Welcome! Great first post and wonderful idea on motive! We've been dancing around the motive for a good long while here and wish we could do a poll!
My money has been on FD motive being hate, anger and money and on any given day the order can change.
Just riffing off of your OP idea so how ' bout this as a hypothetical:
JD for most of her life didn't really have to worry about money and perhaps wasn't very interested in it other than it gave her to ability to focus on what she valued most in her life, namely her children. I would defy any person who took the time to read her blog to claim anything other than she was a loving, caring, nurturing and wonderful mother who gave her time and love to all 5 children always.
JD trusted FD to manage the household bills and finances, using her trust income, over the course of her marriage and because she wasn't very interested in finances she only kept a loose rein on the situation and didn't ask too many questions as long as things seem to roll on with no wrinkles.
FD being the math and financial maven that he is takes full advantage of the loose rein and over time and little by little takes more and more of JD income and uses it to travel, support his family, possibly invest overseas in his name only, buy his parents a house in CT and set them up well, supports various Greek releatives when the economy tanks etc. FD has relatives and friends on the ground in Greece that most likely willingly took his money to invest either in their names or faceless front companies, all using money that FD took from JD.
Flash forward to 2015 period and possibly a marriage that was simply holding on was showing serious signs of strain with an absent and non-present parent and a city bred JD stuck in Farmington with 5 young children.
JD feels alone and abandoned because frankly she was. Perhaps she hears rumours of an affair or 2 but doesn't believe anything is serious. JD eyes are starting to open but only just slowly as to what her situation is with FD. JD decides to hang in just a bit longer and hope that things get better. There was the story in Family Court where FD scheduled the annual summer trip to Greece with the children but only told JD at the last minute that he didn't buy her a ticket and she wasn't going. Ding Ding Ding. The voice in the back of JD's head senses somthing is wrong but doesn't want to believe that FD would/could do her wrong. Perhaps she has an eye opening conversation with her accountant or her fathers financial advisor?
JD hangs on but things don't get better in the marriage and in fact it seems like FD evaporates himself from the family life. FD doesn't attend school events or parent/teacher conferences and JD is effectively functioning as a single parent of 5 children.
JD wonders why not much seems to be going on with FORE but she is concerned about the day to day of managing 5 children so lets things slide about pushing for a discussion of financial matter. Perhaps her fathers health situation changes in 2016 and that is a concern as well and takes her focus away from FD and finances.
FD allegedly started the most recent affair in the marriage with MT sometime in 2015/2016. JD didn't find out about the affair until 2017 but most likely sensed that all was not right long before FD told her about the affair.
But JD was no pushover and what if she spent most of 2016 looking at the finances, planning the escape with the 5 children and as part of her escape plan found evidence of financial mismanagement/misdeeds by FD over a long period of time and found investments in his name only that she knew were made with her money?
What happened if JD simply cleaned FD out of every bit of cash and liquid assets that were in a joint account that she could lay her hands on and took it when she departed with the children?
It wouldn't be easy for FD to unwind the investments made using JD money in order to fund his lifestyle so he was truly strapped for cash. FD couldn't mention the overall situation in court because he would have had to admit to taking money for years. So, what does FD do? He pleads poverty and avoids any and all attempts to obtain financial information on FORE and himself personally.
As
@TX0125 points out, what if there was a showdown about the financial secrets in the marriage simply because FD had run out of cash to keep the farce of a relationship going with MT and he had had enough? Can you imagine the look on MT face when FD says, "Michi, sorry but I need to use your credit card to buy some things and PS we are out of cash?". Games up. Mask is ripped off. He is exposed as the gigolo and failure that he is and this happens in front of a person that he only got involved with in order to anger and piss off JD? Humiliation!
Perhaps FD wanted to avoid this situation with MT and so came to JD to ask for relief to the situation?
My guess is JD said NFW!
There was some kind of big secret in the marriage of JD and FD IMO beyond that MT affair. IDK what it might have been but so much of this sad situation seems to revolve around money (JD had it and FD did not) and respect or lack thereof. IDK what happened but my guess is that JD woke up and when she did there was no stopping her and she took FD and his lies apart one by one until there was simply nothing left except his hate, rage and humiliation.
Just a guess and pure speculation.
Major Major MOO
