SIDEBAR #19- Arias/Alexander forum

[YESorNO]

was really wondering what Jewish twins were :floorlaugh:

So, I'm a little stupid sometimes :floorlaugh:

 

[daisymae]

Thank-you very much. :loveyou: :heartbeat: :tyou: :blowkiss:
(and you wouldn't give her your meatloaf that day :facepalm: :floorlaugh

I remember now .... my friend make the best and it's one of those rare things I won't share :floorlaugh::floorlaugh:

 

[PrincessSezMe]

You are cruel because I'm starving! :floorlaugh:

Miss daisy, you are always welcome at my house. :seeya:

 

[daisymae]

I've been exploring New Posts at the top of the page and finding so many interesting topics! As if I wasn't online enough already. :seeya:

 

[daisymae]

Miss daisy, you are always welcome at my house. :seeya:

it's too damn far to drive. Kensie is much closer.

 

[PrincessSezMe]

it's too damn far to drive. Kensie is much closer.

Shall I UPS it? :floorlaugh:

 

[YESorNO]

where's the old gang?

Boiled peanuts for everyone just off the stove cooling :floorlaugh:

I'm having a late supper- fried raviolis for me and mozzarella sticks for my son- served with a side of tomato sauce.
I'll try the peanuts for dessert.

 

[daisymae]

Shall I UPS it? :floorlaugh:

Great idea. Put some cold packs in there :floorlaugh:

 

[daisymae]

I'm having a late supper- fried raviolis for me and mozzarella sticks for my son- served with a side of tomato sauce.
I'll try the peanuts for dessert.

I'm still hungry and the raviolis sound very good. How do you fry them? Do you make them or buy them?

 

[PrincessSezMe]

YesorNo, nice to see you. Do you have any "funnies" for us? I could use a laugh.

 

[daisymae]

Zuri keeps disappearing. Come back!

 

[YESorNO]

I'm still hungry and the raviolis sound very good. How do you fry them? Do you make them or buy them?

I buy them at Walmart- Louisa Cheese Fried Ravioli- in the freezer section (comes with meat, also- but I don't like the meat ravioli). They are so good. I just put them in my convection oven for about 10 minutes or so.

 

[daisymae]

Gosh, I don't have much to say. Guess I'll go tidy up the kitchen and feed my dog.. BBL

 

[YESorNO]

YesorNo, nice to see you. Do you have any "funnies" for us? I could use a laugh.

Sex And The Over 90's

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning".
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh, no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "and if the damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today."

I'm A Senior Citizen

- I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm.
- I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
- I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.
- I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid...
- I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
- I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
- I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.
- I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over.
- I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
- I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
- I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians...
- I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet.
- I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
- I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
- I'm having trouble remembering simple words like... uh...
- I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.
- I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.
- I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.
- I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.
- I'm in the *initial* state of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP.
- I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
- I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.
- I'm supporting all movements now... by eating bran, prunes and raisins.
- I'm a walking storeroom of facts... I've just lost the key to the storeroom.
- I'm a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life... Aren't I?

Top 25 Country Classics

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don’t Run So I Figure We're Even.
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart.
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.
And the Number #1 Country and Western song of all Time is...
I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

 

[YESorNO]

Evening, my princess :seeya:
How is everything for you?

 

[YESorNO]

Things That Are Difficult To Say When You're Drunk

a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate
[U]Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero co-ordination.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
And as an added extra;
"I must be going home now as I have work in the morning."

The Lion

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and orders two beers. They each pick up a drink and down it in one go.
The giraffe passes out on the floor and the guy starts to leave.
The bartender shouts "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!"
The man replies "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Revised Official Moron Test

This test is based upon typical graduation requirements at The University of Hard Knocks. It separates the dumb people from the really dumb people.
Answer the following 13 questions, then scroll down and check your answers. DON'T CHEAT!!! When you are done, count the number correct and see how you compare to others. OK, here we go......

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
4. How many outs are there in an inning?
5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
6. Take the number 30, divide it by ½ and then add 10. What do you get?
7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?
8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?
9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
10. How many animals did Moses bring with him on the ark?
11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh?
12. How many two-cent stamps are there in a dozen?







Answers:

1. Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.
2. One. You can only be born once.
3. Twelve. All of them have at least 28 days.
4. Six. Don t forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.
5. No. He must be dead if it is his widow!
6. Seventy. 30 divided by ½ is 60.
7. Two, you take two apples therefore you have two apples.
8. One hour. If you take the first pill at 1.00 the second at 1:30, and the third at 2pm, the pills have run out and only an hour has passed.
9. Nine. Like I said, all but nine die.
10. None. Moses didn't have an ark.
11. Meat that is self-explanatory.
12. Twelve. How many eggs are in a dozen?

So, how did you do?

12 correct GENIUS you are good!
10-11 correct ABOVE AVERAGE but don t let it go to your head.
7-9 correct AVERAGE but who wants to be average.
4-6 correct SLOW pay attention to the question.
1-3 correct IDIOT what else can I say.
0 correct CONGRATULATIONS you are a certified moron!!!

Friendship Poem

Are you tired of the mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself.

Dear Friend,
When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry who made you sad.
When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your dumb a$$.
When you are sick, stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy a$$.
This is my oath, I pledge 'till the end.
Why you may ask? Because you're my friend!

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Sex And The Over 90's

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning".
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh, no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "and if the damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today."

I'm A Senior Citizen

- I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm.
- I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
- I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.
- I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid...
- I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
- I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
- I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.
- I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over.
- I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
- I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
- I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians...
- I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet.
- I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
- I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
- I'm having trouble remembering simple words like... uh...
- I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.
- I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.
- I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.
- I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.
- I'm in the *initial* state of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP.
- I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
- I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.
- I'm supporting all movements now... by eating bran, prunes and raisins.
- I'm a walking storeroom of facts... I've just lost the key to the storeroom.
- I'm a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life... Aren't I?

Top 25 Country Classics

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don’t Run So I Figure We're Even.
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart.
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.
And the Number #1 Country and Western song of all Time is...
I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

The top country classics almost did me in :floorlaugh:. Especially the ones I bolded.....too funny!

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Evening, my princess :seeya:
How is everything for you?

I'm hanging in there YesorNo. How are you? I hate your internet company :snooty:. How dare they keep The Queen from speaking. :nono:. :floorlaugh:

 

[PrincessSezMe]

Things That Are Difficult To Say When You're Drunk

a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate
[U]Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero co-ordination.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
And as an added extra;
"I must be going home now as I have work in the morning."

The Lion

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and orders two beers. They each pick up a drink and down it in one go.
The giraffe passes out on the floor and the guy starts to leave.
The bartender shouts "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!"
The man replies "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Revised Official Moron Test

This test is based upon typical graduation requirements at The University of Hard Knocks. It separates the dumb people from the really dumb people.
Answer the following 13 questions, then scroll down and check your answers. DON'T CHEAT!!! When you are done, count the number correct and see how you compare to others. OK, here we go......

1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
4. How many outs are there in an inning?
5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
6. Take the number 30, divide it by ½ and then add 10. What do you get?
7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left with?
8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an hour. How long will the pills last?
9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
10. How many animals did Moses bring with him on the ark?
11. A butcher in the market is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh?
12. How many two-cent stamps are there in a dozen?







Answers:

1. Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.
2. One. You can only be born once.
3. Twelve. All of them have at least 28 days.
4. Six. Don t forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.
5. No. He must be dead if it is his widow!
6. Seventy. 30 divided by ½ is 60.
7. Two, you take two apples therefore you have two apples.
8. One hour. If you take the first pill at 1.00 the second at 1:30, and the third at 2pm, the pills have run out and only an hour has passed.
9. Nine. Like I said, all but nine die.
10. None. Moses didn't have an ark.
11. Meat that is self-explanatory.
12. Twelve. How many eggs are in a dozen?

So, how did you do?

12 correct GENIUS you are good!
10-11 correct ABOVE AVERAGE but don t let it go to your head.
7-9 correct AVERAGE but who wants to be average.
4-6 correct SLOW pay attention to the question.
1-3 correct IDIOT what else can I say.
0 correct CONGRATULATIONS you are a certified moron!!!

Friendship Poem

Are you tired of the mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself.

Dear Friend,
When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry who made you sad.
When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your dumb a$$.
When you are sick, stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy a$$.
This is my oath, I pledge 'till the end.
Why you may ask? Because you're my friend!

Love the friendship poem! And I only got five of those questions right.....so I'm feeling a bit SLOW. :blushing:

 

[YESorNO]

The top country classics almost did me in :floorlaugh:. Especially the ones I bolded.....too funny!

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away reminds me of something Travis would've said to missy :jail: (pettoowee to her).