Bingo. I believe he was raised by a narcissist who subsumed his identity. Until he had no needs or emotions that didn’t mirror those around him.
Then he met NK. Felt strong sexual attraction which became obsession because it was a feeling. People raised by narcissists sometimes are so terrified of having their own needs that they just don’t have needs.
But I was just reading that if some crisis happens, they can suddenly experience need panic.
My feeling is that the crisis was falling for a woman who wouldn’t tolerate having a man who already had children and was about to have his first son. He was obsessed with being with her. I believe she punished him for having a family with petulance and withdrawing. That terrified him. He had a sudden overwhelming need to be with this woman. So he had to murder his family and get that need met.
His behavior from start to finish makes a lot of sense for me in the context of a person raised by a narcissistic parent. How he never expressed anger (according to his sister). How he was always just going along and in the background. A perfect child. Much like Scott Peterson.
How he met a strong woman and mated with her because that way he wouldn’t have to make decisions based on feelings he was never allowed to have.
How when he met NK and experienced a strong sexual attraction it not only broke the monotony of family life that almost everyone experiences at some point, it also caused him to have “a” strong emotion. Which was likely super foreign to him. And thus like a drug.
So if and when NK began indicating she might bail due to him having “firsts” she demanded with a mate, he may have experienced “need panic” and had to do whatever he could to get that need met.
“Narcissistic parents can make their children terrified of their needs, who bury them by becoming compulsive caretakers or simply falling silent. They may hum along for a while, seeming to need nothing from their partners or friends. Then, a crisis hits, and suddenly—in ways they find deeply unsettling—they call their friends incessantly or seek constant reassurance. The quickest way to eliminate a need, after all, is to get it met immediately; paradoxically, the people most afraid of their needs are apt to seem the most “needy.””
8 Common, Long-Lasting Effects of Narcissistic Parenting