Parents pay kids for good grades

[bakerprune64]

I'm waiting for the day that my sweet little adorable powder puff comes to me and says she wants a tattoo in the small of her back. You know, the "TRAMP STAMP."

Lol, We call them license plates here.

 

[IdahoMom]

I'm waiting for the day that my sweet little adorable powder puff comes to me and says she wants a tattoo in the small of her back. You know, the "TRAMP STAMP."

LOL! I have never heard it called that before, and from now on, that is what will come to mind when I see one. :angel: :blushing: :crazy: Thanks Jeana!

 

[GlitchWizard]

LOL! I have never heard it called that before, and from now on, that is what will come to mind when I see one. :angel: :blushing: :crazy: Thanks Jeana!

ha ha I love it!

My daughter wants a tattoo, but a hidden one. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come! :crazy:

I already told her if she got her nose or tounge pierced, I'd superglue the hole shut.

 

[southcitymom]

If she continues on the path she is on - there is no question she will get the truck - I trust her. I told her this to add a bit more "reason" for her to behave is all. If she's a tramp by 18, there also will be no need for the doctor visit and she will not get a truck. At this point - she's fine. I have no idea how to see into the future to see if she will remain my trustworthy little girl or turn into a tramp - but I have my pocketbook set on not buying her a car if she changes into the tramp.

It's not sexist. It just happens that she's a girl. The same deal would be made for a boy.

Oh, and she will only be 16 when she starts college. She's on that path. At 18, I am not any longer responsible for those kinds of decisions.

Yes, I hear what you are saying. It sounded to me like you know her well enough and will know her well enough and trust her well enough to not have some doctor verify something that's tough to verify anyway.

And, I do believe it is sexist to have a doctor "look" at a girl and determine if she is still a virgin because there IS no test to determine this for a boy. If you made the same deal with a boy, no one would be poking or prodding around inside of him - you would have to take his word for it.

 

[southcitymom]

Someone once asked a group of us to state a number - out of 100 people chosen at random, how many do you think are less happy than you are.

The answer to that question is how sucessful you are. (In my opinion.)

That's great.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

LOL! I have never heard it called that before, and from now on, that is what will come to mind when I see one. :angel: :blushing: :crazy: Thanks Jeana!

When I first heard it was on the radio. They said if a girl in a nightclub had the tramp stamp, was smoking a cigarette and had a toe ring, you KNEW she was putting out. :innocent:

 

[GlitchWizard]

That's great.

I never forgot it. I wish I'd thought of it!

In math class when I was in 6th grade, Mr. Coleman (who is still teaching today) waved around my first and only 100% math paper. No one else got 100%. He was angry and yelling at the class that no one else did as well on the test.

Then he stopped. He smiled. He said "But that's okay."

"When Barbara grows up and sticks her hand out of her car window - ONE OF YOU NEED TO BE THERE TO STICK SOME FRIES IN IT!"

Harsh? Yes. This was in the late 70's. Now he'd be in trouble for saying it.

But I never forgot that either.

 

[GlitchWizard]

When I first heard it was on the radio. They said if a girl in a nightclub had the tramp stamp, was smoking a cigarette and had a toe ring, you KNEW she was putting out. :innocent:

I thought guys looked for pregnant girls, for the same reason. :blushing:

 

[Glow]

ha ha I love it!

My daughter wants a tattoo, but a hidden one. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come! :crazy:

I already told her if she got her nose or tounge pierced, I'd superglue the hole shut.

HEY! Thats it!!!

One of us should encourage our child to open a nose/ tongue hole ~ tattoo removal biz!
maybe that will be big in the future when there is a mass stampede to get rid of the tramp stamp! lol :dance:

 

[southcitymom]

I think we all want our children to have many opportunities and the best opportunities for themselves. I know I do. But pushing for good grades can cut both ways. I'm the product of a private school education and my children go to a private school. I have seen a lot of stressed out, burned out kids with parents who are all about - and oftentimes, it seems, ONLY about - the grades.

Please know that I am not intimating that anyone who has contributed to this thread is like this. But I do think about it...

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I think we all want our children to have many opportunities and the best opportunities for themselves. I know I do. But pushing for good grades can cut both ways. I'm the product of a private school education and my children go to a private school. I have seen a lot of stressed out, burned out kids with parents who are all about - and oftentimes, it seems, ONLY about - the grades.

Please know that I am not intimating that anyone who has contributed to this thread is like this. But I do think about it...

I understand. There are a lot of kids burning the candle at both ends. Luckily, my kids haven't had to struggle for their grades yet. When they get into the higher grades and have AP classes, they'll have to work a little bit harder. My son had no problems with the pre-AP classes last year, but we're expecting him to have to study a little bit more this coming year. My daughter too. It just hasn't been a big deal yet, just trying to make them "apply" themselves and not skate through not knowing how to study and buckle down because the work will get harder. Not learning study habits now will throw them off in college.

 

[BillyGoatGruff]

Sure, there ARE things besides money that people can & should work for....but we are talking about children, and I don't see anything wrong with rewarding good grades with cold, hard cash. I pay my kids for their good grades. It IS their job. Just like an adult who does a good job....they get paid, and they get rewarded monetarily with raises. If you're going to pay your kids money for working around the house, what makes it wrong or bad if you pay them for good grades?

It takes time and effort to get good grades---
If money is the driving force behind my kids studying harder, taking that extra time to make sure their book report is "just right", paying closer attention in class, and thus....learning and becoming smarter individuals....then so be it.

There is a recent book by a respected child psychologist (I forget her name right off hand) where she discusses the astronomical rise in depression (especially "cutting" and what is described as "self medication") in teenagers that come froma affluent homes. She is of the opinion that our culture's focus on money as the be all and end all of what you should strive for in life is creating an "empty" generation that is both shallow and troubled at the same time. You need money to survive in this world, but it shouldn't be the yardstick by which you decide your self worth. To be frank, the best advice my father gave me was sit me down one day and explain to me that Life Isn't Fair: just because you work hard and do your damnedest doesn't mean you will be rewarded for it. As long as you know what you want (and need ) out of life, and aren't afraid of taking the knocks that come with it, you're better off setting your own course than following the herd. I come from a long line of self-employed individuals, so the salaryman mentality of middle class America is largely alien to me. I have been far happier (if not as "comfortable") being self-employed than working for an employer.

 

[A.Wood]

I think chores can be just as much work as doing homework and studying. In a way its like they are working toward something, even if it is money. In the future they will have to work for money anyhow, why not show them that it takes work to get the money to buy things we want. Most children think money grows on trees. If they are saving for something they want to get, perhaps it will teach them that money only goes so far. And also reminding them that hardwork in school can get them to college which in turn can get them a good paying job.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I think chores can be just as much work as doing homework and studying. In a way its like they are working toward something, even if it is money. In the future they will have to work for money anyhow, why not show them that it takes work to get the money to buy things we want. Most children think money grows on trees. If they are saving for something they want to get, perhaps it will teach them that money only goes so far. And also reminding them that hardwork in school can get them to college which in turn can get them a good paying job.

Very true. We don't have a lot of chores in my house, but when they do come up, they're done without argument and without pay.

 

[BillyGoatGruff]

I would recommend watching DIRTY JOBS on the Discovery Channel. And bear in mind that many (if not most) of the foulest ones involve engineering degrees. So there to college educations being a path to easy living. And for those who have never lived outside the safety net of being employed by a company, most self-employed people have access to group health insurance programs. You (and definitely your children) will no doubt become increasingly familiar with this concept since the growing trend is for corporations to cut back on--if not completely get rid of--health benefits for empolyees, instead simply offering them access to these group insurers (meaning you will have to pay the monthly premimums yourself, not your employer).

 

[curious1]

I say find what ever works as a motivatin for your kid. Some kids enjoy the prestige of the good grades. I was one of them until about the 7th grade then I got caught up in all the JR High crap. So my parents tried several things: get good grades you go out on the weekend, don't get good grades you stay home. I didn't go out a lot any way so it was no big deal, I preferred to stay home and read (historical novels, crime novels, no goofy romance stuff ). They tried a few other things then tried a bit o' cash. That worked. I got good grades, I got a few bucks to spend on more books. So I was making good grades, staying home most weekends and reading. WIN WIN WIN It worked for us.

 

[julianne]

There is a recent book by a respected child psychologist (I forget her name right off hand) where she discusses the astronomical rise in depression (especially "cutting" and what is described as "self medication") in teenagers that come froma affluent homes. She is of the opinion that our culture's focus on money as the be all and end all of what you should strive for in life is creating an "empty" generation that is both shallow and troubled at the same time. You need money to survive in this world, but it shouldn't be the yardstick by which you decide your self worth. To be frank, the best advice my father gave me was sit me down one day and explain to me that Life Isn't Fair: just because you work hard and do your damnedest doesn't mean you will be rewarded for it. As long as you know what you want (and need ) out of life, and aren't afraid of taking the knocks that come with it, you're better off setting your own course than following the herd. I come from a long line of self-employed individuals, so the salaryman mentality of middle class America is largely alien to me. I have been far happier (if not as "comfortable") being self-employed than working for an employer.

Since your reply copied my original post, I'll respond.

When I said that I pay my kids for good grades, I in no way meant to imply that we are "affluent". Far from it!! And by me paying my kids for good grades, I am in no implying to them that this is "the yardstick by which they should decide their self worth." That's just ludicrous. And, yes...you're father was right in telling you that life isn't fair, and that just because you do you're damdest doesn't mean you are going to get rewarded for it. My kids know life isn't fair. They know they do not and will not always get rewarded for doing their damdest. But you know what? My kids also know that life IS fair IN THEIR OWN HOME. I don't need to be "unfair" to them to teach them that life is unfair sometimes...just as I don't need to mean to them to teach them that people are mean sometimes. (Using that as an example, not implying that not paying for good grades is mean---purely an example only)

I'm not sure how you can connect rewarding kids for good grades with depression, self medication and cutting! Wow--that's a stretch! I agree that there IS that going on in the world these days...but my guess is that those things happen more to children who feel like they are ignored, unwanted, or don't get the attention they need---and NOT because they receive money for good grades. Whatever works, you know? I don't disagree with NOT rewarding kids for good grades--to each his own. But in my family, it works.

As I stated earlier, just because life is unfair, doesn't mean I should teach my kids that by example. Sure, there are LOTS of crummy things in the world, but my kids will never learn that by example firsthand from the people who love them the most.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I would recommend watching DIRTY JOBS on the Discovery Channel. And bear in mind that many (if not most) of the foulest ones involve engineering degrees. So there to college educations being a path to easy living. And for those who have never lived outside the safety net of being employed by a company, most self-employed people have access to group health insurance programs. You (and definitely your children) will no doubt become increasingly familiar with this concept since the growing trend is for corporations to cut back on--if not completely get rid of--health benefits for empolyees, instead simply offering them access to these group insurers (meaning you will have to pay the monthly premimums yourself, not your employer).

We're going to have to give you a new nickname. How about "Blue Bird of Happiness." :blowkiss:

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Since your reply copied my original post, I'll respond.

When I said that I pay my kids for good grades, I in no way meant to imply that we are "affluent". Far from it!! And by me paying my kids for good grades, I am in no implying to them that this is "the yardstick by which they should decide their self worth." That's just ludicrous. And, yes...you're father was right in telling you that life isn't fair, and that just because you do you're damdest doesn't mean you are going to get rewarded for it. My kids know life isn't fair. They know they do not and will not always get rewarded for doing their damdest. But you know what? My kids also know that life IS fair IN THEIR OWN HOME. I don't need to be "unfair" to them to teach them that life is unfair sometimes...just as I don't need to mean to them to teach them that people are mean sometimes. (Using that as an example, not implying that not paying for good grades is mean---purely an example only)

I'm not sure how you can connect rewarding kids for good grades with depression, self medication and cutting! Wow--that's a stretch! I agree that there IS that going on in the world these days...but my guess is that those things happen more to children who feel like they are ignored, unwanted, or don't get the attention they need---and NOT because they receive money for good grades. Whatever works, you know? I don't disagree with NOT rewarding kids for good grades--to each his own. But in my family, it works.

As I stated earlier, just because life is unfair, doesn't mean I should teach my kids that by example. Sure, there are LOTS of crummy things in the world, but my kids will never learn that by example firsthand from the people who love them the most.

Life might not always be fair, but mom and dad will ALWAYS be fair. If my kids work hard, they're going to be rewarded by me. If they do what they're supposed to do when they're supposed to do it with little to no bitching, I'm going to tend to go ahead and buy them the stuff they want - the fun stuff. If they start acting like spoiled brats, I can take things away just as easily as I give them. My husband and I worked hard to get where we are. I see no reason to say no to giving my kids the things they want just to teach them some sort of life lesson. Maybe the lesson is that their parents busted their asses and they get to enjoy the good life. How's that lesson? LOL There are very few things, within reason, that I will tell my kids "no" on. As long as they're good kids, I don't see why I should.

 

[anthrobones]

Is this a valid way to tell if someone is still a virgin? Just wondering.... I know my hymen broke long before I was sexually active.

No. Tampons, horseback riding, gymnastics, etc. can stretch the hymen.