Australia - Allison Baden-Clay, 43, Brisbane QLD, 19 April 2012 #20

[itsthevibe]

you said that so so well Rational, every word, and that is what I wanted to say, but didnt have the words...

and right or wrong, I believe he thought the world of her, was enamoured by her and the good in her, and I think he also hated her for it sometimes.....

I totally agree with all you have said on this minni, and also Rational. This actually happened to me so i understand it very well. My partner adored me, but it didnt stop him having affairs and eventually abusing me. In a way, the reasons he loved me were also the reasons he treated me hatefully at times. He told me i was an amazingly talented and beautiful person, and said "Guys like me don't get girls like you" (by "get" he meant "able to attract"). He basically put me on a pedestal and deep down didnt really believe he was good enough for me. None of my reassurance made any difference.

I believe he had affairs because he needed the constant reassurance and ego boost, and the women he had affairs with were usually younger and less smart than me, possibly a bit more gullible and over-impressed with him. It also did end up that he was a sex addict, which really came from a lot of screwed up attitudes in his family background when he was very young. Plus it was a way of reducing women to objects, basically just acting out an obsession rather than having meaningful interactions.

With me, he did have a meaningful connection, but he couldnt cope with it. He also idolised the fact that I was in his eyes, such a good person. It was as if he was hoping some of it would rub off on him, but in the end it was like he hated me for it because it showed him up for his own aggressive urges and cheating behaviour.

People with these issues are very complex and as such, potentially dangerous. People would comment on how they could see how much my partner adored me - yet little did they know he had frequently cheated on me and terrorised me.

 

[CaseClosed]

With due respect to CC and Scraps and me being pedantic... Again. A dog barking at a cat or the postman for that matter is still the dog barking at someone in their territory. Scaps could have been barking at the pesky possum in his yard. As an owner of previously 2 foxies, I could tell by them if they were barking at an intruder or the possum. Foxies are good guard dogs in that manner because they alert the owner without biting.

I know about yapping ... I had a Jack Russell for 12 years.

 

[Berry]

With greatest respect to Berry! Love to hear the devil's advocate perspective. I think IMOO if the police have a theory they would bounce their ideas off each other. Go Grannie with respect to Allison.

Agree I am waiting to hear

 

[Rational]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flinders
With due respect to CC and Scraps and me being pedantic... Again. A dog barking at a cat or the postman for that matter is still the dog barking at someone in their territory. Scaps could have been barking at the pesky possum in his yard. As an owner of previously 2 foxies, I could tell by them if they were barking at an intruder or the possum. Foxies are good guard dogs in that manner because they alert the owner without biting.[\quote]

And Flinders if you could tell the difference than maybe you should extend to the owners of Scraps (what a great name btw) the same courtesy as you give yourself, namely knowing when your dog is barking at a possum or an intruder.

 

[CaseClosed]

One thing I have learned from participating in this forum is how wide spread different forms of domestic violence are!! I am really shocked that it is so common in a modern society like ours!!

I really feel for all you who have been in such horrible situations and now understand much better why women don't leave relationships like that.

I send you all a very big hug and admire the strength you must have had to endure, protect your children and come out alive! ((( hugs ))))

 

[Keentoknow]

:floorlaugh::floorlaugh:
:floorlaugh::floorlaugh::jail::floorlaugh::floorlaugh:

This page looks like someone has been smoking toooooooooo much Lavender:floorlaugh::floorlaugh:

 

[JK673]

I can confirm that. Dogs bark at strangers. Not always, but if they do, it has to be a stranger.

:anguish:

are you for real? our dog barks eveytime we get home. he is excited to see us.

 

[minni]

I totally agree with all you have said on this minni, and also Rational. This actually happened to me so i understand it very well. My partner adored me, but it didnt stop him having affairs and eventually abusing me. In a way, the reasons he loved me were also the reasons he treated me hatefully at times. he told me i was an amzingly talented and beautiful person, and said "Guys like me don't get girls like you" (by "get" he meant "able to attract"). He basically put me on a pedestal and deep down didnt really believe he was good enough for me. None of my reassurance made any difference.

I believe he had affairs because he needed the constant reassurance and ego boost, and the women he had affairs with were usually younger and less smart than me, possibly a bit more gullible and over-impressed with him. It also did end up that he was a sex addict, which really came from a lot of screwed up attitudes in his family background when he was very young. Plus it was a way of reducing women to objects, basically just acting out an obsession rather than having meaningful interactions.

With me, he did have a meaningful connection, but he couldnt cope with it. He also idolised the fact that I was in his eyes, such a good person. It was as if he was hoping some of it would rub off on him, but in the end it was like he hated me for it because it showed him up for his own aggressive urges and cheating behaviour.

People with these issues are very complex and as such, potentially dangerous. People would comment on how they could see how much my partner adored me - yet little did they know he had frequently cheated on me and terrorised me.

This is exactly what I meant..thankyou ITV, for sharing that, this relationship dynamic is something I really feel when I look at them together in videos, and in photos. I hear the insider reports of screaming matches etc at their home from time to time...and that only increases my thoughts that they had this type of relationship, it doesnt lessen the possibility IMO

 

[Keentoknow]

I totally agree with all you have said on this minni, and also Rational. This actually happened to me so i understand it very well. My partner adored me, but it didnt stop him having affairs and eventually abusing me. In a way, the reasons he loved me were also the reasons he treated me hatefully at times. He told me i was an amazingly talented and beautiful person, and said "Guys like me don't get girls like you" (by "get" he meant "able to attract"). He basically put me on a pedestal and deep down didnt really believe he was good enough for me. None of my reassurance made any difference.

I believe he had affairs because he needed the constant reassurance and ego boost, and the women he had affairs with were usually younger and less smart than me, possibly a bit more gullible and over-impressed with him. It also did end up that he was a sex addict, which really came from a lot of screwed up attitudes in his family background when he was very young. Plus it was a way of reducing women to objects, basically just acting out an obsession rather than having meaningful interactions.

With me, he did have a meaningful connection, but he couldnt cope with it. He also idolised the fact that I was in his eyes, such a good person. It was as if he was hoping some of it would rub off on him, but in the end it was like he hated me for it because it showed him up for his own aggressive urges and cheating behaviour.

People with these issues are very complex and as such, potentially dangerous. People would comment on how they could see how much my partner adored me - yet little did they know he had frequently cheated on me and terrorised me.

Because Allison tolerated this its bought about her demise.

 

[Berry]

I totally agree with all you have said on this minni, and also Rational. This actually happened to me so i understand it very well. My partner adored me, but it didnt stop him having affairs and eventually abusing me. In a way, the reasons he loved me were also the reasons he treated me hatefully at times. He told me i was an amazingly talented and beautiful person, and said "Guys like me don't get girls like you" (by "get" he meant "able to attract"). He basically put me on a pedestal and deep down didnt really believe he was good enough for me. None of my reassurance made any difference.

I believe he had affairs because he needed the constant reassurance and ego boost, and the women he had affairs with were usually younger and less smart than me, possibly a bit more gullible and over-impressed with him. It also did end up that he was a sex addict, which really came from a lot of screwed up attitudes in his family background when he was very young. Plus it was a way of reducing women to objects, basically just acting out an obsession rather than having meaningful interactions.

With me, he did have a meaningful connection, but he couldnt cope with it. He also idolised the fact that I was in his eyes, such a good person. It was as if he was hoping some of it would rub off on him, but in the end it was like he hated me for it because it showed him up for his own aggressive urges and cheating behaviour.

People with these issues are very complex and as such, potentially dangerous. People would comment on how they could see how much my partner adored me - yet little did they know he had frequently cheated on me and terrorised me.

Oh that just floored me, yes me who heard the same and was told the same by all our friends ITV, you have said exactly what I tried to say last night and you have lived a life very similar to what I relate to.

It is so hard to explain to family, espescially sisters, parents, best friend......because the partner isolates us and we think it is our fault.

I THOUGHT OK I will manage the money better, the children better to not have noise to upset him, work less hours, stop visiting my friends after work, stop needing weekend time to plan my next week of Teaching for goodness sake..........everything to stop the abuse I was getting.
I thought by being proactive.............he wouldn't be so REACTIVE TO MY 'BEHAVIOUR' he kept blaming it on......so sad a life in hindsight

 

[minni]

Because Allison tolerated this its bought about her demise.

do you have a link? we dont know what brought about Allison's demise...and its not right to say abused woman tolerate what happens to them...it goes a lot deeper than that...

 

[Mothergoose]

:anguish:

are you for real? our dog barks eveytime we get home. he is excited to see us.

Dogs traits are as diverse as we humans. If a stranger approaches my house my dog lies on it's back and pees with joy and elation.I'm so grateful he only pees.
:rocker:

 

[willough]

I THOUGHT OK I will manage the money better, the children better to not have noise to upset him, work less hours, stop visiting my friends after work, stop needing weekend time to plan my next week of Teaching for goodness sake..........everything to stop the abuse I was getting.
I thought by being proactive.............he wouldn't be so REACTIVE TO MY 'BEHAVIOUR' he kept blaming it on......so sad a life n hindsight

I so relate to this.....Im not physically abused though. What I get is incessant nagging one minute, silent treatment the next....and nothing is ever constant....It's either, all temper or nothing......Sadly, over time, ive preferred to enjoy those moments when it's nothing Though find the entirety of it rather emotionally abusive.

If I dont work, i'm lazy.....When I do work, he wants me to leave at the drop of a hat, when kids are sick or he wants something. He wants me to work in the evenings, but doesnt want me to work when he is on night shift. He wants me to put the children in after school care, so I can work, but when I do, it costs money and he wants me to pull them out. He has it so I live over an hour away from my family and chooses to have his family close, but feels its my families responsibility to look after my kids if I work.......I feel like I cannot do a single thing right..............But, my crap is piddly, compared ot so many of you lovely ladies.

xx

 

[minni]

Oh that just floored me, yes me who heard the same and was told the same by all our friends ITV, you have said exactly what I tried to say last night and you have lived a life very similar to what I relate to.

It is so hard to explain to faily, espescially sisters, parents, best friend......because they isolate us and we think it is our fault.

I THOUGHT OK I will manage the money better, the children better to not have noise to upset him, work less hours, stop visiting my friends after work, stop needing weekend time to plan my next week of Teaching for goodness sake..........everything to stop the abuse I was getting.
I thought by being proactive.............he wouldn't be so REACTIVE TO MY 'BEHAVIOUR' he kept blaming it on......so sad a life n hindsight

Berry.....I feel so sad that there is a STANDARD behaviour that us women take on without knowing it...it appears we all do this initially to stop the attacks (whether verbal, emotional or physical).....(it must be me, Im lazy, maybe if I try harder.........)
I remember when my husband used to get home, feeling SCARED, like a real panic...what havent I done while he was at work? how awful, I look back now and think, he is just damn lucky no one threw HIM off a bridge, how dare he? well, I could go on, but I have too much to say, and its safer if I dont haha (you know, because of all the wines I've had tonight, and I like to talk at the best of times!!!) I am very grateful that wonderful women like Berry and Mabo are safe and free of this burden...big hugs and love xxxxxxx

 

[Nads]

I can confirm that. Dogs bark at strangers. Not always, but if they do, it has to be a stranger.

Rubbish, the silly little yappy dogs in my neighbourhood bark at anyone coming past. Doesn't matter if you've visited them before or not!

My dog though only barks at cats or possums who come near our house.

 

[ollijack]

I so relate to this.....Im not physically abused though. What I get is incessant nagging one minute, silent treatment the next....and nothing is ever constant....It's either, all temper or nothing......Sadly, over time, ive preferred to enjoy those moments when it's nothing Though find the entirety of it rather emotionally abusive.

If I dont work, i'm lazy.....When I do work, he wants me to leave at the drop of a hat, when kids are sick or he wants something. He wants me to work in the evenings, but doesnt want me to work when he is on night shift. He wants me to put the children in after school care, so I can work, but when I do, it costs money and he wants me to pull them out. He has it so I live over an hour away from my family and chooses to have his family close, but feels its my families responsibility to look after my kids if I work.......I feel like I cannot do a single thing right..............But, my crap is piddly, compared ot so many of you lovely ladies.

xx

Beautiful Willough. Xxxxxxx. It's easy to see why this particular group of women empathize so much with Allison.

 

[Firesnake]

My thoughts regarding scraps the dog.

Am I correct in remembering that the neighbours said scraps tore town the yard that thurs night barking which was unusual. I can't seem to find the article I thought I read. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong!!!

If this is correct, IMO all members who have dogs have said they usually know the reason for THEIR dog barking. So IMO if the owners of scraps did say this then something was strange about their dogs behaviour that night.

My OH works away and I know late at night when my dog is barking at a possum and i tell him to be quiet from bedor their is something happening he doesn't like, which then makes me panic!!!

All IMO

 

[Flinders]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flinders
With due respect to CC and Scraps and me being pedantic... Again. A dog barking at a cat or the postman for that matter is still the dog barking at someone in their territory. Scaps could have been barking at the pesky possum in his yard. As an owner of previously 2 foxies, I could tell by them if they were barking at an intruder or the possum. Foxies are good guard dogs in that manner because they alert the owner without biting.[\quote]

And Flinders if you could tell the difference than maybe you should extend to the owners of Scraps (what a great name btw) the same courtesy as you give yourself, namely knowing when your dog is barking at a possum or an intruder.

Good question. In my own opinion journalists have interviewed as many people in the case as they can get an answer from. So Scraps is so cute and no doubt his owner is an avid dog pet owner and knows the locals as most retired people do. I believe Scraps owner was asked if they had heard anything on the night in question. Think here the pressure for an answer.... Well, my dog did bark. IMHO Scraps owners know his bark/s but that was not the question they were asked. Thank you for your question. Cheers

 

[Rational]

Good question. In my own opinion journalists have interviewed as many people in the case as they can get an answer from. So Scraps is so cute and no doubt his owner is an avid dog pet owner and knows the locals as most retired people do. I believe Scraps owner was asked if they had heard anything on the night in question. Think here the pressure for an answer.... Well, my dog did bark. IMHO Scraps owners know his bark/s but that was not the question they were asked. Thank you for your question. Cheers

I thought that Scraps owners came forward themselves with the info so were not 'lead by the prosecution' in a legal sense.

 

[Berry]

I so relate to this.....Im not physically abused though. What I get is incessant nagging one minute, silent treatment the next....and nothing is ever constant....It's either, all temper or nothing......Sadly, over time, ive preferred to enjoy those moments when it's nothing Though find the entirety of it rather emotionally abusive.

If I dont work, i'm lazy.....When I do work, he wants me to leave at the drop of a hat, when kids are sick or he wants something. He wants me to work in the evenings, but doesnt want me to work when he is on night shift. He wants me to put the children in after school care, so I can work, but when I do, it costs money and he wants me to pull them out. He has it so I live over an hour away from my family and chooses to have his family close, but feels its my families responsibility to look after my kids if I work.......I feel like I cannot do a single thing right..............But, my crap is piddly, compared ot so many of you lovely ladies.

xx

Willough, dear sweet person, I hear you, that is it to a T.

So, after 3 months of this constant 'you are not doing it right/not good enough' mine would have the 'hissy/physical blowout' that would nearly kill me and I had to have 3 days off.

Then...... 'time off' like that would start the whole cycle of the next 3 months of nagging again.

It was horrendous and relentless and mentally and physically so degrading I cannot explain it but i never found the energy to move and leave and amass enough money to do so. until he chased me AND MY CHILDREN WITH A SHOTGUN......I hope this is not what Allison went through but I feel she did and when she finally stood up...........it got her killed.