TN - Timothy Reid, 15 mos, dies in hot car, Chattanooga, 1 May 2007

[southcitymom]

Karma and forgiveness are two different things in my book. Forgiveness IS irrelevant when it does not matter to the person you are forgiving. I can tell you this guy could care less if I forgive him.

How did I become the bad guy? All I have ever said is that I don't understand how someone could leave their baby in a hot car for 7 hours. Telling me about karma won't change my mind on that.
I also never said I was 100% on my game 100% of the time. Again, I don't have to be to not understand how this could happen. I didn't understand it last year, and I won't understand it next year.

You know, there was the little boy that fell into a septic tank. It was an accident, but there were many people that crucified the father for leaving him alone for a minute. IMO, this is the same difference. Maybe that dad was tired and not thinking correctly? Avery & Tristan White... parents crucified.

I think I'm done posting on this one.

The concepts of karma and forgiveness are inextricably and eternally linked.

Forgiveness, like love, is an active spiritual force with real power and real results attached to its demonstration. In this regard, forgiveness of strangers matters very much because it puts an energy/intention into this world that allows both parties to heal and be healed. Powerful stuff.

To think forgiveness doesn't matter between "strangers" dismisses the connection all humans share.

If it helps at all - I don't think you're a bad guy/gal and have appreciated your honest posts on the subject!

 

[shopper]

Karma and forgiveness are two different things in my book. Forgiveness IS irrelevant when it does not matter to the person you are forgiving. I can tell you this guy could care less if I forgive him.

How did I become the bad guy? All I have ever said is that I don't understand how someone could leave their baby in a hot car for 7 hours. Telling me about karma won't change my mind on that.
I also never said I was 100% on my game 100% of the time. Again, I don't have to be to not understand how this could happen. I didn't understand it last year, and I won't understand it next year.

You know, there was the little boy that fell into a septic tank. It was an accident, but there were many people that crucified the father for leaving him alone for a minute. IMO, this is the same difference. Maybe that dad was tired and not thinking correctly? Avery & Tristan White... parents crucified.

I think I'm done posting on this one.

Who said you were the bad guy? I'm not attacking you or your opinion, I just don't see how you can be so hard on the guy. I don't care if you agree or never change your mind. We each have our own ways of dealing with things.

You're right, that father doesn't need your forgiveness, it's his family's and God's place to forgive him. Maybe showing some compassion is what I should've said. But I see where you stand, regardless of whatever term I use.

 

[angelwngs]

What concerns me is our inability, as a society, to any longer be shocked by such.

We have grown so accustomed to living in such a 'rat race' that we no longer take time for the most important things in our lives, allowing 'more important' thoughts to occupy or minds.

School shootings and bomb threats...

Mass murders...

War, terrorism, and beheadings...

The economy, (our nations and our own)...

We have all, (including our youth) become desensitized....to the human element and its worth.

It has gotten to the point that what, yesterday, was the shocking, has now beome commonplace.

We even make justifications for our own negligences .......and the negligences of others to hide our own shortcomings.

Society as a whole needs to wake up and reprioritize.

The safety and well-being of our children should have always been and should always be our first priority.

 

[southcitymom]

Forgiveness has been a theme for me today. I just got back from seeing Spiderman 3 and that seems to be its predominant message (well, that and never try to knock out a man made of sand). Spidey himself says so!

 

[Bobbisangel]

Exactly Southcitymom. I NEVER, ever condemn people when things like this happen, (unless there is proven past neglect or abuse). I doubt very seriously that this man decided that this morning he'd just not bother to be an attentive parent. It was not an intentional act, it was an accident. And yes, IMO an accident is an accident is an accident. (Not saying that at you, just addressing a post I saw above.)

But for the grace of God go I, indeed. No one can feel any worse than this father and it scares and saddens me that some people can just be so judgmental when NO ONE on this earth is perfect, 100% of the time, for their entire life. Some people should count their blessings that nothing bad happened to them those times their guard was down for a moment, instead of bashing a parent who wasn't as lucky.

I agree with you completely. I learned a long time ago not to ever say "well I would never...." As sure as I would say that I would!!

I'm very thankful that I didn't leave one of my four kids in the car but I did leave my baby at a girlfriends once. She was in her walker just wandering around the house and wasn't in the frontroom when we got ready to go. I gathered the other 3 kids up and out to the car we went. When we were all situated my girlfriend looked at me and said "aren't you forgetting something?"
I said "I don't think so" and she said "what about Shelley?" I felt like an idoit!
I can't imagine how I forgot my baby...diaper bag and walker but I sure did.
I guess in all of the hussle bustle of gathering the other 3 kids up with their stuff I just spaced out my baby. That was the first and last time that ever happened and I thank God it was at my friend's house instead of in the car.

I think there are very few parents who would leave a baby in the car on purpose...for hours. If the dad had been in a bar I wouldn't feel any pity for him. But it wasn't the case. He probably didn't normally drop the baby off at day care. If the baby was asleep and it was say 10-20 minutes to his job from the school he probably did just forget that the baby was with him. I can't imagine being in his or his wife's shoes. They must be in hell over this.
She probably is guilting herself to death because she didn't take the baby to drop him off and the dad is probably dying of guilt because he forgot. It didn't happen on purpose. My heart goes out to both of the parents and their other kids.

 

[Dena]

Forgiveness has been a theme for me today. I just got back from seeing Spiderman 3 and that seems to be its predominant message (well, that and never try to knock out a man made of sand). Spidey himself says so!

Well, if Spiderman says it... I guess I changed my mind.

 

[southcitymom]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Well, if Spiderman says it... I guess I changed my mind.

 

[kahskye]

My heart too breaks for the parents and siblings. I think there are very few parents who would leave a baby in the car on purpose...for hours. If the dad had been in a bar I wouldn't feel any pity for him. But it wasn't the case. He probably didn't normally drop the baby off at day care. If the baby was asleep and it was say 10-20 minutes to his job from the school he probably did just forget that the baby was with him. I can't imagine being in his or his wife's shoes. They must be in hell over this.
She probably is guilting herself to death because she didn't take the baby to drop him off and the dad is probably dying of guilt because he forgot. It didn't happen on purpose. My heart goes out to both of the parents and their other kids.

My heart also breaks for the parents and siblings. The only thing that keeps haunting me about this is that the motion detector was going off and dad was too absorbed in his work to question what would be triggering the alarm. The vision of that baby's violent death as he squirmed and gasped for air just kills me as I'm sure it does his parents. I'm sure that whatever was so important to the dad that day doesn't mean didly squat to him today. Hopefully we all can learn from this and remind ourselves of our priorities as we start our day. It is so eash to get caught up in the rat race and lose focus of everything else. When a preventable accident such as this occurs, suddenly the finish line doesn't matter anymore. I just pray that some of you who are less understanding never hit an obstacle such as this in your own race through life.

 

[AlwaysShocked]

Yes, the father turning off the motion detector several times really bothers me too.

I think the idea of parents and daycare operators and/or babysitters developing a "buddy system" to make sure eveyone is aware of the whereabouts of a child is a GREAT idea whose time has come. This seems to be happening more and more each year. There are ways to prevent it.

Develop a system. Call it "Child Check" or something. Promote it through advertising, magazine articles, child clinics and pediatricians. Sort of a "It's eleven o'clock, do you know where your children are?" catchphrase; but it becomes "It's 9:00 AM, have you checked with your partner about your baby?"

 

[MREG2]

You've got to be joking South- he FORGOT about his BABY, left him in a hot car for seven hours and the baby DIED- that's enough for me to know he shouldnt have been in a position for that to happen, nothing is more important than your kids-
This guy didn't deserve to have kids- obviously what was going on for him was more important than the welfare of his child.

Yes, all the above did happen. But do we know what was going on in his life at the time?? Do we know if he had been up all night with a sick child, etc?? Do we know if he knows he is close to losing his job and is worried sick over how he will take care of his family if that happens?? No. And to judge him so harshly as to say he didn't deserve to have kids?? Wow... I would agree if he was out all night getting high but this is just too much.

 

[MREG2]

Not even joking a little bit!

I read numerous posts after an article about this of people who knew this man and his family. Everyone who knew them speak very highly to his character, devotion, love and stamina as a parent.

The only obvious thing about what happened to him and his infant child is that he made a terrible, life-altering mistake.

As I've stated repeatedly on this thread, I think this type of thing can and does happen to excellent parents. Most parents have a "what-if" story or two or twenty - I know I do, and others have shared theirs on this thread. Most of us don't have to pay the ultimate price like he did, but that doesn't make us better parents, it makes us luckier parents.

I personally don't even understand the mentality that "this guy doesn't even deserve kids." I'll bet his three remaining children feel differently.

I respect your opinion, but don't "get" it. Perhaps our parenting experiences have been different along these lines.

I agree. And for those who don't then PLEASE enlighten those of us who have, but because of a merciful God, nothing serious came from it. I would LOVE to hear how perfect these parents are and how they live such a perfect life as perfect parents....:snooty:

 

[narlacat]

I agree. And for those who don't then PLEASE enlighten those of us who have, but because of a merciful God, nothing serious came from it. I would LOVE to hear how perfect these parents are and how they live such a perfect life as perfect parents....:snooty:

I have never said I am perfect, far from it, but even I'm not that hopeless that I would forget my kid is in the car with me- that is ridiculous-
The guy obviously had more important things on his mind and I wonder what is more important than the life of his child.

 

[narlacat]

Yes, all the above did happen. But do we know what was going on in his life at the time?? Do we know if he had been up all night with a sick child, etc?? Do we know if he knows he is close to losing his job and is worried sick over how he will take care of his family if that happens?? No. And to judge him so harshly as to say he didn't deserve to have kids?? Wow... I would agree if he was out all night getting high but this is just too much.

Yep he had responsibility of his child- whatever he had on his mind was not as important as the life of his child
Make excuses for the guy all you like- but whichever way you look at it- he failed in his responsibilty as a parent-
You dont FORGET your kid and leave it in a hot car till it dies- it's that simple- no excuses

 

[MREG2]

Yep he had resposibility of his child- whatever he had on his mind was not as important as the life of his child
Make excuses for the guy all you like- but whichever way you look at it- he failed in his responsibilty as a parent-
You dont FORGET your kid and leave it in a hot car till it dies- it's that simple- no excuses

I'm not making excuses. I'm just tired of all the bashing and judgement from people who themselves are not perfect. I pray Narla that you will never have to eat your words.. and I don't mean because you left your child in a car, but for any freak accident.

 

[narlacat]

I'm not making excuses. I'm just tired of all the bashing and judgement from people who themselves are not perfect. I pray Narla that you will never have to eat your words.. and I don't mean because you left your child in a car, but for any freak accident.

What happened was NOT a freak accident for gods sake- it was negligence- accidents are not preventable- this baby dying was preventable-

 

[Texana]

A freak accident is the teenager who was playing golf, knocked the ball into the wooded area, bent over to pick it up, tripped, and stabbed himself in the heart with his golf club. (I think the golf club had broken or something like that.)

Or the little boy at a baseball game who was holding on to the wire fencing when he stepped on an exposed electrical connection. (More preventable, but freak because if he hadn't been holding on to the fence, he wouldn't have been shocked and killed.)

It's called a "freak" because it is so rare--it's something that catches your eye by the very nature of the combination of events needed to make it occur. And it's basically not preventable.

A child's death like this is becoming all too commonplace and it's preventable, so it's not a freak accident.

I feel badly for the parent, but I'm not about to put this into the "freak accident category."

 

[Amraann]

Thank you too! I will never forget that moment. Never! Yes, I'll take all the help I can get too. But when she points it out I feel horrible. Guess she can tell that to her counselor when she grows up.

It's weird to think that that is how newborns rode in cars. Guess I was meant for the older times. No, really.. I can joke now but I wanted to die then. Even now if I do something else. I don't know about being gentle with ourselves...if we were and something happened we would just be beaten down. But I know in my heart that if anything happened to my kids on my watch I wouldn't be able to live with myself. My world revolves around them. Now, I'm scared that others would not view it that way and I too would be thrown under the bus for an accident.

LOL! No they don't and I, like you, wouldn't be able to remember everything either.

LMAO!!!! That is exactly what we tell our kids
When they fuss about a punishment or say something is "unfair" we tell them to save it for their therapist when they grow up

 

[MREG2]

Wow.... calm down. I am sorry I used the word "freak"... I stand corrected. But it still was an accident. I do not believe for a second (unless of course it is proven) that this father left his baby in the car on purpose.

 

[AlwaysShocked]

"I'm very thankful that I didn't leave one of my four kids in the car but I did leave my baby at a girlfriends once."

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but here it goes: These are the kind of statements being made by folks who "have a lot of sympathy" for the father who forgot his child in his car, turned the motion detector device off not once but twice and STILL never even thought of the child!

All of this "there but for the grace of God" comments have just astounded me!

Somebody needs to tell you - any of you who are being so "charitable" about this "accident" - that normal people do not hear this kind of a story and think "Oh, that poor father! There but for the grace of God go I"

Normal people think "What the F is wrong with that guy!" Folks, girls, mothers, whoever - THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR! Something is wrong here!

If you are "forgetting" your children - be it at a girlfiend's house, at the K-mart, in a car or wherever -- please, please do NOT think this is "okay" behavior. It is NOT!

Yes, I suppose we could "take a pole" - meaning a poll - here on websleuths about this issue. And what would that tell us? That the vast majority of parents have NEVER "forgotten" their children ANYWHERE, ever!

IF YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR CHILD SOMEWHERE - ANYWHERE - SOMETHING IS WRONG!

Look into it! Get help! Change your life - right away!

And for the "poll" - I raised two children, am very involved with three grandchildren - picking taking and picking up from daycare and school, etc. -and have never "forgotten" a child anywhere at any time.

 

[MREG2]

"I'm very thankful that I didn't leave one of my four kids in the car but I did leave my baby at a girlfriends once."

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but here it goes: These are the kind of statements being made by folks who "have a lot of sympathy" for the father who forgot his child in his car, turned the motion detector device off not once but twice and STILL never even thought of the child!

All of this "there but for the grace of God" comments have just astounded me!

Somebody needs to tell you - any of you who are being so "charitable" about this "accident" - that normal people do not hear this kind of a story and think "Oh, that poor father! There but for the grace of God go I"

Normal people think "What the F is wrong with that guy!" Folks, girls, mothers, whoever - THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR! Something is wrong here!

If you are "forgetting" your children - be it at a girlfiend's house, at the K-mart, in a car or wherever -- please, please do NOT think this is "okay" behavior. It is NOT!
Yes, I suppose we could "take a pole" - meaning a poll - here on websleuths about this issue. And what would that tell us? That the vast majority of parents have NEVER "forgotten" their children ANYWHERE, ever!

IF YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR CHILD SOMEWHERE - ANYWHERE - SOMETHING IS WRONG!

Look into it! Get help! Change your life - right away!

And for the "poll" - I raised two children, am very involved with three grandchildren - picking taking and picking up from daycare and school, etc. -and have never "forgotten" a child anywhere at any time.

Show me where anyone on this thread have said that what this father did was okay....