I have actually been surprised that this case has not been as high on the radar screen of locals as I would have thought. Come on people, a woman in New Canaan was murdered in her garage! This is really not very common and in fact one of the reasons people choose to and like to live in places like NC (although as I repeat every few threads on here, DV is extremely common in NC, stats backed up by chief of police).
Which is the reason (IMO) that a murder in a garage is dismissed and not really on many people's radar.
When it is, I have noted two concerning approaches amongst locals:
1. Why did she marry him/have kids with him/stay with him, it's obvious he's a nut job.
This response causes me to fly off the hook very unprofessionally and uncharacteristically. Come on people, he looked good "on paper"! Isn't this what we all aspire to, live out ourselves, and impress on our kids?
Ivy league degree; work in NY in consulting (ok, so not a hedge fund, but almost); MBA from good school (I have a family member who was a classmate, they remain blasé about the case); competitive athlete; expensive house and cars; entrepreneur; world travel, five "beautiful" and successful children. All of these are very typical and valued characteristics in New Canaan circles. Yet, some people seem to accept that JD brought this on herself by not being more discerning and picking and sticking with this "loser".
2. It's obvious he did it, but let's see if the state can prove it.
This IMO stems from the extremely low morale of people in CT about the state government, largely a result of disappointment and despair over the economic situation of the state (which while admittedly very bad, it's not like CT is the Rust Belt or something...). I run into people who are clearly convinced that FD is guilty, but almost inevitably, as if a challenge to the incompetence of the state system, they bluster about how the state is likely going to screw up and not be able to prove it and thus FD can and should get off. I have a distinct feeling in these conversations that people in some awful way want to identify with FD as a way to demonstrate and resist the incompetence of the state government.
This is all very disillusioning because it basically sideswipes the real issue at stake, which is domestic violence, something common not just in CT (but of particular concern in New Canaan).
I cannot disagree with anything you have said. It is disappointing to see some of the reactions of people to this case along with much disinterest. Its hard to explain but I think you have tapped into the general apathy or self absorption present in Fairfield County amongst many (but certainly not all!). People stay close to home and focus on their work and their families as a general rule. No mystery that the old movie "The Stepford Wives" was filmed in NC IMO. DV is a tough and raw topic that I think many simply express disinterest in, even though they could be secretly horrified by the fact that it surrounds them or could be impacting their friends in the community. I think many people don't know what they can do about DV or even how to talk to their children about it! But there are many people that care about 'Justice for Jennifer' and there are many people that work in the DV field doing their best to help with a very challenging problem that impacts many in Fairfield County. DV is NATIONWIDE issue so please don't include my comments under the category of 'bashing CT' please. What makes Fairfield Country IMO an interesting place to discuss DV is that this violence is happening under the veneer of money, well educated people, financial and personal success, material belongings and beautiful scenery.
Whether its the local news, voting, getting involved with local politics or churches etc. people tend to stay in their own lanes, keep their heads down, dress and look the part, and most importantly they keep up appearances. Most know on some level that many of the people that are directly involved with DV could be standing next to you on the train platform or cheering next to you at the soccer or football games or are in your car pool. DV is a crime that happens mainly behind closed doors and it has the potential to crush people and entire families. My sense is people fear DV and even if they see it they do their best to stay away from it or look the other way.
IMO the Dulos case is about many things but front and centre it is a case about DV. The DV didn't just impact JD and but it most likely psychologically crushed her children in ways that simply make me want to weep and no doubt GF is having to work very hard to pick up the pieces of the psychological mess FD wrecked on his children.
If the crime of what happened to JD is solved it will be because of the quick action of her close circle of friends and her mom, GF IMO. Kudos to them for being there for someone that had lived in a prison for many years and probably couldn't talk about it to most of the people in her life. JD and JD's friends and GF knew what they were dealing with in the form of FD and MT. There was no mystery as to why FD was met with armed guards when he went to pick up his children in NYC. GF knows that sometimes the only thing that stops someone intent on harming your loved ones, is someone holding a gun.
When we read about how FD used his oldest son and his brother to lie on his behalf and then to keep the rest of the younger children in line with the lie, all I wanted to do was wish I could have been in court to scream at Judge Heller "wake up and lock him up"! Judge Heller IMO never woke up and FD was called a 'liar' on the record by Judge Heller but was not locked up and his only 'consequences' was going to therapy and court ordered parenting classes. Judge Heller will have to live with her choices in the Dulos case for the rest of her life. But the situation got worse for the 5 Dulos children because it wasn't enough that FD and MT felt it acceptable to not comply with court orders for MT to stay away from the Dulos children. No. FD and MT used MT's then 12 yo daughter as an intermediary in their games and used this child to communicate with the 5 children. They allegedly could do this because the court order did not mandate that MT daughter could not be present when the Dulos children were present. Again, no words for using a child in such a ways but MT did this to her daughter and most likely it was encouraged by FD. I happen to think its monstrous. So far as we know, the Court did nothing to stop this situation although FD did lose access to his children for a long period of time and his visitation after this period of no contact was only on a strictly supervised basis.
I think sometimes there is this idea in Fairfield County that 'bad things' only happen to other people and they certainly don't happen here in NC. NC and its Selectman want to put their heads in the sand IMO on crime and crime prevention measures and have a huge vested interesting in maintaining the image that 'we are safe'. If LE manages to figure out what happened to JD in her garage on the 24th, IMO it will not be because the Town of NC has a solid network of cameras and security protocols. No, because if anything the JD case proves only that the people of NC need to have their own state of the art security systems to protect themselves and their families because all the Town of NC has in terms of CCTV and a town wide security plan are 'bus cams' that coincidently just happened to be on the road at the time the Red Truck was in NC. IMO the 'bus cams' were luck and not a viable plan to keep residents safe. Chief K IMO has been absent on any dialog on this topic at all as have been the Police Commission and the Selectman. NC folks continue to think that its 'all good' and 'there is no crime problems here' and so things just keep on rolling along. NCPD answer to personal security is 'lock your doors' and 'arm your alarm systems' and 'lock your gates' and this message is blasted out on social media constantly.
Meanwhile back in NC, DV statistics climb every year. Every year we see more and more of the purple flags on the front lawn of Town Hall. Do most people care or do most people in Town even know what the purple flags represent? My guess is some do know about the flags and how there is one flag for every reported DV incident in Town. But do folks give a second to think about how many DV incidents go unreported each year in NC? How many children are dealing with DV between their parents on a DAILY basis? How much of this DV translates to violence against children in NC?
Do people care about DV? IDK. Maybe. Some do. Many give money to support DV shelters and counseling. For many folks its a topic that is hard to discuss and even harder to deal with when it relates to a friend or family member. Many people do care about what happened to JD and we saw this caring at the memorials in NC and the pink bracelets that people wear and the mysterious 'Justice for Jennifer' rocks that pop up to remind people about JD.
There has been some solid dialog IMO on DV in part due to the Dulos case. Greenwich has stepped up and done some relevant talks, NC has tried on a limited basis to bring some dialog on the topic, and Wilton has stepped up to have some community talks and training for school aged children. Its a start I guess and there are many committed people working in DV in the area and in CT and we saw that the Courts are getting training on DV. But so much more needs to be done IMO and the Courts need to be leaders and not followers. DV is a challenging and complex topic to address, in part because there are so many different POV on how to address it but it is encouraging to see some of the communities making attempts to reach out to people of all ages on the topic.
MOO
