I am sorry to hear about your son. That is so incredibly difficult to deal with.
He's 21 now and no longer lives at home and my husband and I are still in regular contact with him and have spent the last few years repairing our hearts and minds and our relationship. We did the best we could with what we had and although our best was not always good enough, we all managed to survive and now my son is, by most of not all standards, a productive member of society.
I love him with my whole heart and did what I could to train him to behave like a "normal" person but he will never feel empathy or love. That breaks my heart but we will continue trying to help him at least until he's 27, which is when current science says his brain will no longer be able to make the synapse connections needed to be a "whole" person.
Sometimes things just happen, you know? My child was never neglected or abused. He never went hungry or without medical care. He was raised in a loving and supportive home and had extended family who loved and supported him as well. He was never poor or homeless or mistreated. We were never drug addicts or alcoholics. Nothing happened when he was in-utero that might have damaged him. He was born this way for reasons that we will probably won't be privy to, at least not in my lifetime. We were all studied by trailblazers in the field and no one knows why this happened.
I will not judge AZ's parents because I know that some people are simply born with their wires crossed or misplaced. I don't care how many times social services were called out to the house because there's nothing they could have done anyway, just like the numerous times they and LE were called to my house. Much like with domestic abuse restraining orders, there's not much anybody can do until the person commits an actual crime. And not just *any* crime but a *violent* crime. Against a person. And Colorado is also special because the age of consent for psychological treatment in any form is 15.
I honestly don't even care WHY AZ did this. But if those investigators are 100% certain that this child was murdered by this boy, and he alone is responsible for her actual pain and misery in those final moments, and if what LE and MSM have reported regarding the type of death KC experienced is absolutely true, beyond the shadow of a doubt, I hope AZ never again sees the light of day. I don't need him to be put to death. I don't need him to be in solitary. But I need him to be locked up in a tiny cage for the rest of his life.
I personally know the sacrifices that are required to raise a child like this and I know that I was awfully privileged to be able to have those choices to make. Not every mother gets to stay home from work for years. Not every mother can stay at middle or high school with their child to ensure he is where he is supposed to be. Not every mother has the loving support of a spouse who commits to making necessary sacrifices to enable one parent to always be available to handle whatever screwed up thing the child does that day. And not every mother can look her child in the eye when he tells her he is going to kill her and stare back at him without flinching or blinking and then fight with hospitals and insurance companies about who's going to pay for what and who's going to take responsibility for the child when he hurts someone or an animal or whatever happens *this* time when they release him to soon. And not every mother has her local police chief's cell phone number to call in case of imminent threat of loss of life.
I could tell you some horror stories. I could show you financial records that would make you weep. I could show you arrest records, juvie court records, my personal therapy bills ALONE would make your head spin! I have literally not slept in 20 years. I still do not sleep. 2 or 3 hours here or there when my body just can't stay awake for another second. I feel 20 years older than I am and I bet I look at *least* that much older.
But we survived. We got through it. Why did we get through it and some of these other families didn't? I don't really know. I am still heartbroken over the cat we lost about 4-5 years ago. She was poisoned. I cannot imagine how these parents survive losing a child.
Both families are irrevocably damaged. I don't know how they get through this. I don't know how KC's mom ever gets out of bed again. I don't know how KC's dad ever forgives himself for, in his mind, allowing this to happen. I have always been so focused on never becoming AZ's mother that I have not had the time or energy to make sure I never became KC's.
So if you have questions about what it's like to live with a child psychopath, feel free to ask. You can ask here or send me a direct message. I might answer, I might not. But I won't lie. I'll tell you what my experiences were. My experiences might be completely different from the players in this story so I won't try to speak for any of them. But I might have some perspective on some of your more speculatory thoughts and ideas.
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