Here's the thing: In general, men have a power position over women. There is a looooong history of men having property rights over women's property, and women having none, the power to vote while women did not, the ability to put a woman in a mental hospital without justification, take her children from her, leave her penniless, control her daily life and be supported in that by his family, her family, the churches and the courts, and even to commit domestic violence against her repeatedly, and just be told to take a walk to "cool down", or to have the wife be told not to anger him and to simply be sweet.
Those attitudes continue in many subcultures in the US today.
As a result of this long history and the resultant feminist movement, there was a shift in social attitudes that deemed certain things appropriate while others were not.
Popular culture evidences the shift. Especially t.v. and film.
So we go from the early to mid-fifties I Love Lucy episodes where she says "yes sir" to her husband, he threatens her with physical violence, and actually uses it, spanking her in at least on episode.
Then we see the slight change to the late 60's, the Brady Bunch. The couple represents more of a team now, working on decisions together (with that happening more strongly toward the middle and end of the series).
Go to the 70's and you see single, working women for really the first time (Mary Tyler Moore).
This changes again in the late 90's, early 00's. As with many things, the shift, in order to definitively and decisively divorce itself from a history of a male-dominated patriarchy in which wife beating was not great but not criminalized, etc., went the other way a bit.
So you get programs like 7th heaven, where the wife is constantly scolding and lecturing her husband, and King of Queens, in which Leah Remini's character is described as: "Doug's
sardonic wife. She has a quick-temper and is occasionally physically abusive to Doug. She has been characterized as scary by Holly and Doug, particularly when she is angry. During a flashback, Carrie concludes that she is happier (she describes herself as never being truly happy) when others are miserable. She never finished college and is employed as a hard-working
legal secretary. Her constant attempts to make her relationship with Doug more romantic and meaningful cause Doug frustration, as he prefers a simple life with as few restrictions as possible. The more quick-witted and adventurous of the couple, Carrie often pushes Doug to make more of himself and improve his morals, but she can be just as immoral as he is. Although Carrie scolds Doug for his selfish behavior, she has proven to be selfish as well at times, with little patience for others' problems or tolerance for their quirks."
The King of Queens - Wikipedia
This is all part of attempts to stabilize roles and sort of fix certain historic and social imbalances of power between the sexes.
(My BA is in American Studies BTW, so I happen to know a bit about American social history, etc.).
I represent a lot of men for some reason. Dads love me. So I am well aware that men are also victims of domestic violence and can be manipulated and victimized by women. I was particularly disgusted by the idea, during the jodi arias trial, that Travis was not a victim of domestic violence.
But it remains true that women continue to suffer more of DV than men, and that men cause more damage, statistically, when they commit it, than women. Women continue to represent 94% of all the intimate partner homicides in the nation.
So there is a more visceral, instinctive reaction when people hear a man badgering a woman, teasing her, or publicly criticizing her, than when a woman does so. It tends, socially, to represent something more profound - an imbalance of power that continues to exist, despite the attempts society has made to repair that imbalance.
In the past, like the Victorian era, a woman who disagreed with her husband in public, just an opinion about literature or politics, was seen as way out of line, unfeminine and shrewish. Today, it is frankly socially acceptable for the most part for women to complain publicly about hapless husbands, husbands who won't pick up after themselves, don't know how to shop, allow the kids to eat forbidden things and make a mess and do "dangerous" things, who fart, and don't groom enough, etc. It's part of popular culture.
So no, it is not the same. The whole history of the imbalance of power between men and women make that so. (Even though some in society continue to cling to notions of femininity from the past - A woman must always be sweet and nurturing and protective and babying of her kids, for example, and must never criticize or tease her husband, etc).
Finally, man or woman - I will never and have never accepted the defense that a parent was controlled and abused by another parent and thus was unable to protect their children from harm, unless they are actually chained or a firearm is used. Casting CW as "subservient" and "passive" is a way of excusing his potential perceived inadequacies as a parent - his inaction or participation in events on video that many here apparently feel evidence child neglect or abuse - and absolve him from his responsibility as a parent, while continuing to enable SW to be eviscerated as an abusive, neglectful and cruel parent, for the events HE also participated in, IMO.
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