YES, that internal conflict she seems to have is very interesting. And very revealing.
On one hand, she is very proud of the praise she gets from colleagues for her very intelligent, highly skilled demeanour when under pressure on the floor. She loves to discuss this with a few key superiors, like doc Choc, and hear about how well she performs under pressure and how calm and measured she is and how organised and capable she is. She gets that praise from many co-workers and parents of her patients. She loves it. She even repeats some of the compliments she gets to others in text convos.
And yet, she tried to tell the police that she doubted her competence and her abilities as a nurse, and it was because of that lack of self confidence, she wrote those scathing notes about being evil and killing them on purpose.
When the police questioned her further, about her notes saying she 'might have killed them, she is not sure but she might have missed something or made mistakes'---<<<she couldn't stick with that explanation.
When police asked 'what mistakes did you make?' She answered 'NONE.' What did you miss, how did you harm them?
She could not bring herself to say that she was incompetent or say she actually made any medical errors. It goes against everything in her to do so. So she changed it to ' I thought they were going to see me as incompetent. I thought they were going to blame me for missing something.'
IN SUMMARY;
---She is very proud of the praise she gets from colleagues for her competence
---And yet, she tried to tell the police that she doubted her competence and her abilities as a nurse, and that's why she wrote those confessions, because she hates herself for making mistakes
----When police asked 'what mistakes did you make?' She answered 'NONE
---So she changed it to ' I thought they were going to see me as incompetent.'