Oh, Sydni, you have me laughing in sympathy. I have diagnosed myself with Trial Watchers Obsession Not Otherwise Specified. I know I have developed a mental problem over this trial because I have become secretive about my trial watching. Not one live person knows the extent of my problem- I am hiding it. If they knew that this trial is how I spend literally every spare moment...if they knew that I am skipping dental appointments and telling people I am sick on court days...
Worse yet, I am starting to feel like the WS posters here "understand" me better than my trial-indifferent relatives and friends. They understand why my own pretty pleasant life seems so unimportant compared to justice for Travis Alexander, someone I never met.
I realize I have made this trial personal by subconsciously bundling up all the injustices I dealt with in my divorces, my father's murder, my son's death, the malpractice at the hospital during that one birth, the midwife who didn't scrub, and possibly the unfair nun in eighth grade, etc... and wrapped that whole package up, tied in a bow labeled Nicole Simpson and Caylee Anthony.
I am doing some things to help myself be more balanced as this trial drags on and on with one impossible delay after another. I make myself get out and walk in beautiful nature to connect with all that is right with the world. The beautiful impossibly blue sky, the radiance of the green grass, spring blossoms coming out. I stop by the school and watch the beautiful children playing and how innocent and happy they are because they are living in the moment. They are PRESENT in that Buddhist way of experiencing the moment and when I remember to live in my own present, I feel happy.
Finally, I remind myself that there is great injustice and suffering going on in the world and that this is an unfortunate fact of life. Most of it I can do nothing about. But I can smile at strangers, post on websleuths, and chat it up with the lonely people in my apartment building.
When I come home, I feel better -- and run right to my laptop. Unlike drug addiction, this trial will end and when it does, I'll get my teeth cleaned, go back to the book I'm supposed to be writing and stop feeling like I have little in common with people who don't watch trials.....