Australia - Allison Baden-Clay, 43, Brisbane QLD, 19 April 2012 - #11

[CaseClosed]

I agree that character speaks volumes. Toward the end of my marriage, my ex displayed some quite disturbing characteristics. I had what I considered a happy 10 year marriage only to discover that my ex suddenly seemed to want out. His solution? Try to convince our friends and family that I was unstable. I wanted a baby, he did not. So one morning he confronted me with a condom that he accused me of puncturing in an effort to get pregnant. This was a fabrication on his part and to this day I have not forgiven him for the distress this action caused me. It was a cruel and low act. Looking back, I now know that it was emotional abuse and a cowardly attempt to prompt me to end the relationship. He still attended counselling though (at his insistence) so he could "appear" to be saving his marriage whilst sabotaging it behind closed doors. This is a pattern of abuse from a coward. He eventually left, hooked up with someone else almost immediately and the next thing he's on page 3 of the CM charged with stalking a former work colleague! (BTW, I was still his wife and was also asked to attend court to give evidence). Incredibly, he also threw himself down stairs and gave himself bruises so that police would think the "stalker" wasn't him and was after him too!
So you see, I have learnt that a person that you think you know so well can in fact turn out to be someone so completely different that you have difficulty getting your head around it. I believe some people are capable of almost anything to get what they want, to protect themselves and their own and will cross any boundary to get it.
Did Allison unfortunatley discover this? Food for thought.

Wow, how awful for you!! Yes, men can be quite manipulative when they want and make us feel like it's our fault, no matter what it may be.

 

[Nads]

One of my neighbours is a police officer at Indooroopilly, and we are friendly with this person....it has taken me all my strength not to ask what the hell is going on-specially after a few drinks on a Saturday night! I am sure they are getting questioned daily by the public when out & about, but can't bring myself to do the same......

I feel the same with my relly who is high up in the media.

 

[jendo]

WHOW.....Jendo, Jendo, Jendo......That is terrible and very emotionally torturous.

Thanks. I think it highlights some of the many and varied possibilities of what Allison may have been subjected to.

 

[CaseClosed]

What's going on with this guy? He is not that attractive (ok, he has improved a bit after the weight loss, but def not in the c21 photos), he is broke and doesn't come across as being the brightest light on the christmas tree, yet he has women lined up right left and centre.

Because unfortunately women cannot live by themselves! They do not feel they are "complete" unless they have a partner. It took me a long time to realise that women can be happy on their own. Women sell themselves short all the time (now I'm sounding like Dr. Phil).

 

[Sydney Girl]

TMCH may be angry that more women were having a lend of GBC woggle.. and turn on him?

 

[Greg]

Crikey its hard yakka being a guy on here at the moment......

Some of you ladies have been through the wringer no doubt but just remember that we aren't all bad!!!!

:truce:

 

[wakeskate]

Thanks for this info Angel, however, it does not seem to make complete sense to me. ABC's body was found at Kholo Ck which is on Mt Crosby Rd, nowhere near Brookfield and a considerable distance form the roundabout at Kenmore ( a good 10kms) Can u clarify please?

Agreed. I am not sure how the mentioning the round-a-bout in reference to the bridge is relevant.

 

[marlywings]

What's going on with this guy? He is not that attractive (ok, he has improved a bit after the weight loss, but def not in the c21 photos), he is broke and doesn't come across as being the brightest light on the christmas tree, yet he has women lined up right left and centre.

I think he would have been the eternal bigmouth showman...in his ugly mustard jacket.

"I loveee you & want to marry you...I'll even get divorced to do so"...

But.....he would have been telling alll the women he picked up the same sleazy BS.

lies lies & more lies...

How many times do we hear of this type of thing happening...so sad some women still get sucked into believing that garbage!!

 

[xfiles]

Now the Granny Pash makes more sense, EBC making sure NBC keeps his woggle intact.

:floorlaugh::floorlaugh::floorlaugh::floorlaugh::floorlaugh:

 

[Nads]

I agree that character speaks volumes. Toward the end of my marriage, my ex displayed some quite disturbing characteristics. I had what I considered a happy 10 year marriage only to discover that my ex suddenly seemed to want out. His solution? Try to convince our friends and family that I was unstable. I wanted a baby, he did not. So one morning he confronted me with a condom that he accused me of puncturing in an effort to get pregnant. This was a fabrication on his part and to this day I have not forgiven him for the distress this action caused me. It was a cruel and low act. Looking back, I now know that it was emotional abuse and a cowardly attempt to prompt me to end the relationship. He still attended counselling though (at his insistence) so he could "appear" to be saving his marriage whilst sabotaging it behind closed doors. This is a pattern of abuse from a coward. He eventually left, hooked up with someone else almost immediately and the next thing he's on page 3 of the CM charged with stalking a former work colleague! (BTW, I was still his wife and was also asked to attend court to give evidence). Incredibly, he also threw himself down stairs and gave himself bruises so that police would think the "stalker" wasn't him and was after him too!
So you see, I have learnt that a person that you think you know so well can in fact turn out to be someone so completely different that you have difficulty getting your head around it. I believe some people are capable of almost anything to get what they want, to protect themselves and their own and will cross any boundary to get it.
Did Allison unfortunatley discover this? Food for thought.

I know only too well about two-faced lying husbands and the holier than thou outward appearances to cover the moral deceit. The put downs, the stirring me up in public so it would seem like I was the unreasonable one, the taking advantage of the fact I was looking after the kids all the time to do whatever the hell he wanted.

I can imagine that Allison would try to make the marriage work after the first revelation in 2011, but nothing will allow me to believe she was tolerating it once she knew it was happening again, if indeed she did know.

 

[FirstTimer]

This may be off topic or on topic depending which side your thinking lies.

My wife works in the domestic violence support field. She helps women in the situations that you are describing that you have gone through. DV comes in many shapes and forms, and quite frankly the actual violence side of things is only a portion, it is mostly about control (and by no means do I mean to belittle the actual physical violence in DV, it is usually the end result of years of control). We share a lot as a family and we have brought our children up with a healthy respect for each other and other people. My wife recounts certain situations and signs to look for so that my children know when they are in the sort of relationships that are potentially damaging. Especially as abusive relationships start off slow, the victim not actually aware they are being controlled and abused.

Even though I know this and my wife and I talk at great lengths on the subject (partly as a coping mechanism for her, as it does take its toll) I simply cannot comprehend how you deal with these types of situations on a personal level, your strength is amazing. You are all very brave indeed and I have the utmost respect for you having recognised that you were in that sort of relationship and knowing you needed to get out.

Unfortunately for Allison she was too late. Reading up on everything that has gone on over the past weeks, watching behaviour unfold in the media, I believe Allison was in this type of relationship. Maybe she was starting to gain the strength to not put up with it anymore, starting to do things on her own, such as the Pathways program. And tragically this was her undoing.

It sickens and saddens me that people feel the need to control someone so much. As a man I am truly sorry for any sufferers out there of similar types of relationships either past or present. As a community the spectre of domestic violence needs to be edcuated to everyone. Education is the key.


Allison rest in peace. Your passing is an absolute tragedy, but if any good can come of this at all, lets hope it is that DV is no longer a taboo subject and lets make people aware that it is out there and growing. DV needs to be stopped.

My apologies if I upset anyone.

Cheers.

 

[Nads]

I think he would have been the eternal bigmouth showman...in his ugly mustard jacket.

"I loveee you & want to marry you...I'll even get divorced to do so"...

But.....he would have been telling alll the women he picked up the same sleazy BS.

lies lies & more lies...

How many times do we hear of this type of thing happening...so sad some women still get sucked into believing that garbage!!

It was possibly those who were selling properties due to divorce that he became involved with?

Men like that say My marriage is over, my wife is horrible, I'm only staying with her because I want to do the right thing for the kids. Bastards!!

 

[willough]

Crikey its hard yakka being a guy on here at the moment......

Some of you ladies have been through the wringer no doubt but just remember that we aren't all bad!!!!

:truce:

You are a good sort Greg.....and so true. There are some horrid ladies out there too. I've known a few nasty money grubbers in my time.

What matters is how well one makes it out the other end of that wringer.....and it sounds like the ladies here are fighting fit.

 

[CaseClosed]

Crikey its hard yakka being a guy on here at the moment......

Some of you ladies have been through the wringer no doubt but just remember that we aren't all bad!!!!

:truce:

You're right! My best friend has a wonderful loving husband ... can't think of anybody else though :waitasec:

 

[willough]

Sydney Girl......I applaud you for making us laugh, whilst I feel teary......WOGGLE..LMAO

I was just walking down the hallways saying "woggle" out loud....then said "SHWANGDANG"...and the dog looked at me (german shepherd) and let out this big YAWN..(REOOOOOWWWLLLLL).....You can tell she had her tubes tied....Rather nonplus about this woggle talk......Laughing

 

[Nads]

What if this is a tactic - T Mc H has been publicly named in order to make her turn on GBC and spill some secrets?

She could earn herself some public support by helping to convict.

 

[Rational]

Crikey its hard yakka being a guy on here at the moment......

Some of you ladies have been through the wringer no doubt but just remember that we aren't all bad!!!!

:truce:

We know!! You are special, plus we need your sharp wit to keep us rolling on the floor.

 

[Karo]

I don't understand the granny pash thing, the reactions to it. Intimacy is not the domain of those under 45 and like it or not, some people still have a "relationship" well into old age, it doesn't just disappear with age.

 

[CaseClosed]

This may be off topic or on topic depending which side your thinking lies.

My wife works in the domestic violence support field. She helps women in the situations that you are describing that you have gone through. DV comes in many shapes and forms, and quite frankly the actual violence side of things is only a portion, it is mostly about control (and by no means do I mean to belittle the actual physical violence in DV, it is usually the end result of years of control). We share a lot as a family and we have brought our children up with a healthy respect for each other and other people. My wife recounts certain situations and signs to look for so that my children know when they are in the sort of relationships that are potentially damaging. Especially as abusive relationships start off slow, the victim not actually aware they are being controlled and abused.

Even though I know this and my wife and I talk at great lengths on the subject (partly as a coping mechanism for her, as it does take its toll) I simply cannot comprehend how you deal with these types of situations on a personal level, your strength is amazing. You are all very brave indeed and I have the utmost respect for you having recognised that you were in that sort of relationship and knowing you needed to get out.

Unfortunately for Allison she was too late. Reading up on everything that has gone on over the past weeks, watching behaviour unfold in the media, I believe Allison was in this type of relationship. Maybe she was starting to gain the strength to not put up with it anymore, starting to do things on her own, such as the Pathways program. And tragically this was her undoing.

It sickens and saddens me that people feel the need to control someone so much. As a man I am truly sorry for any sufferers out there of similar types of relationships either past or present. As a community the spectre of domestic violence needs to be edcuated to everyone. Education is the key.


Allison rest in peace. Your passing is an absolute tragedy, but if any good can come of this at all, lets hope it is that DV is no longer a taboo subject and lets make people aware that it is out there and growing. DV needs to be stopped.

My apologies if I upset anyone.

Cheers.

GREAT POST!! You are absolutely right. DV must be stopped and more avenues found to educate women (and some men who also suffer DV) to love themselves more than their partners! You seem like a good guy and your wife is very lucky.

 

[Aussie_expat.sg]

Ok thanks everyone now I am in tears again!!! All good - I will getback to sleuthing otherwise Kimster will reprimand me and I am scared of her!

me too! (in tears I mean...not scared of Kimster, although I probably should be) and I'm at work. thanks for sharing Rational!