UK - Inside the mind of the paedophile - and the wife standing by him

[blaize]

I'm all for understanding them in an effort to curb their future abuse...but it should be behind bars. None of this monitoring nonsense. We should never have to deal with them on the outside again once they have raped a child. Same with the child addicts. JMO as a mother, future grandmother and former victim of a male babysitter.

My gut reaction is to say lock them all up and throw away the keys but realistically speaking that just won't work. Monitoring and therapy have a chance to work only if the potential offender is compliant.

The approach has to be two pronged at the very least. Monitoring and therapy for compliant paedophiles & offenders and heavy sentencing and ongoing therapy for jailed offenders.

Somehow or other we have to make inroads into this problem and I'd sooner foster a system whereby someone worried about potentially harming a child or engaging in behaviour that would lead to the eventual harming of a child could feel 'safe' enough to come forward to get help with their compulsions. We, as a society, may have to accept that unless we can implement systems for potential offenders to self identify and seek impartial treatment as a first step, that we are overlooking through anger & revulsion, a valid way to protect children in the first place.

 

[blaize]

Still haven't read the article but is it possible for every photo or video shared via the internet to be copied and sent (at the same time) to the ISP in question so they can track the sender?

Unfortunately the short answer to that is no. People legitimately share millions, if not billions of images, videos and other files on the net and the process of replicating each and every file and then checking it would be next to impossible and probably be a redundant exercise.

 

[blaize]

Thanks for saying what I feel with such clarity and brevity.

Thank you.

 

[Tricia]

Originally Posted by blaize
......
The truth is if we seriously want to tackle child abuse & paedophilia we need to understand the pathology and get potential abusers the therapy necessary to lessen the likelihood of their offending. .....

The problem is Blaize, no amount of therapy will ever change a pedophile.
It's like trying to change the color of your eyes by going to a therapist. It's useless.

The only thing therapy might be able to do is get the pedophile to realize society needs to be protected from him. To realize his problems.

Short of locking up a pedophile there is nothing else we, as a society can do, to protect children from a pedophile. They will always be attracted to children.

Personally, I think a pedophile's brain is wired differently then a hetro or homosexual. If we can figure out a way to chemically rewired the brain of a pedophile then things might change.

Until then it's prison or electronic monitoring. That's the best we can do.

 

[crypto6]

Thanks for saying what I feel with such clarity and brevity.

I really liked your way of describing the problem; it too has clarity and brevity to me.

Crypto6

 

[blaize]

The problem is Blaize, no amount of therapy will ever change a pedophile.
It's like trying to change the color of your eyes by going to a therapist. It's useless.

The only thing therapy might be able to do is get the pedophile to realize society needs to be protected from him. To realize his problems.

Short of locking up a pedophile there is nothing else we, as a society can do, to protect children from a pedophile. They will always be attracted to children.

Personally, I think a pedophile's brain is wired differently then a hetro or homosexual. If we can figure out a way to chemically rewired the brain of a pedophile then things might change.

Until then it's prison or electronic monitoring. That's the best we can do.

Hello Tricia,

I understand where you're coming from but I believe we have to strive to do more. I don't think the point of therapy could ever be to change a paedophile's orientation because I believe that'd be impossible.

What I do think is possible with therapy, is to make it less likely for a potential offender to take that last step to acting directly on their fantasies. To make them see that children are not capable of giving informed consent and that sexual contact with an adult is inappropriate & harmful for a child.

We have to do more than just monitoring and prison after the fact because by the time those options come into play some child's life has already been taken or destroyed.

 

[southcitymom]

I really liked your way of describing the problem; it too has clarity and brevity to me.

Crypto6

Thank you Crypto6:blowkiss:

 

[southcitymom]

Hello Tricia,

I understand where you're coming from but I believe we have to strive to do more. I don't think the point of therapy could ever be to change a paedophile's orientation because I believe that'd be impossible.

What I do think is possible with therapy, is to make it less likely for a potential offender to take that last step to acting directly on their fantasies. To make them see that children are not capable of giving informed consent and that sexual contact with an adult is inappropriate & harmful for a child.

We have to do more than just monitoring and prison after the fact because by the time those options come into play some child's life has already been taken or destroyed.

I believe this is the best course of action we could take as well. I don't think the orientation can be changed by therapy (to the best of my knowledge, no sexual orientation can be changed by therapy) - but I do think the goal of helping some accept the harmful reality of their actions could be realized.

I believe this same type of treatment should also be offered to child sex offenders who are not pedophiles.

 

[blaize]

- but I do think the goal of helping some accept the harmful reality of their actions could be realized.

I believe this same type of treatment should also be offered to child sex offenders who are not pedophiles .

Couldn't agree more with you on that SCM.

 

[SewingDeb]

The problem is Blaize, no amount of therapy will ever change a pedophile.
It's like trying to change the color of your eyes by going to a therapist. It's useless.

The only thing therapy might be able to do is get the pedophile to realize society needs to be protected from him. To realize his problems.

Short of locking up a pedophile there is nothing else we, as a society can do, to protect children from a pedophile. They will always be attracted to children.

Personally, I think a pedophile's brain is wired differently then a hetro or homosexual. If we can figure out a way to chemically rewired the brain of a pedophile then things might change.


Until then it's prison or electronic monitoring. That's the best we can do.

I agree. We do need to learn from them but society should not have to worry about how closely they (sexual predators) are being monitored and when will be the next time they attack a child. It's not fair to us. My opinion is that once convicted on good evidence, they should never be released. Therapy and research can be conducted in prison.

 

[SewingDeb]

My gut reaction is to say lock them all up and throw away the keys but realistically speaking that just won't work. Monitoring and therapy have a chance to work only if the potential offender is compliant.

The approach has to be two pronged at the very least. Monitoring and therapy for compliant paedophiles & offenders and heavy sentencing and ongoing therapy for jailed offenders.

Somehow or other we have to make inroads into this problem and I'd sooner foster a system whereby someone worried about potentially harming a child or engaging in behaviour that would lead to the eventual harming of a child could feel 'safe' enough to come forward to get help with their compulsions. We, as a society, may have to accept that unless we can implement systems for potential offenders to self identify and seek impartial treatment as a first step, that we are overlooking through anger & revulsion, a valid way to protect children in the first place.

If they come forward for help BEFORE offending, I'm all for trying to help them. Once they have actually attacked a child, they should lose their freedom. I don't mind paying more taxes to keep them locked up. It's better than many of the things our tax money is spent on in this country.

The guy in the article thinks they should have long sentences. I agree with him and he knows.

 

[SewingDeb]

It's a tough proposition because all isps all over the world would have to come on board and there doesn't seem to be a way to ensure that. Add to that the isps major quibbles over cost & manpower, they say it would take millions to put in place the necessary filters and train the people to maintain them.

I can see where that would be the case. What about a special filter that only picked up on the pictures when young children are involved? That would cut way down on the number of pictures to look over.

 

[blaize]

I can see where that would be the case. What about a special filter that only picked up on the pictures when young children are involved? That would cut way down on the number of pictures to look over.

Again a solid idea but the technology that could do that successfully isn't available yet, at least in the public domain. We'd also have to consider other problematic instances where paedophiles could be using 'innocent' images, for example swimsuit pics taken from a children's clothing catalogue.

Plenty of work is being done on trying to develop effective filters to at least protect people from stumbling on openly paedophile sites & at least the tech type people with the skill and expertise to make a difference are taking an interest.

 

[blaize]

If they come forward for help BEFORE offending, I'm all for trying to help them. Once they have actually attacked a child, they should lose their freedom. I don't mind paying more taxes to keep them locked up. It's better than many of the things our tax money is spent on in this country.

The guy in the article thinks they should have long sentences. I agree with him and he knows.

Exactly, after the fact is too late. I'd agree with longer sentencing too.

 

[blaize]

I came across another interesting article about therapy for child sex offenders (CSOs) by an Australian therapist called Peter Toman. In it he writes;

"As Mark Brown (2002) clearly states , “…therapy with offenders is a special case: it is unlike therapy with any other group in our society.” (pg 165). It is not designed to change their underlying sexual arousal patterns, but to change how they behave in the face of that arousal. What it is that is special is that the victims of these offences have no choice in the matter. In fact they are unable to make the choice, they are unable to consent to the activity in question. However, the offenders are able to make choices about their behaviour. The aim of the therapy is to inculcate the offenders with attitudes which make it unlikely that they will commit these offences again. Not that they will change their arousal patterns, but that they will change their behaviour.
I make no apologies for the values that I hold. Where children are concerned, I believe that no
others are acceptable. It is not acceptable to harm children. The children cannot agree to any of this behaviour, their assent in some cases, is still not consent. That nonconsensual sexual behaviour, particularly with children, is unacceptable is a core belief. The underlying value is that children in our society are to be protected and cared for."

The paper is called 'Ethical issues in the treatment of child sex offenders : a tightrope walk over a precipice of paradox' and is available for download in pdf format here.

 

[Tricia]

I came across another interesting article about therapy for child sex offenders (CSOs) by an Australian therapist called Peter Toman. In it he writes;

"As Mark Brown (2002) clearly states , “…therapy with offenders is a special case: it is unlike therapy with any other group in our society.” (pg 165). It is not designed to change their underlying sexual arousal patterns, but to change how they behave in the face of that arousal. What it is that is special is that the victims of these offences have no choice in the matter. In fact they are unable to make the choice, they are unable to consent to the activity in question. However, the offenders are able to make choices about their behaviour. The aim of the therapy is to inculcate the offenders with attitudes which make it unlikely that they will commit these offences again. Not that they will change their arousal patterns, but that they will change their behaviour.
I make no apologies for the values that I hold. Where children are concerned, I believe that no
others are acceptable. It is not acceptable to harm children. The children cannot agree to any of this behaviour, their assent in some cases, is still not consent. That nonconsensual sexual behaviour, particularly with children, is unacceptable is a core belief. The underlying value is that children in our society are to be protected and cared for."

The paper is called 'Ethical issues in the treatment of child sex offenders : a tightrope walk over a precipice of paradox' and is available for download in pdf format here.

This sounds perfect....on paper. Can it really be done?

I agree that if a pedophile steps forward before hurting a child and wants help then it should be given to him. To help him prevent himself acting on his impulses. BUT....and this is the problem...now we know this person is a pedophile, what do we do? Do we let his community know even though he hasn't hurt a child? Wouldn't that be a violation of his rights?

I think one solution is to electronically monitor those who come forward before hurting a child. That way, if they know they are being watched they are less likely to offend.

This is a tough one because as a parent I don't want any pedophile anywhere near a child. Whether he has offended or not.

 

[blaize]

This is a tough one because as a parent I don't want any pedophile anywhere near a child. Whether he has offended or not.

That's the most natural reaction in the world & I think one shared by most responsible adults.

Truth be told though if a non-offending paedophile self-identifys and seeks treatment then society in general and their neighbours in particular would have no legal right to know since it's only known offenders who end up on the public registers.

 

[EZRA]

Well, there probably isn't anyone reading this anymore since it's been a few days but I wanted to add my two cents.

As a victim of a paedophile and a mother I wasn't even going to read this story, but felt compelled to see what the guy had to say. Before I started I was already saying the a creep and what excuses was he going to have. By the end I was actually still disgusted but quite impressed with most of what he had to say. He was being honest about his problems and most of all he was suggesting monitoring even lifetime monitoring, which I agree with. It certainly gives a view from HIS perspective but lets not forget that is only one person. In my experience the person was not that caring or concerned with hurting a child. He looked me right in the eyes for years after and smiled so I can't really say that I believe that this one perspective gives anything in the way of insight into the minds of other paedophiles. Yes, I give credit to those who come forward BEFORE hurting a child but looking at the stuff on the internet is still hurting a child in some ways those children as still victims. Someday there has to be a way of controlling these people in society so that they cannot hurt our children. For those who want to live a normal life and seek help we should offer help to them for sure, we just have to figure out a good way to do that. For the others we just need to wipe them off the planet.

 

[blaize]

Well, there probably isn't anyone reading this anymore since it's been a few days but I wanted to add my two cents.

As a victim of a paedophile and a mother I wasn't even going to read this story, but felt compelled to see what the guy had to say. Before I started I was already saying the a creep and what excuses was he going to have. By the end I was actually still disgusted but quite impressed with most of what he had to say. He was being honest about his problems and most of all he was suggesting monitoring even lifetime monitoring, which I agree with. It certainly gives a view from HIS perspective but lets not forget that is only one person. In my experience the person was not that caring or concerned with hurting a child. He looked me right in the eyes for years after and smiled so I can't really say that I believe that this one perspective gives anything in the way of insight into the minds of other paedophiles. Yes, I give credit to those who come forward BEFORE hurting a child but looking at the stuff on the internet is still hurting a child in some ways those children as still victims. Someday there has to be a way of controlling these people in society so that they cannot hurt our children. For those who want to live a normal life and seek help we should offer help to them for sure, we just have to figure out a good way to do that. For the others we just need to wipe them off the planet.

Hello Ezra, it's a difficult article for everyone to read because it arouses such conflicting emotions.
I don't think anyone here is holding Bill Henkel up as the poster boy for 'good' paedophiles just that most who have read the article have agreed with what you say to varying degrees.

As I've said before in my opinion the turning point for Henkel was when he identified emotionally with the child victims. This is a huge step because to do it he had to stop lying to himself about the 'child enjoying it' or 'the experience not harming the child' or any of the other self-serving lies we've become so used to hearing form offenders. He still is only one man but if his therapy has worked to bring him this far then I'm all for it.

My hope for the future is that therapists, counsellors & others working in the child sex offender field can build on the insights they gain from people like Bill Henkel who are compliant and are invested in their own treatment.

The non-compliant ones, the resistors are a whole different ballgame though and there are always going to be some out there who are a threat to children and need to be dealt with severely. Whether that should involve committal procedures after sentences have been served or some other process to keep them away from children is a huge issue that needs to be addressed not only by our law makers but also by anyone with any human decency.

I'm very sorry you had to live through that experience with your abuser though I'm doubly grateful for your courage in reading that article and your input on this thread. Thanks.

blaize

 

[s_finch]

I was molested at the age of 4 by a maternal cousin...I never told a soul...fast forward approx. 10 yrs it happened to two more kids...so not only do I have to bear the guilt of what happened to me, but also two more small kids as well. :sick:

You were a child and not responsible for the acts of an adult. Don't blame yourself for being silent, put the blame where it belongs, on the offender. By accepting any blame, you are allowing him to still have some control and letting the past harm you. Let go of the guilt. It was not/is not your fault.

Be good to yourself, love yourself and if it makes you feel better use your past experience to help others today.

<<<hugs>>>