Hi Credulious, I couldn't possibly know if his parents abused him, but define "abuse"? Abuse can be non-physical of course, verbal put downs (sometimes done as little family "jokes") teasing his appearance, maybe even his introverted personality in his younger years. (All this is hypothetical) He could have had a very out-going sibling who always "out shone" him with looks and charm, so he was always "second best", not the favourite son? It could be just lack of attention/affection. Studies we undertook when we were training during our care of the foster children (we had absolutely NO proper training beforehand, just thrown in and told to swim like hell!) showed that mothers who just didn't give their babies eye contact, were indifferent to them, didn't play with them, just did "the basics" e.g. kept the baby clean and fed, their babies eventually stopped crying and trying to get their attention. Became quiet and didn't smile or interact with other children as they grew up, became very isolated and had trouble concentrating/learning, in other words, failed to thrive. Abuse has many forms. We always think of violence, sexual abuse, but to have warmth and gentleness withheld from a baby can have terrible effects on a child as he/she grows. Of course I'm talking about the mothering side of things, a whole other ball of wax when it comes to the father/son relationship. We had 2 boys who's father had been in and out of prison, mother a heroin addict/prostitute. The boys had built up such an image of their father that he was a Superman, nothing could be further from the truth, but we always listened and encouraged them to keep in touch with their Dad and Mum, very important to these children. If a father is indifferent to his son, or favours one over another, then feelings of inadequacy can come into play for that non-favoured son
for his entire life. Never good enough. And if Dad is a bit of a lad with the ladies (or tells his boys he is) then that's another unrealistic expectation to put on a boy. "Why can't you get a girlfriend? What's wrong with you son? You're not a "fairy" are ya???" You're getting the picture here I'm sure Cred. Can you see how this might make for a very angry young boy? Then when puberty hits, well, I'll show him who's a man! The self-gratification is another problem and whilst it's totally normal for boys to be boys and girls to be girls (or boys to be girls....oh you get it), when it starts to become an obsession and the only way to feel "good" then that can lead to the voyeurism, flashing (one of the boys we had became overly sexualised very young, and he'd self-pleasured from a very young age as he'd never felt loved. Had also witnessed father having sex with other women from a young age, terrible)... It's all such a deep psychological minefield. I do NOT have any psych training, just learned a lot at the coalface so to speak. Sorry to go on, will shut up now!
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/3357276/Mothers-who-cant-bond-with-their-babies.html
"There are many women who have feelings of indifference, ambivalence or even dislike for their child, but they rarely admit it for fear of seeming 'unnatural' or inadequate. A survey for Johnson's Baby found that more than a third of mothers have felt they have not bonded with their baby as much as they should have, and 18 per cent say they've had moments when they've felt no bond at all."