After reading this I feel like they are actually saying that since they got rid of the evidence then they shouldn't be tried because without evidence there is no crime? SERIOUSLY?!?!? That's like if you tell your kids not to eat the cookies they hurry up and eat them so that no one can prove who did it. I literally can't understand how they think..... I guess that's because I'm not a criminal. **shrug**
*IMO, MOO, Tension breaker*
My version of the motion before the intern cleaned up a bit of the spelling/grammatical errors and stripped most of the hokey idioms/turns of phrase:
The defendant respectfully request’s that the court Hold’s its horse’s on the charge’s against him as the state has put the Kart before the horse.
The evidence thus far presented in this Wild goose chase Doesnt hold water. Or H2o. Both of which the defendant is particularly fond, as he is a champion water skier!
First, the charge of Hindering Prosecution is falling on our Deaf ear’s. Let’s face it.
Second, tracking down caselaw supporting the charge of Tampering with Evidence is like Finding a needle in a haystack. Or, like finding blood-stained cloths in garbage cans in an area where my client and his parahor, Michelle Troconis (whom he adores from the Bottom of his heart), would
never Darken any doorstep. Or bogeda-step.
Furthermore, the charge is Opening a can of worm’s. Pure and simple.
Defendant and his legal counsel are Crossing our finger’s that you will all Call it a day and End this charade. The Snails pace of this case going to trial is hindering his participation in many, many water skiing competitions.
P.S. Defendant was never planning to Look a gift horse in the mouth with the generous gifts that his soon-to-be-ex’s family gave to support his extravagant lifestyle and, eventually, parahor. But its time to stop asking him to Pay the piper. He just needs to Get out of Dodge sooner, rather than later, because evryone he’s ever done business with now has their Hands out.