SIDEBAR #19- Arias/Alexander forum

[Mollyandme]

Ok, I'm just going to type. It's the middle of the night and there's nobody here, so yeah. My depression is really getting the best of me lately. I'd thought I was doing better with my promotion and working a 2nd job, taking on a LOT of new responsibility and meeting new people. My finances are finally back in check, (or very close!). I'm just really in a funk. I have been for awhile. It's my age and relationship status, and lack of kids status haha. I just pictured myself so much further along than I am now. There are some nights I just want to throw in the towel but then I think about my family and I couldn't do that to them. Ugh. So conflicted.

And yes, I'm on the max of my Citalopram, 40mgs. (generic of Celexa) Just really bummed lately and can't shake it. I hate this feeling.

Kind of just over it all Honestly. I'm sick of the petty whining, time to just do or die, right?

M, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish I was still awake last night to talk to you about this. Maybe the celexa has kinda reached the point where it's not effective anymore? sometimes this happens with medications. i would call your dr and tell them how you are feeling. i think when I get down in the dumps, what helps me is staying busy. I suffered PPD very bad with my son, it finally went away a few months ago and so I do understand how bad depression can get. I literally sat and watched the jodi trial all day and took care of my kids. It was terrible. Honestly, my kids and Juan Martinez are what made me laugh and smile everyday. Once it got warmer out I forced myself to take them to the park every morning and that helped. Exercise always helps, even if its just a nice walk outside.

I think you have a lot to be thankful for. Based on your posts here, it seems you have a good job, a loving family, and are very self-sufficient with a huge heart. Focus on those things, because a lot of people do not have any of that. Just keep on keeping on and everything will fall into place. Do you think the recent car accident could have left you in a funk? I know sometimes if something stressful happens I slip back into the depressed feelings for a few days.

the medication i took after having my son was first lexapro, which didn't work, and then wellbutrin, which worked wonders because it also has somewhat of a stimulant affect (pretty mild but you do notice it a little especially at first). I found this medication to work well but ultimately it made my anxiety a little worse so i stopped and now don't take anything.

In terms of age and relationship status, kids, etc..let me tell you that it will happen when it's supposed to happen. Forcing it could only lead to heartache. I honestly think I may have rushed into marriage and believe me, thats not a situation you want to be in. I think that happens to a lot (not all but a lot) of people that marry too young before they really know themselves.

My good friend is a lawyer and had 3 weddings (all people in their mid 20's) to go to in a 2 week period. He texted me after the last one, and was like "well at least one of these marriages is gonna be over within the next 3 years.." he's probably right! haha typical lawyer!

Also, are you on facebook? I had to delete my facebook after having my son because everyone on facebook is always talking about how wonderful their life is, etc etc etc and I actually read an article that facebook can cause or exacerbate already existing depression because everyone thinks everyone on their facebook has these perfect lives, when in reality, everyone is just faking and want everyone to think life is perfect. I am not like this at all. When I had PPD, all my friends new. I called all my closest friends and told them. I wasn't private about it, it is what it is. I found by letting people know, I got more support. And in the future, god forbid one of my friends experiences PPD, I would hope they would feel comfortable to come talk to me about it if they wanted.

You WILL find the right guy, and you WILL have children and you WILL be a wonderful mother. If anything, be thankful that you haven't settled for the wrong guy. And when the day comes that you do meet the right person, you can bet your bottom dollar that everyone in here will be genuinely happy and ecstatic for you! I'm a crier so I will prob have some tears of happiness lol. You deserve this. Life is crazy, we never know exactly what it has in store for us, but thats part of the mystery of it all. You could wake up tomorrow and meet the man of your dreams. Just keep working, focus on that, and focus on you! and when you least expect it, the right guy will come along, thats how it ALWAYS happens

 

[Ricki]

m129,
Take the advice of YorN and Molly, please. They offered some very good points and suggestions. Please seek counseling if this has been a ongoing issue for you. Y is right. Learn to appreciate the little things From YorN post; So many miracles in the day-little one/big ones- when I feed the birds ( they are beautiful and fly so free- miracles), chipmunks and even the little mice that visit the platform feeder, and my loving dog- who gives me unconditional love every day. Even spending time here, at WS, and talking is beautiful- with a wonderful variety of people- nice, smart, and funny.
And as Molly said you have many, many things to be grateful for. I know that the daily stresses of life and expectations not yet met can bring one down in the dumps. That's when I think of the simple beauty out in the world and block out the concrete jungle.
We can't magically make you cheer up, but we are here to help and support you.

This thread came to mind. I was started a few years ago and has some lovely passages and ways people cope with some of lifes complications. Hope some of it brings you some peace.
Websleuths Crime Sleuthing Community

 

[gcharlie]

Ok, I'm just going to type. It's the middle of the night and there's nobody here, so yeah. My depression is really getting the best of me lately. I'd thought I was doing better with my promotion and working a 2nd job, taking on a LOT of new responsibility and meeting new people. My finances are finally back in check, (or very close!). I'm just really in a funk. I have been for awhile. It's my age and relationship status, and lack of kids status haha. I just pictured myself so much further along than I am now. There are some nights I just want to throw in the towel but then I think about my family and I couldn't do that to them. Ugh. So conflicted.

And yes, I'm on the max of my Citalopram, 40mgs. (generic of Celexa) Just really bummed lately and can't shake it. I hate this feeling.

Kind of just over it all Honestly. I'm sick of the petty whining, time to just do or die, right?

Please do get your medication checked. Citalopram did nothing for me. A change in medication could make a big difference, yet you also seem to acknowledge that unmet expectations in terms of marriage and children may be at the root of things.

From a webpage http://www.singleshelp.org/1intro.html

"I don’t dispute the fact that there are many advantages to being in a relationship or marriage. However, some of us are just not able to find that special someone, no matter what we do. It’s rough being a single person in a couples-based society. Feelings of loneliness or emptiness, societal prejudices towards singles, and personal fears about being single can make us perceive singleness as a much bigger problem than it really is.

Being single can cause us to feel like we’re trapped.

Why does being single feel like a trap?

Being single can dominate your thoughts.
Being single can make you a slave to the idea of finding someone.
Being single can deprive you of your ability to enjoy life.
Being single can cause desperation, depression, and fear.

How do you feel about being single? Do you feel you can’t be happy without a relationship? Do you feel that everything would be just fine if you could find that one special person? Do you feel lonely? Does being single make you think negative thoughts about yourself?

Being single is a problem that affects a great number of people. What is it about being single that makes people feel bad? Why are people ashamed of being single? We typically go by what we see around us. Messages about couplehood are everywhere. The message that we’re being fed is that being single should be kept to a short amount of time or avoided altogether if possible, and that you should do everything that you can to find someone. In order to become a successful single, you must be able to recognize and resist the forces at work that make you feel bad about being single. One of the biggest misconceptions in our society today is that you need to be a in a relationship in order to have a happy and meaningful life. However, satisfaction and singleness are not mutually exclusive. Life doesn’t have to be a difficult and depressing ordeal just because you are single.

Being single is only a problem if you let it be a problem. There is no reason to be depressed or embarrassed about being single. It’s affected me for a good portion of my life, and sometimes still does to this day. I used to believe that it wasn’t possible to be happy while being single. I couldn’t and wouldn’t accept being single. Now I’ve learned otherwise. You can let the term “single” make you think of all the negative stereotypes associated with being single, or you can use the power that you, and only you, have to inspire and encourage yourself to become a successful single. There are many singles out there that have overcome our situations and led happy and fulfilling lives. The problem is not that we are single; the problem is our negative views about being single. Les Brown said, "You are the only real obstacle in your path to a fulfilling life."

 

[daisymae]

Megan,

I will be blunt as always. You really need to go out more with some friends and meet new people. That is one of the best things about being young, before more responsibilities come your way. And pull away from so much devotion to Match, or you'll not want to find other ways to meet others. Meeting one guy at a time is endless and may never work. Go out a time or two each month with some gal pals. Find a party or maybe a bar and have a good time! Sign up for a class that is geared for males? A singles group at a church? Many options are available - just look for them! And you know, you really don't have to be married to have a baby, but it'd be a hard road to travel as a single parent. It's up to you to make steps to change whatever doesn't seem to be working. I think a different RX would help you very much, too. Why don't you talk to Zuri as she is very knowledgeable about medications for most anything. And she's such a dear sweet person!

 

[Mollyandme]

M-

Since we are in a thread related to Travis Alexander, I also wanted to say that his story and his success, and the inspiration he was to everyone who knew him helped me greatly. Just reading about him and how he overcame so much but had such a positive outlook helped me put things in perspective. I credit Travis Alexander with helping me get out of my slump, and even if that sounds weird, it's the truth. Positive affirmations and writing down goals are a good thing you should try doing. I used to do this but stopped a few years ago. I started again after learning about travis doing this and it has helped a lot.

 

[ILikeToBendPages]

-------------
Hi, I read that also. I didnt follow this case closely but did form an opinion. I believe as you do but dont think it was the parents. This is why her body was down there but not moved afterwords. Too heavy. Parents covered it up or tried.:stormingmad: She was a beautiful child. I would never put a daughter of mine in a pageant.

Go and read about Jonbenet and how she died. Four people walked into that house that night and three were alive the next morning.

JonBenet suffered a head injury that left her unconscious, then she had a cord pulled tight enough (that had fibers from Pasty's sweater that she wore to the Whites the night before entwined in that cord) to be embedded in her neck. At the place that she died, there were more red fibers from Pasty's sweaters, and a broken paintbrush that was used in that cord. She had duct tape on her mouth that had more red fibers from Pasty's sweater. Jonbenet was then wrapped in her favorite white blanket and placed in a dark womb like room.

There was evidence of prior and recent vaginal digital penetration that night,she was wiped down and there was blood on her thighs, and redressed in size twelve panties (no others were found, even though Pasty said there were size twelves in JonBenet's panty drawer. There was no one else, just a Ramsey.

 

[Zuri]

Ok, I'm just going to type. It's the middle of the night and there's nobody here, so yeah. My depression is really getting the best of me lately. I'd thought I was doing better with my promotion and working a 2nd job, taking on a LOT of new responsibility and meeting new people. My finances are finally back in check, (or very close!). I'm just really in a funk. I have been for awhile. It's my age and relationship status, and lack of kids status haha. I just pictured myself so much further along than I am now. There are some nights I just want to throw in the towel but then I think about my family and I couldn't do that to them. Ugh. So conflicted.

And yes, I'm on the max of my Citalopram, 40mgs. (generic of Celexa) Just really bummed lately and can't shake it. I hate this feeling.

Kind of just over it all Honestly. I'm sick of the petty whining, time to just do or die, right?

Ok M. I just read your post. Are you seeing a therapist? All the anti-depressants in the world won't work unless you combine them with therapy to figure out the root cause. I think it goes way deeper than the surface issues you describe. It is time to do. You are loved. You are worthy. You don't get to cause irreparable pain and sorrow to those who love you by a selfish final act. NO NO NO. Reach out to your mother TODAY. Reach out to your physician TODAY. Reach out to your sisters TODAY. Reach out to one of us TODAY. We love you.

 

[liltiki]

I've been on a bunch of different antidepressant. They each stop working after awhile (a year, 15 months, two years) and I'll switch. Talk to your doc about it. These days, you have a lot to pick from. I really think some of us see the glass half empty, or half full. It's how were made up. (I'm a half empty btw) ;-)

 

[daisymae]

I've been on a bunch of different antidepressant. They each stop working after awhile (a year, 15 months, two years) and I'll switch. Talk to your doc about it. These days, you have a lot to pick from. I really think some of us see the glass half empty, or half full. It's how were made up. (I'm a half empty btw) ;-)

:welcome5:

 

[21merc7]

Go and read about Jonbenet and how she died. Four people walked into that house that night and three were alive the next morning.

JonBenet suffered a head injury that left her unconscious, then she had a cord pulled tight enough (that had fibers from Pasty's sweater that she wore to the Whites the night before entwined in that cord) to be embedded in her neck. At the place that she died, there were more red fibers from Pasty's sweaters, and a broken paintbrush that was used in that cord. She had duct tape on her mouth that had more red fibers from Pasty's sweater. Jonbenet was then wrapped in her favorite white blanket and placed in a dark womb like room.

There was evidence of prior and recent vaginal digital penetration that night,she was wiped down and there was blood on her thighs, and redressed in size twelve panties (no others were found, even though Pasty said there were size twelves in JonBenet's panty drawer. There was no one else, just a Ramsey.

I'm just going to say it.

The tongue flicker has always bothered me.

Don't know who did it, but....

And touch DNA is a joke, but...

 

[21merc7]

Ok M. I just read your post. Are you seeing a therapist? All the anti-depressants in the world won't work unless you combine them with therapy to figure out the root cause. I think it goes way deeper than the surface issues you describe. It is time to do. You are loved. You are worthy. You don't get to cause irreparable pain and sorrow to those who love you by a selfish final act. NO NO NO. Reach out to your mother TODAY. Reach out to your physician TODAY. Reach out to your sisters TODAY. Reach out to one of us TODAY. We love you.

Exactly THIS!

I've been there. Really bad. Have bouts at times.

Usually I have to tune everyone else out, at least for my days off. Helping them or not. I have to take time to go through my mind. Honestly, 2 days off is not enough. I would like to take a vacation (I don't get any unless it is extra days at Christmas, which is not helpful and worse, as you are forced to deal with family issues, not want to.) The root is hard to get to, we blind ourselves via vision.

I did learn to only expect anything from myself. The rest will not be to my standards. They are all human too. Not what I was taught to expect.

The ones that love me will forgive, that is NOT my family, it is my 1989 family I made friends with that love and forgive. I did learn to forgive others, including family. I did learn not to expect anything in life. Life is like a river. Everyone's life. It flows, it ebbs, it separates into different paths, but, life always puts you right where you need to be at the time. Even if you cannot see it at that time. Frustration means learning, hurting means healing. Most importantly, I learned to forgive myself.

Reach out to anyone. Even us. Just talk if you need to. Or, just ball up in fetal and cry your eyes out, then talk to someone.

We all love you here. Please talk with us. :blowkiss:

P.S. You want a child I know. Can you visit, and then volunteer at a local Child Services Agency, or be a Big Brother/Sister volunteer? Visit a crack house with children? I think you will find a lot that is helpful there, and you fulfill a need without rushing into a relationship. I think others know the names of more and correct places for where you are. Even the YWCA can guide you, but it will fill a gap for a bit, and change your life and the child's life. There is a more than huge need. :grouphug:

 

[neesaki]

Megan,

I will be blunt as always. You really need to go out more with some friends and meet new people. That is one of the best things about being young, before more responsibilities come your way. And pull away from so much devotion to Match, or you'll not want to find other ways to meet others. Meeting one guy at a time is endless and may never work. Go out a time or two each month with some gal pals. Find a party or maybe a bar and have a good time! Sign up for a class that is geared for males? A singles group at a church? Many options are available - just look for them! And you know, you really don't have to be married to have a baby, but it'd be a hard road to travel as a single parent. It's up to you to make steps to change whatever doesn't seem to be working. I think a different RX would help you very much, too. Why don't you talk to Zuri as she is very knowledgeable about medications for most anything. And she's such a dear sweet person!

These are all good points, and just to throw my two cents worth in, I have been struggling with depression over the last few years. Well, I did have some depression during my teens, but I think that was more home related. Suffice it to say it has mostly been over the last few years, but more so over the last few months to a year. As far as anti-depressants, I just have never found any that really work for me. Either they do nothing or they make me feel wacked out and manic. Seriously, the last time I took them, I didn't sleep for about five days straight. It was a nightmare.

Anyway, about 3-4 weeks ago, someone told me their Dr. told them to increase their Vitamin B intake, particularly B-6. Well, I was already taking one Vit. B 100 complex capsule daily. But after doing a little reading up on it, I decided to add in Vitamin B-6 100 mg. to my daily regimen. Well, after a day or two, I said 'why not?', and went ahead and increased both of these to twice daily rather than once. Oh, and lest I forget, I increased my daily Vit. C 500 mg. to twice daily as well.

So for the past 3 1/2 - 4 weeks I've been taking two Vit. B 100 complex, two Vit. B-6 100 mg., and two Vit. C 500 mg. twice daily.

I went into this knowing fully not to expect any overnight miracles, so I just stuck to it consistently and waited. Then, about 5 days ago, out of the blue, it was like a light went on inside me. I just got up that morning and felt really, really good, like I have't felt in I don't even know when. I can't totally explain it, but the world just seemed and felt brighter. Although, being the realist that I am, I thought, ok, I'm sure this won't last. And I really didn't expect it to.

Thankfully, at least thus far, I have felt upbeat, happy, and energetic all week, which is totally new for me. I still can't believe it, and just keep praying, oh God, please, please let this be real. :scared:

Well, so far so good, lease:. And realizing that everyone is different, that there are different causes of depression, I still wanted to share this on the chance it might help someone else.

For anyone who's interested here's a link to an article with some good information:

Vitamins That are Good for Stress and Depression

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/3...good-for-stress-and-depression/#ixzz2fSeRVMXE

 

[Zuri]

These are all good points, and just to throw my two cents worth in, I have been struggling with depression over the last few years. Well, I did have some depression during my teens, but I think that was more home related. Suffice it to say it has mostly been over the last few years, but more so over the last few months to a year. As far as anti-depressants, I just have never found any that really work for me. Either they do nothing or they make me feel wacked out and manic. Seriously, the last time I took them, I didn't sleep for about five days straight. It was a nightmare.

Anyway, about 3-4 weeks ago, someone told me their Dr. told them to increase their Vitamin B intake, particularly B-6. Well, I was already taking one Vit. B 100 complex capsule daily. But after doing a little reading up on it, I decided to add in Vitamin B-6 100 mg. to my daily regimen. Well, after a day or two, I said 'why not?', and went ahead and increased both of these to twice daily rather than once. Oh, and lest I forget, I increased my daily Vit. C 500 mg. to twice daily as well.

So for the past 3 1/2 - 4 weeks I've been taking two Vit. B 100 complex, two Vit. B-6 100 mg., and two Vit. C 500 mg. twice daily.

I went into this knowing fully not to expect any overnight miracles, so I just stuck to it consistently and waited. Then, about 5 days ago, out of the blue, it was like a light went on inside me. I just got up that morning and felt really, really good, like I have't felt in I don't even know when. I can't totally explain it, but the world just seemed and felt brighter. Although, being the realist that I am, I thought, ok, I'm sure this won't last. And I really didn't expect it to.

Thankfully, at least thus far, I have felt upbeat, happy, and energetic all week, which is totally new for me. I still can't believe it, and just keep praying, oh God, please, please let this be real. :scared:

Well, so far so good, lease:. And realizing that everyone is different, that there are different causes of depression, I still wanted to share this on the chance it might help someone else.

For anyone who's interested here's a link to an article with some good information:

Vitamins That are Good for Stress and Depression

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/3...good-for-stress-and-depression/#ixzz2fSeRVMXE

:goodpost:

So happy you found something that worked for you! And so glad you are feeling better! A lot of people do not understand the difference between feeling down or blue and clinical depression. Anyone who has either would benefit from healthy diets, exercise and understanding what possibly could help. This is good info and I really appreciate your sharing. JMV

 

[Zuri]

Exactly THIS!

I've been there. Really bad. Have bouts at times.

Usually I have to tune everyone else out, at least for my days off. Helping them or not. I have to take time to go through my mind. Honestly, 2 days off is not enough. I would like to take a vacation (I don't get any unless it is extra days at Christmas, which is not helpful and worse, as you are forced to deal with family issues, not want to.) The root is hard to get to, we blind ourselves via vision.

I did learn to only expect anything from myself. The rest will not be to my standards. They are all human too. Not what I was taught to expect.

The ones that love me will forgive, that is NOT my family, it is my 1989 family I made friends with that love and forgive. I did learn to forgive others, including family. I did learn not to expect anything in life. Life is like a river. Everyone's life. It flows, it ebbs, it separates into different paths, but, life always puts you right where you need to be at the time. Even if you cannot see it at that time. Frustration means learning, hurting means healing. Most importantly, I learned to forgive myself.

Reach out to anyone. Even us. Just talk if you need to. Or, just ball up in fetal and cry your eyes out, then talk to someone.

We all love you here. Please talk with us. :blowkiss:

P.S. You want a child I know. Can you visit, and then volunteer at a local Child Services Agency, or be a Big Brother/Sister volunteer? Visit a crack house with children? I think you will find a lot that is helpful there, and you fulfill a need without rushing into a relationship. I think others know the names of more and correct places for where you are. Even the YWCA can guide you, but it will fill a gap for a bit, and change your life and the child's life. There is a more than huge need. :grouphug:

You have some great ideas and good advice! Thanks for sharing all this :seeya:

 

[Niner]

Ligita - what a beautiful name! What does it mean in Latvian?

Hi PrincessSezMe!! :wave: it means flowing music, and my maiden name (Latvian) means reeds - so I'm flowing music in the reeds!!! :floorlaugh:

What is your birth month? Mine is December.

Mine is in August... just turned 66! :rockon:

Yes- the hummers are gone. It seems like yesterday that we were talking about when the hummers were coming. Summer went fast.

My hummers are still here!! Of course, we are below the snow line, but I've seen all year round - around here!! :fence:

I'm just going to say it.

The tongue flicker has always bothered me.

Don't know who did it, but....

And touch DNA is a joke, but...

Lizard lips... :scared:

 

[Niner]

Just wanted to say... I hardly ever get depressed - but this "Great Recession" has sure caused a LOT of stress and depression!! :banghead:

The Huz and I are/were planning on moving to Northern Europe (Latvia) next year when my unemployment runs out, as my Mamma (died in 2011 at 90, 26 days short of here 91st birthday! ) owned an apartment house (4 apts) and my brother now owns it and lives there; so her apartment is empty and it would be a LOT cheaper living there then here in California! But yesterday got a call regarding a job at a good hourly rate, so will wait and see if that pans out. It's for 6 to 18 months, so when that ends I'll have enough $$ to move if that is still in the picture! Keeping my fingers crossed!! :seeya:

 

[Nore]

FYI- Catholic School (and Catechism) raised, here. I understand. I was young, young and couldn't abide by it. I had this crazy-as**d idea that just maybe, just maybe, my little insignificant self, counted for something, even though I crossed some ( not many) lines.

Guess I'm going to H**L.

I do have a mouth. :scared:

----------
I went to public school, I wasnt clear on that. No one told me I was pure. No one abides by all the rules, they wouldnt be human if they did. I know that now. Sometimes I honestly think we have hell on earth. Jesus told the thieves " today you will be with me in Paradise." Oh I did go to Lutheran school for awhile. :seeya:

 

[ILikeToBendPages]

These are all good points, and just to throw my two cents worth in, I have been struggling with depression over the last few years. Well, I did have some depression during my teens, but I think that was more home related. Suffice it to say it has mostly been over the last few years, but more so over the last few months to a year. As far as anti-depressants, I just have never found any that really work for me. Either they do nothing or they make me feel wacked out and manic. Seriously, the last time I took them, I didn't sleep for about five days straight. It was a nightmare.

Anyway, about 3-4 weeks ago, someone told me their Dr. told them to increase their Vitamin B intake, particularly B-6. Well, I was already taking one Vit. B 100 complex capsule daily. But after doing a little reading up on it, I decided to add in Vitamin B-6 100 mg. to my daily regimen. Well, after a day or two, I said 'why not?', and went ahead and increased both of these to twice daily rather than once. Oh, and lest I forget, I increased my daily Vit. C 500 mg. to twice daily as well.

So for the past 3 1/2 - 4 weeks I've been taking two Vit. B 100 complex, two Vit. B-6 100 mg., and two Vit. C 500 mg. twice daily.

I went into this knowing fully not to expect any overnight miracles, so I just stuck to it consistently and waited. Then, about 5 days ago, out of the blue, it was like a light went on inside me. I just got up that morning and felt really, really good, like I have't felt in I don't even know when. I can't totally explain it, but the world just seemed and felt brighter. Although, being the realist that I am, I thought, ok, I'm sure this won't last. And I really didn't expect it to.

Thankfully, at least thus far, I have felt upbeat, happy, and energetic all week, which is totally new for me. I still can't believe it, and just keep praying, oh God, please, please let this be real. :scared:

Well, so far so good, lease:. And realizing that everyone is different, that there are different causes of depression, I still wanted to share this on the chance it might help someone else.

For anyone who's interested here's a link to an article with some good information:

Vitamins That are Good for Stress and Depression

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/3...good-for-stress-and-depression/#ixzz2fSeRVMXE

My doctor gave me b-12 shots in 1974 when it seemed like nothing was waking me up after my mother died of a sudden heart attack a few weeks after her forty fourth birthday. I also tried Ritalin and prescription prenatal vitamins and had no luck. I slept, woke up and slept some more. About the only thing that did work was getting pregnant (not recommended for everyone) and taking care of my daughter and then a son. My kids laugh about me being an earth mother, I washed diapers, made their baby food, and didn't have white sugar until my sister gave my daughter an Oreo when she was three. She looked at me like I was holding out the good stuff.

Anyway, I was doing OK until my major stress of having a grandson a month after my father died and in a constant state of tension, and I've been fighting it since. So after eighteen years I have been taking Lamictal and my Dr. added SeraquelXR about two years ago and it seems to work.

I still have days I want to sleep because it's the easiest, and have to make myself get up and stay up by noon most days. Last year I took prescription strength V - D because my levels were very low, and now take 2000 units daily. It seems to help, but opening my curtains and blinds help also. I know mine is a mindset at times and I am the only one that can change it. I take a super multi vitamin, extra B complex, vitamin B6, vitamin D and E every day.

Finding Websleuths has help fill many a night of sleeplessness and tossing and turning.

 

[ILikeToBendPages]

Exactly THIS!

I've been there. Really bad. Have bouts at times.

Usually I have to tune everyone else out, at least for my days off. Helping them or not. I have to take time to go through my mind. Honestly, 2 days off is not enough. I would like to take a vacation (I don't get any unless it is extra days at Christmas, which is not helpful and worse, as you are forced to deal with family issues, not want to.) The root is hard to get to, we blind ourselves via vision.

I did learn to only expect anything from myself. The rest will not be to my standards. They are all human too. Not what I was taught to expect.

The ones that love me will forgive, that is NOT my family, it is my 1989 family I made friends with that love and forgive. I did learn to forgive others, including family. I did learn not to expect anything in life. Life is like a river. Everyone's life. It flows, it ebbs, it separates into different paths, but, life always puts you right where you need to be at the time. Even if you cannot see it at that time. Frustration means learning, hurting means healing. Most importantly, I learned to forgive myself.

Reach out to anyone. Even us. Just talk if you need to. Or, just ball up in fetal and cry your eyes out, then talk to someone.

We all love you here. Please talk with us. :blowkiss:

P.S. You want a child I know. Can you visit, and then volunteer at a local Child Services Agency, or be a Big Brother/Sister volunteer? Visit a crack house with children? I think you will find a lot that is helpful there, and you fulfill a need without rushing into a relationship. I think others know the names of more and correct places for where you are. Even the YWCA can guide you, but it will fill a gap for a bit, and change your life and the child's life. There is a more than huge need. :grouphug:

One relaxing thing that always worked for me was rocking a baby. Best Valium ever. There are many babies in hospitals that could use a good rocking and love; if you near a large city call and ask if they have a program for volunteers.

 

[21merc7]

All I can say is:

LIZARD LIPS!!!!

Yep, something going on, unless someone can tell me that is a medical condition, which I probably will not accept after seeing all those videos anyway.

:floorlaugh: