DC DC - Relisha Tenau Rudd, 8, SE DC, 26 Feb 2014 - #8

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I just read the posted snips about IR's past.

I've found that, since having children, I cannot stomach physical abuse against children, whether reenactments, factual stories, or fictional depictions. (I never finished watching Slumdog Millionaire, and I've walked out of movies in which children were killed).

I cannot understand why anyone would think that disciplining a child means committing the physical abuses that IR did against his children. Hitting and punching a crying child will not make the child stop crying. But, in certain areas of DC, or even riding DC's Metro trains, you see this sort of thing every day.

I had strict personal rules with my children; no spanking until they were old enough to understand consequences. I didn't spank my boys until they were about 3 years old, and only for things that they did that were dangerous to themselves.

I would rather die than bring harm to my children. Most parents would feel the same. But it looks like Relisha was raised in an environment where the threat of harm from her parents was the norm. Sexual abuse may have been the norm for her too.

Anyway, I just wanted to type my thoughts here and leave it in a post than carry it around with me all day. I'll try to read the articles later in case I can find any useful information. Thanks for the info, everyone.
 
This is interesting. I previously thought IR was denied custody because of his past, but from the article:

In February 2012 and again in September 2012, Rudd filed for legal custody of the children, according to records filed with the court. Both times, records show, the cases were dismissed after he and Young did not show up for a court date.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local...778a78-d615-11e3-95d3-3bcd77cd4e11_story.html

I have seen a case in VA where sole custody was granted to the mother after the father didn't show up. Different state, different rules I guess. Also, the father committed domestic violence against the mother, so maybe that weight into it.
 
datalover said:
SY and AW did not show up at the hearing to determine where the boys will live. I understand that AW may not be involved with SY anymore, but SY should have been there. Only IR was present.

I'm in shock. Why wouldn't SY show up for a hearing about her children?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local...778a78-d615-11e3-95d3-3bcd77cd4e11_story.html
Click to expand...

datalover, this is just my opinion. I think possibly Shamika and/or Antonio are not complying with the parenting plan/guidelines/requirements CPS laid out for them. Not taking parenting classes, failing/not taking drug tests, etc..... Plenty of reasons for them not showing up - none of them good. I hope the boys are safe and happy wherever they are living. Tragic situation for all of them.

The family was told not to talk about Relisha when visiting the boys. So, granny wears a Relisha button on her blouse and a visiting child has a Relisha Missing t-shirt on during a visit. Not one person with two working brain cells in the whole bunch.
 
This case is overwhelming. It magnifies every negative aspect of inter-generational abuse and neglect and at best leaves even the most faithful feeling defeated. The answer to the question, "Where or how do we even begin to heal these fractured families, for the sake of future generations" seems almost unobtainable.

Perhaps, at risk, neglected and abused children should receive education, something child oriented, on proper parenting skills, classes on what constitutes abuse and neglect and sex education (age appropriate, of course) beginning as early as Kindergarten and Elementary school.

How else are kids to understand that abuse and neglect are not acceptable. I have a saying that seems to apply to many situations and seems to apply to the types of cases we have witnessed while delving into the disappearance of Relisha. It is this: "You go with what you know." Some folks say, "birds of a feather flock together." I guess the two are not dissimilar.

This inter-generational abuse and self destruction will continue as long as the children and young adults see no other suitable/acceptable alternatives or go without learning better options.
 
datalover said:
SY and AW did not show up at the hearing to determine where the boys will live. I understand that AW may not be involved with SY anymore, but SY should have been there. Only IR was present.

I'm in shock. Why wouldn't SY show up for a hearing about her children?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local...778a78-d615-11e3-95d3-3bcd77cd4e11_story.html
Click to expand...

In my opinion, its just more of the same; irresponsibility.
What did they loose by not showing up? With that I mean, what was really important to them that they would loose by not showing up?

They did not have to pay for their attorneys, all paid for by tax payer funds, so they didn't loose any money.
They are (I presume) still receiving their tax payer government checks, so again no lose in money.
They also know how the systems works, and will most likely receive a continuance; again at no actual cost to them.
They are still able to see the children once a week, under supervised visits again paid for by tax payer funds, for one hour without having to feed, clothe, or take care of them for the remaining 167 hours in the week.
They don't have to change; stay clean or sober, get up in the morning, get a job, look for housing, cook, do laundry, clean, help with homework or any of the 1000 things responsible parents do every day of their life for their children.
They also don't have to comply with any court mandated classes or requirements, at least this early in the process, and they won't until it gets down to the final days of this process.
They will then cry and pout and their free attorneys will jump through hoops to get CPS and the courts to give them another chance and in the end ---
They will be "awarded" the children back like they are a prize that they won at the carnival.

Seen it happen over and over and over again. :banghead:
 
SY knows good and well she isn't getting custody of those children. She also does not want to come to court because there may be a risk that she will be arrested. I'm sure she knows she's being investigated for obstruction. It's also not a good idea to go to court when you are high; I'm sure she knows that as well.

We discuss RR so often on this site that I had totally forgotten about her siblings. Poor little guys. I'm sure they loved their sister very much.

Thanks to all the active searchers and active sleuths on this case.
 
Just K said:
This case is overwhelming. It magnifies every negative aspect of inter-generational abuse and neglect and at best leaves even the most faithful feeling defeated. The answer to the question, "Where or how do we even begin to heal these fractured families, for the sake of future generations" seems almost unobtainable.

Perhaps, at risk, neglected and abused children should receive education, something child oriented, on proper parenting skills, classes on what constitutes abuse and neglect and sex education (age appropriate, of course) beginning as early as Kindergarten and Elementary school.

How else are kids to understand that abuse and neglect are not acceptable. I have a saying that seems to apply to many situations and seems to apply to the types of cases we have witnessed while delving into the disappearance of Relisha. It is this: "You go with what you know." Some folks say, "birds of a feather flock together." I guess the two are not dissimilar.

This inter-generational abuse and self destruction will continue as long as the children and young adults see no other suitable/acceptable alternatives or go without learning better options.
Click to expand...

BBM

Yes it does.
For as many years as there is the written word society has faced the question of what to do with those who do not have the means to take care of themselves. It mostly dealt with the basic needs; food, shelter and medical care (at whatever level was considered the norm for the era). Education, when it became mandated was then later added to that list as a "need" to attempt to help prevent people from becoming dependent and going to the poor house in the first place.

Interestingly enough, I have been doing some research on my county's poor house, opened in 1852, in preparation for a project and have found some interesting reposts and facts that are not only local, but country wide. Up until the early 1950s local governments, basically on the county level in each state, utilized what was commonly called the "poor house" or almshouse. Simply put, without getting into all of the statistics, and gritty details, they worked and they worked well.

The average stay country wide was about 9 months. The percentage of people who left and ended up returning was low. The majority of people who ended up using the poor house long term did so only at becoming elderly with no family to care for them and no longer able to physically work or maintain their own residence. There were always the disabled or mentally challenged who became a permanent resident as well. Later, different types of facility were developed to attend to those two special needs; the “old folk’s home” or nursing home as we now call it and group homes or special care facilities’ for the mentally disabled.

The poor house was not a free ride. It was a group setting, without a lot of privacy. There were rules. There was constant oversight. Living skills were taught, shared and learned. Parenting skills; for those who were lacking, were shown, not so much by any type of a formal class, but by taking part in maintaining a structured and safe environment. Everyone was responsible for something, depending on their ability, including the children. There were no paid janitors or kitchen staff. Everybody pitched in and did chores. In a lot of places this poor house was located out in the countryside were food and livestock were raised, not only to feed themselves but to sell at local markets to help provide funds to pay for other needs. Weaknesses, such as a problem learning to read well or learn English could be overcome by being able to ask for help without risk of being labeled. Practical skills; how to fix things, use a hammer, or mend clothes for example , were shared with each other.

I'm sure there were on-going challenges and problems, there always are because nothing is ever 100 % perfect, but from what I have found so far these poor houses were closed all across the country because a small group of professional psychologist and politicians, with the lure of "this will save money" convinced the public that putting everyone into their own separate homes throughout the community was saving these peoples dignity and would show them that we truly loved them and wanted them to succeed and that everybody would benefit.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m not seeing that benefit. And I think it is safe to say Relisha did not benefit either.
 
shadow of my mind said:
BBM

RSBM
Interestingly enough, I have been doing some research on my county's poor house, opened in 1852, in preparation for a project and have found some interesting reposts and facts that are not only local, but country wide. Up until the early 1950s local governments, basically on the county level in each state, utilized what was commonly called the "poor house" or almshouse. Simply put, without getting into all of the statistics, and gritty details, they worked and they worked well.


I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m not seeing that benefit. And I think it is safe to say Relisha did not benefit either.
Click to expand...

Thanks, shadow of my mind! I never knew the true history of the manner in which our country dealt with our indigent population years ago. How interesting! Since my career was spent working in the Social Services, I totally agree that our current system does not work for many people. There are exceptions and many working poor that need the extra help; but, overall, my opinions are jaded by things I have seen over the years.

Our sweet Relisha hasn't yet been afforded a life that most of us could provide for her or wish she had/will experience. I hope that she will have the opportunity to be safe, loved and happy as every child should. And....I'll leave it at that.
 
If there's a show tonight I can't listen. As my husband says I compartmentalize a lot of things and today they won't stay put. Maybe I should walk away from this case for awhile. Take care all.
 
branwynbreeze said:
If there's a show tonight I can't listen. As my husband says I compartmentalize a lot of things and today they won't stay put. Maybe I should walk away from this case for awhile. Take care all.
Click to expand...

I understand Branwynbreez. I don't know how much longer I can listen either.
 
Just received an alert re: early start for "on the air" tonight (730p Eastern)

I flagged a post so hopefully we will be open in the PL soon

:seeya:


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
I flagged about an hour ago, hopefully someone picks it up soon. Does it matter which post is flagged?
 
TurtlePie said:
I flagged about an hour ago, hopefully someone picks it up soon. Does it matter which post is flagged?
Click to expand...

Not AFAIK. I flagged a post on this thread and on the PL thread.

I'm thinking we may need to send a message to Kimster or Salem.

Not sure what else to do....

:dunno:

Would you be willing to message them here? I'll send Kimster a tweet :please:


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
I'm trying to pick my words carefully - as we have to stay within TOS on this thread despite the other thread being closed.

:sigh:

Bear with me y'all!




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