Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
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That's my "theory" and I'm sticking with it. I live in a different world than most I guess, and I see mine from behind the eyes of an eternal optimist and as someone who believes that in a very real sense we are all connected on some level. A dog; to it's owner. A child; to it's parent. A house; to the family who dwell within it. A childhood; to the adult that comes as the result of that childhood. Do I believe that Alyssa can be rehabilitated? In all honesty I don't know, I hope so. I'd very much like for HER to understand the impact of what she's done and how horrible it was. But surely someone has to try to rehabilitate her don't they, whether she's incarcerated for life or not?
A thousand psychiatrists will never convince me that a sociopath is born. I choose to believe, no matter how naive I may be, that they are created. IMO anyone (directly involved) who tells you that a 15 year old killer lived a "perfectly normal life" and had a "perfectly normal childhood" is either in denial, attempting to negate their own responsibility, or they're grossly misinformed and thus not so involved as they claim. What I do believe, is that anything that must receive the proper nurturing to survive and grow healthy and strong, will cease to exist when the foundation on which it was built is toxic...or dysfunctional, as the case may be. I believe this includes that which a sociopath supposedly lacks.
Who was it who raised Alyssa's mother? Does it not appear that she too may have issues of her own? For what reason do you suppose Alyssa's seemingly dysfuntional mother went out and chose a seemingly dysfuntional man to father Alyssa? I'm just sayin'. It's the domino effect, or at least it looks that way from where I'm sitting.
My question is this.... was Alyssa getting therapy, or was the family getting therapy? It seems to me that if anyone in this family besides Alyssa was receiving help, a lot of things that went undetected would have been noticed and potentially dealt with before it was too late. Could she have been labeled "the problem" at an early age, and used as a scapegoat and the excuse for the family's dysfuntion? I don't know that it happened that way, but is it possible?
Horses, cell phones, computers, fencing lessons and cool clothes weren't going to solve these problems. And neither was burying your head in the sand, which it sure seems to me some people must have been doing. I ask myself over and over if Alyssa was EVER properly supervised?!!
The lives of two children were lost. One directly at the hands of another. And one whom I feel was potentially lost to the actions of others in a different sense, a long, long time ago.
Cell phones, computers, email, video games, fax machines, text messaging, television..it's all designed to allow us to all be separate and independent of one another. And when we rely on these devices to raise our children, I think they're being systematically deprived of that which makes us human. These devices lack the ability to feel human emotions....funny, most of our children seem to be turning out precisely the same way.