Where is everyone?
We need some fun here.
First, some cuteness:
Sleeping Dancing Kitty - YouTube
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And, some funnies:
Crumpled
With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you
ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of
her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft,
silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled
approvingly.
She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled
up?"
"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and
seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a
crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little
quicker with anticipation.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"
"No way!" he said, while obviously becoming even more aroused and
excited, to which she replied.....
"Go look in the garage."
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Phone Call
Phone rings, woman answers.
The pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight arse with no
hair?"
Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching the football - who shall I say is calling?"
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My New Travel Plans
I been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't
go alone.
You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be
driven there.
I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and
work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much
on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit
there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin
flowing and pumps up the old heart!
At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in.
It's an age thing.
They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
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Vacation Advice
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther,
"Yawl know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation.
Only this year I'm gonna do it different.
The last few years, I took your advice about where to go."
"Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got
pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got
pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant
again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
"I'm taking Earlene with me."
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TAKING A WOMAN TO BED
What is the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68,
and 78?
At 8
You take her to bed and tell her a story
At 18
You tell her a story and take her to bed
At 28
You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed
At 38
She tells you a story and takes you to bed
At 48
She tells you a story to avoid going to bed
At 58
You stay in bed to avoid her story
At 68
If you take her to bed, that'll be a story
At 78
What story? What bed?
Who the hell are you?
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The King's daughter
Once upon a time there lived a King.
The King had a beautiful daughter, the Princess..
But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No
matter what. Metal. Wood. Stone. Anything she touched would melt. Because
of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his
wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not
melt in her hands, she will be cured.'
The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter
an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly .
The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest
substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess
touched them, they melted. He, too, was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the Princess, 'Put your hand in my
pocket and feel what is in there.'
The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something
hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!!
The King was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever
after.
Question: What was in the Prince's pants?
M&M's, of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking??
I WORRY ABOUT YOU'ALL SOMETIMES!!!
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And funny songs:
[video=youtube;wfpL6_0OBuA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfpL6_0OBuA[/video]
She Only *****es When She Breathes (Funny Country Song) - YouTube
:seeya: