Since no one seems to have anything to say, here's
some funnies:
A Brief History Of Medicine
I have an earache.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
Psychiatric Hotline
If you are
obsessive-compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.
If you are
co-dependent, please ask someone to press "2".
If you have
multiple personalities, please press "3", "4", "5", and "6".
If you are
paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are
schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are
manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
No one will answer.
Chastity Belt
A man left to go help in the Crusades and decided that his wife should wear a chastity belt. So he locks her up and gives the key to his best friend.
He tells him 'If I'm not back in four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.'
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him.
He stops his horse and waits for it to come closer and sees that it's his best friend.
'You gave me the wrong key!'
Being A Guy Is Great Because:
Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's



if someone notices your new haircut.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
Wrinkles add character.
A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.




movies are designed with you in mind.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
One mood, ALL the damn time.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
If you are 30 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader is coming.
You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
The world is your urinal.
Over The Hill
We're over the hill but don't feel sad
This side of the hill ain't all that bad.
So give us "five" and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile.
With by-pass pain and mended hip
And plumbing fixtures prone to drip;
We all may seem a sorry lot,
But we rejoice for what we've got.
We have each day and what it brings
And on our pensions live like kings.
For the press that accuses what we take
To coin a phrase, "Let them eat cake."
We've paid our share for unused knowledge
As the kids are now all done with college.
We complain to them about our health
As they worry about our dwindling wealth.
And though our wardrobes may be plain
We'll suffer no more labor or pain.
Now it's with cane we do our strut
And if we can't drive - we still can putt.
We're mean and tough, meet all demands,
Why, M&M's melt in our hands.
Yes, we're still here, and it does delight us
That you join our fight against arthritis.
But we ask you make a pledge today
That you'll be careful what you say.
We have to spread "Over the Hill" fear
Or we'll have those young folks over here.