GUILTY DC - David Messerschmitt, 30, murdered in Washington hotel room, 9 Feb 2015 #3

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In other words....there may have been suspicion....but the façade was maintained.
 
I disagree with the discussion about a plea deal being better to spare the wife and family the details in court. If I were in their situation, I would not want that. Why let the killer get off with a lighter sentence? That's not acceptable. She's a murderer. She should get the strongest sentence possible, and a trial will accomplish that.

It appears DM was in the closet his entire life, not by choice but because society forced him to be there. It's a downright shame that so many people here think he should be kept in the closet after his death. Was his lifestyle so embarrassing and awful that a killer should get off easier because court would be embarrassing and painful for family? Doesn't that validate a perpetrator's decision to target people in this community?

I doubt DM's family wants to avoid a trial. I'll bet they want the accused to get the fullest punishment the law allows.
 
Sorry but I fail to see what his secret sexual preferences has to do with anything. Whether he was secretly hooking up with online strangers of the same or opposite gender, he was still taking huge risks and most likely going behind his wife's back. Being a closeted gay or bisexual is not synonymous with being secretly promiscuous and sneaking around behind your spouse's back and soliciting random hotel room hook-ups with Craigslist strangers. While you may feel that society let him down, I see no proof that this is the case. There are many many very successful attorneys in this world who are gay/bisexual and they are not afraid to be upfront about it and so they should, their sexual preference is surely nothing to hide or be ashamed of. Living one's life 'in the closet' and putting on a front does nothing for the greater cause, which is that we all have the right to love who we choose. Unfortunately but factually, life is about choices and consequences. I don't have much sympathy for anyone who sneaks around behind their spouse's back to have one-night-stands - particularly when most people these days know that Craigslist is a cyber-haven for predators, creeps and evil individuals who are not what they seem. Most of all I don't have much sympathy for those knowingly participating in a high-risk lifestyle/behaviors, that will have a very negative and potentially health-impacting effect on their loved one........in this case, his wife.......and the risk of her being exposed to HIV, HepC, gonorrhea, syphilis, HPV, herpes, etc. When you truly love and respect someone you don't put your sexual needs/desires over the health and well-being of your spouse, you just don't. As well, in most of the news articles about this case, DM and his wife were referred to as "newlyweds." Imagine the heartache and shock and anger and betrayal this poor woman must be feeling, not to mention fearing for her health, and no doubt advised by health care professionals that HIV infection can take up to 6 months to show up. She is the victim here, IMO.

SBHack said:
I understand where you are coming from, but I see a much larger picture and my sympathy and empathy for David and his family will never falter. It is so not our place to judge!

I have really appreciated the posts here touching on the complexities of human sexuality. David, being a successful, prominent attorney at a huge international law firm was under so much pressure to represent the persona expected of him by our society. He certainly made risky choices, but those are choices he probably wouldn't have had to make if the LGBTQ community was accepted in the US (especially in professional careers). He was likely faced with the decision of losing everything he had worked his whole life for just to be himself. I see closeted people every single day in the legal world, some quite literally hiding the existence of their same-sex spouse because they feel they have to do that in order to have any progress or success in the field. I guarantee it's the same in other work environments, whether professional or not. I would bet there are an exponential number of people just like David who hide things about themselves, live a double life of sorts, in order to make their families proud, to earn a living, to achieve the stereotypical "American dream."

More than 1/3 of the LGBTQ community has attempted suicide (http://www.healthyplace.com/gender/...y-and-suicide-lgbt-suicide-–-a-serious-issue/). 1 in 5 LGBTQ citizens has reported a hate crime against them in the past 3 years, and it is estimated 75% of incidents go unreported (http://www.care2.com/causes/10-alarming-statistics-about-gay-hate-crimes.html). 40-50% of bi and gay men have experienced sexual violence (not including rape) (http://www.nclrights.org/sexual-assault-in-the-lgbt-community/).

So while we can certainly learn from David, to be cautious and responsible in our choices, to be open minded and accepting of others so they don't feel pressured to hide, we certainly have no room to condemn him. Everyone has their story, their issues, we are all going through something that puts us at risk. We all make bad decisions. David and his family paid the ultimate price and it is not our right to start dishing out blame.

David, I'm so sorry for the battles you had to face on this earth, and I'm sorry for the ways society let you down. Rest in peace, David. :candle:

Apologies for being long winded.
Click to expand...
 
Assuming his wife didn't know, I agree that his being with men put her health at risk. I happen to know someone that is now living with the HIV virus. Her husband also has it and when she was finally diagnosed,he admitted to hooking up with men. She had no clue. However, DM did not deserve to be murdered.
 
LayzeeDayzee said:
.....When you truly love and respect someone you don't put your sexual needs/desires over the health and well-being of your spouse, you just don't. As well, in most of the news articles about this case, DM and his wife were referred to as "newlyweds." Imagine the heartache and shock and anger and betrayal this poor woman must be feeling, not to mention fearing for her health, and no doubt advised by health care professionals that HIV infection can take up to 6 months to show up. She is the victim here, IMO.
Click to expand...

Respectfully snipped and BBM.
I must disagree with you and your judgement here.
Without knowing the intimate details of their marriage, there is much speculation here, and I thank you for including IMO. My take is that the assumption that ANY marriage is a reflection of standards expected by society is an inherently faulty one. The evidence offered that these 2 private people have been referred to as "newlyweds" is NOT something they imposed on themselves, but rather what they have been labeled and defined as in the media. THIS is the type of pressure that forces non-typical folks to hide their true selves. Regardless of the acceptance many of us think we see today, it must take an immense amount of courage to unflinchingly go against assumptions and expectations. They are BOTH victims, because NO ONE should die because if this, in my humble opinion.
 
I want to respond to the most recent posts claiming that he was putting her health at risk by his risky behavior:
I really think it's best to stop the assumptions at this point. Why are you assuming that DM was putting his wife's health at risk? How do you know that they were not in an A-Sexual marriage and maybe they have never even kissed let alone other things ever?

I think it's in very bad taste to assume that David was leading a secret life and also assuming he was putting Kim at risk!
For all you know Kim was well aware of his sexual preferences and they may have been in an A-Sexual marriage in which case he would NOT have put her at any risk for anything! So, I really think it's best to stop accusing a dead man of doing secret things behind his wifes back and also putting her in jeopardy of getting an std because you have no proof that she didn't know what he was up to ( It still has NEVER been released to the public how the police knew to contact the Donavon) and you have no proof that him and his wife were even engaging in sexual activities!
 
LillyP said:
I want to respond to the most recent posts claiming that he was putting her health at risk by his risky behavior:
I really think it's best to stop the assumptions at this point. Why are you assuming that DM was putting his wife's health at risk? How do you know that they were not in an A-Sexual marriage and maybe they have never even kissed let alone other things ever?

I think it's in very bad taste to assume that David was leading a secret life and also assuming he was putting Kim at risk!
For all you know Kim was well aware of his sexual preferences and they may have been in an A-Sexual marriage in which case he would NOT have put her at any risk for anything! So, I really think it's best to stop accusing a dead man of doing secret things behind his wifes back and also putting her in jeopardy of getting an std because you have no proof that she didn't know what he was up to ( It still has NEVER been released to the public how the police knew to contact the Donavon) and you have no proof that him and his wife were even engaging in sexual activities!
Click to expand...

Agree. And frankly, it's none of our business.
 
rosesfromangels said:
Agree. And frankly, it's none of our business.
Click to expand...
They are adults and their sexual issues are between them,not us.This will sound harsh but it is the only way to make my point but nit picking every detail of a case tends to sound like a bunch of busy bodies.DM's wife is suffering enough,do we really need to disect their private life?Case is solved move on.JMO.
 
Certainly David's wife is a victim and I absolutely never meant to imply otherwise. I envision a spectrum of innocence; David was completely innocent in his heinous murder (despite his decisions), and his wife was even more innocent in that regard. I'm sending light & love to the entire family. And I would also like to add an apology for the sleuthing of David's wife that took place on these threads (and thank you to the mods for removing much of it). She has never appeared to me to be anything other than a loving, devoted spouse and my heart breaks reading and thinking about some of the things posted here about their marriage and family. I hope she has the time and support to mourn her tragic loss, and then I hope she can rekindle her spirit and continue to live vivaciously for David, who will always love her. :rose:
 
This story is so multi-layered that I come here to WS and find a truly round table discussion of intelligent thoughts and perspectives, and always, always a greater understanding of humanity. Imo.

Having lived in an artistic/gay community in the 80’s, a story like this makes me grateful I made it through the 70’s and 80’s without contracting a STD or worse back then the sure death sentence of AIDS. Lord knows, straight or gay, we were really scared. I witnessed the death toll of AIDS, and the struggle of a gay community trying to come out of the shadows as well as the closet. Thankfully, it is a different world today in so many ways.

So, I want to say that the tragedy and shame for this young lawyer is certainly not about being gay, or bi, or in an open marriage, but about “secrets exposed” IF that was where he was at in his life. If I was his family and did not know, I would be so devastated and sad, especially if I could, and would accept him for who he was.

Before he was found, when his wife was pleading with the public on behalf of her “best friend” her husband, did she know? Sure, it’s none of my business, but I have my doubts.

Was this hook up paid for? Does that not make it prostitution? -Regardless of persuasion? And as a lawyer, wouldn’t he have known the implications? -By its very nature wouldn’t it be secret?

And, ironically this young man’s murder was not a crime of passion, but an extremely heinous, cold blooded, robbery due to his choice of soliciting on Craig’s list, for a complete unknown, unchecked, stranger, posing as the opposite of the desired sex. Tragically, IF his encounter with death was because of a secret life it is now exposed in a really unintended shameful way.

Of course he never deserved to die because he was “experimenting” with his sexuality – and for his family I cannot imagine the profound sadness of realizing the possibility of their loved one’s inner torment, in addition to the shock and horror of his demise. It will take a long time to come to peace and understanding, I think.

-all imo
 
Very well said rosemadderlake... thanks.
 
SBHack said:
I understand where you are coming from, but I see a much larger picture and my sympathy and empathy for David and his family will never falter. It is so not our place to judge!

I have really appreciated the posts here touching on the complexities of human sexuality. David, being a successful, prominent attorney at a huge international law firm was under so much pressure to represent the persona expected of him by our society. He certainly made risky choices, but those are choices he probably wouldn't have had to make if the LGBTQ community was accepted in the US (especially in professional careers). He was likely faced with the decision of losing everything he had worked his whole life for just to be himself. I see closeted people every single day in the legal world, some quite literally hiding the existence of their same-sex spouse because they feel they have to do that in order to have any progress or success in the field. I guarantee it's the same in other work environments, whether professional or not. I would bet there are an exponential number of people just like David who hide things about themselves, live a double life of sorts, in order to make their families proud, to earn a living, to achieve the stereotypical "American dream."

More than 1/3 of the LGBTQ community has attempted suicide (http://www.healthyplace.com/gender/...y-and-suicide-lgbt-suicide-–-a-serious-issue/). 1 in 5 LGBTQ citizens has reported a hate crime against them in the past 3 years, and it is estimated 75% of incidents go unreported (http://www.care2.com/causes/10-alarming-statistics-about-gay-hate-crimes.html). 40-50% of bi and gay men have experienced sexual violence (not including rape) (http://www.nclrights.org/sexual-assault-in-the-lgbt-community/).

So while we can certainly learn from David, to be cautious and responsible in our choices, to be open minded and accepting of others so they don't feel pressured to hide, we certainly have no room to condemn him. Everyone has their story, their issues, we are all going through something that puts us at risk. We all make bad decisions. David and his family paid the ultimate price and it is not our right to start dishing out blame.

David, I'm so sorry for the battles you had to face on this earth, and I'm sorry for the ways society let you down. Rest in peace, David. :candle:

Apologies for being long winded.
Click to expand...

Amazing post! Just amazing!
 
Newly married early 30's couple in an intentionally asexual relationship/marriage? Umm, right, okay.


LillyP said:
I want to respond to the most recent posts claiming that he was putting her health at risk by his risky behavior:
I really think it's best to stop the assumptions at this point. Why are you assuming that DM was putting his wife's health at risk? How do you know that they were not in an A-Sexual marriage and maybe they have never even kissed let alone other things ever?

I think it's in very bad taste to assume that David was leading a secret life and also assuming he was putting Kim at risk!
For all you know Kim was well aware of his sexual preferences and they may have been in an A-Sexual marriage in which case he would NOT have put her at any risk for anything! So, I really think it's best to stop accusing a dead man of doing secret things behind his wifes back and also putting her in jeopardy of getting an std because you have no proof that she didn't know what he was up to ( It still has NEVER been released to the public how the police knew to contact the Donavon) and you have no proof that him and his wife were even engaging in sexual activities!
Click to expand...
 
LayzeeDayzee said:
Newly married early 30's couple in an intentionally asexual relationship/marriage? Umm, right, okay.
Click to expand...

Some Asexuals do get married you know. But I don't think that was the case here.
 
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