VA - Freshman daughter, mom 'good time drop off' outrages VA university

[katydid23]

Where are the stats on this?

http://www.livingwell.org.au/information/unhelpful-myths-about-the-sexual-assault-and-rape-of-men/

There are a number of commonly accepted myths that can make it difficult for a man to publicly name an experience of
sexual assault or rape. These myths minimise the seriousness of the crime and help persons perpetrating sexual violence to evade responsibility for their actions. These myths can affect the way a man feels about himself following an assault, preventing him from seeking assistance and can influence the way that he is treated should he come forward and ask for help.


Myth: Men can’t be raped or sexually assaulted.
Reality: Men can be and are sexually assaulted. Any man can be sexually assaulted regardless of size, strength, appearance, age, occupation, race or sexual identity. The idea that men can’t be raped or sexually assaulted is linked to unrealistic beliefs that a ‘man’ should be able to defend himself against attack. It also has a history in the fact that according to the Queensland Criminal Code, up until 1997, the offence of rape could only be committed against a woman.

Myth: Men cannot be sexually assaulted by women.
Reality: Although the majority of sexual assaults of men are committed by men, women do sexually assault men. Sexual assault is not always enacted through overwhelming physical force: it can involve emotional manipulation whereby a man can be coerced into sexual act out of fear of potential repercussions for his relationships, work, etc. The number of men identifying sexual abuse by a woman as a boy or young man has increased over the past few years. Ideas that men should always want sex with women and that as a young man you should feel lucky if you have sex with an older woman also make it difficult for a man to publicly name sexual assault by a woman.


Myth: Erection or ejaculation during sexual assault means you “really wanted it” or consented to it.
Reality: Erection or ejaculation are physiological responses that can be induced through manipulation and pressure on the prostate. Some people who commit sexual assault are aware how erections and ejaculations can confuse a man and this motivates them to manipulate their body and penis to the point of erections or ejaculation. They also can use this manipulation as a way to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting of the offence. Developing an erection or ejaculating does not indicate that a man wanted or enjoyed the assault nor does it say anything about sexual identity (e.g. if a man develops an erection when a cat sits on his lap, it doesn’t mean he is interested in sex with cats!). See our page on Men and Arousal.


Myth: Some people physically can’t commit rape.
Reality: A person’s physical strength, sex, sexual potency and sexual preference does not affect their ability to rape. Sexual assault can be committed through coercion or manipulation, by using fingers or objects such as sticks, marker pens or bottles. Rape is not all about physical force: young people and old people do sexually assault young and old people.

 

[Firefliezz21]

It is unfair to the males because it puts an impossible burden on them to defend themselves from accusations. When a female has mutual contact, gives consent, and they have consensual relations, then the male has various ways to show that in a hearing. But if a woman can come back at him 2 yrs later and say she ' revoked consent during the act' ----there is NO WAY for him to defend himself. And the many lawsuits that are happening right now corroborate that, imo.

for example:

"In the Amherst case, the expelled student’s attorney is suing the school in federal court, where traditional rules of evidence have produced incriminating text messages sent by the alleged victim that appear to indicate she not only consented to, but initiated the sex. His attorney also alleges that the woman told campus investigators the sex began consensually, but that she revoked her consent during the act.

The suit seeks $75,000 and names the school, President Carolyn Martin and several officials for moving “with enormous speed to expel John Doe, eject him from the campus, and destroy his reputation.”

Other cases in which young men’s lives have been damaged by accusations that might not stand up in a traditional court have made recent headlines."

While no one doubts that sexual assault occurs on campuses and is a problem, Christina Hoff Sommers, a resident scholar at the American Enterprise Institute and author of “The War Against Boys,” says the so-called “rape culture” on campus is exaggerated, and the lines between consensual sex that is later regretted and actual assault is being blurred. A complaint is often enough to get the accused thrown out of school, she said.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2015/06/2...e-tribunals-punish-without-proof-say-critics/

I think there is a rape culture among students on college campuses and even some high school campuses. A drunk student pushed open our daughter's dorm apt front door and try to break down her bedroom door. He was trying to find her roommate. The excessive alcohol consumption was ridiculous and she finally broke her lease and moved out.

The only way for a male student to prevent being wrongfully accused is to keep his pants zipped and refrain from casual sex altogether. Our sons and daughters are warned and every parent should be warning their sons about this culture before they ever allow them access to a car or write the first tuition check.

 

[katydid23]

We're not talking about morning wood. We're talking about the sexual assault of someone who is out cold. There's a difference. And let me ask you, if, by some chance a man could become aroused while out cold, how would he know he had been sexually assaulted via oral sex the next morning??? Is he bruised? Sore?

The case that I am specifically thinking about was horrendous. A college girl gave oral sex to a drunk, nearly unconscious male student.[ Her roommates boyfriend. ]Then she told people about it. Otherwise he probably would not have known, although he had vague memories of it. Two years later she accused him of rape and he was expelled. He is suing the University right now for reinstatement. There are text messages she sent to people that corroborate the males claims.

I am kind of surprised how dismissive people seem to be of males as victims.

 

[katydid23]

I think there is a rape culture among students on college campuses and even some high school campuses. A drunk student pushed open our daughter's dorm apt front door and try to break down her bedroom door. He was trying to find her roommate. The excessive alcohol consumption was ridiculous and she finally broke her lease and moved out.

The only way for a male student to prevent being wrongfully accused is to keep his pants zipped and refrain from casual sex altogether. Our sons and daughters are warned and every parent should be warning their sons about this culture before they ever allow them access to a car or write the first tuition check.

I agree except I see it as HOOK UP culture as well. It is not just the boys that are drunk and out of control. A lot of girls are aggressive and promiscuous and drunk and erratic. My daughter also broke a lease to escape two roomies who would bring strangers home at 2 am from the local pubs.

 

[Firefliezz21]

exactly. But even when a teen is drunk he can become easily aroused. It just amazes me that people want to deny that males can be sexually assaulted.

When a male is drunk, his ability to become aroused is greatly diminished.

I hope this link comes through:

http://brown.edu/Student_Services/H...acco,_&_other_drugs/alcohol/alcohol_&_sex.php

 

[katydid23]

Yes - this happens all. the. time.

Are you saying it doesn't?

 

[DexterMorgan]

Can we all just agree that the signs were predatorial in nature and should not be condoned on campuses. Especially when our kids are going there for higher education and not to party.

This is why the country is jacked up. Because you have young adults focusing on staying teens when they need to focus on bigger things such as their future. Jmo

 

[Fairy1]

http://www.livingwell.org.au/information/unhelpful-myths-about-the-sexual-assault-and-rape-of-men/

There are a number of commonly accepted myths that can make it difficult for a man to publicly name an experience of
sexual assault or rape. These myths minimise the seriousness of the crime and help persons perpetrating sexual violence to evade responsibility for their actions. These myths can affect the way a man feels about himself following an assault, preventing him from seeking assistance and can influence the way that he is treated should he come forward and ask for help.


Myth: Men can’t be raped or sexually assaulted.
Reality: Men can be and are sexually assaulted. Any man can be sexually assaulted regardless of size, strength, appearance, age, occupation, race or sexual identity. The idea that men can’t be raped or sexually assaulted is linked to unrealistic beliefs that a ‘man’ should be able to defend himself against attack. It also has a history in the fact that according to the Queensland Criminal Code, up until 1997, the offence of rape could only be committed against a woman.

Myth: Men cannot be sexually assaulted by women.
Reality: Although the majority of sexual assaults of men are committed by men, women do sexually assault men. Sexual assault is not always enacted through overwhelming physical force: it can involve emotional manipulation whereby a man can be coerced into sexual act out of fear of potential repercussions for his relationships, work, etc. The number of men identifying sexual abuse by a woman as a boy or young man has increased over the past few years. Ideas that men should always want sex with women and that as a young man you should feel lucky if you have sex with an older woman also make it difficult for a man to publicly name sexual assault by a woman.


Myth: Erection or ejaculation during sexual assault means you “really wanted it” or consented to it.
Reality: Erection or ejaculation are physiological responses that can be induced through manipulation and pressure on the prostate. Some people who commit sexual assault are aware how erections and ejaculations can confuse a man and this motivates them to manipulate their body and penis to the point of erections or ejaculation. They also can use this manipulation as a way to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting of the offence. Developing an erection or ejaculating does not indicate that a man wanted or enjoyed the assault nor does it say anything about sexual identity (e.g. if a man develops an erection when a cat sits on his lap, it doesn’t mean he is interested in sex with cats!). See our page on Men and Arousal.


Myth: Some people physically can’t commit rape.
Reality: A person’s physical strength, sex, sexual potency and sexual preference does not affect their ability to rape. Sexual assault can be committed through coercion or manipulation, by using fingers or objects such as sticks, marker pens or bottles. Rape is not all about physical force: young people and old people do sexually assault young and old people.

Ok - but the actual statistics? And I don't mean sexual abuse by pedophiles. I mean by females in what would otherwise be considered consensual sex.

 

[katydid23]

When a male is drunk, his ability to become aroused is greatly diminished.

I hope this link comes through:

http://brown.edu/Student_Services/H...acco,_&_other_drugs/alcohol/alcohol_&_sex.php

I had a lot of drunken sex and none of the college boys seemed to have a problem with that.

 

[DexterMorgan]

When a male is drunk, his ability to become aroused is greatly diminished.

I hope this link comes through:

http://brown.edu/Student_Services/H...acco,_&_other_drugs/alcohol/alcohol_&_sex.php

Drunk and staggering people still get behind the wheel and go a good distance before the wreck.

Jmo

 

[flourish]

Can we all just agree that the signs were predatorial in nature and should not be condoned on campuses. Especially when our kids are going there for higher education and not to party.

This is why the country is jacked up. Because you have young adults focusing on staying teens when they need to focus on bigger things such as their future. Jmo

Lol I'm not disagreeing necessarily it's just funny because people here usually complain about teens growing up too fast, not the other way around.

Sent from my LG-D321 using Tapatalk

 

[Firefliezz21]

I agree except I see it as HOOK UP culture as well. It is not just the boys that are drunk and out of control. A lot of girls are aggressive and promiscuous and drunk and erratic. My daughter also broke a lease to escape two roomies who would bring strangers home at 2 am from the local pubs.

I view the words "sex" and "hook up" to mean basically the same thing. I guess I should consider myself a "lucky" parent because our kids have all said they find nothing attractive about drunk males or females trying to get picked up in Chicago bars.

 

[Firefliezz21]

Can we all just agree that the signs were predatorial in nature and should not be condoned on campuses. Especially when our kids are going there for higher education and not to party.

This is why the country is jacked up. Because you have young adults focusing on staying teens when they need to focus on bigger things such as their future. Jmo

I agree in part but I think the entire point of the signs isn't that they are predatory. I think they are college kids testing their rights of freedom of expression and free speech.

 

[Fairy1]

The case that I am specifically thinking about was horrendous. A college girl gave oral sex to a drunk, nearly unconscious male student.[ Her roommates boyfriend. ]Then she told people about it. Otherwise he probably would not have known, although he had vague memories of it. Two years later she accused him of rape and he was expelled. He is suing the University right now for reinstatement. There are text messages she sent to people that corroborate the males claims.

I am kind of surprised how dismissive people seem to be of males as victims.

I don't mean to be dismissive, but SHE accused HIM of rape. He didn't accuse her. It is not the same thing. She was wrong in accusing him, clearly. But he doesn't seem to have felt he was abused.

In a case such as this, I would hope that no attempt at prosecution would even be made. And if it was, shame on all. He should actually sue the university for financial restitution as well as reinstatement.

 

[flourish]

I had a lot of drunken sex and none of the college boys seemed to have a problem with that.

Lucky. Lol

Sent from my LG-D321 using Tapatalk

 

[Firefliezz21]

Drunk and staggering people still get behind the wheel and go a good distance before the wreck.

Jmo

Absolutely true and they are held accountable for their actions. No difference, as far as I'm concerned. Do the crime, do the time. Mommy & Daddy can't bail you out of the consequences of your own foolish decisions.

 

[katydid23]

Ok - but the actual statistics? And I don't mean sexual abuse by pedophiles. I mean by females in what would otherwise be considered consensual sex.

ok:

When Men Are Raped

A new study reveals that men are often the victims of sexual assault, and women are often the perpetrators.

http://www.slate.com/articles/doubl..._reveals_that_men_are_sexually_assaulted.html


ast year the National Crime Victimization Survey turned up a remarkable statistic. In asking 40,000 households about rape and sexual violence, the survey uncovered that 38 percent of incidents were against men. The number seemed so high that it prompted researcher Lara Stemple to call the Bureau of Justice Statistics to see if it maybe it had made a mistake, or changed its terminology. After all, in years past men had accounted for somewhere between 5 and 14 percent of rape and sexual violence victims.

The experience of men and women is “a lot closer than any of us would expect,” she says. For some kinds of victimization, men and women have roughly equal experiences. Stemple concluded that we need to “completely rethink our assumptions about sexual victimization,” and especially our fallback model that men are always the perpetrators and women the victims.

Data hasn’t been calculated under the new FBI definition yet, but Stemple parses several other national surveys in her new paper, “The Sexual Victimization of Men in America: New Data Challenge Old Assumptions,” co-written with Ilan Meyer and published in the April 17 edition of the American Journal of Public Health. One of those surveys is the 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, for which the Centers for Disease Control invented a category of sexual violence called “being made to penetrate.” This definition includes victims who were forced to penetrate someone else with their own body parts, either by physical force or coercion, or when the victim was drunk or high or otherwise unable to consent. When those cases were taken into account, the rates of nonconsensual sexual contact basically equalized, with 1.270 million women and 1.267 million men claiming to be victims of sexual violence.

A recent analysis of BJS data, for example, turned up that 46 percent of male victims reported a female perpetrator


Now the question is, in a climate when politicians and the media are finally paying attention to military and campus sexual assault, should these new findings alter our national conversation about rape? Stemple is a longtime feminist who fully understands that men have historically used sexual violence to subjugate women and that in most countries they still do. As she sees it, feminism has fought long and hard to fight rape myths—that if a woman gets raped it’s somehow her fault, that she welcomed it in some way. But the same conversation needs to happen for men. By portraying sexual violence against men as aberrant, we prevent justice and compound the shame. And the conversation about men doesn’t need to shut down the one about women. “Compassion,” she says, “is not a finite resource.”

 

[Firefliezz21]

I had a lot of drunken sex and none of the college boys seemed to have a problem with that.

I didn't. We all have our own set of morals which guide us.

 

[DexterMorgan]

I agree in part but I think the entire point of the signs isn't that they are predatory. I think they are college kids testing their rights of freedom of expression and free speech.

If I dropped my daughter off to school and seen those signs. I doubt I will be lol. I probably would be headed to the deans office to say wtf is this s..t.

Lol.

 

[katydid23]

I don't mean to be dismissive, but SHE accused HIM of rape. He didn't accuse her. It is not the same thing. She was wrong in accusing him, clearly. But he doesn't seem to have felt he was abused.

In a case such as this, I would hope that no attempt at prosecution would even be made. And if it was, shame on all. He should actually sue the university for financial restitution as well as reinstatement.

HE WAS ABUSED! His entire life was ruined when she accused him of rape. It is still in the courts and he is trying to get his life back. He was expelled in his senior year, has no diploma, cannot transfer, cannot get a job. And people are dismissive because a woman raped him.

and wow, does it matter if he FELT abused or not? If a woman slept through her rape is she NOT abused then? It amazes me how dismissive and unsympathetic people are when a male is the victim.