A funny sent to me by my 83 yr old friend:
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A history lesson - how it all began
In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dorothy. Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.
He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham.
And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that's the truth....
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And a couple more:
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THE ROMANTIC WIFE:
texted her husband the following text:
if you are laughing, send me a smile.
if you are crying, send me a tear.
if you are eating, send me a bite.
if you are drinking, send me a sip.
The husband replied:
I am on the commode, please advise.
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Will I Live To See 80?
Here's something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After
Two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for My age. (I’m 70.)
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't
Resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or Wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and Barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all Red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing Golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a Lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.
He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even care?
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Revising 60s Hits
Some of the artists of the 60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include:
Bobby Darin:
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash
Herman's Hermits:
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker
Ringo Starr:
I Get By With a Little Help From Depends
The Bee Gees:
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip
Roberta Flack:
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash:
I Can't See Clearly Now
Paul Simon:
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores:
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom
Marvin Gaye:
Heard It Through the Grape Nuts
Procol Harem:
A Whiter Shade of Hair
Leo Sayer:
You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations:
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone
Abba:
Denture Queen
Tony Orlando:
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy:
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
Leslie Gore:
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To
And last but not least:
Willie Nelson:
On the Commode Again
