Is this a thing -- if Alec had ADHD, could he have been using small amounts (not the ridiculous amounts he's claiming) to focus? Me, in hospital narcotics knock me out. Could it be that Alec was using them to function? All is devts and secrets piling up, perhaps he felt he needed his drugs so, in his mind if nowhere else, he could figure his way out of the situation, much as he had been for decades?
One thing worth remembering is that we are seeing Alec in a cage, as it were. We have heard how he was a Tasmanian devil, blowing in and blowing out, even Maggie couldn't get him to sit still for even ten minutes. That's part of why he was so successful (in his work and in his frauds) IMO. Fast answer for everything, as we've seen on the stand. Imagine if you only talked to him for two or five minutes? Harder to see the lies, harder to pair the stories, harder to fact find, harder to challenge, harder to confront.
He'll member say it, he'll member admit it but I think the truth of what happened that day came out on the stand -- I didn't what I didn't want to do -- in fact, if the actual truth fell out of his face, the truth as he sees it -- it would sound like this: what choice did I have? They made me do it. Didn't want to, had to.
He left his phone at the house.
He knew what he was about to do.
JMO