ETA - I have edited this by adding spacing and line breaks - trying to break the lines up so it is readable - it was one long continuous letter.
Here is the full letter that TS wrote:
posted by Tommy Schaefer 10th October 2016 the link was on his Facebook page which has been taken down
http://www.pdf.investintech.com/preview/d16d8040-90e1-11e6-89aa-002590d31986/index.html
Once upon a time I was a kid who had the world in front of him. Loved by many and hated by some. Now I am hated by many and loved by some.
For anyone that Ive ever come in contact with, please forgive me for any heartache I may have caused. I am forever indebted.
Im writing this to clear confusion amongst friends and family of mine, and of Sheila. I want to see she who should not be named answer for what really happened
with her mother, and for all of the laws that she broke after her moms passing. Including but not limited to selling her story; as recent news has shown.
She is profiting financially as much as she can. She announces to the prison almost once a week that shes working on making a movie with her moms friend Dianna.
Quoting her this is just the beginning. You cant hide from the truth anymore. One thing that is for certain is that I will forever run head first into my faults and mistakes and misfortunes.
I only dream to be exonerated from this gremlins life and anything to do with this pittance of a person. This is my attempt.
2 years ago I was manipulated and controlled by an uneducated, evil, controlling person with a primitive mindset. I am forever appalled with myself.
However controlling this monster was, holding myself 100% accountable for my role in this tragedy is very important to me and my life today. Can you imagine being so normal and saying these words? Having so many friends, role models, being a role model yourself and this black hole of dark energy bumps into you and you get sucked in.
And after its all over its embedded in your life and its taken everything youve ever had or dreamed of away. Thats how I feel about that evil girl, and what transpired It may
have seemed like I was very lovey do vey with she who should not be named. That is so far from the truth. She and her lawyer forced me to continue to keep up this fake
facade each for their own sick reasons. I know it doesnt make a lot of sense now but It will later. I promise. The amount of bravado made me cringe. The world deserves to know the truth
and not to hear it from an imbecile of a child raising a baby in prison. A girl who manipulates everything she touches and fails to realize how sensitive and connected we are as humans.
She is a sociopath and yet another blow, shes the mother of my child. Im not sure how she is having such a good time in jail considering the battles ahead of her, I certainly am not,
but the people of Indonesia and the country as a whole do not deserve any further embarrassment. Especially not the family and friends of Sheila.
Please understand that it is not me who is not humbled, broken, and completely unaware of my previous decisions. It is her 100%. I know Im nothing and deserve nothing.
Believe me. But one thing is for sure is that Im not evil. I believe in people and I believe in forgiveness to the utmost extent. I think forgiveness is the only way to deal with how
selfish we really are. Were not completely selfish but it exists in all of us. However I believe in balance, and I believe the universe has a quench for it thats up to us to give based
upon the decisions we make. Not giving the truth about her would be depriving the world of balance that it deserves. I surely point the finger at that disturbance in space time for
everything that transpired the way it did. She knows how many lives she has destroyed she just doesnt want to face the destruction.She runs like the coward she is.
On top of all that friends and family have witnessed, Stella is under control of this monster. Whether Stella remembers spending her first 700+ days in prison or not doesnt make it right!
How embarrassing can it get? Youd think it would stop with smiling during trial or the hundreds of times Ive asked her to cover the baby from the media. So comfortable and happy
the whole time almost as if everything was going to plan. I really do hate to have to speak on the behavior of the mother of my precious baby girl, however, talking about who she is as
an individual Is necessary.
Stella has plenty of relatives on both her mom and dads side who would love to take care of her and who would treat her as an individual, and not a product of her parents wrong doing.
I have argued with her for years now to let Stella see the world like a normal baby. She uses the baby to control me, to dothings for her, to act like im in love, to make a fool out of me,
and to manipulate my genuine concern for others.
She is a hurricane sucking everything in and spitting everything out then vanishing before she can see the aftermath. She does it to her own family.
Crazy enough, last year I was blessed enough to realize how beautiful life really is and how God fearing we all should be.
How important vibrations and frequencies actually are. And how she who should not be named is a detailed and prime example of what bad or negative energy really is.
She was able to penetrate my emotions and my thoughts because the life I lived was unfulfilled.
I knew I didnt care about myself and that something bad was going to happen to me. Sometimes when I walked to work from my apartment, I would put my headphones on,
jack up the volume, and cross a busy morning flow of traffic on Madison street without looking during a green light. I happened to be unfortunate enough to survive, and get sucked
into an evil persons vengeance of someone I didnt even know. I predicted my own downfall.
I started last year to grow and to look at things from an outside perspective and I realized that energy is everything. How life offers so many fruits to bite into that hold amazing
experiences and encounters but because of ego and being caught up in ourselves and every day lives,we often fail to realize that these feelings and emotions exist in this world.
How not simple everything truly is and how what you do when no one is watching is a great measure of character. When no one is watching, she is being just as evil as she is or TV.
It gets hard to see the bigger picture and its hard to accept that we are here to use and take care of; not to own and abuse.
I am really trying to become a better person even though the world hates me. Rightfully so. I figure it may count for something oneday and if my heart is pure, maybe
I can be better understood by first the friends and family of Sheila,and then my own loved ones.. I no longer live for myself anymore. I dont live for my name or for mydreams.
I live for the family of Sheila and anyone that I have been in contact with before or in the futureif I am blessed enough to have a future.
Given the severity of my actions, if I should be crucified, and ifthat brings relief to a bigger majority of people then thats what should be done.
All of this is shockingand chilling; and on all accounts, a deplorable action. I dont sleep at night. The murder, the media, andseeing Sheilas family breaks me beyond repair.
Speaking these words is the hardest thing Ive doneaside from living these words. When I think about those words I am utterly disgusted with myself just asmuch as anyone else is.
Every morning I wake up feeling like nothing more than scum. If you paidenough attention to the case then you would notice how much my face has changed.
My teeth began torot, I developed black bags underneath my eyes, I lost 25 pounds, and the pigment of my epidermis hasdramatically decreased. You can see the stress on my face.
A person cannot type and explain how thisfeels or describe what its like to go through this unless that person knows how responsible he or shereally is.
On the other hand, that evil thing has gained weight, is all laughs, drinks, and does drugs inprison. She does all of this while having sex with women while my daughter is next to her.
All of this eatsat my soul every single day, and saying these words just adds to the damage but I feel like there are somany things that need to be addressed.
This isnt about me or anyone else other than the family ofSheila. After the murder, I did what I had to do to stay alive and to protect my daughter from hersociopathic mother.
The family of Sheila deserves the utmost respect and closure after a tragedy such asthis. Anything less should be considered an act of heartlessness and pure ignorance.
What I mean byliving for the family is that every good thing I bring to another person, and every persons life that I saveif I am ever free, will be for the tragedy that I once fed.
I cant apologize or say sorry for something likethis. The embarrassment is insurmountable and please know that Ive experienced what it was like to bein hell on earth when I
arrived in Bali and I have been living a nightmare since the night I landed here.Being a man and now a father, its hard for me to admit the magnitude of such negativity.
But truth betold, mentally and morally, this is as bad as it gets. I let down so many people. Everyone.Every dream and experience I imagined I would have, every moment and
reason I was with the love ofmy life is wrecked by the feeling of the devastation I caused and the havoc I created.
The one thing that was right in my life was the bond I shared with my ex girlfriend. It kills me that I have to bring her intosuch an awful situation but its a big part of the truth.
Rachel believed in me more than anyone. As lifeprogressed, it was clear that I was in her best interest more than anyone else around me on this planet.
She took care of every doubt I had about myself. She gave me confidence and she made me feel worthyof the good headed my way. I knew it would take someone like Rachel
to contain the damage after shepassed. I also knew that wasnt possible so I let myself stoop to a relationship with someone like shewho should not be named.
Every time I was with she who should not be named in public, I would see myfriends from grade school and high school. I remember every time that happened I loved it so much
because I would be reminded of all of the priceless and blissful memories we shared when life was muchbetter.
Everyone who I shared those memories with also shared memories with Rachel. And for that, Isaw those 30 second friends as family to me and till this day they dont know it.
For that brief hello, I felt relief. Now she is the mother of my child and I wouldnt wish for my worst enemy to be in the position I amin.
Seeing her in the prison puts me in excruciating pain. Unbearable enough that I choose not to be too close with Stella. Its hard to develop a relationship with my daughter who looks so much like me, youdthink I was the one who was once pregnant. She wont let Stella go to another person because sheknows that anyone in their right mind wouldnt dare give her baby back if they cared about Stella. Thatsa tragedy of its own.Ive seen with my own eyes, Stella eating jail food given to her by her very own flesh, and otherprisoners.
She told me that Stella shakes the door at night saying buka which means open in Balinese.Shes a smart girl, she deserves so much opportunity and that evil thing is
blocking my child fromgrowing so she can have access to the trust funds as a guardian. Booooooo!! She knows shes useless soshe has to hold Stella hostage in jail.
Despicable! She is scared about going back to America sheobviously doesnt plan on going back.
I am very sorry for not speaking out sooner, given the frame of time, this was my best chance to do so.I dont want to cause a disturbance in peoples lives anymore than I already
have which is a minor butcontributing factor to why Ive chosen to stay silent until now. This girl needs to be hospitalized, and the US government really needs to intervene
with the treatment and decisions being made on behalf of mychild by a mentally abusive mother. Im not looking for a drop of sympathy I hope it doesnt come offlike I am.
Just being as real as I can be about my perspective on everything.Typing for me in prison isnt as easy as it is for that horrid girl. She sells food and other things providedby her mothers trust for quick cash to spend on herself. Just ask Bali Kids, the organization who helps with the health of Stella. She treats them like **** when they are the reason Stella does have fresh food.
Speaking of the trust, I will sign absolutely any document saying I should not benefit in any way at allfrom this crime. Signing away my rights to money thats not mine and never was mine is extremely easy.However for this girl, she wont let it go. Instead, shes insisting that she wants a settlement from thetrust.
How does she not have the decency to waive her rights to the money and be thankful for such ajoke of a sentence? What a piece of fresh ****. 10 years for murder, a beautiful child,
and still eating from her moms trust. There has been talk about how I get hundreds of thousands donated to me by people and that is completely false. I would rather suffer in silence than
to profit from something asdespicable as what I participated in. To judge Cohen, Sir, with all due respect you can count me out!
That money has nothing to do with me! Money was never the reason I came to Bali and I refuse to let it be about money now. The talks about money originate from her saying how she wanted to sue her mother because she claims her mom forged the signature of her dads trust and changed the beneficiaryto Sheila Von Wiese. Messy.
It sounded like she had a leg to stand on with some type of lawsuit.
Of course I was interested. I never agreed to take any money from this woman for helping her do anythingillegal let alone something so absurd as what transpired.
You have to understand that this girl talked about killing her mom all of the time! I told sooo manypeople!! Hearing her say it was the biggest cry wolf ever!
Thats how it was for a lot of people because Iwas surely not the only one listening to her ramble about it. It became apart of hanging out with her.
Her reasoning for bringing it up so much was because of how abusive that she said her mom was. This was a part of who she was.
However, this was not who I was and I was so caught up in my own life andmy own problems that it was hard to focus on other peoples issues including hers.
I tried to help thesituation on many occasions, offering my advice on alternatives to hurting each other and to instead,find middle ground.
The abuse she said she was going through, and how her mom had basically stolen all of her money and claimed it as her own, made me think about money from what
seemed to be, an openand shut lawsuit. Kids and parents have problems every day. I never believed that this little girl reallyhad the balls to kill someone.
For what? Im not sure. She was always talking about how mean her momwas to her father when she was younger.
She said she hated her mom for what she did to James. She used to always tell me she had a feeling that her mom killed her dad when she was 10.
She had everything but this was going to happen.. This was not about me and if it was I didnt know about it .I was a good *advertiser censored* kid before this.
The most bad Ive done is verbally abuse some racist bouncer trying to stick up for my friend. I never thought of how much malice she had in her heart towards her mom.
I just happened to be the boyfriend at the time this all transpired. I couldve been anyone. I always told her that she should defend herself if she feels like calling the police does nothing.
She said the police had been to her house so many times and never did a thing. She said the police would see the scars on the both of them every time they came to the house and it would
never be taken too seriously. This is an awkward situation to be in as a boyfriend. Really awkward. It really was not my business at all but I felt bad for her. I wanted to help but how?
Still no solution in my head and as time goes on, I just went with the relationship. I didnt know how to help her but to talk to her.
It was just nice to have a girlfriend while I suffered with my own issues. They were dramatic, and very emotional women. I was not trying to understand. I couldnt.
All of this made my useless life not so boring. I never wanted to be a part of this but my association with her is the main reason of why I am where I am today. I let her use and abuse me.
I let her feel like it was okay to use me as her rag doll. I let her feel like it was okay to drag me into her problems. But the fact remains is I let her step all over me.
I knew I was in danger by being with her. I wish I could talk about everything. One day I will. What happened in Bali was nothing but a continuation of her own self made plan, thoughts,
and ideas to kill her mother that all of her close friends had heard previous tales of before. This time, I was there at her disposal.I truly hate being in the news personally,
but more so because there are huge and much more important issues that we must tend to as a society that were not making progress on.
Airing and glorifying people who do bad things and make mistakes is a clear distraction from real life concerns. Dont give in to the media and their lies they lie just as much as she does.
I dont hide and I havent been hiding its just the fact that a psychopath has my daughter and I have to swallow my pride if I want to play a role in Stellas life.
Given where I stand on this, and by releasing this statement, Im adding to the problem. Its a contradiction that I have to take part in because of this girls stupidity that has not yet been
silenced. I am sorry. You wont hear from me much but I hope when you do, it reminds you of how one bad decision, can make you look like me. That one guy who really messed up.
Let me be the reason for you not to choose to go that shaky route. Let me be the image of what it would look like if you dont humble yourself today! I know what its like to lose everything.
Enough for me and you.
Let me be the earthly example of what happens when you decide to go against the flow of the universe. Gods wishes. No matter how tough a situation comes to you is,
remember that balance is imminent and nothing lasts forever except love and memories. This life isnt about just you its about all of us. The energy we receive and give
off while we are here determines how we develop! I wish I learned this before 2014. I apologize for cursing I just need to prove a point 10,000 miles away. I just want everyone to understand
that I get it now. I get why its so hard to get up when youre tired, to go to the gym and gain muscle, to eat healthily, and even to study. Thats because when you do, the reward is there.
You are what you eat. You cant tell people you eat healthy when you dont look healthy. When you eat healthy you dont have to talk because it shows. Its so easy to do the things that
undermine our capabilities. With any situation it seems to show the same consistency. Darkness exists with or without light. Light can create shadows. Even when light is around,
darkness is there to provoke. Even if you can walk on water they will say its because you cant swim. This childs problem is she wants to be selfish and get away with it.
Thats cheating. Its too late for her. It exists in her subconscious so vivid that she cant help it. She cant help herself. Thats a hard thing to do. Be so aware that it makes you humble.
Having the power to let power go like Yeezy taught me. If she had a heart at all she would make an effort to show it. And oh yeah, happy birthday today to Voldemorts baby sis.
I hope that I can one day make the people who shaped me, and the countless people who have played a role in my life, happy to say they know me , and happy to call me a friend again.
But, who would I be to ask for forgiveness of some sort, and not give it in return? Ive said the truth about my feelings on her, and Ive responded to her stupidity, but I am at a point in my
life where it takes too much energy and effort to be angry. It takes too much energy to attack anymore. Its not healthy. I refuse to let her live rent free in my spirit. Im doing this to paint a
picture in your head of what has been in mine in hope s that some of you may find relief in knowing I dont think too highly of her. In hopes of you all understanding my position on the topic.
In hopes that you think I have some dignity still. It even sounds crazy to me but I forgive you Heather Mack (the last time ill ever say your name again)I forgive you because
I have too much work to do for the people I have hurt. I forgive you because there is no time. forgive you because Rachel forgave me once.
For the rest of my life I owe and pledge to the Von Wiese family and friends every drop of sweat I can produce to make things a little easier to swallow.
Something good has to come from this. I will die trying to make that happen. To the Von Wiese family I give you more life. 100% I will do all that is in my power to bring some sort
of comfort in an impossible place. If no one knows but me, God knows and God knows where my heart is and what I am made of. I have grown up a lot and I am ready to serve this world.
Today I strip myself naked to the world in hopes that people understand me and she who should not be named meeting was obviously a terrible thing.
I refuse to let this ball of anti-matter cause any further destruction to this already damaged world. I pray that God blesses all of you kind souls out there who work relentlessly to make the world a better place. I long to be one of those people one day. Fortrose who get lost in every day life, try not to get too lost.
At the end of the day you will be right where you are with a lot more problems that wont allow you to ever be the same. Let me be that example for you.
Let me be the pain you would have if you make that wrong decision. Let it be my suffering that makes you choose to go the other way. Use me. Live clean, live true and live for something every day.
The truth will be told when it is safe to explain everything I witnessed. I can do now is let my actions speak louder than my words and even then itll never heal all of those wounds I brought to Sheilas family and friends. Something Ill have to face for the rest of my days. Rest In Paradise Sheila Von Wiese I will never forget you