This takes me back to when we lost our first Schnauzer baby. It was so unexpected. Even though he had health problems and was almost 15 y/o, his death ended up being caused by a tragic accident. We were both in grief and shock, and my husband insisted on burying him immediately. We were both bawling, and I just went along. Until the next day I woke up and I said, no. For one thing he was buried on a property that our baby had never lived on, it was foreign to him because we were in the process of moving. But the main thing to me was, I don't want my baby to lie there in the dirt to be a victim of scavengers. So the next morning my husband was at work, I called and found a pet crematorium and then went and dug him up myself. It wasn't easy :cry: And now we have his ashes in a small box with his picture beside it.
And the empty place in the heart and home, you are so right. I kept my baby's bear toy for several months because it smelled just like him and I hugged it daily for a long time until it lost it's scent, and until we got our new furbaby, which was a few months. Well, actually I still have his bear toy, I plan to keep it.
Love and Hugs to you CJ (((hugs)))
Neeski ~
My beloved grandmother :heartbeat: who raised me until I was 5, always called my toys my "play pretties." I have thought about it for years, as it is very endearing to me. So I have always called Macky's toys her "play pretties."
I have taken everything of hers out of my living room to my oldest daughters dismay. She has now has Mac's bed in her room. I did however keep her favorite play pretty, the last one she/we played with 2 days before she got sick. It still has her scent as well, and I sleep with it every night.
Talk about unexpected! Wow. We NEVER saw this coming. She would always get so excited when my daughter pulled in the driveway. She never could contain herself waiting for her to get in the house. She would whimper/wine and shake that little butt and swing her tail and pace. This one particular day in the middle of June, as my daughter pulled up in the driveway instead of her usual whine of excitement, she coughed. That was all. A few coughs and then she wouldn't do it anymore. I noticed the only time she did it was when she got excited.
Of course after 5 days of this continuing, I took her back to the Vet. This was on a
Friday. Our Vet pushed on her esophagus, and Macky didn't cough at all. That was a GOOD thing. I can't remember what our Vet even thought it was as it is all a blur now (maybe a cold?) I'm not sure, but she was given pills for her cough, and put on a anti-biotic. Then by the following
Monday I noticed that she wasn't really coughing, but she was having trouble catching her breath. (once again, ONLY when she got excited.) We got her back in to see the Vet again on Tuesday, and I explained to her what I wrote above. She (vet) did blood work and took x-rays. Her x-rays were awful to look at. No black what so ever, all solid white cottage cheese looking specs everywhere. Our Vet, who I love dearly said it could be either pneumonia or cancer. She said she could arrange for us to take her to Blue Pearl < I knew right then that She suspected it was cancer, as she also mentioned that they couldn't do surgery because both lungs were affected. :frown:
She put Macky on a stronger antibiotic and something to help with her breathing. She said to come back in 2 weeks, and we would repeat both tests.
Mac continued to go down hill from then on and after 8 days of a 14 day regimen of stronger antibiotics, I know what I needed to do. She was struggling so hard to breathe and she stopped eating on that 8th day.
It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do :crying:
Macky was NOT going down without a fight. After they gave her the sedative, she refused to lay down. She kept trying to walk and get out of there. It was heartbreaking. I stayed for as long as I could stand it and as I bent down to kiss my baby goodbye, she stuck her little dry tongue (it was barely out) and licked my mouth. I knew her Vet was coming in and I could not make myself stay. My oldest daughter sat on the floor with her till the end. :cry:
My daughter is really having a hard time with this too, so we are not able to comfort each other at all. She even went to the Dr. and got on an anti depressant. I told her that an AD is not going to take her grief away, if that's what she thinks.
I know because I have been on one for years...
It has taken me 2 hours to write this because I keep walking away. It's so hard to talk about.
