SeekingJana, I am so thankful you let us know that you did have another baby.
Believe me when I say those “islands” are too familiar. In my world, it only happens to the mother of sons. It is a horrible way of life. Where did this thinking come from!
I'm going to reply as an on-topic post because I think it's important to consider parenting and " adult child-ing" as it likely does have implications regarding the Royal Family.
I am too close to my own situation to have a well- formed response, so I'm going to say what I believe I see in the heirs to the British throne ( and one spare
).
I read an article today which stated that Charles felt unloved and unmothered as a child and never truly outgrew some of the hurt or maybe resentments towards siblings. It's in the Daily Mail, but they likely purloined it from another news source in G.B.
We have ample photos showing that little Charles was loved, although his mum and dad had enormous responsibilities to the Monarchy shortly after his birth.. Also, that Princess Anne, only 3 years younger, has never seemed to show one inkling of the " I'm an island' kind of mindset.
I'll tell you how I think it develops, both from watching and listening to my own child and also from my professional viewpoint.
There are some children who, for one reason or another, have an acutely sensitive personality and develop a very early feeling of imbalance in their lives. Maybe it's a matter of the first stage in emotional growth which is " Trust vs. Mistrust".
When there's this sense of " All's not right in my world" ( usually " world" means what the child can see, feel and hear day to day) they develop insecurities. NO parent is perfect. No perfect set of parents has ever lived, but most children do idealize their parents due to both survival needs and bonding/ love needs. If the child is an introspective, possibly somewhat moody or brooding child, they may compare their world to that of their peers and feel both superior in some ways and inferior in others, thus, the imbalance persists.
Obviously, we know why Charles and his offspring would feel superior. They have been the most famous " celebs" in a greater portion of the world than any other currently living persons for all their lives, excepting the Queen, most likely. The British Commonwealth is huge and they have been set apart as sovereigns in training/ waiting ( and eligible bachelors) for almost all their non-chosen celebrity lives.
Plus, in the boys, there's remnants of the resentment that their mom had for the press, although she would have been crushed had she been even slightly ignored once during her years as Charles's wife, truth be told. God rest her beautiful soul.
I think the " You are special but we have other obligations" happened to both Charles and Diana in their childhoods, likely because their parents did not have a daily regular routine when each was very young, then Diana believed her mother up and left her. She didn't realize what happened in the courts with the parents' divorce, she only knew that Frances was there one day and gone the next.
When they met, each of them recognized the loneliness in the other's heart. Diana said in Andrew Morton's book ( either version 1 or 2) that although she was so shy, she was prompted by his sad face to ask Charles about his mentor and great uncle,
Lord Dickie Mountbatten, and about Charles's feelings after his death in 1979 in the IRA assassination. She never got over the loss of her mother from her life, and suspected Charles missed his great uncle in a similar way. I think she was quite right. In fact, I think Lord Mountbatten's death was the likely reason Charles started actively looking for a wife to produce the royal heir. Sometimes, it takes a tragic death to fully appreciate life.
The difficulty comes when the child is set apart from other children in one way or another. I know how my child was set apart and it was seen as a very positive thing, but it changed a young child's world view.
In the case of Charles, it was because he was born to reign.
In the cases of William and Harry, I think they have finally both admitted to having deeply troubled teen years after their mom died and Charles was fairly permissive and fairly " lost" as a single parent to 2 teen boys. Harry has expressed more feelings of loneliness and feeling " different from others" than William. Commentary and common sense says this is because William was considered to be so special as the future King. Harry may not have had the same amount of personalized attention within the Royal Family that William had from what I've read just recently. Plus, they aren't clones of each other, so their emotional make up is different. Harry seems to be more sensitive and anxious in general than William. William maintains his mother's later distance from the press as he can, and I think it's very healthy for him as he and Catherine are growing their family.
It's been reported that the brothers will likely be going their separate ways with different staff members and different events in the future. I hope this will be mutually beneficial to all of them, and that they will have personal time with their families together at KP. I hope that the connecting door between the apartments #1A and #1 isn't plastered over, just maybe locked from little childrens' fingers for a bit...
The Royal Family's future doesn't look nearly as happy or healthy when I consider Harry and William not collaborating on small things, and now, with their wives, and soon, children.
JMO, of course..
