Stressed/school issue

[Kinpa4]

Hi redhead, I don't know if we have an advocate office here. But my sons old TSS (a support person) also works in our county juvenile justice office as a probation officer, she is going to come with us as she has experience with court etc dealing with minors. We are not going to a big courtroom, it's at a magisterial court and I don't think there is an attorney/da? The court docket doesn't mention one? I did call the court office and tell them my son has aspergers and they said they would let the judge know. As for the girl, she did not tell the school on the boy for threatening. Her parents let her make the decision for them to call And tell and she said no. She is coming to court as a witness. There is also another girl coming as a witness. I think I got everything answered lol thanks for the prayers.

 

[Scoobysnack]

Hi, just wanted to give a little update. My son went to school yesterday and we talked to the principal and I also called the school police. The city police won't get involved since the school ones are to do it. So yesterday some other kid was messing with his neck brace. And he heard 2 boys joking about how the one kid "broke his neck". I took him back to school and spoke with them again today and the school police finally called me today. The principal said they looked at the video and didn't see anything. At this point my guess is they did something to the video before they showed it to anyone. But the 2 girls who were right there told them who it was and still nothing has happened. The principal said I need more than that. I said how much more do you need? Geez if I did something and one person picked me out of a line up then I'd be guilty. 2 people said it was him. Anyway the police said they were going to the school today. Both the school and the police said they would get back to me and they didn't today. I told them my son wasn't coming back until something is done. My son also had his follow up dr visit and they have him out of school until at least Monday. If he is still in pain Monday we call the dr again.
I just don't know what they need to freaking do something, DNA? I mean come on. My sister said that's like saying someone could get shot or stabbed and if they don't have 50 witnesses then they can't do anything. Ugh.

right, local paper and radio station it is then... tell the world if they cant be bothered to do anything.

errr.edit to add, I needed to read this pg of posts too!! hope all goes well xx

 

[Redhead72]

Hi redhead, I don't know if we have an advocate office here. But my sons old TSS (a support person) also works in our county juvenile justice office as a probation officer, she is going to come with us as she has experience with court etc dealing with minors. We are not going to a big courtroom, it's at a magisterial court and I don't think there is an attorney/da? The court docket doesn't mention one? I did call the court office and tell them my son has aspergers and they said they would let the judge know. As for the girl, she did not tell the school on the boy for threatening. Her parents let her make the decision for them to call And tell and she said no. She is coming to court as a witness. There is also another girl coming as a witness. I think I got everything answered lol thanks for the prayers.

Oh good, I'm glad you have someone to offer support through this - and especially that it's someone you already are familiar with. That's great. It's also good that the magistrate will be advised of the Asperger's.

I'm glad the girls are going to support your son as witnesses - and hopefully the judge will ask the girls themselves if they were the focus of any of this boy's behavior after the fact. I can't imagine him/her not asking simply because of the nature of bullying itself.

I didn't check where you were from, and I don't know if my experience as a young adult with happenings in juvenile/family court would apply to your situation, but I would think that the defendant will likely have an attorney present. In which case, I would think there would be someone representing the "state" and your son as the victim as well, but like I said, I'm not an expert, nor do I know the system where you live. It might be worth asking your support person if they know. While the judge will know about the Asperger's as per your conversation with the courts, it would probably be helpful for the prosecutor (if any) to know as well.

If there is one, and you do get a chance to speak with or meet with him/her before the next court date, you could also mention that one of the witnesses was threatened as well. I think it would go a long way towards bolstering your son's claims against this boy, and that the judge will be able to more accurately prescribe punishment if he sees that instead of backing off this child chose to pursue more threats against those who told, y'know? I would be frustrated that the girl chose not to report the threat, but am proud of her that she will be coming to testify regardless... It takes true courage, so please don't think I'm trying to judge her too harshly.

Anyway, sorry my comment was so long, and that I asked so many questions... I hate seeing kids and families having to go through court and such. It was such an emotional and nerve-wracking experience for me, and that was even though my daughters didn't have to go to court and testify.

I will definitely be keeping all of you in my prayers.

 

[HMSHood]

HMS, I think that used to be the thinking about bullies. Our school district is doing several anti-bullying campaigns, including Rachel's Challenge for students and also anti-bullying programs for parents and teachers.

The current research that is being done indicates that despite what we've all been taught to believe, in fact, school-yard bullies tend to have higher than average self-esteem and often come from families who are supportive and affectionate. In these families the parents are at first unbelieving, and then horrified to hear that their kids are bullies. This does not apply to kids who routinely plot and commit felonies or enjoy torturing animals, but rather the kind of bully who impulsively slams kids into lockers, head locks them, and jeers at them and is often in the "popular crowd". The thought that they are acting out of an inferior complex is appearing not to be true. Rather, they are acting on an honest belief that they are better than those they bully. Interestingly, although the victims remember every detail of these encounters years later bullies are likely to admit they have no memory at all of the victims. Reinforcing the apparent idea that this really isn't that big a deal in their lives, it's just kind of a habit.

The more we know, the more we can solve the problem imho.


Edited to add: In rereading, this post sounded arrogant. I don't mean to say this is necessarily correct and your post is not correct - just that I went to an antibullying symposium put on by the district for principals and teachers and this was what was being taught.

Myths and misperceptions about workplace bullying
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/myths.htm

Prevent Bullies Before They Become Prisoners - 60% of Bullies Have 1 Conviction by Age 24
http://ezinearticles.com/?Prevent-B...ullies-Have-1-Conviction-by-Age-24&id=1447882

 

[wyome]

Wow, just read this thread and I'm really upset.

Just curious, is the bully perp now at all tamer, or at the very least avoiding your son? Has he gotten his friends to harrass your son as well? Does your son feel more comfortable at school, or does he still have anxiety?

Your son will be very brave to recount this in court, and I know you'll give him tons of hugs and praise!

Your son is an 8th grader -- wow, a young man. Is the perp bully in 8th grade, too? If so, will he go to the same high school next year?

I don't know how large your school is, but have you considered a private school for high school? It's not always the answer, I know, but they are usually smaller and more rigid, and can give more attention to incidents like this.

I just wanted you to know how sorry I am that this happened. If this is a typical middle school where the oldest kids are 8th graders, than that stinks, because I'd think nothing of asking some high schoolers to surround your son with lots of high-fives and shoot some "don't even think about touching him ever again" stares at the bully.

Love & encouragement to you both!