ACTIVE SEARCH SD - Serenity Dennard, 9, Children’s Home Society, Pennington County, 3 Feb 2019 #2

[Jackielee09]

Can someone remind me how long she was in home.

 

[Bugurl747]

BBM

This "mother" is just....I don't have the words. Serenity was FAILED by everyone in her life.Why is this mother smiling? HOW did she not know where her child was? This speaks volumes for the system that allowed these people to adopt.

I agree. Darcie and Chad sounded unstable and unprepared, IMO. I also thought it was interesting that they could adopt 2 kids, the same age, back to back with one specifically having attachment issues. It doesn't seem like that would be in her best interest but I don't know anything about adoption or guidelines. @mrbeansmom Are you able to shed any light on that? I have appreciated your insight.

Darcie made a comment in the interview about not digging through Serenity's case file with a fine tooth comb and I think she was trying to come across as accepting of Serenity....the good, the bad, the ugly if you will - but it came across to me as irresponsible.

When you choose to take someone in whether you foster or adopt I would think it is important that you know exactly what they went through and any issues they may have to ensure that you can provide what they need. You are now their advocate. It is now your responsibility to give that child everything they need to hopefully grow and thrive. /cue the song, " Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough"

The truth is Darcie didn't choose Serenity everyday. She didn't love her unconditionally. She abandoned her. Darcie disappeared out of Serenity's life. MOO

 

[Bugurl747]

Don't they have some operations where 100+ drones can be operated simultaneously? Get enough volunteers in one of those heated mobile labs and get it done? Too expensive? IMO I'd volunteer to stare at a monitor. Crowdsource a search mission? Does anyone even do that yet? We need more CCTV. Everywhere. IMHO

There was another case that involved a missing hiker where drones were utilized for the rough terrain and to add another layer of detailed searching. Well over 25 miles and hundreds of hours was recorded via drone which included land and water. The video footage was uploaded onto YouTube and was then crowdsourced. Thousands of people pined over the files which was awesome, but also created a lot of issues as far as misinterpreting what one saw which led to erroneous sightings and rumors. People would call LE repeatedly about the erroneous findings and they had to vet all of those calls which would take them away from the case. So pros and cons, IMO.

There was another crowdsourcing campaign that was started after the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. More than 2 million people looked at the satellite images of the suspected crash locations!

Here is a cool read about it though. They never did find the missing hiker.

Now You Can Help Search For Missing Seattle Hiker Samantha Sayers | HuffPost

 

[haven71]

Wow, that interview.

I have 5 kids, with 2 who were adopted from Russia and my youngest from Guatemala. I remember researching as much as I could before our first adoption in 1999. It was clear that RAD was always a possibility and it was our biggest fear. Luckily, none of my children have RAD, although the 2 from Russia were adversely affected prenatally to alcohol exposure. While it’s been challenging, I know nothing compares to RAD.

I remember reading that one of the things to watch out for was if YOU, the adoptive parent, didn’t feel a connection or a weak one at best over time to the child, that RAD was likely at play. Bonding is a process, really a lifelong one, and for that reason I consider the adoptive parents to have failed Serenity.

It blows my mind that when Darcy and Chad split up, they didn’t really stick to a plan for the sharing of custody. Imagine how confusing that must’ve been to Serenity, and how that could’ve weakened any bond...didn’t they feel that would probably reverse any progress that had been made concerning attachment? I imagine any child would feel very insecure not knowing when they would next see mom or dad...let alone a child with RAD. Seems to me a very consistent schedule should’ve been set.

And WTH??? Mom didn’t even know Serenity had been placed in the Home??? I have no words. How long had it been since she spoke to Chad about her CHILD? How long had it been since she’d even spoken to her child? To Serenity that must’ve felt like being abandoned all over again. I agree that these parents had NO CLUE what they were getting into, and sickened that this family had let things simply disintegrate to such a point. I was not going to judge but come on!!! Adopting a child is not a test drive, it’s a lifelong commitment and often requires a lot of work along the way. Did Mom just decide she couldn’t parent and abandoned all duties? Did Dad feel overwhelmed? I’m sure he did but even as a divorced couple they should’ve been in touch with each other frequently and working toward a greater goal...Serenity’s healing and adapting for starters! I’m sorry but they ditched her!!!

This interview just tore me up all over again but in a way I didn’t expect. Sure, I expected Serenity came from a background of neglect and/or abuse...but I didn’t expect her adoptive parents so quickly would literally abandon her. A child with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Abandoned by what should’ve been her “forever parents” when the going got tough. Yes, RAD is horrible, and difficult to imagine, but once you adopt you do everything you can to love that child and give stability to that child. I imagine a lot of therapy and respite care would be expected...but these parents barely got their feet wet with her! Stuck a toe in the water and said nope, too cold. And gave up.

I am so so sad. Serenity was a child who should’ve had all the love, security, and stability that a parent could offer. That she was talking about Darcy, seemingly missing her was a good sign for Serenity (showing she did attach to Darcy on some level already). I notice it made Darcy feel good. But a little bit too late!!! Now this tragedy and I’m sure there’s guilt (and there sure should be) being felt by the parents, but Serenity deserved to feel like she was the center of her parents’ lives. She didn’t get what she deserved by a long shot.

Call me a fool but I’ve still got a shred of hope left that she is somewhere alive. Somehow, somewhere.

And if not, then the heaven’s opened to take in another angel too soon, and if so she is finally getting all the unconditional and never ending love she deserves!!!

 

[YaYa_521]

Serenity Dennard's Adoptive Mother Speaks for the First Time

Bringing this forward. I had a bit of trouble finding it. Yes, I'm old!

 

[AC's Grandma]

I also find it odd that they divorced a year after they adopted the two children. Are you telling me that you honestly had a stable, loving home to bring children into one year and divorced the next? I'm not buying it...unless the divorce was due to infidelity or something horrendous happening. Don't misunderstand my comments, I know people divorce quickly all the time after just being married and after being married for decades, but I doubt they were able to show the adoption agency/children and family agency that they were a suitable home so close to their divorce.

I also wonder if the home thought that Serenity's dad's new wife was her mother, not Darcy and that's why she wasn't contacted.

JMO MOO IMO

 

[Deleted member 158085]

I also find it odd that they divorced a year after they adopted the two children. Are you telling me that you honestly had a stable, loving home to bring children into one year and divorced the next? I'm not buying it...unless the divorce was due to infidelity or something horrendous happening. Don't misunderstand my comments, I know people divorce quickly all the time after just being married and after being married for decades, but I doubt they were able to show the adoption agency/children and family agency that they were a suitable home so close to their divorce.

I also wonder if the home thought that Serenity's dad's new wife was her mother, not Darcy and that's why she wasn't contacted.

JMO MOO IMO

This has been bugging me. Brian said the home seemed nervous when they realized the mother was unaware she had been there. Do they not ask questions like, “Do you have sole custody of this child?” before taking them in? So many different parental situations to consider, that I’m shocked if this isn’t a standard question.

 

[haven71]

This has been bugging me. Brian said the home seemed nervous when they realized the mother was unaware she had been there. Do they not ask questions like, “Do you have sole custody of this child?” before taking them in? So many different parental situations to consider, that I’m shocked if this isn’t a standard question.

I agree it seems like that would be a standard question. Also, it would seem like they’d have a file with her history and behaviors and any possible traumatic or triggering events prior to admittance. Seems like the divorce of her parents should’ve been included in that paperwork.

 

[Caylee Advocate]

So the adoptive parents divorced in 2015 and they shared custody for x amount of time. It has me questioning just how long had it really been since this smiling woman seen Serenity OR the little boy, and I wonder where he is?

Definite failures as parents on both of their parts. Now we need to hear from the dad. Why did he keep these kids from the mom, or did SHE abandon them? Why did she not file missing persons reports to try to locate her 2 kids? Hell, go to court.... do something!

There's always 3 sides to a story, his- hers- and the truth.

 

[Caylee Advocate]

BBM

I agree. Darcie and Chad sounded unstable and unprepared, IMO. I also thought it was interesting that they could adopt 2 kids, the same age, back to back with one specifically having attachment issues. It doesn't seem like that would be in her best interest but I don't know anything about adoption or guidelines. @mrbeansmom Are you able to shed any light on that? I have appreciated your insight.

Darcie made a comment in the interview about not digging through Serenity's case file with a fine tooth comb and I think she was trying to come across as accepting of Serenity....the good, the bad, the ugly if you will - but it came across to me as irresponsible.

When you choose to take someone in whether you foster or adopt I would think it is important that you know exactly what they went through and any issues they may have to ensure that you can provide what they need. You are now their advocate. It is now your responsibility to give that child everything they need to hopefully grow and thrive. /cue the song, " Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough"

The truth is Darcie didn't choose Serenity everyday. She didn't love her unconditionally. She abandoned her. Darcie disappeared out of Serenity's life. MOO

Funny thing is, the white pages knew where CD (adopto dad) lived, each and every address. IMO.... she abandoned these little ones. JMO

 

[misgrn]

Regarding BHCH not knowing about Darcie:

Darcie says she wasn't contacted and BHCH seemed nervous when they showed up but later on in the interview she says she was told Serenity had been talking about her. That is just another contradiction. Maybe Darcie wasn't contacted but then why didn't anyone wonder who was it Serenity was talking about.

KD says she visited Serenity at BHCH so they had to have known her name. Serenity discussing Darcie should have gotten at least her therapist's attention.

We usually had a good sized file on kids placed with us. I realize some info is lost in adoption situations but their life after that was pretty detailed. I don't know if Chad just didn't mention Darcie or what. According to Darcie's interview the split custody with CD having physical custody so somewhere there should be a record of that. I find it odd that info wouldn't be disclosed as I would imagine a divorce and not seeing mom regularly caused more issues for Serenity, especially if she had RAD. That is significant info to be worked through in therapy. Our kids talked about all that stuff with their clinical therapist and the psychologist. Even just residential staff usually heard details from the kids. If in fact that infi was not disclosed, it is just another disservice to Serenity, imo.

I do hope CD does an interview although who knows if he will give us any insight either. I get they don't want to air all their private stuff but why can't someone just be upfront about things, especially things that might help find or identify her, if by chance someone did take her. I know there is a high likelihood that Serenity is deceased outside somewhere but until they find her we just don't know.

This case has been very frustrating from the get go.

 

[human]

I have a friend who adopted a child with RAD. She and her husband did everything. He was four and she would spend hours holding and rocking him.

It did not change his behavior of pooping all over his room and peeing in the closet and peeing on top of piles of the clothes .

As he got older, he would climb out of windows at night. They locked their bedroom at night while they slept as he had threatened to kill them.

He would steal from anyone.

I cannot remember all of the things as it was about ten years ago when they finally found a place that would take him.

I don’t know anyone who could tolerate years of that. It was 10 years for them.

I cannot judge parents who simply cannot do it anymore.

They learned that kids with RAD do better in a group setting than in a family. I forget why.

 

[margarita25]

(Marking)

 

[Bugurl747]

Snipped and BBM

Pennington County Sheriff's Office asks national agencies for help in finding Serenity Dennard

Deputies are looking through the Black Hills Children's Home phone records and computer logs to see if Serenity reached out to anyone outside the home.​

I'm really happy to see this. I know we have speculated in the past but I wonder what kind of access she had to phone and electronics? Either way, I am glad they are digging.

 

[girlhasnoname]

Wow, that interview.

I have 5 kids, with 2 who were adopted from Russia and my youngest from Guatemala. I remember researching as much as I could before our first adoption in 1999. It was clear that RAD was always a possibility and it was our biggest fear. Luckily, none of my children have RAD, although the 2 from Russia were adversely affected prenatally to alcohol exposure. While it’s been challenging, I know nothing compares to RAD.

I remember reading that one of the things to watch out for was if YOU, the adoptive parent, didn’t feel a connection or a weak one at best over time to the child, that RAD was likely at play. Bonding is a process, really a lifelong one, and for that reason I consider the adoptive parents to have failed Serenity.

It blows my mind that when Darcy and Chad split up, they didn’t really stick to a plan for the sharing of custody. Imagine how confusing that must’ve been to Serenity, and how that could’ve weakened any bond...didn’t they feel that would probably reverse any progress that had been made concerning attachment? I imagine any child would feel very insecure not knowing when they would next see mom or dad...let alone a child with RAD. Seems to me a very consistent schedule should’ve been set.

And WTH??? Mom didn’t even know Serenity had been placed in the Home??? I have no words. How long had it been since she spoke to Chad about her CHILD? How long had it been since she’d even spoken to her child? To Serenity that must’ve felt like being abandoned all over again. I agree that these parents had NO CLUE what they were getting into, and sickened that this family had let things simply disintegrate to such a point. I was not going to judge but come on!!! Adopting a child is not a test drive, it’s a lifelong commitment and often requires a lot of work along the way. Did Mom just decide she couldn’t parent and abandoned all duties? Did Dad feel overwhelmed? I’m sure he did but even as a divorced couple they should’ve been in touch with each other frequently and working toward a greater goal...Serenity’s healing and adapting for starters! I’m sorry but they ditched her!!!

This interview just tore me up all over again but in a way I didn’t expect. Sure, I expected Serenity came from a background of neglect and/or abuse...but I didn’t expect her adoptive parents so quickly would literally abandon her. A child with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Abandoned by what should’ve been her “forever parents” when the going got tough. Yes, RAD is horrible, and difficult to imagine, but once you adopt you do everything you can to love that child and give stability to that child. I imagine a lot of therapy and respite care would be expected...but these parents barely got their feet wet with her! Stuck a toe in the water and said nope, too cold. And gave up.

I am so so sad. Serenity was a child who should’ve had all the love, security, and stability that a parent could offer. That she was talking about Darcy, seemingly missing her was a good sign for Serenity (showing she did attach to Darcy on some level already). I notice it made Darcy feel good. But a little bit too late!!! Now this tragedy and I’m sure there’s guilt (and there sure should be) being felt by the parents, but Serenity deserved to feel like she was the center of her parents’ lives. She didn’t get what she deserved by a long shot.

Call me a fool but I’ve still got a shred of hope left that she is somewhere alive. Somehow, somewhere.

And if not, then the heaven’s opened to take in another angel too soon, and if so she is finally getting all the unconditional and never ending love she deserves!!!

It's never foolish to hope have71.....I'm right there with you, even though I know it's a long shot. Thank you for sharing such an informative and thoughtful post!

 

[Intrigued25]

Now that Darcie is aware of where Chad and family reside, has she made any effort to contact him and/or be re-united with the son they also adopted together?

 

[ilovepierre]

I have a friend who adopted a child with RAD. She and her husband did everything. He was four and she would spend hours holding and rocking him.

It did not change his behavior of pooping all over his room and peeing in the closet and peeing on top of piles of the clothes .

As he got older, he would climb out of windows at night. They locked their bedroom at night while they slept as he had threatened to kill them.

He would steal from anyone.

I cannot remember all of the things as it was about ten years ago when they finally found a place that would take him.

I don’t know anyone who could tolerate years of that. It was 10 years for them.

I cannot judge parents who simply cannot do it anymore.

They learned that kids with RAD do better in a group setting than in a family. I forget why.

That’s awful
For both the child and the parents.

And I thought my behaviour as a child was bad...

IMO

 

[SkipperKey3]

I wonder if they will be going back out soon. A few days ago they said they were waiting for most of the snow to melt. Weather forecast for the next three days is decidedly better : Today 38 and sunny, tommorow 46 and sunny, Tuesday 52 and sunny. That should help. Then starting this coming weekend and going into next week, forecasted temps are going to remain more in the range of normal, highs in the 40s, with a fair amount of sun.

 

[Monkey boy]

I'm wrong it just lists grandchildren
Disregard this post.....

 

[ilovechili]

I wonder if they will be going back out soon. A few days ago they said they were waiting for most of the snow to melt. Weather forecast for the next three days is decidedly better : Today 38 and sunny, tommorow 46 and sunny, Tuesday 52 and sunny. That should help. Then starting this coming weekend and going into next week, forecasted temps are going to remain more in the range of normal, highs in the 40s, with a fair amount of sun.

Can't see any reason they shouldn't. In addition, they said they are all ready to go since they couldn't go and had all of this time to coordinate ahead of time for when they can go. jmo.