SIDEBAR #17- Arias/Alexander forum

[gcharlie]

We have not heard from YesOrNo for a couple of days. I miss her jokes. :floorlaugh:

YoN did have some great jokes and ones that even my father had not heard before! It was so good to be able to pass new jokes onto him.

 

[IfIMay]

Thinking of you Zuri. I have no advice, as I am not a parent. I know that you will do what is right for them. Sometimes you have to learn to make your own path to be able to appreciate the one your parents so willingly and lovingly provided.

Sounds like you've taught them the skills they need, now they may just need a reason to use them.

 

[Zuri]

Zuri, my friend, I am so sorry for what you're going through. Parenting is the hardest thing we will ever do in our lives, and they do not come with an instruction manual. I understand completely how you're feeling because I've made many of the same mistakes, and my two boys also have that sense of entitlement which seems to make them think we will always be there to bail them out and make things right.

Mine are 19 and 16, and I have had to take a hard line with them this past year because things have happened that make it no longer possible for me to give them what they want. It's very hard to say no. But I give them what the "need" and that is sometimes all a parent can do. They are fed, they will always have a roof over their head as long as I have one, and they know that I love them without question.

My oldest has many issues, including drug addiction, which he is currently in out patient rehab for. I blamed myself for a long time for his issues, but now I realize that they were of his own making. I didn't set him down that path, he chose it. His younger brother is the complete opposite. He's worked his entire summer this year in construction to buy himself the computer he wants. I raised them the same, so what makes him different? They are what they are is the only answer.

Please stop beating yourself up over your children's mistakes. It's part of them growing up and becoming responsible for their own destiny. I am certain, without a doubt, that you have been an outstanding mother. Now it is time for them to take control of their own lives and find their own way. Be there for them in the most important way, and love them unconditionally, but you must stop feeling like you have failed if you don't give them all of the material things in life that they desire. They will soon learn that if they want something badly enough, they have to pursue it on their own and work for it.

Hugs to you. It's time to take care of yourself now. :hug:

Your words are so kind. I love my children unconditionally like you do. My 2 oldest children have made some very poor choices that have affected us as a family. I have been heartbroken beyond words. I hear my father's words "Rise above it" all the time in my head. My son is in a sober living house in Florida. He has been clean since November 28, 2012. He ws addicted to heroin and we had no clue or in other words, our minds did not entertain that as a remote possibility. I have a zero tolerance policy, yet how could I deny him the help he needed. It is not cheap. I have had hope.

My 22 year old was raped when she was 17 when she took herself to a frat party, was drugged and subsequently raped. Her grades plummeted and by the grace of God graduated high school. She has been "floating" since, refusing counseling etc. She has been lost if you will since. No goals set. We have offered to support whatever endeavor that is positive for her. She loves working with horses, is super smart, yet has no clue what to do with herself. Every time I try to talk to her about life goals, she turns a deaf ear.

I have had a conversation with my husband today that was more forceful than probably necessary, but My patience has run out. My children idolize him. Me not so much. He hates conflict and confrontation and would rather keep the peace by sweeping things under the rug. Well, he is 50% part of the parenting and I told him, begged him to confront our kids. He is not as emotional as I am and hopefully can get through. He likes the adulation, the "My daddy is a doctor" crap. He has depended on me to handle all the ugly stuff which I am more adept at doing. However, I have had enough. Of all of it. Hopefully, he will step up without my having to. Sometimes, I just don't have the strength to carry all of it and protect my husband from dealing with this harsh reality.

I have been in tears since last night. Disillusioned, disappointed, tired. I will always be here for my children till the day I die. I guess somedays are harder than others. IKYKWIM.

 

[Zuri]

Thinking of you Zuri. I have no advice, as I am not a parent. I know that you will do what is right for them. Sometimes you have to learn to make your own path to be able to appreciate the one your parents so willingly and lovingly provided.

Sounds like you've taught them the skills they need, now they may just need a reason to use them.

I just wrote your post down. Thank you for this wisdom. Thank you....

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Your words are so kind. I love my children unconditionally like you do. My 2 oldest children have made some very poor choices that have affected us as a family. I have been heartbroken beyond words. I hear my father's words "Rise above it" all the time in my head. My son is in a sober living house in Florida. He has been clean since November 28, 2012. He ws addicted to heroin and we had no clue or in other words, our minds did not entertain that as a remote possibility. I have a zero tolerance policy, yet how could I deny him the help he needed. It is not cheap. I have had hope.

My 22 year old was raped when she was 17 when she took herself to a frat party, was drugged and subsequently raped. Her grades plummeted and by the grace of God graduated high school. She has been "floating" since, refusing counseling etc. She has been lost if you will since. No goals set. We have offered to support whatever endeavor that is positive for her. She loves working with horses, is super smart, yet has no clue what to do with herself. Every time I try to talk to her about life goals, she turns a deaf ear.

I have had a conversation with my husband today that was more forceful than probably necessary, but My patience has run out. My children idolize him. Me not so much. He hates conflict and confrontation and would rather keep the peace by sweeping things under the rug. Well, he is 50% part of the parenting and I told him, begged him to confront our kids. He is not as emotional as I am and hopefully can get through. He likes the adulation, the "My daddy is a doctor" crap. He has depended on me to handle all the ugly stuff which I am more adept at doing. However, I have had enough. Of all of it. Hopefully, he will step up without my having to. Sometimes, I just don't have the strength to carry all of it and protect my husband from dealing with this harsh reality.

I have been in tears since last night. Disillusioned, disappointed, tired. I will always be here for my children till the day I die. I guess somedays are harder than others. IKYKWIM.

We could be sisters. My husband too does not deal with the ugly things, or the worrying about bills, and would rather just "keep the peace" and say que sera sera. Whatever will be will be. I am the one who deals with the worry and tries to hold it all together for us. It's a constant source of friction between the two of us.

My son was addicted to prescription pain medications (not legally obtained), and also did a stint with crystal meth. It broke my heart, and cost us all of our savings to pay for his medications until I could get him on government relief. He will be one year sober in eight days, and some days I wonder how I've gotten through it.

I am thinking of you Zuri, and sending you all the strength and healing thoughts I can. Do please take time to look after yourself. It sounds like you are the glue that holds your family together also, and that can wear on a person after awhile. You are not alone.

 

[IfIMay]

I just wrote your post down. Thank you for this wisdom. Thank you....

I had to travel my own path. And I really appreciate my parents, although I thought they were pretty harsh at the time. :wink:

Sending you prayers of strength and love. I chose not to parent (or get pregnant!) because I did not feel I could handle it. I am a great Auntie, though.

 

[gcharlie]

Your words are so kind. I love my children unconditionally like you do. My 2 oldest children have made some very poor choices that have affected us as a family. I have been heartbroken beyond words. I hear my father's words "Rise above it" all the time in my head. My son is in a sober living house in Florida. He has been clean since November 28, 2012. He ws addicted to heroin and we had no clue or in other words, our minds did not entertain that as a remote possibility. I have a zero tolerance policy, yet how could I deny him the help he needed. It is not cheap. I have had hope.

My 22 year old was raped when she was 17 when she took herself to a frat party, was drugged and subsequently raped. Her grades plummeted and by the grace of God graduated high school. She has been "floating" since, refusing counseling etc. She has been lost if you will since. No goals set. We have offered to support whatever endeavor that is positive for her. She loves working with horses, is super smart, yet has no clue what to do with herself. Every time I try to talk to her about life goals, she turns a deaf ear.

I have had a conversation with my husband today that was more forceful than probably necessary, but My patience has run out. My children idolize him. Me not so much. He hates conflict and confrontation and would rather keep the peace by sweeping things under the rug. Well, he is 50% part of the parenting and I told him, begged him to confront our kids. He is not as emotional as I am and hopefully can get through. He likes the adulation, the "My daddy is a doctor" crap. He has depended on me to handle all the ugly stuff which I am more adept at doing. However, I have had enough. Of all of it. Hopefully, he will step up without my having to. Sometimes, I just don't have the strength to carry all of it and protect my husband from dealing with this harsh reality.

I have been in tears since last night. Disillusioned, disappointed, tired. I will always be here for my children till the day I die. I guess somedays are harder than others. IKYKWIM.

Zuri, it's no wonder that you are feeling emotional right now. You and the rest of your family have been through a lot. The issues your children face are more than just those of a sense of entitlement. You have my sincerest compassion and caring right now.

Your son will need people who fully understand a recovering addict to support him, yet be firm and aware as he learns to maintain a clean lifestyle. Hopefully you have been included in his recovery program, so that you know what to look for in terms of possible relapses and how best to support him.

It sounds as if your daughter has not come to terms with how much she has been affected by being raped. Oftentimes, women or teens who have been in the same position as your daughter take on some of the blame because they were under the influence at the time and feel that they may have contributed to the situation. Bottom line is that if a woman is unable to consent to sex, it is considered rape. If I were her mother and she was not willing to talk to me or go for counseling, I would ask for professional advice on how to slowly approach the situation so that I could get my daughter to start to open up and come to terms with what had happened to her and its lasting effects.

There are so many difficult situations that parents have to deal with and oftentimes our emotions do get in the way precisely because we love our children so much and also feel the weight of parenthood on our shoulders. I don't know your communication style or that of your daughter, but when I first read about the situation, my thought was "What if they could sit down as two people, not mother and daughter, and talk about this?"

Hugs to you, Zuri.

 

[Zuri]

Thank you to all that have read and shared your kind thoughts. I really had no one else to turn to today. Thank you all for being here. It has been a very very rough day. You all helped a lot. God Bless each one of you and yours. From my heart to yours...

 

[Nore]

Morning all.

Panic has set in, ive just realised my son has his first day at school in 9days. I am mostly organised with uniform etc but I don't think I'm emotionally ready to let him go, already had a little cry.

My baby is growing up :cry:

Sent from my 'alternate reality' using my hippocampus

--------------
Hi josie, shades of remembering! When ,mine started school I walked him to the building, came home, sat down, and cried all afternoon. While others were relieved I was totally lost..now I have my great grandson going into 8th grade~ I feel the same way! (they live with me since Papa is gone)..:seeya:

 

[legalmania]

Anyone have any tips on trying to get our kitty to eat?

Shes at the vet just now being kept in and I've to call back at 1pm but im so worried about her. She hasn't eaten or been to her litter box in two days. Shes isn't just a pet she's one of my kids, I'm distraught thinking of the worst outcome.

Sent from my 'alternate reality' using my hippocampus

I had a cat that had a kidney infection and after he got home from the vet he wouldn't eat. The vet put him on Valium, within a few hours he was eating fine. I have never seen anything like it. They were 10mg valium and the vet said to give him just a small piece. I would say within a week he was full weight again.

 

[Bernina]

Zuri, Zuri, Zuri.................
Girl, first you have to learn how to say "NO".
2nd, REALLY MEAN IT! :floorlaugh:

I'm gonna ramble here just because I feel like it.....

I've got 2 kids at either end of the spectrum, one pretty awesome, the other...bleck.
When the *#&$ hit the fan when my oldest was about 13, I convinced myself I was legally and financially responsible for my kids til they were 18. I was totally independent of my folks at 16, (and I never threw that in my kid's faces, that was my salvation at that age) and 18 was the time for them to suck it up.
Why do kids who screw up cost us more in EVERYTHING than kids who just do the right thing? Probably because we want to save them from themselves, which rarely works, and we drain ourselves, emotionally, financially, physically.....
Probably the first thing you have to do is get honest with yourself about the state your kids are in.
I can relate on the heroin garbage.
Fact: 97% of heroin addicts NEVER quit. They may stop during rehab, incarceration, or permanently through death, but they just don't walk away from it.
Do you really believe your child is part of that 3% who walk away?
I believe my daughter is in the 97%. Addict, rehab, methadone, addict, blah, blah, blah. Does she bring anything positive into my life? Any joy? More like panic, fear, dread, financial loss, pain, heartbreak.
I don't want to know what she is doing. I rarely talk about her. Maybe I have already buried her mentally. They say addicts stop when they get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Well, this mom got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hated how I let her effect me. HATED. I don't like or accept that emotion. So I chose to feel NOTHING. I don't have anything in my house that is part of her, no pictures, no gifts, no cards, furniture, NOTHING. Not a scrap of anything that reminds me I have 3 grandchildren out there.
Not because I'm a cold , but because it HURT too much. I couldn't deal with it anymore, I HIT ROCK BOTTOM. I could not function. It was bad enough raising kids as a single mom, and then having Chronic Depression, PTSD, and Panic Disorder thrown on me at 29 years of age. Like, WTH?

Are you really helping your kids or slowly destroying yourself?

Moms are supposed to be nurturing, patient, willing to sacrifice, throw themselves at a train if need be. But shouldn't we become selfish when our child is stuck on stupid and continues to play on the tracks? Damn skippy we should.
What about YOUR life? Does anyone care about how you feel? Does anyone care about your happiness? When you judge the people around you by that standard, you find that you're picking up the tab for a lot of extra baggage that does nothing to bring joy to your life.
I had to get real, about myself, and my life. If I hadn't, I would have eventually stuck a gun to my head. Unfortunately, I don't have a gas stove, and the idea of taking pills and puking in my last moments doesn't sound too pleasant. Oh yeah, I had thought of it, I had PLANNED it, every single last detail. I was one sick puppy.

Zuri, you need to find your bottom line, how much are you WILLING to take?

Have you ever noticed that sometimes we coddle our kids more when they become adults than when they were children? I raised my kids that if they made a mistake, I'd sit them down, talk about the repercussions if they did it again, tell them why it wasn't acceptable, tell them I loved them, give them a hug and kiss and let them be on their way. RARELY did they make that same mistake again. And if they did, I followed through with consequences of their actions.
Do some kids get a bunch of stoopid when they hit 18, 20, 25? They totally forget that there are consequences for their behavior or life choices. And when they screw up for the 3rd, 4th, 5th time, they continue to drag EVERYONE down with them.
And maybe it's just because we allow them, we don't let them suffer the consequences, we baby them, we give them more leeway and forgiveness than we ever did when they were children.
I don't know how many years I told my kids don't do drugs, don't lie, don't steal, don't drink in excess, don't stick a needle in your arm. I told them the consequences......but I sure didn't hold up my side of the deal. I "blinked". I failed. I didn't follow through.
I sat there like a blubbering baby, crying my eyes out, telling my daughter I'd fix it, she could beat this, what did she need, how can I help, blink, blink, blink.

Sucks that I don't have the whole family together for whatever the occasion. But I refuse to watch someone slowly kill themselves, lie to my face, steal my possessions, or take my sanity.
It's been over 7 years with no contact with my daughter. She's tried to get a conversation going, passed on by other people, or a message here or there on FB to which I block her on yet another account. She doesn't have my phone number. And she certainly won't show up at my gate. I made it very clear to her husband's PO that I considered them both felons that were armed and dangerous. Has she made any effort to clear up the debt that she placed on my credit cards? Or repayment for the cost I incurred when she took off with a rental car for 2 weeks and destroyed it? That's just the tip of the iceberg.
Actions speak louder than words and she's not there, probably never will be. Do I miss being able to interact with my adult daughter? I can't say, I've never had it so I don't know what I'm missing.

So, Zuri, how'd you like my rambling? I truly hope that none of your kids have dropped to the depths that my daughter has. And maybe this might make you feel that your situation isn't as bleak as you thought. Maybe something written might spark something that you've never thought about before. I don't know.

Sometimes, when your plate gets too piled up, it's time to scrap it off and put it in the dishwasher. Start clean. And don't let your kids start piling it high with lima beans. (Lima beans disgust me so that my example, yucko!)

Just take it slow and BE GOOD TO YOURSELF..........because no one else will for you.
That's my quasi sermon for the week.......:rockon:

 

[Tulessa]

Thank you to all that have read and shared your kind thoughts. I really had no one else to turn to today. Thank you all for being here. It has been a very very rough day. You all helped a lot. God Bless each one of you and yours. From my heart to yours...

I hope you don't mind, but I'm adding you to my prayers at night.

 

[PrincessSezMe]

All of your kind thoughts for Zuri are beyond words. You are a very caring group of people. I love you all.

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Zuri, Zuri, Zuri.................
Girl, first you have to learn how to say "NO".
2nd, REALLY MEAN IT! :floorlaugh:

I'm gonna ramble here just because I feel like it.....

I've got 2 kids at either end of the spectrum, one pretty awesome, the other...bleck.
When the *#&$ hit the fan when my oldest was about 13, I convinced myself I was legally and financially responsible for my kids til they were 18. I was totally independent of my folks at 16, (and I never threw that in my kid's faces, that was my salvation at that age) and 18 was the time for them to suck it up.
Why do kids who screw up cost us more in EVERYTHING than kids who just do the right thing? Probably because we want to save them from themselves, which rarely works, and we drain ourselves, emotionally, financially, physically.....
Probably the first thing you have to do is get honest with yourself about the state your kids are in.
I can relate on the heroin garbage.
Fact: 97% of heroin addicts NEVER quit. They may stop during rehab, incarceration, or permanently through death, but they just don't walk away from it.
Do you really believe your child is part of that 3% who walk away?
I believe my daughter is in the 97%. Addict, rehab, methadone, addict, blah, blah, blah. Does she bring anything positive into my life? Any joy? More like panic, fear, dread, financial loss, pain, heartbreak.
I don't want to know what she is doing. I rarely talk about her. Maybe I have already buried her mentally. They say addicts stop when they get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Well, this mom got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hated how I let her effect me. HATED. I don't like or accept that emotion. So I chose to feel NOTHING. I don't have anything in my house that is part of her, no pictures, no gifts, no cards, furniture, NOTHING. Not a scrap of anything that reminds me I have 3 grandchildren out there.
Not because I'm a cold , but because it HURT too much. I couldn't deal with it anymore, I HIT ROCK BOTTOM. I could not function. It was bad enough raising kids as a single mom, and then having Chronic Depression, PTSD, and Panic Disorder thrown on me at 29 years of age. Like, WTH?

Are you really helping your kids or slowly destroying yourself?

Moms are supposed to be nurturing, patient, willing to sacrifice, throw themselves at a train if need be. But shouldn't we become selfish when our child is stuck on stupid and continues to play on the tracks? Damn skippy we should.
What about YOUR life? Does anyone care about how you feel? Does anyone care about your happiness? When you judge the people around you by that standard, you find that you're picking up the tab for a lot of extra baggage that does nothing to bring joy to your life.
I had to get real, about myself, and my life. If I hadn't, I would have eventually stuck a gun to my head. Unfortunately, I don't have a gas stove, and the idea of taking pills and puking in my last moments doesn't sound too pleasant. Oh yeah, I had thought of it, I had PLANNED it, every single last detail. I was one sick puppy.

Zuri, you need to find your bottom line, how much are you WILLING to take?

Have you ever noticed that sometimes we coddle our kids more when they become adults than when they were children? I raised my kids that if they made a mistake, I'd sit them down, talk about the repercussions if they did it again, tell them why it wasn't acceptable, tell them I loved them, give them a hug and kiss and let them be on their way. RARELY did they make that same mistake again. And if they did, I followed through with consequences of their actions.
Do some kids get a bunch of stoopid when they hit 18, 20, 25? They totally forget that there are consequences for their behavior or life choices. And when they screw up for the 3rd, 4th, 5th time, they continue to drag EVERYONE down with them.
And maybe it's just because we allow them, we don't let them suffer the consequences, we baby them, we give them more leeway and forgiveness than we ever did when they were children.
I don't know how many years I told my kids don't do drugs, don't lie, don't steal, don't drink in excess, don't stick a needle in your arm. I told them the consequences......but I sure didn't hold up my side of the deal. I "blinked". I failed. I didn't follow through.
I sat there like a blubbering baby, crying my eyes out, telling my daughter I'd fix it, she could beat this, what did she need, how can I help, blink, blink, blink.

Sucks that I don't have the whole family together for whatever the occasion. But I refuse to watch someone slowly kill themselves, lie to my face, steal my possessions, or take my sanity.
It's been over 7 years with no contact with my daughter. She's tried to get a conversation going, passed on by other people, or a message here or there on FB to which I block her on yet another account. She doesn't have my phone number. And she certainly won't show up at my gate. I made it very clear to her husband's PO that I considered them both felons that were armed and dangerous. Has she made any effort to clear up the debt that she placed on my credit cards? Or repayment for the cost I incurred when she took off with a rental car for 2 weeks and destroyed it? That's just the tip of the iceberg.
Actions speak louder than words and she's not there, probably never will be. Do I miss being able to interact with my adult daughter? I can't say, I've never had it so I don't know what I'm missing.

So, Zuri, how'd you like my rambling? I truly hope that none of your kids have dropped to the depths that my daughter has. And maybe this might make you feel that your situation isn't as bleak as you thought. Maybe something written might spark something that you've never thought about before. I don't know.

Sometimes, when your plate gets too piled up, it's time to scrap it off and put it in the dishwasher. Start clean. And don't let your kids start piling it high with lima beans. (Lima beans disgust me so that my example, yucko!)

Just take it slow and BE GOOD TO YOURSELF..........because no one else will for you.
That's my quasi sermon for the week.......:rockon:

This makes me cry. I'm not at that point with mine yet. He's trying, and has passed every random test so far in the last year so I won't give up on him. Did he steal from us? Yes. Did he pawn most everything we struggled so hard to give him? Yes. He is (was) a talented musician. We paid for over a year to buy him his first Gibson guitar. He sold it to buy drugs. It hurts.

Maybe some day I will walk in your shoes. I'm not quite there yet, but I feel your pain.

 

[Kensie]

I am so sorry Zuri but please do not beat yourself up. I have 2 kids, one 30 and the other one 21. My two are like night and day. The 30 year was a hell raiser at the age of 13 and my 21 year old is extremely responsible and respective. My first marriage did not survive the hell raised by child 1. Child 1 is trying to straighten out her life but it is hard.

For a very long time I blamed myself with child 1's path of destruction. It was not my fault.
You are only happy as your saddest child.

Praying for you and your family.

 

[PrincessSezMe]

I am so sorry Zuri but please do not beat yourself up. I have 2 kids, one 30 and the other one 21. My two are like night and day. The 30 year was a hell raiser at the age of 13 and my 21 year old is extremely responsible and respective. My first marriage did not survive the hell raised by child 1. Child 1 is trying to straighten out her life but it is hard.

For a very long time I blamed myself with child 1's path of destruction. It was not my fault.
You are only happy as your saddest child.

Praying for you and your family.

Hey Kensie :seeya: How's your bronchitis? Are you getting better?

 

[Bernina]

This makes me cry. I'm not at that point with mine yet. He's trying, and has passed every random test so far in the last year so I won't give up on him. Did he steal from us? Yes. Did he pawn most everything we struggled so hard to give him? Yes. He is (was) a talented musician. We paid for over a year to buy him his first Gibson guitar. He sold it to buy drugs. It hurts.

Maybe some day I will walk in your shoes. I'm not quite there yet, but I feel your pain.

It HURTS, that's the bottom line. I couldn't hurt anymore....

God, I hope your son straightens out! I don't wish this kind of pain on any parent. But you got to do what you got to do. I thought I had all the answers because her dad, my first ex, was/is a heroin junkie. I was so wrong. I made the same mistakes, I thought she would be different.
I have only met one person in my lifetime who kicked heroin, and that is my BF's sis in law. She's in her 60's. She quit in her late 20's at the request of her dying mother. No rehab, no program, just locked herself in the bedroom, with a puke bucket and a few bottles of cheap of wine.
The stupid methadone program my daughter was in and out of TOLD her she would relapse, EVERYBODY relapses......they were giving her permission, the SOB's. Methadone is the worst thing you can put a junkie on. My daughters in-laws set that situation up because "Jesus would heal her"..........oh, HE!! NO! Did they tell me she was an addict? NO. The person who had been there, dealt with THAT, and no one in that crazed family told me, "She is using heroin, BTW, she's pregnant, and we're going to put her into a Treatment Program." When I went down for the birth of her daughter, NO ONE TOLD ME SHE WAS ON METHADONE! No one told me her newborn was going to be kept in the hospital for 5-7 days for methadone withdrawal. I didn't know ANYTHING until 8 months later. And the rest is just all carp.
Her in-laws always gave excuses for their son, "Oh we can't have him arrested because he can't have a felony on his record, we can't throw him out because he'll have no place to go, we have to give him money or he will steal."
He picked up his felony all right, 6 counts, 4-2nd degree and 2-4th degree, the Detective was talking 64 years, but old dad greased some palms, he did 18 months. All drug distribution related. His father did have him charged with forging company checks, and taking his firearms after my daughter opened their family safe, but dropped the charges.
They can't rent an apartment, they're felons, in-laws would sign the lease for them. Get a job? In-laws don't want that, they may start using again :facepalm: They all live in the same house, with their 2 other sons. Oh, the in-laws are financially secure, but who knows what'll happen when they die. I don't even know who has custody of the grandkids, the in-laws or my daughter.
When your grown children start dragging you into the jail, the courts, LE comes knocking at your door looking for them, the hospital when they OD, Child Protective services to take temporary custody of the grandkids, you pony up for rehab or stuff that's been pawned........it's time to run. :twocents:

 

[Kensie]

Hey Kensie :seeya: How's your bronchitis? Are you getting better?

Thank you for asking Princess. My fever broke and I got prescription medicine and I am improving.

All these stories about kids addicted to drugs is so sad. I never used illegal drugs because I was so afraid of them. The pain for a parent is horrible.

 

[PrincessSezMe]

It HURTS, that's the bottom line. I couldn't hurt anymore....

God, I hope your son straightens out! I don't wish this kind of pain on any parent. But you got to do what you got to do. I thought I had all the answers because her dad, my first ex, was/is a heroin junkie. I was so wrong. I made the same mistakes, I thought she would be different.
I have only met one person in my lifetime who kicked heroin, and that is my BF's sis in law. She's in her 60's. She quit in her late 20's at the request of her dying mother. No rehab, no program, just locked herself in the bedroom, with a puke bucket and a few bottles of cheap of wine.
The stupid methadone program my daughter was in and out of TOLD her she would relapse, EVERYBODY relapses......they were giving her permission, the SOB's. Methadone is the worst thing you can put a junkie on. My daughters in-laws set that situation up because "Jesus would heal her"..........oh, HE!! NO! Did they tell me she was an addict? NO. The person who had been there, dealt with THAT, and no one in that crazed family told me, "She is using heroin, BTW, she's pregnant, and we're going to put her into a Treatment Program." When I went down for the birth of her daughter, NO ONE TOLD ME SHE WAS ON METHADONE! No one told me her newborn was going to be kept in the hospital for 5-7 days for methadone withdrawal. I didn't know ANYTHING until 8 months later. And the rest is just all carp.
Her in-laws always gave excuses for their son, "Oh we can't have him arrested because he can't have a felony on his record, we can't throw him out because he'll have no place to go, we have to give him money or he will steal."
He picked up his felony all right, 6 counts, 4-2nd degree and 2-4th degree, the Detective was talking 64 years, but old dad greased some palms, he did 18 months. All drug distribution related. His father did have him charged with forging company checks, and taking his firearms after my daughter opened their family safe, but dropped the charges.
They can't rent an apartment, they're felons, in-laws would sign the lease for them. Get a job? In-laws don't want that, they may start using again :facepalm: They all live in the same house, with their 2 other sons. Oh, the in-laws are financially secure, but who knows what'll happen when they die. I don't even know who has custody of the grandkids, the in-laws or my daughter.
When your grown children start dragging you into the jail, the courts, LE comes knocking at your door looking for them, the hospital when they OD, Child Protective services to take temporary custody of the grandkids, you pony up for rehab or stuff that's been pawned........it's time to run. :twocents:

I wish I could say I can't imagine what you've been through, but I can. My son is on methadone, and I hate it. My husband and I have often said it's only trading one addiction for another. My biggest question is, when will he ever be OFF the methadone? I've talked to others who have relatives in the program and they talk YEARS. When will I ever have my lovely talented son back again?

I had a crappy cell phone video of him in his 8th grade talent show that I cherished, because he was so talented. I recently lost it (long story), and it broke my heart. I want my son back.

And as Forrest Gump would say, that's all I have to say about that. :lol:

 

[Zuri]

I really appreciate the stories and input. Today was just a rough day. The kindness and understanding was really what I needed. Someone to listen and validate me for just one second. Tomorrow will be another day, hopefully better than this one.

I am sure you all have had days from hell. I can't tell you how much this has meant to me. Xoxo