But ... Rena ... what about the evidence ...
She knows about the evidence.
Rena, here is some unsolicited advice.
I am sorry for your loss.
Get out of Pattisville and take care of yourself. I pray you get to a point where you can stop pretending Fotis did not abuse and kill Jennifer, and stop pretending he was blameless in his family court troubles. You can love your departed brother; I hope you love and miss him.
For the sake of your nephews and nieces in the USA, I pray you are able to accept what happened, continue to love your brother, and wish he had made different decisions for his own sake. Then, maybe you can widen your focus a see this more clearly from the point of view of others, especially of your nephews and nieces.
Otherwise, how can you have a relationship with them? Ever? Luckily, this family has the resources that, even absent technology, geography is not a barrier to a relationship. But if the relationship deal is, “believe a delusion to hang with me,” nobody is going to allow a child into that relationship with you. At their majority, young adults won’t tolerate it. If the relationship is built on, “I loved your father and he loved you, but there was really something wrong with him. He caused you so much harm, taking away both of your parents. I wish he.... I still can’t help remembering Fotis things like.....Dad things like....”
Maybe the children can learn ways that you are like Fotis. And ways you are different. Some day, the children are going to have to wrap their heads around what their father did, and around ways they might share traits with him. (“If I hate a mess is the house, does that mean I’m a murderer?”) They need to know that being like their father does not mean they are destined to be like him in every way, or make horrific choices.
How prepared would you think the Farber family to help in this area? They have been super with the children, and understand the impact of loosing both parents. But they know Jennifer and can build on shared memories of her. Could they do the same about Fotis?
You could do that about Fotis. And you are not heading that direction sucked into Pattisville. What an absurd accusation that his grave would be harmed.
(Ummm, yes people are angry with him, of course! But surely you understand it, or you will when you get your head out of Pattisville. And arguing with the angry only keeps it stirred up. For the kids sake, the angry people will let the kids feel their more complicated feelings. There is no reason to think his grave would be touched.)
Speaking of the Farbers, they are protecting your nephews and nieces from documented emotional abuse by Fotis. Jennifer did so until she was murdered. This is protection for people you love, not keeping the kids away from anyone. You have to accept this, too, to have an honest relationship with your nephews and nieces.
Are you really the aunt who says ,”Don’t believe what you see, read, hear, touch or feel?” Or are you the aunt who says, “It’s okay to have good memories and to have some Fotis traits. It’s okay to have bad memories; you have endured what few can imagine. You survived, and now you can just be.”
Rena, you know what happened. Deal with it. Love and miss your brother from a realistic point of view. Pattisville is is fantasy, and no shelter to you. It will keep you from real mourning, and keep you from having a relationship with your nephews and nieces.
Peace, and I am very sorry for your loss.
