Should Jaycee's Bio Dad Be Allowed to Have a DNA Testing Done?

[Openmind]

BBM
No, I don't know that they are withholding information from her or lying to her about Mr. Slayton, that's why I said "if that is, in fact, what is happening." It does seem to be what he and Glo are suggesting, though. Mr. Slayton seems to be a rationally thinking man, and I don't feel he and Glo would say that they are unable to make contact with her reps if it were untrue. If Jaycee has been told and did, in fact, reject his offer, why wouldn't her reps just tell him that? Do you really think that if he thought Jaycee didn't want anything to do with him, he would continue to badger her by making 2 public appearances? I don't, because I think he would think about his own daughters and how he wouldn't want someone to do that to them. JMO, but all indications point to Mr. Slayton being railroaded and Jaycee being left in the dark about it.

Railroaded -- no, I don't see it that way at all. I see a man that made an offer and it went nowhere so he went public. No one knows what the family did or did not do or say. I have seen Slayton on a news conference and heard a radio interview and neither gave enough information to know what kind of man he is or the depth of his character -- good or bad. Terry is doing what she should do -- taking care of her child and grandchildren.

I realize that his timing isn't viewed as the best, but wouldn't you want to know after all this time if she really is your daughter? Don't you think she would want to know after all these years? If you were him, wouldn't you want to help her in any way and wouldn't you want to make sure she knew you wanted to offer yourself to her? Wouldn't you want to make up for not being there for her as soon you got the first chance to?With Jaycee's reappearance, he's been given a second chance to make right all the wrong he's done in regards to Jaycee. And she's been given a chance to have the relationship with the real dad that she's probably always wondered about. Just because he made bad decisions doesn't mean Jaycee didn't want to know about him. I've known a few children and adults of absentee fathers, they ALL wondered about their real father and always wanted to meet their real father. You think Jaycee, for some reason, is different? Her situation is different, yes, but a person never forgets to wonder about a dad they never knew regardless of the circumstances.

Again, we don't know what Jaycee knows or doesn't know, so I won't try to speak for her. My take on it is since she didn't know her biological father before she was taken, so I have no idea if she ever thought about him at all. It is pure speculation to assume what Jaycee thought, thinks, or wants.

And you make mention of the fact that they may not feel it's the right time to introduce a stranger to Jaycee and the girls. I think you forget, though, that EVERYBODY Jaycee's girls have been introduced to over the last month are all strangers to them and on some level to Jaycee, too.

I would think if Jaycee thought about anyone during her captivity it was the people she already knew as her family. They are not strangers and she does have a connection to them, and she can share that with her girls. Time will not diminish a bond of the heart.

As strong as Jaycee obviously is, I don't think it would hurt her one bit to know, after all these years, that her real dad wants to create a healthy relationship with her. If, after that, SHE is not interested in meeting him, then they need to tell Mr. Slayton that and not decide on their own that it's best she doesn't know about his interest in being a part of her life and lives of her girls. She'll surely be more angry that this was decided FOR her and not WITH her, she is an adult, after all. Far more angry than she'll be finding out that he's been reaching out to her. For all we know, though, their meeting may already be in the works. It's also worth mentioning that if Mr. Slayton had just sat back and said nothing and waited "until a better time", as you suggest, he would likely be ridiculed and demonized for not "being a man and stepping forward" sooner, possibly more harshly than he is now.

Again, we don't know what Jaycee knows or doesn't know. You're absolutely right, I do think his timing is selfish and inappropriate. He never made the effort or took the time to find his child, he didn't take the time to help look for her when she was kidnapped or reached out to Terry to express his grief or regrets, but now that she is found he wants to pony up to the front of the line and be an active part of her life. I say, take a number and wait for it to be called.

I said it before and I'll say it again, Mr. Slayton is damned if does, damned if he doesn't.

But not by everyone. I say this with sincerity, he does have you as a most staunch supporter.

 

[Tizzle]

Openmind:waitasec:, how about we agree to disagree and just let it lie? Mr. Slayton has, so far. I've stated my opinion, I see what you're saying, I understand that point of view. I'm not saying your point of view is wrong. I'm not saying my ideas are right. I'm simply exploring them. That's ok, yes?

And yes, I do staunchly support Mr. Slayton's presence as long as it improves Jaycee's life in any way when all is said and done. I'm sorry if that offends you. But if his presence ever harms her in any way, I will change my way of thinking to yours in a heartbeat.:thumb:

I decided to keep this one short and sweet for you. All that quoting and cutting and copying has got to be time consuming LOL

 

[Natal]

Do you know Jaycee is being lied to or left in the dark? I have been surprised that the family or has been turned into conspirators against Slayton, when we don't know what Jaycee knows or does not know. In truth, Jaycee may have been told of his request and she may have rejected the offer. She has never knew him before and just might have enough to deal with without an absentee father that suddenly wants to be included in the family. And if she is being denied this information, they are with her everyday and undoubtedly have therapists that are helping them adjust and deal with the issues Jaycee and the girls are facing. Before I assume this is a personal slam against Slayton, I would consider if they feel this is just not the right time and situation to introduce a stranger to Jaycee and the girls.

I think if Jaycee had rejected the offer, or if she said would consider it at a later date, her public representatives would have said so explicitly. But their reaction isn't direct at all, it is oddly defensive, which is why I believe she hasn't been told at all. They can't make the decision for her because she is an adult, and if they don't tell her, she can't make a decision either. IMO that is why they are behaving the way they are, and why we have all this public legal display going on.

 

[kbl8201]

Openmind:waitasec:, how about we agree to disagree and just let it lie? Mr. Slayton has, so far. I've stated my opinion, I see what you're saying, I understand that point of view. I'm not saying your point of view is wrong. I'm not saying my ideas are right. I'm simply exploring them. That's ok, yes?

And yes, I do staunchly support Mr. Slayton's presence as long as it improves Jaycee's life in any way when all is said and done. I'm sorry if that offends you. But if his presence ever harms her in any way, I will change my way of thinking to yours in a heartbeat.:thumb:

I decided to keep this one short and sweet for you. All that quoting and cutting and copying has got to be time consuming LOL

to me the only way his presence will hurt is if he takes it to court.....its putting himself above what jaycee and the girls need at this point

 

[Natal]

I don't think it will go to court, IMO this is a fight between the two families, not between Jaycee and her father. When it comes to the crunch, the situation will resolve itself.

 

[kbl8201]

I don't think it will go to court, IMO this is a fight between the two families, not between Jaycee and her father. When it comes to the crunch, the situation will resolve itself.

i hope it's not a fight at all but a misunderstanding...........

 

[Tizzle]

I think if Jaycee had rejected the offer, or if she said would consider it at a later date, her public representatives would have said so explicitly. But their reaction isn't direct at all, it is oddly defensive, which is why I believe she hasn't been told at all. They can't make the decision for her because she is an adult, and if they don't tell her, she can't make a decision either. IMO that is why they are behaving the way they are, and why we have all this public legal display going on.

Both sides have been awfully quiet the last few days. I would be surprised if contact hasn't already been made. He wouldn't stay quiet this long if he was still being railroaded, IMO. I think both sides are cooperating privately now, at least, I hope. I'm pretty sure Jaycee's reps would tell him first and foremost "NO MORE PUBLIC APPEARANCES" regarding Jaycee or the girls from this point forward. I get the feeling he would comply with any terms of privacy imposed on him, as he should, as long as he knows everyone is being honest and forthcoming. JMO.

 

[kbl8201]

Both sides have been awfully quiet the last few days. I would be surprised if contact hasn't already been made. He wouldn't stay quiet this long if he was still being railroaded, IMO. I think both sides are cooperating privately now, at least, I hope. I'm pretty sure Jaycee's reps would tell him first and foremost "NO MORE PUBLIC APPEARANCES" regarding Jaycee or the girls from this point forward. I get the feeling he would comply with any terms of privacy imposed on him, as he should, as long as he knows everyone is being honest and forthcoming. JMO.

i hope this is the case. i hope both sides are being rational.

 

[Openmind]

Openmind:waitasec:, how about we agree to disagree and just let it lie?

Works for me.

Mr. Slayton has, so far. I've stated my opinion, I see what you're saying, I understand that point of view. I'm not saying your point of view is wrong. I'm not saying my ideas are right. I'm simply exploring them. That's ok, yes?

I, too, am an explorer and hope to respect the ideas of others even if I don't agree with them. Disagreeing it tricky, but we aren't always going to see eye to eye.

And yes, I do staunchly support Mr. Slayton's presence as long as it improves Jaycee's life in any way when all is said and done. I'm sorry if that offends you. But if his presence ever harms her in any way, I will change my way of thinking to yours in a heartbeat.:thumb:

Time will tell and I hope everyone has only Jaycee and the girls best interest at heart.

I decided to keep this one short and sweet for you. All that quoting and cutting and copying has got to be time consuming LOL

Actually, I learned a few tricks and I don't cut and paste at all. Really fast to quote back. Actually, annoyingly fast - right?

Tizzle, all best to you. I hope in the end the resolution to this makes us feel better about all parties involved.

ActuallyJaycee's camp will not acknowledge that Glo has tried to get hold of them. They are not recognozing them at this point.
Bigger fish to fry at this time imo.

I agree. Much much bigger fish. Not only Jaycee and the girls but all the legal interactions in regard to Garrido.

 

[kbl8201]

I agree. Much much bigger fish. Not onlly Jaycee and the girls but all the legal interactions in regard to Garrido.

i hope that someone shanks garrido in the shower. that way taxpayers dont have to fit the bill for his trial/incarceration and jaycee wont have to testiy against him.

 

[Openmind]

i hope that someone shanks garrido in the shower. that way taxpayers dont have to fit the bill for his trial/incarceration and jaycee wont have to testiy against him.

Sadly, this "man" is probably being held in high security far from any threats or possible harm. Eventually, we will have to endure all sorts to testimony about his tragic and misspent youth to try and excuse away his evil behaviors. We have just started his running tab at the taxpayer's expense.

 

[kbl8201]

Sadly, this "man" is probably being held in high security far from any threats or possible harm. Eventually, we will have to endure all sorts to testimony about his tragic and misspent youth to try and excuse away his evil behaviors. We have just started his running tab at the taxpayer's expense.

doesnt have to be a prisoner that knifes him though......accidents happen you know

 

[flourish]

doesnt have to be a prisoner that knifes him though......accidents happen you know

Have you been watching "OZ?" (I love that show)

 

[kbl8201]

Have you been watching "OZ?" (I love that show)

lol never seen it actually :innocent:

 

[flourish]

lol never seen it actually :innocent:

LOL It's a show that was on HBO a few years back. Set in a fictional max. security prison

 

[JBean]

guys, don't start talking about knifing people or causing them physical harm please.
Crikey.

 

[kbl8201]

guys, don't start talking about knifing people or causing them physical harm please.
Crikey.

sorry i got carried away lol

 

[Imbackon]

Both sides have been awfully quiet the last few days. I would be surprised if contact hasn't already been made. He wouldn't stay quiet this long if he was still being railroaded, IMO. I think both sides are cooperating privately now, at least, I hope. I'm pretty sure Jaycee's reps would tell him first and foremost "NO MORE PUBLIC APPEARANCES" regarding Jaycee or the girls from this point forward. I get the feeling he would comply with any terms of privacy imposed on him, as he should, as long as he knows everyone is being honest and forthcoming. JMO.

Why are you using the word RAILROADED?

Transitive verb, To force somebody to act hastily: to force a person or group to make a decision or take action quickly, without time for consideration or discussion

This has been used, not once but twice that I can see.

Who's railroading who? Seems by the definition it is being used backwards.

My story.
My daughter's father was first IN, THEN OUT OF HER LIFE, THEN BACK IN, THEN OUT. When she was 3 1/2 years old, I told him, quit with the disappearing act , either you are in or out but that it was hurting her to continue this behavior. He said he was IN. this lasted 3 years, then he disappeared for 20 years! Try to explain that to a child.

So, with absolutely no track history NO ONE OWES IT to Slayton to reunite him with JC , just to satisfy his immediate needs.

What if after the media dies down, and maybe if there are mental health issues to deal with and things are not all nice nice....who knows what trouble may arise, and Slayton decides he CAN'T HANDLE THE SITUATION, and backs off from his new found obligation, are you going to be the one to pick up the pieces?

Terry's daughter has basically COME BACK FROM THE DEAD. Nothing on earth at this point could keep most mother's from protecting their child after something like this. YOU DON'T KNOW what the actual situation is. For all you know Mr. Slayton being away from JC during her childhood caused her great anguish, or shame or whatever, and THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR HER TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANYTHING outside of basic survival kind of stuff.
The use of the word railroading has a very negative connotation toward those that are now in a position to try to do what is best for JC and MAKE SURE NO ONE HARMS HER EVER AGAIN, and those people would be her mother and her counselors so they are the only people I can think of that you are referring to when you speak of railroading.

 

[Tizzle]

Why are you using the word RAILROADED?

Transitive verb, To force somebody to act hastily: to force a person or group to make a decision or take action quickly, without time for consideration or discussion

This has been used, not once but twice that I can see.

Who's railroading who? Seems by the definition it is being used backwards.

My story.
My daughter's father was first IN, THEN OUT OF HER LIFE, THEN BACK IN, THEN OUT. When she was 3 1/2 years old, I told him, quit with the disappearing act , either you are in or out but that it was hurting her to continue this behavior. He said he was IN. this lasted 3 years, then he disappeared for 20 years! Try to explain that to a child.

So, with absolutely no track history NO ONE OWES IT to Slayton to reunite him with JC , just to satisfy his immediate needs.

What if after the media dies down, and maybe if there are mental health issues to deal with and things are not all nice nice....who knows what trouble may arise, and Slayton decides he CAN'T HANDLE THE SITUATION, and backs off from his new found obligation, are you going to be the one to pick up the pieces?

Terry's daughter has basically COME BACK FROM THE DEAD. Nothing on earth at this point could keep most mother's from protecting their child after something like this. YOU DON'T KNOW what the actual situation is. For all you know Mr. Slayton being away from JC during her childhood caused her great anguish, or shame or whatever, and THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR HER TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANYTHING outside of basic survival kind of stuff.
The use of the word railroading has a very negative connotation toward those that are now in a position to try to do what is best for JC and MAKE SURE NO ONE HARMS HER EVER AGAIN, and those people would be her mother and her counselors so they are the only people I can think of that you are referring to when you speak of railroading.

I don't know where you got the idea from my post that I feel anybody "owes" Mr. Slayton anything, but I'm sorry, you're way off. They DO owe Jaycee the information that her father is interested in a relationship, however. She's an adult and keeping this information from her could be far more damaging than any press conference Mr. Slayton has held. And yes, if Jaycee's reps were ignoring Mr. Slayton's attempts, as was said, and he felt there was no other option but to take it public in order to get a response, then I would say that the definition of railroading that you posted covers this as Mr. Slayton probably felt "forced to make a decision or take action quickly, without time for consideration or discussion." Thanks

I doubt Mr. Slayton is the "give up" kinda guy you refer to and really don't feel that anyone has to worry about him coming in and out of Jaycee's life. If that were the case, I doubt he would've gone to the trouble of retaining Gloria. He's not a dumb man. I'm sure he understands the gravity of the situation and wouldn't make such a big deal of getting his message to her if he didn't plan on being in this for the long haul. He's not after money from the story, it's obvious to me that he has his own.

My Story:

My ex and I were high school sweethearts and spent 2/3 of our lives in each others lives. He grew up without his father. Only saw him one time when was a year old then nothing. He was very vocal about his negative opinion towards his father and his choices. He never said a nice word about his biological father and never tried to contact him.
When we were close to 30 y.o., my ex lost the keys to his truck so I located a local locksmith that had the same name as us because I figured it would be lucky. I called the business with our name, the lady that answered interrupted my inquiries with "Can I ask you a question?" I replied "Yes." She went on to ask me about my last name and if I was related to people from another town. When I explained to her that it was my married name but that my husband was born in the town she mentioned and what my husbands first name was and what his father's name was, she was OVERJOYED! She told me that her husband was my husband's uncle, his father's brother. His father, unfortunately had passed away 2 years prior.
When my ex came home and I told him what I had discovered he was INSTANTLY curious despite all the negative feelings he had harbored for nearly 30 years. We met with his aunt and uncle and discovered that his dad had, in fact, tried to contact him and did, in fact, want to be a part of his life like he was with his other children. My ex was the only one out of 5 total children that his father had no contact with. He was also his father's only son. When he found out the truth about his father and that his father did actually desire a relationship with him, all those negatives feelings seemingly disappeared. I never heard another bad word leave his lips regarding his real father ever again. NOT ONCE. In fact, when we separated and he left our home for the first time, the ONLY items he took with him were the pictures of his father that his aunt and uncle had given him.
After our discovery, he only had warm and loving feelings for his father. We spent holidays with his new found family from then on, he still does. It was definitely a healing experience for him after a tough life. So this is why I feel it wouldn't hurt Jaycee to know that her real father does actually love her and want to be a part of her life.
This isn't my only experience with victims of an absentee father. I've known quite a few, including my cousins. Every person that I've known that didn't have a father growing up, were ALWAYS curious about him and ALWAYS wanted more information about him.
I'm sorry for your daughter's experience with her father and hope you and her have healed. But, didn't she wonder about her father? If he's still absent, doesn't she still wonder about him on some level? I would be surprised if she hasn't TRULY felt this way at one time or another.
I'm not saying this IS the way Jaycee feels, I'm only saying it's a VERY REAL possibility that it would make her feel good to know he's interested. Big difference.
Finally, this conversation is really senseless at this point, because as I stated in the post you quoted, we haven't heard anything more from him which leads me to believe that contact has been made and that both sides are cooperating to whatever extent will be most beneficial to Jaycee and girls. Until we see otherwise, there is no need to bash this man further. And no need to attack my views further.
IMO

 

[kbl8201]

I don't know where you got the idea from my post that I feel anybody "owes" Mr. Slayton anything, but I'm sorry, you're way off. They DO owe Jaycee the information that her father is interested in a relationship, however. She's an adult and keeping this information from her could be far more damaging than any press conference Mr. Slayton has held. And yes, if Jaycee's reps were ignoring Mr. Slayton's attempts, as was said, and he felt there was no other option but to take it public in order to get a response, then I would say that the definition of railroading that you posted covers this as Mr. Slayton probably felt "forced to make a decision or take action quickly, without time for consideration or discussion." Thanks

I doubt Mr. Slayton is the "give up" kinda guy you refer to and really don't feel that anyone has to worry about him coming in and out of Jaycee's life. If that were the case, I doubt he would've gone to the trouble of retaining Gloria. He's not a dumb man. I'm sure he understands the gravity of the situation and wouldn't make such a big deal of getting his message to her if he didn't plan on being in this for the long haul. He's not after money from the story, it's obvious to me that he has his own.

My Story:

My ex and I were high school sweethearts and spent 2/3 of our lives in each others lives. He grew up without his father. Only saw him one time when was a year old then nothing. He was very vocal about his negative opinion towards his father and his choices. He never said a nice word about his biological father and never tried to contact him.
When we were close to 30 y.o., my ex lost the keys to his truck so I located a local locksmith that had the same name as us because I figured it would be lucky. I called the business with our name, the lady that answered interrupted my inquiries with "Can I ask you a question?" I replied "Yes." She went on to ask me about my last name and if I was related to people from another town. When I explained to her that it was my married name but that my husband was born in the town she mentioned and what my husbands first name was and what his father's name was, she was OVERJOYED! She told me that her husband was my husband's uncle, his father's brother. His father, unfortunately had passed away 2 years prior.
When my ex came home and I told him what I had discovered he was INSTANTLY curious despite all the negative feelings he had harbored for nearly 30 years. We met with his aunt and uncle and discovered that his dad had, in fact, tried to contact him and did, in fact, want to be a part of his life like he was with his other children. My ex was the only one out of 5 total children that his father had no contact with. He was also his father's only son. When he found out the truth about his father and that his father did actually desire a relationship with him, all those negatives feelings seemingly disappeared. I never heard another bad word leave his lips regarding his real father ever again. NOT ONCE. In fact, when we separated and he left our home for the first time, the ONLY items he took with him were the pictures of his father that his aunt and uncle had given him.
After our discovery, he only had warm and loving feelings for his father. We spent holidays with his new found family from then on, he still does. It was definitely a healing experience for him after a tough life. So this is why I feel it wouldn't hurt Jaycee to know that her real father does actually love her and want to be a part of her life.
This isn't my only experience with victims of an absentee father. I've known quite a few, including my cousins. Every person that I've known that didn't have a father growing up, were ALWAYS curious about him and ALWAYS wanted more information about him.
I'm sorry for your daughter's experience with her father and hope you and her have healed. But, didn't she wonder about her father? If he's still absent, doesn't she still wonder about him on some level? I would be surprised if she hasn't TRULY felt this way at one time or another.
I'm not saying this IS the way Jaycee feels, I'm only saying it's a VERY REAL possibility that it would make her feel good to know he's interested. Big difference.
Finally, this conversation is really senseless at this point, because as I stated in the post you quoted, we haven't heard anything more from him which leads me to believe that contact has been made and that both sides are cooperating to whatever extent will be most beneficial to Jaycee and girls. Until we see otherwise, there is no need to bash this man further. And no need to attack my views further.
IMO

'
each situation is diffrent. mine my father is not only a deadbeat and an absentee father but he was physically and mentally abusive to my mom when they were married. he skipped out on visitation and child support, got married and had other kids (sound familiar this part?) and has not tried to contact me in 30 years though he knows exactly where i live. i have wondered why he can be such a husband/father to them but cant even give me a call once every 8 presidential elections......i dont know what the story with ken slayton is and its true i have jumped to conclusions and bashed him repeatedly, but in the end i just want whats best for jaycee. if it's to have him in her life because he truly cares about her, then so be it. but in the end it's jaycee's decision.
k im done.