to find. I have a friend that has tried for a full time position for over 10 years, there are none available. So, you either teach part-time substitute work, or find other employment. Once you have a full time teaching job you are not likely to give it up, so not many positions open up. If they do, someone who has been doing it longer will likely get the full time job over you. Just not an easy job to find at all.