Parents pay kids for good grades

  • #61
About blue collar jobs being elitist -

If you can make a good living at it, retirement, etc. Cool beans. I'll support a kid who wants to be a Desil Mechanic if she's got retirement bennies - but not a shade tree mechanic who I'll have to support until I die. Same job - different potential for screwing up my retirement.

I'm with Jenna - My daughter will be PREPARED to be anything from a Robotics Master Technician to a Bum - and as long as she can support herself, take care of her young 'uns and be happy - I don't care if she's a WalMart Greeter or President of the United States.

However, I am not going to send her to McDonalds University.

Maybe I'm elitist, but I'm much happier as a single mom/computer programmer than I ever was as a married /K-Mart Purse Stuffing Employee.
 
  • #62
My daughter is 14. I know several of her friends use drugs and are sexually active. I trust implicitly that she is not doing either of those things herself and do not second guess her. I made this promise, jokingly at first, when she was younger - but she is so gung ho about it - and keeping her virginity - that I'm not going to back out on it. My daughter is the furthest thing from abused in the world.



Amraann said:
I am absolutely stunned to read that a parent would do this to their child.
In my mind this equates to abuse.
If you did a good job raising her (NOT controlling her) Then you should not even second guess yourself nor seek a GYN to check. Her word should be enough.
Fear is not motivating and I fear for you and her that once she has that truck and realizes she is a free legal adult it will go very badly.
It should also be noted as stated above that the hymen not being intact does not mean ANYTHING. As many activities or even biology can make it not be.
Horse Back riding or gymnastics. When I was 4 I climbed up a bed and fell with a leg on each side of the foot board.

Back to topic..... with 4 kids I have probably tried every theory of postive re-enforcement or rewards or discipline.
I do not pay for grades or chores. If they need money for something they usually get it. In the real world as adults we are hardly paid to just do what we must.
They need to get good grades in order to further themselves and they needto know that sometimes you just do whats hard sop that you can be happy with yourself not for a reward. Being happy with you will lead to better things naturally IMO.
I do not condemn anyone who does reward their kids as each child is different. What may work for one will not work for another.
 
  • #63
Cypros said:
That USED to be the case but not necessarily anymore. People are having a harder and harder time retiring because the income is not enough to cover the cost of living. And what is wrong with hard work? Personally, I'd rather NOT spend the rest of my working life trapped in an office (A/C or not) -- stiff suits, the same people and tasks day in and day out -- ugh!


I guess there are differing degrees of "hard" work. Personally, I'd rather be here in my office than stocking the shelves at the grocery store or trying to sell perfume to old women at the mall, but that's just my preference. :) I'm not sure what jobs you're referring to that the income is not enough to retire. My husband and I won't have any difficulties. We're prepared.
 
  • #64
GlitchWizard said:
About blue collar jobs being elitist -

If you can make a good living at it, retirement, etc. Cool beans. I'll support a kid who wants to be a Desil Mechanic if she's got retirement bennies - but not a shade tree mechanic who I'll have to support until I die. Same job - different potential for screwing up my retirement.

I'm with Jenna - My daughter will be PREPARED to be anything from a Robotics Master Technician to a Bum - and as long as she can support herself, take care of her young 'uns and be happy - I don't care if she's a WalMart Greeter or President of the United States.

However, I am not going to send her to McDonalds University.

Maybe I'm elitist, but I'm much happier as a single mom/computer programmer than I ever was as a married /K-Mart Purse Stuffing Employee.

AMEN!
 
  • #65
Cypros said:
That USED to be the case but not necessarily anymore. People are having a harder and harder time retiring because the income is not enough to cover the cost of living. And what is wrong with hard work? Personally, I'd rather NOT spend the rest of my working life trapped in an office (A/C or not) -- stiff suits, the same people and tasks day in and day out -- ugh!


Thank you for putting it so succinctly Cypros. That was what I was trying to express!

You mentioned a good plumber, the same thing could be said about any of the building trades. Contractors , surveyors, electricians and so on. There is a great need for these "service" based occupations.

Things go back and forth if you look at the big picture.The pendulum swing for the not too distant future is that there will be a shortage of people to meet the needs of the many. Whenever that happens the one who is prepared to meet the need can make a lot of money doing so.

I live near a university town which makes everything very degree conscious around here...
the young man who checks my pool water samples at the pool supply place has a degree in geology for Petes sake :blushing:
 
  • #66
Jeana (DP) said:
I guess there are differing degrees of "hard" work. Personally, I'd rather be here in my office than stocking the shelves at the grocery store or trying to sell perfume to old women at the mall, but that's just my preference. :)
I had to laugh at that Jeana. I used to sell perfume and cosmetics for Estee Lauder to the little old ladies at Dadeland mall (Miami) in the 80's. I made more on commission at that job than I did in any other job in my life. Go to love the Latin dignitaries and their wives who came with shopping lists from their countries.
 
  • #67
bakerprune64 said:
I had to laugh at that Jeana. I used to sell perfume and cosmetics for Estee Lauder to the little old ladies at Dadeland mall (Miami) in the 80's. I made more on commission at that job than I did in any other job in my life. Go to love the Latin dignitaries and their wives who came with shopping lists from their countries.

OHMYGOD!!! LOL That's so funny!!! The cosmetics counter at the Downtown Dallas Neiman Marcus is hysterical to watch. These "OLD" money Dallisites go in there dripping with jewelery and their Texas drawls and there's no one else in the world but them and they won't hesitate to give the you look that says they know it too. LOL I'm sure the women working in there make a ton of money, but I don't have the 🤬🤬🤬 kiss gene that would be required to do it. :o :o
 
  • #68
Jeana (DP) said:
I guess there are differing degrees of "hard" work. Personally, I'd rather be here in my office than stocking the shelves at the grocery store or trying to sell perfume to old women at the mall, but that's just my preference. :) I'm not sure what jobs you're referring to that the income is not enough to retire. My husband and I won't have any difficulties. We're prepared.

My best friend in the entire world works every single day - physically demanding, injuring himself doing it - (he burries cable as a sub contractor - no benefits.) When his truck/tractor breaks down, he does not get paid that day. He pays child support on three kids and cannot afford to take them anywhere fun - is always too sore, tired and poor to enjoy them as I wish he would. He used to be a correctional officer and work in the A/C and couldn't handle the stress - so he chose to work this hard work.
This decision sounded great to him at the time, but now he can't pay for it when his truck breaks, he can't pay for his oldest daughter's wedding, he can't give the kids presents on their birthday - at least not what they ask for, and though he provides for them the best he can, he can't clothe himself in clothes that are in good repair, no money to fix up his house that is falling around him and he must go to his mother (who has an elite person's state job) for money.

I love him dearly, regardless of the work he choses to do - but he can't pay for a doctor, he can't pay for a dentist - thank GOD these kids have a mother with a job that provides insurance and support for those kids. What if they didn't?

Your job is your choice and I respect that choice - IF you are holding your own. He is not. He is living off his mother's handouts because he can't afford to have the job he has. That's not fair to her.

If he had no kids, no responsibilities - that would be different.
 
  • #69
Glow said:
the young man who checks my pool water samples at the pool supply place has a degree in geology for Petes sake :blushing:
If it takes a geologist to deal with your pool water - you must have some seriously hard water!!! :-D
 
  • #70
Jeana (DP) said:
OHMYGOD!!! LOL That's so funny!!! The cosmetics counter at the Downtown Dallas Neiman Marcus is hysterical to watch. These "OLD" money Dallisites go in there dripping with jewelery and their Texas drawls and there's no one else in the world but them and they won't hesitate to give the you look that says they know it too. LOL I'm sure the women working in there make a ton of money, but I don't have the 🤬🤬🤬 kiss gene that would be required to do it. :o :o
Actually I never had to kiss any asses, thank god!! But I was always very sincere when selling the line and they knew it and appreciated it. I am not bilingual, but I did learn enough spanish to do my job, and those ladies would pick me right out of the crowd of other sales clerks, because the blingual girls were too busy kissing asses. They liked my sincerity and would give their counterparts my card for when they came stateside. Now that is not to say that I wouldn't hand carrry their $3000.00 purchase to the waiting Limo, but hey that was the least I could do:D
 
  • #71
GlitchWizard said:
My best friend in the entire world works every single day - physically demanding, injuring himself doing it - (he burries cable as a sub contractor - no benefits.) When his truck/tractor breaks down, he does not get paid that day. He pays child support on three kids and cannot afford to take them anywhere fun - is always too sore, tired and poor to enjoy them as I wish he would. He used to be a correctional officer and work in the A/C and couldn't handle the stress - so he chose to work this hard work.
This decision sounded great to him at the time, but now he can't pay for it when his truck breaks, he can't pay for his oldest daughter's wedding, he can't give the kids presents on their birthday - at least not what they ask for, and though he provides for them the best he can, he can't clothe himself in clothes that are in good repair, no money to fix up his house that is falling around him and he must go to his mother (who has an elite person's state job) for money.

I love him dearly, regardless of the work he choses to do - but he can't pay for a doctor, he can't pay for a dentist - thank GOD these kids have a mother with a job that provides insurance and support for those kids. What if they didn't?

Your job is your choice and I respect that choice - IF you are holding your own. He is not. He is living off his mother's handouts because he can't afford to have the job he has. That's not fair to her.

If he had no kids, no responsibilities - that would be different.


I know that's right. What happens when he can't do it anymore? What about when his daughters want to get married? What about college? What about helping them get started in their new homes when they get married and have kids? Living paycheck to paycheck, as you said, is fine for someone with no responsibilities, but once you have kids, there goes that. I watched my parents work their butts off my entire life. They couldn't pay for us to go to school, help us with wedding costs, etc. In fact, they didn't even live long enough to see us finish school, get married, have kids, etc. I'm not sure how long I'll be around either, but I'd like to know that my kids at least have a start in life. I'd like to make my kids' lives easier than mine was. That's reason enough to work hard. :blowkiss:
 
  • #72
GlitchWizard said:
My daughter is 14. I know several of her friends use drugs and are sexually active. I trust implicitly that she is not doing either of those things herself and do not second guess her. I made this promise, jokingly at first, when she was younger - but she is so gung ho about it - and keeping her virginity - that I'm not going to back out on it. My daughter is the furthest thing from abused in the world.
It sounds like you have a great open relationship with your daughter and that she is wisely waiting to hold off on sexual activity. That choice right there says a lot about what you are doing right as a parent.

My question is this - why take her to a doctor to verify it if she tells you when she's 18 that she's still a virgin. IMHO, having a doctor verify an 18-year-old woman's virginity is creepy, invasive and sexist.
 
  • #73
Raise your children well, and they will grow up to be whatever makes them happy. And you willl be proud of them, whatever they choose.
 
  • #74
GlitchWizard said:
If it takes a geologist to deal with your pool water - you must have some seriously hard water!!! :-D



I know! :D LOL my point was degrees are a dime a dozen around here. Everybody has one. We have people with masters teaching kindergarten. That's fine if that is their passion but not if its due to over supply of degrees. If I got a masters here I would move away where it would be less competitive and I could earn back in wages what it cost me to get it!


One thing that none of us seem to be doing on this thread is defining what "success" is. We all agree we want our children to be happy and to have as many options to earn their living as possible. That is why all 4 of my children were TOLD that they would be going to college. It wasn't presented as an option. But I do feel that we came in on the tail end of that trend being the ONLY way. If I were mom to a child say in middle/high school right now I might have to rethink my position as to "hell no to college you WILL go"
Is success a high salary? Is it good benefits? What about the saying "do something you love for your job and you'll never work a day in your life?"

My SIL just moved to Tallahassee and she is on hiatus from her career (she has a Masters in Special Ed) the move and my brothers promotion has made it so she doesn't HAVE to work so she isn't. She is taking some time to teach piano which is her great love.

A friend of mine graduated from high school and went to cosmetology school. He later interned at Marty Liquori (sp?) salons in NYC. He specialized in coloring hair. After a year he came back to Fla. He opened a salon and then another and then another etc....
I have always admired the fact that with his hands and a pair of scissors he has created a wonderful life for himself. That is such a cool thought to me.

My point is there are lots and lots of options. If I were trying to steer a young person in this day and age as to education I would want to encourage them to look at that
 
  • #75
southcitymom said:
It sounds like you have a great open relationship with your daughter and that she is wisely waiting to hold off on sexual activity. That choice right there says a lot about what you are doing right as a parent.

My question is this - why take her to a doctor to verify it if she tells you when she's 18 that she's still a virgin. IMHO, having a doctor verify an 18-year-old woman's virginity is creepy, invasive and sexist.
If she continues on the path she is on - there is no question she will get the truck - I trust her. I told her this to add a bit more "reason" for her to behave is all. If she's a tramp by 18, there also will be no need for the doctor visit and she will not get a truck. At this point - she's fine. I have no idea how to see into the future to see if she will remain my trustworthy little girl or turn into a tramp - but I have my pocketbook set on not buying her a car if she changes into the tramp. :-)

It's not sexist. It just happens that she's a girl. The same deal would be made for a boy.

Oh, and she will only be 16 when she starts college. She's on that path. At 18, I am not any longer responsible for those kinds of decisions. :-)
 
  • #76
Glow said:
I know! :D LOL my point was degrees are a dime a dozen around here. Everybody has one. We have people with masters teaching kindergarten. That's fine if that is their passion but not if its due to over supply of degrees. If I got a masters here I would move away where it would be less competitive and I could earn back in wages what it cost me to get it!


One thing that none of us seem to be doing on this thread is defining what "success" is. We all agree we want our children to be happy and to have as many options to earn their living as possible. That is why all 4 of my children were TOLD that they would be going to college. It wasn't presented as an option. But I do feel that we came in on the tail end of that trend being the ONLY way. If I were mom to a child say in middle/high school right now I might have to rethink my position as to "hell no to college you WILL go"
Is success a high salary? Is it good benefits? What about the saying "do something you love for your job and you'll never work a day in your life?"

My SIL just moved to Tallahassee and she is on hiatus from her career (she has a Masters in Special Ed) the move and my brothers promotion has made it so she doesn't HAVE to work so she isn't. She is taking some time to teach piano which is her great love.

A friend of mine graduated from high school and went to cosmetology school. He later interned at Marty Liquori (sp?) salons in NYC. He specialized in coloring hair. After a year he came back to Fla. He opened a salon and then another and then another etc....
I have always admired the fact that with his hands and a pair of scissors he has created a wonderful life for himself. That is such a cool thought to me.

My point is there are lots and lots of options. If I were trying to steer a young person in this day and age as to education I would want to encourage them to look at that


Excellent post!!
 
  • #77
Glow - my idea of success is to be able to support yourself and your kids without handouts, and to be healthy, happy with and thankful for, all you have.

Someone once asked a group of us to state a number - out of 100 people chosen at random, how many do you think are less happy than you are.

The answer to that question is how sucessful you are. (In my opinion.)
 
  • #78
GlitchWizard said:
If she's a tramp by 18, there also will be no need for the doctor visit and she will not get a truck.


I'm sorry Glitch, but I've never laughed so hard in my life! You've certainly got a way with words! :) :)
 
  • #79
Jeana (DP) said:
I'm sorry Glitch, but I've never laughed so hard in my life! You've certainly got a way with words! :) :)
:-)

She's an angel. Really. :blowkiss: (so far)
 
  • #80
GlitchWizard said:
:-)

She's an angel. Really. :blowkiss: (so far)


I'm waiting for the day that my sweet little adorable powder puff comes to me and says she wants a tattoo in the small of her back. You know, the "TRAMP STAMP." :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
 

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