TN - Timothy Reid, 15 mos, dies in hot car, Chattanooga, 1 May 2007

[southcitymom]

government help is always good, but I have always believed if a manufacturer can see $$ coming their way, they'll do something about it.

I hear you. But it seems like they could always raise the prices of their vehicles accordingly. I think you pay extra for the rear safety features now. If they are ever legislated, the manufacturers will just build it into their profits, I suspect.

 

[Beyond Belief]

sounds like a plan..

 

[sissy's mom]

I use to feel the way Southcitymom does...
I had sympathy...
But now? not so much..
Sympathy is not an excuse in this case.
I do not think people should have an excuse.
There IS NOTHING more important than your child and "oops I forgot" doesn't get it.
I have never forgotten my child in a car or house or anywhere..
Do a pole and ask the moms here (those with many kids)
You are on constant patrol.

Well said, Amraann. I agree.

 

[philamena]

My heart breaks for the family and of course for the child.
One of my dearest friends works with a man who one day was suppose to take his little 8 month boy to the babysitters. Something he'd never done before because his wife always did so. He totally forgot the baby was in the car (the child was asleep) and drove straight to work. Unfortunately, this was a typical hot, humid, summer day in my city and at noon ----when people exited their buildings for lunch, someone noticed the child inside the car, in his carseat. He was dead. The father made a terrible, terrible mistake. He was not charged but suffered a nervous breakdown and has attempted suicide twice.

 

[Texana]

I hear everyone who blames the father, but when I read what we know about this, the only thought I have is "there but for the grace of God go I."

Perhaps if I were more perfect, more vigilant, more immune to the pressures of raising a family in conjunction with everything else, I wouldn't feel this way.

I don't believe that in a million years I could ever forget my child and leave them in a car for hours; but can I imagine it happening - you bet your a$$ I can. I don't even have to stretch very far to get there.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[narlacat]

ya know it's sad when we see a title like this and automatically think "here we go again"....but we all do because this is happening over & over again. How can parents just forget their child? I just don't understand. :banghead:

And as bad as it is to forget...can you even imagine doing it on purpose? Neither could I until I watched our local news at noon today. A man from my area left his 11 month old in the car while he went into the mall to do some shopping. The temp got up to about 84 degrees here yesterday. In the heat of the day, in the car, they estimated the temp to be about 100 degrees. He was compassionate enough to leave the window cracked, however.:loser:

Luckliy, a shopper walking by heard the baby crying and called the police. The police tried for an HOUR to find the parent...finally, he came out of the mall. They arrested him and gave the baby to family members. The baby is doing fine but the daddy wouldn't be if I was the momma! First, I think I'd have to b*tch smack him real hard then I'd have him punished to the fullest extent that the law would allow. AND he would never be allowed to be alone with the child again. I don't know what will happen to him but I hope they make him suffer. What he did is just so wrong. Poor baby.

I was at the mall yesterday at lunch time and noticed the police cars around and wondered what was going on...now I know.

But I have learned a valuable lesson from this....I think we all need to be extra vigilant this hot season and watch/listen for babies in cars. Obviously, we can't trust thier parents to do right by them. Makes me mad as hell.

ETA: Here is the link to this story:
http://www.nbc25.com/content/fulltext/?sid=c25791b68e68db2c098ce810f803c89e&cid=11520

Good post-

 

[narlacat]

Well, they've developed a carseat that can actually tell when a driver is getting sleepy and then sound an alarm, so surely they can make one that knows a child's still in a car seat!

http://www.pinktentacle.com/tag/safety

I can see your point South and it would no doubt save many childrens lives- but this is ridiculous- some people shouldnt have kids it's that simple if I- being ditzy forgetful unorganised and stressed out can remember I've got a baby in the car- anyone can- there's no excuse for leaving your kid in the car till it dies- a big part of me does feel sorry for the guy though and I don't think sending him to jail will accomplish anything, his punishment is having to live with himself for the rest of his life-

 

[Dena]

Exactly Southcitymom. I NEVER, ever condemn people when things like this happen, (unless there is proven past neglect or abuse). I doubt very seriously that this man decided that this morning he'd just not bother to be an attentive parent. It was not an intentional act, it was an accident. And yes, IMO an accident is an accident is an accident. (Not saying that at you, just addressing a post I saw above.)

But for the grace of God go I, indeed. No one can feel any worse than this father and it scares and saddens me that some people can just be so judgmental when NO ONE on this earth is perfect, 100% of the time, for their entire life. Some people should count their blessings that nothing bad happened to them those times their guard was down for a moment, instead of bashing a parent who wasn't as lucky.

I never said I was perfect, I don't believe I am, yet I will still stand by the fact that I would never ever leave my child in a car. This is why I choose pharmacies only with drive through service.
Can I imagine it? Perhaps, in my worst nightmare yes. And I bet you this is what is happening to this father. I can not fathom how this can happen, that is what I am saying. Of all the things that could happen during the day to trigger that something isn't right, and none of them happened to save this poor baby's life. A phone call from the wife, the alarm going off on the car, someone asking him about how his kids are doing, something, ANYTHING, but instead, nothing.

I can be pretty ditzy at times. I get myself into situations that just plain suck sometimes. On Tuesday I had to run back home with my 2.5 year old in the car to get my checkbook real quick. (I was gone MAYBE 30 seconds) I went through my garage which is off my kitchen and my checkbook was on the table. I left the car running since I had the AC on, it was a hot day. I got back to the car to find all the stupid doors are locked. My keys in the ignition, my purse and phone in the car, my son strapped in the carseat. It's a 2 door so the unlock button is too far for him to reach. Out of some luck, the back window hatch was unlocked so I climbed through that way.
I once slammed my son's fingers in a car door, I have hit his head on a door frame while carrying him, sometimes I hit his head on the ceiling of the car when I'm getting him in his car seat.
I am not perfect, never will I claim to be. It does not take a perfect person to be able to wonder how the hell someone can leave their 15 month old strapped in their car seat and go about their day.
I would expect, if out some of irony, it ever happens to me, that you will be here to start a thread about me and tell me what a horrible parent I am and how stupid I am. I would deserve it.

I do have mixed feelings about the father being charged. Losing a child is losing a child is losing a child. Whether it be from this, a car accident, murder, whatever, the grief is still the same. I believe his acts (hopefully) were not intentional and that he should be able to be with his family.
However, I also feel that keeping these stories in the spotlight helps to show parents about the dangers out there and to always make sure you don't leave your baby in your car.

 

[southcitymom]

I can see your point South and it would no doubt save many childrens lives- but this is ridiculous- some people shouldnt have kids it's that simple if I- being ditzy forgetful unorganised and stressed out can remember I've got a baby in the car- anyone can- there's no excuse for leaving your kid in the car till it dies- a big part of me does feel sorry for the guy though and I don't think sending him to jail will accomplish anything, his punishment is having to live with himself for the rest of his life-

Without question.

 

[southcitymom]

.... It does not take a perfect person to be able to wonder how the hell someone can leave their 15 month old strapped in their car seat and go about their day.
I would expect, if out some of irony, it ever happens to me, that you will be here to start a thread about me and tell me what a horrible parent I am and how stupid I am. I would deserve it......

It's one thing to wonder how such a tragedy could occur; quite another to imply that this man shouldn't be a father in the first place or to have no sympathy for his pain or to blame him for an accident that will haunt him and alter him for the rest of his days. I'm not saying you've done this, but some of these posts are unbearably harsh.

If you found yourself in this situation one day, you would absolutely not deserve to be taken to task by posts calling you a horrible parent and stupid and blaming you in any way. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who would post those things for you to read or say them to you would be doing the emotional/psychological/spiritual equivalent of physically driving to your house, handing you a loaded gun and telling you to blow your brains out.

We sometimes get cruel when we get scared, but that doesn't make cruelty acceptable or desirable. The ONLY thing this man (or you, if this were your situation) needs to hear is "This is not your fault. You loved your child. You must find forgiveness for yourself so that you can continue to love your remaining three children."

 

[southcitymom]

....some people shouldnt have kids it's that simple....

No question about this, narlacat. But I am talking about the father in this case, and there is absolutely nothing I've read about this situation that would lead me to think this opinion applies to him in any way, shape or form

 

[eve]

It's one thing to wonder how such a tragedy could occur; quite another to imply that this man shouldn't be a father in the first place or to have no sympathy for his pain or to blame him for an accident that will haunt him and alter him for the rest of his days. I'm not saying you've done this, but some of these posts are unbearably harsh.

If you found yourself in this situation one day, you would absolutely not deserve to be taken to task by posts calling you a horrible parent and stupid and blaming you in any way. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who would post those things for you to read or say them to you would be doing the emotional/psychological/spiritual equivalent of physically driving to your house, handing you a loaded gun and telling you to blow your brains out.

We sometimes get cruel when we get scared, but that doesn't make cruelty acceptable or desirable. The ONLY thing this man (or you, if this were your situation) needs to hear is "This is not your fault. You loved your child. You must find forgiveness for yourself so that you can continue to love your remaining three children."

I agree South, I cannot say I have never made a potentially tragic mistake. Once I drove off w/ my 3 year old and left my daughter (2 mos) sitting on the sidewalk at our house in her car seat. I glanced in the rearview mirror and realized I hadn't put her in the car! Nice sunny day, she was just playing with her rattle, all buckled in on the sidewalk. I was gone for maybe a couple minutes. I was mortified. All I can say is that I was a new mom with a toddler and a newborn and I was exhausted.

Another time, my 3 year old was asleep when we arrived at the beach and I locked him in for about 3 minutes while I walked a short distance away from the car to dump our gear. As I hurried back to get him, 2 women were standing at my car looking in the window and did they ever give me a tongue-lashing! They said they were going to call the police and I managed to convince them not to. OMG, I felt like a criminal. Maybe I should have, I don't know. I never did anything like that again, but sometimes a split second decision can be wrong.

Now, leaving a kid for hours in a car? I can't imagine but I have a hard time not believing that the anguish and punishment this man will put himself through is enough. I do think if a safety device could be built into a car seat to warn against this, it would be good as long as it didn't promote a false sense of security. Devices do malfunction, just like our brains.

Eve

 

[lisag]

I can't imagine forgetting your child in the car.. I feel so sad for this little boy..and my heart breaks for his family. I think his father will forever suffer.

 

[southcitymom]

I agree South, I cannot say I have never made a potentially tragic mistake. Once I drove off w/ my 3 year old and left my daughter (2 mos) sitting on the sidewalk at our house in her car seat. I glanced in the rearview mirror and realized I hadn't put her in the car! Nice sunny day, she was just playing with her rattle, all buckled in on the sidewalk. I was gone for maybe a couple minutes. I was mortified. All I can say is that I was a new mom with a toddler and a newborn and I was exhausted.

Another time, my 3 year old was asleep when we arrived at the beach and I locked him in for about 3 minutes while I walked a short distance away from the car to dump our gear. As I hurried back to get him, 2 women were standing at my car looking in the window and did they ever give me a tongue-lashing! They said they were going to call the police and I managed to convince them not to. OMG, I felt like a criminal. Maybe I should have, I don't know. I never did anything like that again, but sometimes a split second decision can be wrong.

Now, leaving a kid for hours in a car? I can't imagine but I have a hard time not believing that the anguish and punishment this man will put himself through is enough. I do think if a safety device could be built into a car seat to warn against this, it would be good as long as it didn't promote a false sense of security. Devices do malfunction, just like our brains.

Eve

Hi Eve, :blowkiss:

Most parents I know have had experiences like this where they do something flakey that COULD result in disaster, but doesn't. They get the opportunity to learn without paying the ultimate price and burying a child. We are the lucky ones.

I know I've shared this story b/4, but it bears repeating. When my son was two-ish and I was pregnant with his brother, I made a terrible mistake in a fit of exhaustion, etc.. My son was sitting on the floor by my dog who took phenobarbitol everyday for a seizure disorder. I fed the medication (which can be lethal to a young child) to my son and not the dog.

I did this completely by accident in front of my husband, his sister and my brother-in-law. Had they not been present, I cannot say if I would have caught my mistake or not - and who knows what the outcome would have been.

As it turned out, my mistake was recognized and this led to a series of phone calls and an emergency room visit. My son was okay, but I was pretty inconsolable and racked with guilt.

I'm a good mother - as vigilant as possible with my children - but there is no such thing as 100% vigilance and there is no such thing as a flawless parent. The vast majority of parents do the very best job we can - it is our duty to support each other when we flub up and make mistakes. I'm not talking about abuse and negligence here - I'm talking about human error.

 

[KrisNine]

Hi Krisnine

Its not the day care or schools job to look after people's kids for them- its their job and noone elses-

This is ridiculous, I dont even leave the dog in the car- there is NO excuse for this-

Hey Narla

I know it's not up to the daycare center to handle this, but I'm just thinking out loud here. When I was a kid, you could skip school with no problem...now, if you miss school, they call your house to see if you're kid is really home sick. Maybe it's a small step to help save kids. I don't know.

 

[kahskye]

I always feel sick to my stomach when I read of another baby left in a car. I'm not sure alarms would be the answer being this father kept turning his off. Charging him for this isn't the answer. He has been served the worse fine imaginable, his baby's life. I feel horrible for the family. We are all living at too fast of a pace. There's no excuse for leaving a baby in a car, but unfortunately it will happen again.

 

[sherri79]

No question about this, narlacat. But I am talking about the father in this case, and there is absolutely nothing I've read about this situation that would lead me to think this opinion applies to him in any way, shape or form

he forgot his child in the car and the baby died. we could not know before this happened that he should never have kids but now we know. he should never be left in charge of his other kids again. we now know he can neglect his kids to this point. jail time dont matter to me. he will pay forever already. just the idea of him taking care of other kids is scary to me.

 

[MREG2]

Hi Eve, :blowkiss:

Most parents I know have had experiences like this where they do something flakey that COULD result in disaster, but doesn't. They get the opportunity to learn without paying the ultimate price and burying a child. We are the lucky ones.

I know I've shared this story b/4, but it bears repeating. When my son was two-ish and I was pregnant with his brother, I made a terrible mistake in a fit of exhaustion, etc.. My son was sitting on the floor by my dog who took phenobarbitol everyday for a seizure disorder. I fed the medication (which can be lethal to a young child) to my son and not the dog.

I did this completely by accident in front of my husband, his sister and my brother-in-law. Had they not been present, I cannot say if I would have caught my mistake or not - and who knows what the outcome would have been.

As it turned out, my mistake was recognized and this led to a series of phone calls and an emergency room visit. My son was okay, but I was pretty inconsolable and racked with guilt.

I'm a good mother - as vigilant as possible with my children - but there is no such thing as 100% vigilance and there is no such thing as a flawless parent. The vast majority of parents do the very best job we can - it is our duty to support each other when we flub up and make mistakes. I'm not talking about abuse and negligence here - I'm talking about human error.

SCM, glad you posted your story. Sorry it happened but happy it was caught. Yes, people, especially parents, make many mistakes. I too would like to think that I could never do this but dear Lord, I could never say never and I pray that I would remember as soon as I do it. Heck, my 4 year old picks up the slack for me. If I put her shoes on wrong she tells me. If I forget to give her a drink with lunch she tells me. If I forget something for her sister she tells me. How sad is that?

Here's my story...not proud of it and I could still cry at the thought that it happened and that I did it. My oldest was just a week old when my MIL and I thought we would get out and take her to the mall. I was getting major cabin fever. I dressed her cute (we were going to see her aunt who was a manager at one of the stores in the mall) and put her in the carseat. Got to the car and put the carseat in the base. Drove to the mall. Got to her aunt's store and went to get her out of her carseat and lo and behold I did not buckle her in. I cried and cried and then did some major praying thanking God that nothing had happened. I was petrified to leave the house with her after that. For the longest time I didn't tell my hubby for fear that he would criticize me and not trust me with her. But I finally did out of guilt. He hugged me and made me realize that I didn't do it on purpose but was just sleep deprived and excited to be getting out to show her off. I love him for that. And did that ever open my eyes to just how difficult it is to be a parent.

Sorry so long... :blushing:

 

[southcitymom]

SCM, glad you posted your story. Sorry it happened but happy it was caught. Yes, people, especially parents, make many mistakes. I too would like to think that I could never do this but dear Lord, I could never say never and I pray that I would remember as soon as I do it. Heck, my 4 year old picks up the slack for me. If I put her shoes on wrong she tells me. If I forget to give her a drink with lunch she tells me. If I forget something for her sister she tells me. How sad is that?

Here's my story...not proud of it and I could still cry at the thought that it happened and that I did it. My oldest was just a week old when my MIL and I thought we would get out and take her to the mall. I was getting major cabin fever. I dressed her cute (we were going to see her aunt who was a manager at one of the stores in the mall) and put her in the carseat. Got to the car and put the carseat in the base. Drove to the mall. Got to her aunt's store and went to get her out of her carseat and lo and behold I did not buckle her in. I cried and cried and then did some major praying thanking God that nothing had happened. I was petrified to leave the house with her after that. For the longest time I didn't tell my hubby for fear that he would criticize me and not trust me with her. But I finally did out of guilt. He hugged me and made me realize that I didn't do it on purpose but was just sleep deprived and excited to be getting out to show her off. I love him for that. And did that ever open my eyes to just how difficult it is to be a parent.

Sorry so long... :blushing:

Thanks for this great post! And I promise you that my kids notice when I forget things too. I'm not proud, though - I'll take all the help I can get - even if it's from a 6-year-old!

Bless your heart about that experience with your newborn. Isn't it funny to think that, not so long ago, infants rode around in cars in their mama's lap, and I'm sure the vast majority of them lived to tell the tale. One of my good friends came home from the hospital in a laundry basket in the back seat!

Not that we shouldn't take every opportunity to keep our kids safe - we should. But I am grateful for the many safety nets I have experienced in my parenting path.

My experience with most parents is not that they don't put enough pressure on themselves to keep their kids safe, but rather - the opposite. We have to be gentle with ourselves.

Kids don't come with instruction manuals and, even if they did, I wouldn't be able to remember everything that was written down.

 

[MREG2]

Thanks for this great post! And I promise you that my kids notice when I forget things too. I'm not proud, though - I'll take all the help I can get - even if it's from a 6-year-old!

Bless your heart about that experience with your newborn. Isn't it funny to think that, not so long ago, infants rode around in cars in their mama's lap, and I'm sure the vast majority of them lived to tell the tale. One of my good friends came home from the hospital in a laundry basket in the back seat!

Not that we shouldn't take every opportunity to keep our kids safe - we should. But I am grateful for the many safety nets I have experienced in my parenting path.

My experience with most parents is not that they don't put enough pressure on themselves to keep their kids safe, but rather - the opposite. We have to be gentle with ourselves.

Kids don't come with instruction manuals and, even if they did, I wouldn't be able to remember everything that was written down.

Thank you too! I will never forget that moment. Never! Yes, I'll take all the help I can get too. But when she points it out I feel horrible. Guess she can tell that to her counselor when she grows up.

It's weird to think that that is how newborns rode in cars. Guess I was meant for the older times. No, really.. I can joke now but I wanted to die then. Even now if I do something else. I don't know about being gentle with ourselves...if we were and something happened we would just be beaten down. But I know in my heart that if anything happened to my kids on my watch I wouldn't be able to live with myself. My world revolves around them. Now, I'm scared that others would not view it that way and I too would be thrown under the bus for an accident.

LOL! No they don't and I, like you, wouldn't be able to remember everything either.