RSBM.
My abysmal resting heart rate for about the last week or so on my Fitbit would beg to differ. Don't get me wrong, I'm very engaged with this trial, and I'm following it to the end, but the watching and transcribing isn't something I'm going to be able to do regularly with other cases, for the sake of my health. I would probably be doing better but I somehow, no idea how, seriously messed up my shoulder at the beginning of the year and every time I try to get my yoga practise back to more than once or twice a week, or do any poses involving bearing weight on my arms, it screams back into hateful agony. I will probably have to go see someone about it eventually, because it does not seem to want to mend on its own, and I'm a side sleeper, so I keep turning over and waking myself up with the pain. The yoga was pivotal for me surviving COVID, so I'm feeling the lack in my daily life. (If anyone asks, no, yoga is not a 'cure' for anything and was actually incredibly difficult for me to make accessible for my body and my brain for so many reasons, but therapy is expensive and a yoga dvd I already owned is free and a cheap Kmart yoga mat is $10.) A big thing is also that I have been pushing myself into hyperfocus every court day. The Ritalin only does so much and goes so far. I've been doing the 'throwing petrol on my brainfire' thing, but doing it knowingly, and knowing that it is for a limited time and the trial is going to end. And I have been deliberately taking every non court moment to try to rest as much as possible.
That said, I have really enjoyed the service of transcribing the trial. I know many other folks have work or commitments, or haven't been able to watch certain witnesses or evidence because of difficulty with certain subjects or details of death or abuse. I knew that folks would be able to read my potted posts to get the basic facts if they so chose, and not have to watch through the stream themselves if they didn't want to and potentially be upset or traumatised by the full content. I will walk away from it tired, exhausted mentally, and a bit messed up, but on the whole, feeling that the experience was worth it. I have learnt so much, just watching how a court and a trial actually works, and that's been hugely satisfying for me.
I just hope, maybe by this time next week, that I can reflect back and know that there was real justice for what happened to Gannon. I will be anxious about that until I hear the verdict. I know how I'd vote as a juror, but I am not on the jury. I just have to hope that it is as clear to the folks in that jury as it is to us, here.
MOO
No need to click!
