Involuntary Muscle Contraction
Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the
mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what
your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably golfing with his mates.
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.
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Legal or Logical
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old
professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"
Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would
I?"
Student: "OK. So Id like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct
answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct
answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".
Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So whats the question?"
Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical
nor legal?
The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally
he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and
the student goes away, very pleased.
The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but
still cant get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest
students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer:
"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor
legal?
To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately
raise their hands.
"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer.
It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and
married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has
a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed
his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."
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(got this one from the convent)
A NUN AT HOOTERS -
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation -- and every once in
a while 'the lights would turn off.'
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun,the room went dead silent. She
walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a
naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'
'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few
minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to
give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they
applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a
drink?'
'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that
statue, the lights go out.
Now -- how about that drink?
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The knob
A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called
'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and
could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new
face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects
were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the
knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed
two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and
the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your
breasts.'
She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'
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What Religion Is Your Bra ??
A man walked into the ladies department
And shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.. .'
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquired the man, 'There's more than one type?'
'Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape,
size, color and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras
to choose from .'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There is the Catholic bra,
The Salvation Army bra,
The Presbyterian bra,
And the Baptist bra.
Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.'
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills....
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E , F, G, and H are the letters
used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for,
it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost
.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!
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:seeya:
