Quote:
Originally Posted by minni
welcome royster!! this is a great post IMO. I know through personal experience...that some woman are magentic and attract EVERYONE. they are kind, intelligent, sweet, attractive, and sometimes a narcissistic control freak 'lands them'. It doesnt stay happy families forever though, as the narcissist stops feeling good about himself whenever he is around this more intelligent, more likeable, more 'BETTER" person. I think a man who found himself in this position would seek out a mistress to pump him up. Having said mistress would not mean he loves his wife any less, but wants her to suffer nonetheless because inadvertently she makes him feel bad. I imagine that a man like this would kill his wife or any man that she might decide to be with. I M O
Originally Posted by Royster
Hi Minni!! You nailed what I thought exactly- It must have been so frustrating for him not to be able to break her down... She had the ability to rise above everything he threw at her and keep on keeping on- and doing a bloody good job of making it seem he wasn't effecting her. Of course he was- but this is where Al shone- making it seem all perfect. An abusers nightmare really... What a trooper she was- he really had to pull out all stops didn't he - the lengths he had to resort to- to finally be able to break her. MOO
I totally agree, especially with minni. This actually happened to me, my partner idolised me, had me on a pedestal, and used me to boost his own standing in his work and in the community. People said that since I came into his life he looked so happy and seemed so in love. However due to his own low self esteem it seems he took several lovers, and cheated on me more than once, although i didnt know at the time. I suspected with a few different women, but he always denied it, and information came my way after we split up. With the women I knew of (I had met some of them through his work) they were the types that would have fallen for a lot of his self-promotion and false self, and been in awe of him and probably felt so grateful they had scored him they would have really boosted his ego. He was still in love with me and ultimately for important occasions he always wanted me on his arm. He couldnt bear the thought of me being with anyone else and was always worried I would be 'snapped up' by some better looking, richer, more connected guy. Despite the fact that I was totally faithful to him, and really showed him I loved him and put everything into the relationship, I believe he grew to hate me and what I represented. He couldnt stand me being unhappy about his behaviour towards other women, and didnt want it mentioned. (although i didnt know about the affairs at the time, I did observe his constant flirting, obsessive fixation on certain women when we went out to functions and events, and he always had lots of times he was unavailable and i couldnt contact him which were never explained). He eventually got violent with me and it was always as a way to shut me up. I could never speak about any of his behaviour, or query any of his suspicious answers to my questions, even if I tried to do it nicely and calmly, without him going into a rage. He wasn't violent to me on more than a few occsions, but other times he was very menacing and threatening, and it really frightened me, which contributed to me ending the relationship. His violence wasn't severe, but on one occasion he did go too far. I won't go into it right now, but it was all about silencing me.
I feel this is similar to the scenario with GBC and Allison, and the mistresses. As for the mistresses, i have no compassion for any of them. I dont agree with all this talk of 'everyones different', you don't know what they're like, you dont know the situation etc. There is one thing you do know when you have an affair with someone married - you are contributing to them cheating on their wife, you are playing an active part in a betrayal. The married person you are having an affair with is lying to his wife and covering up, and the wife is probably distressed and upset and wondering what the truth is. You've probably even been introduced to the wife, which is a creepy feeling for her. It's very distressing and screws with your mind. I want to keep the focus on Allison here, and what she has experienced, as far as I am concerned I have no time and energy for the problems or concerns of any of the other players in this sordid and tragic situation - they don't deserve it and can go deal with their distress on their own.
