I've been thinking a lot about the concept of "mutual abuse", especially in the context of AH legal team claims that if he "abused" her even once, the jury has to find her faultless. And I realized, based on both education and experience, that there is no such thing as "mutual abuse". There are dysfunctional relationships, toxic relationships, where both parties behave badly, but in order to be an abusive relationship, only one person is the abuser, and one is the abused. That is just the plain definition. So I did a Google search: is there such a thing as mutual abuse? This is what I got:
People often contact us thinking they are experiencing mutual abuse, or abuse coming from both partners. Learn how this isn't true.
www.thehotline.org
Many times, we speak with survivors of abuse who want to address concerns they have about their own behaviors. They will often express that their relationship is
mutually abusive, a concept used when describing a relationship where both partners are abusive towards one another.
But "mutual abuse" doesn't exist.
Abuse is not just limited to physical violence. It can show up in many forms, such as emotional and verbal abuse —which can include threats and insults — sexual coercion, financial abuse, or stalking.
Whatever form it takes, the aim of the perpetrator is to exert power and control over their partner.
While two
partners can act in toxic ways towards each other and push their relationship into unhealthy territory, abusive dynamics require a primary aggressor, Ruth Glenn, president and CEO of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence,
told NBC.
She said if someone reacts in a physically, mentally, or emotionally intense or violent way to abuse, it means they're defending themselves, not being an abuser in return.
This term is being used to implicate two people as being the instigators and perpetrators in a domestic abuse situation. However, among experts who have studied domestic violence, it is largely considered a myth, at least in the way most people frame it.
www.themarysue.com
This term is being used to implicate two people as being the instigators and perpetrators in a domestic abuse situation. However, among experts who have studied domestic violence, it is largely considered a myth, at least in the way most people frame it.
“They don’t initiate the violence, and they don’t use it with the motivation of limiting agency or controlling a partner. They’re using it either defensively or preemptively. But it can look on the surface like mutual abuse if you’re not looking at who’s initiating and who’s in control.”
David Cropp, a retired sergeant with the Sacramento police and an expert witness consultant for domestic violence, explained the difference as “They don’t want power and control. They want the power and control to stop.”
When it comes to domestic violence, is mutual abuse a real thing? Or does the term only hurt victims and survivors?
www.domesticshelters.org
If the survivor responds to the aggressor with an emotional reaction, it’s not mutual. Abuse is not a shared responsibility.
To say partners are mutually abusive puts undue blame on the survivor and reinforces the belief that the abuse is the survivor’s fault. The mutual abuse myth also supports the abuser’s behavior—when both people are to blame, it can justify their actions.
Reacting to abuse in self-defense can include name-calling, physically pushing back, and other emotional outbursts, according to psychologist Betsy Usher, who specializes in treating abuse and trauma. In a
2021 blog post, Usher wrote that abusers may shift the blame to their victims and accuse them of being the abuser if they react in self-defense.
Endless articles stating the same thing.
We all heard the evidence, and the jury got it right. They identified Amber Heard as the abuser, and concluded that Johnny Depp reacted, not abused. Moo.
ETA/CLARIFY: I'm not talking about the outrageous stories she made up and lied about. I'm talking about things on the recordings that may have sounded bad, and things like texts he sent to others.