About Suzanne crying on BM's shoulder, wondering why her family doesn't love her.
Puhlease
IME when I was married to a CONTROLLER, I had talked by phone to my mom, something I did regularly. It was frustrating, whatever the topic, and after hanging up, I mentioned my TRANSIENT frustration. He got indignant, ACTIVELY AND ACUTELY AND DISPROPORTIONATELY angry, at my mom, as if on my behalf, and declared that, of his love for me, he never wanted me to talk to my mom again, to protect me from such frustration.
NUTS.
1. I can disagree with someone, stay balanced AND maintain a healthy and ongoing relationship!
2. That level of wedging is what leads to isolation.
I can imagine BM being controlling and reactive throughout his marriage, pulling Suzanne into greater and greater (co) dependence.
Tell us really, BM, was Suzanne crying because her family didn't love her or, in truth, was she crying because you didn't support her relationships outside your marriage, systematically isolated her, forcing her to choose you over her family in that she couldn't have BOTH?
IME, in my same marriage, we'd be set with gifts and car loaded, and my ex would declare, "we're not going [to your family Christmas]. I'M your family now."
Insecure people can't handle divided loyalties.
JMO