Should Jaycee's Bio Dad Be Allowed to Have a DNA Testing Done?

[Imbackon]

I don't know where you got the idea from my post that I feel anybody "owes" Mr. Slayton anything, but I'm sorry, you're way off. They DO owe Jaycee the information that her father is interested in a relationship, however. She's an adult and keeping this information from her could be far more damaging than any press conference Mr. Slayton has held. And yes, if Jaycee's reps were ignoring Mr. Slayton's attempts, as was said, and he felt there was no other option but to take it public in order to get a response, then I would say that the definition of railroading that you posted covers this as Mr. Slayton probably felt "forced to make a decision or take action quickly, without time for consideration or discussion." Thanks

I doubt Mr. Slayton is the "give up" kinda guy you refer to and really don't feel that anyone has to worry about him coming in and out of Jaycee's life. If that were the case, I doubt he would've gone to the trouble of retaining Gloria. He's not a dumb man. I'm sure he understands the gravity of the situation and wouldn't make such a big deal of getting his message to her if he didn't plan on being in this for the long haul. He's not after money from the story, it's obvious to me that he has his own.

My Story:

My ex and I were high school sweethearts and spent 2/3 of our lives in each others lives. He grew up without his father. Only saw him one time when was a year old then nothing. He was very vocal about his negative opinion towards his father and his choices. He never said a nice word about his biological father and never tried to contact him.
When we were close to 30 y.o., my ex lost the keys to his truck so I located a local locksmith that had the same name as us because I figured it would be lucky. I called the business with our name, the lady that answered interrupted my inquiries with "Can I ask you a question?" I replied "Yes." She went on to ask me about my last name and if I was related to people from another town. When I explained to her that it was my married name but that my husband was born in the town she mentioned and what my husbands first name was and what his father's name was, she was OVERJOYED! She told me that her husband was my husband's uncle, his father's brother. His father, unfortunately had passed away 2 years prior.
When my ex came home and I told him what I had discovered he was INSTANTLY curious despite all the negative feelings he had harbored for nearly 30 years. We met with his aunt and uncle and discovered that his dad had, in fact, tried to contact him and did, in fact, want to be a part of his life like he was with his other children. My ex was the only one out of 5 total children that his father had no contact with. He was also his father's only son. When he found out the truth about his father and that his father did actually desire a relationship with him, all those negatives feelings seemingly disappeared. I never heard another bad word leave his lips regarding his real father ever again. NOT ONCE. In fact, when we separated and he left our home for the first time, the ONLY items he took with him were the pictures of his father that his aunt and uncle had given him.
After our discovery, he only had warm and loving feelings for his father. We spent holidays with his new found family from then on, he still does. It was definitely a healing experience for him after a tough life. So this is why I feel it wouldn't hurt Jaycee to know that her real father does actually love her and want to be a part of her life.
This isn't my only experience with victims of an absentee father. I've known quite a few, including my cousins. Every person that I've known that didn't have a father growing up, were ALWAYS curious about him and ALWAYS wanted more information about him.
I'm sorry for your daughter's experience with her father and hope you and her have healed. But, didn't she wonder about her father? If he's still absent, doesn't she still wonder about him on some level? I would be surprised if she hasn't TRULY felt this way at one time or another.
I'm not saying this IS the way Jaycee feels, I'm only saying it's a VERY REAL possibility that it would make her feel good to know he's interested. Big difference.
Finally, this conversation is really senseless at this point, because as I stated in the post you quoted, we haven't heard anything more from him which leads me to believe that contact has been made and that both sides are cooperating to whatever extent will be most beneficial to Jaycee and girls. Until we see otherwise, there is no need to bash this man further. And no need to attack my views further.
IMO

Attack your views? No way did I do that. I do not think you are using the appropriate words when you say railroaded is all, and in reality it fits more with what is happening to the Dugards.
I was as polite as I could be, considering I feel you are attacking JC's mother, by trying to second guess what is best for JC.
You said;
"My ex was the only one out of 5 total children that his father had no contact with"
I say; so did dad's dialing finger break? What the other sibs couldn't let him know? Who was holding who back in this story. Something isn't right.

I stand by what I said.

 

[kbl8201]

Attack your views? No way did I do that. I do not think you are using the appropriate words when you say railroaded is all, and in reality it fits more with what is happening to the Dugards.
I was as polite as I could be, considering I feel you are attacking JC's mother, by trying to second guess what is best for JC.
You said;
"My ex was the only one out of 5 total children that his father had no contact with"
I say; so did dad's dialing finger break? What the other sibs couldn't let him know? Who was holding who back in this story. Something isn't right.

I stand by what I said.

i think my dad had a severe case of cowarditis

 

[Imbackon]

Tizzle said;
"We met with his aunt and uncle and discovered that his dad had, in fact, tried to contact him and did, in fact, want to be a part of his life like he was with his other children"

I wouldn't take it to the bank that the statement is true. Afterall look how easy it was for you to make contact "by luck".

 

[Tizzle]

Attack your views? No way did I do that. I do not think you are using the appropriate words when you say railroaded is all, and in reality it fits more with what is happening to the Dugards.
I was as polite as I could be, considering I feel you are attacking JC's mother, by trying to second guess what is best for JC.
You said;
"My ex was the only one out of 5 total children that his father had no contact with"
I say; so did dad's dialing finger break? What the other sibs couldn't let him know? Who was holding who back in this story. Something isn't right.

I stand by what I said.

You're right, something isn't right. My ex was his mother's only child with his father. His mom held his dad back from making contact by moving to another town and by not listing her phone number, purposely. Which is what Mr. Slayton said was the case in his situation. Maybe he could have done more to make contact, maybe not. We'll never know because the past is the past and should be left there.
I haven't attacked Jaycee's mother, not once. My heart breaks for the woman. But her plight doesn't change the possibility that she might not have wanted Mr. Slayton to be involved in Jaycee's life. That isn't me attacking Jaycee's mom, that is me observing that there may be another side to the story. That is me being objective. And I'm not trying to second guess what's best for Jaycee, because I don't know what that is. But I am second guessing if it would be the best decision to keep Mr. Slayton's message a secret from her, if that is the case, since she's a grown woman capable of making her own decisions (for a change). I do know that the last thing she needs right now is more secrets...

 

[Openmind]

I do know that the last thing she needs right now is more secrets...

Why do you assume there are secrets?

 

[Tizzle]

Why do you assume there are secrets?

Why do you assume there aren't?

 

[Openmind]

Why do you assume there aren't?

I asked first.

 

[Imbackon]

Why do you assume there aren't?

Secrets, phfffff

This has nothing to do with keeping secrets, and the assumption should be made that MS. Probyn is doing what's best for her daughter.
There is no evidence to suggest she is not capable of doing so .

My mother has Alzheimers, and I keep all kinds of things from her that I think are in her best interests. When she asked my sister if she (my mother) had ever had cancer and my sister told her that yes she had, my mother got very upset.

When she later asked me if the same question, knowing how she reacted to my sisters answers, I said " No Mom you never had any cancer" she grinned and said, "that's what I thought, thank God for that".

Am i keeping secrets? Yep, I am.
I WOULD NEVER DARE TO SECOND GUESS SOMEONES MOTHER UNDER THESE CONDITIONS, AND AM ASTONISHED THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WOULD.

 

[Imbackon]

Tizzle said;
His mom held his dad back from making contact by moving to another town and by not listing her phone number, purposely.

Just because you were told that story does not make it true.
It isn't the first time that's been told, in fact it is a COMMON defense from irresponsible dead beat dads (and their family). Just sayin.

 

[Imbackon]

Tizzle said;
His mom held his dad back from making contact by moving to another town and by not listing her phone number, purposely. Which is what Mr. Slayton said was the case in his situation

Link please regarding Slayton's statement.I have not read any such statement.

 

[my2sisters]

snipped and bbm
Wow, I am seriously having flashbacks to sixth grade here. I wonder who is going to say "I'm rubber and you're glue..." first.

Really, though, when I read Tizzle's post, I thought she (I think you're a she, Tizzle, sorry if I'm wrong) was saying, "Hey, Jaycee's had to deal with all this horrid stuff all these years...her daughters thought they were her sisters (there's a "secret" for ya), so if someone kept her bio dad's message a secret (there it is again) from Jaycee now, it would be another secret, which isn't something that is conducive to healing, etc. right now.

Please feel free to correct me if my interpretation is off.

To add to that...can you imagine the secrets PG made Jaycee keep!!! I think trust is paramount to her recovery and there can't be trust when there are secrets. She'll pick up on the fact that something is being withheld and could make more of it than is necessary. Terry can advise her and I imagine Jaycee will listen.

 

[Imbackon]

To add to that...can you imagine the secrets PG made Jaycee keep!!! I think trust is paramount to her recovery and there can't be trust when there are secrets. She'll pick up on the fact that something is being withheld and could make more of it than is necessary. Terry can advise her and I imagine Jaycee will listen.

No one is advocating that this information be kept from JC forever.
It is the timing of the request that is the problem. Too soon, too unimportant right now. It is those that know her and are KNOWN to love her that must make that decision.

 

[JBean]

His mom held his dad back from making contact by moving to another town and by not listing her phone number, purposely. Which is what Mr. Slayton said was the case in his situation

Link please regarding Slayton's statement.I have not read any such statement.

Actually Slayton moved to Sacramento and as far as he knew terry was still in Anaheim, because he called her at her parents at their Anaheim address and got no response because the phone was disconnected. he said that since Terry did not call him he figured 'out of sight out of mind"

this is from the kennedy and suits interview from KFI that I linked earlier.

 

[JBean]

you guys come on. raise the level in here.

We do not know the mind of Slayton except what he has said. We do not know the mind of Terry and Jaycee because it has not been reported. So don't assume to know what is going on in their heads.
Guess or speculate but make sure it is clear that is what you are doing.

 

[Natal]

Secrets, phfffff

This has nothing to do with keeping secrets, and the assumption should be made that MS. Probyn is doing what's best for her daughter.
There is no evidence to suggest she is not capable of doing so .

My mother has Alzheimers, and I keep all kinds of things from her that I think are in her best interests. When she asked my sister if she (my mother) had ever had cancer and my sister told her that yes she had, my mother got very upset.

When she later asked me if the same question, knowing how she reacted to my sisters answers, I said " No Mom you never had any cancer" she grinned and said, "that's what I thought, thank God for that".

Am i keeping secrets? Yep, I am.
I WOULD NEVER DARE TO SECOND GUESS SOMEONES MOTHER UNDER THESE CONDITIONS, AND AM ASTONISHED THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WOULD.

Jaycee is not retarded, she does not have dementia and she is 29. She is quite capable of making her own decisions. It is not anyones place, including her mother, to be doing that for her. They might give advice but they can't tell her to do something. In this case, if they are keeping something as fundamental as this a secret from her (and she WILL find out), that is a betrayal of trust and chances are that it will come back to bite them.

 

[Imbackon]

Actually Slayton moved to Sacramento and as far as he knew terry was still in Anaheim, because he called her at her parents at their Anaheim address and got no response because the phone was disconnected. he said that since Terry did not call him he figured 'out of sight out of mind"

this is from the kennedy and suits interview from KFI that I linked earlier.

Much different story than to equate it with moving out of town and not having a phone number ON PURPOSE.

 

[Tizzle]

Tizzle said;
His mom held his dad back from making contact by moving to another town and by not listing her phone number, purposely. Which is what Mr. Slayton said was the case in his situation

Link please regarding Slayton's statement.I have not read any such statement.

I'm sorry, I misspoke. I don't know nor have I read or heard anywhere that Terry held Ken back from making contact. I also didn't mean to imply that Terry moved away with Jaycee. I was referring to my own experience in that regard. However, Mr. Slayton says he lost touch with her after she called and told him she was pregnant. He says that he tried to call her a few times at her parents Anaheim address but the number had been disconnected. It's in the Kennedy and Suits interview.

Tizzle said;
"We met with his aunt and uncle and discovered that his dad had, in fact, tried to contact him and did, in fact, want to be a part of his life like he was with his other children"

I wouldn't take it to the bank that the statement is true. Afterall look how easy it was for you to make contact "by luck".

Hmmmmmm

Tizzle said;
His mom held his dad back from making contact by moving to another town and by not listing her phone number, purposely.

Just because you were told that story does not make it true.
It isn't the first time that's been told, in fact it is a COMMON defense from irresponsible dead beat dads (and their family). Just sayin.

Really? I wonder why his mom admitted wrongdoing then?

Imbackon, I'm sorry that you don't believe me, not my worry. I didn't question you about your experience with a deadbeat dad, it's rather unnecessary to do that to me. I wasn't TOLD that story, I was a PART of that story for better than 2/3 of my life. Just because my views don't align with yours, does not give you the right to question MY OWN experiences. That's unfair. Listen to the Kennedy and Suits interview. It's a good listen.

 

[JBean]

Jaycee is not retarded, she does not have dementia and she is 29. She is quite capable of making her own decisions. It is not anyones place, including her mother, to be doing that for her. They might give advice but they can't tell her to do something. In this case, if they are keeping something as fundamental as this a secret from her (and she WILL find out), that is a betrayal of trust and chances are that it will come back to bite them.

I think imbackon was just drawing a parallel that sometime secrets are appropriate.
With that said we have absolutely no idea if this is being kept from jaycee at all.

 

[JBean]

Let's stay on topic of Jaycee and Slayton please. Once we post our own experiences it opens the door to questions that do not need to be answered.

Every situation is different so let's stay on this topic please.

 

[JBean]

Much different story than to equate it with moving out of town and not having a phone number ON PURPOSE.

I was trying to clarify that Slayton is the one that left town.

IMO neither one of them tried to get hold of the other. He left town tried to call a couple times and gave up. Doesn't demonstrate much motivation imo.
She didn't contact him and I am guessing she wasn't intersted in having a relationship with him. I haven't heard they fought about it or there was any disagreement on the matter.
Why they didn't want to contact each other is unknown.
Seems like it was mutually benefical at the time.jmho of course.