TheDuchess
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2010
- Messages
- 2,325
- Reaction score
- 604
This whole case saddens me so much. So senseless and yet it appears as though this was a chain of events that happened so long ago. It makes me wonder about a person's soul and how that soul must be nurtered in order to thrive. It makes me wonder what this young man's early childhood was like and how he grew to be so broken, so devoid of decency, compassion, and capable of doing such a ghastly and horrific thing to an innocent child. Did his parents ignore him? Did they beat him? Did they ever hold him? Did they molest him?
As the mother of 3 adopted children, I must say that these things have crossed by mind. My boys were newborns adopted at birth. But I certainly see traits in their DNA that I cannot deny. Nothing bad per se, just obviously not from my DNA. Things that are just hardwired in. I nurture them and love them and care for them and I know that our hearts are joined together and that they have beautiful souls. My daughter was almost 4 when we adopted her as a foster child. Her past was much different, of course. She was neglected. She craves attention and love, but also has a tremndous amount of compassion and a sweet little soul. I feel connected to her in the same way as my boys and am so grateful to God that she has come from her past a strong, confident young girl.
But then from my research and work in the system, I have seen much darker tales. Stores of abused, neglected children. Children from overseas left in an orphanage during their baby years, never being held or loved. These children often grow up to have disorders that simply cannot be fixed. Children who have been terribly abused or molested, beaten, raped-let down by the adults in their lives who were meant to nurture them. How can we expect these children to grown into adulthood and become normal members of society?
Sure, there are countless examples of people who have come from these backgrounds only to rise above it and become fine upstanding citizens-some even great leaders. But this is not the rule, but rather the exception. I have learned through my experience with adoption and foster care that we are failing our children. And when I say OUR children I mean it. When a child is a ward of the state, that means you and me, not the beaurocrats who run the state, but the citizens of that state. So those kids out there slipping through the cracks, being failed by the "system" are truly OUR kids, so it is us who are also failing them.
How can WE help to insure our children are safe? Certainly, not everyone can adopt or become a foster parent. But there are simple things that all can do;
1.) Volunteer to help children in your community who are at risk
2.) Familarize yourself with the signs of abuse and consider yourself a "Mandatory Reporter." It's not just teachers, doctors, and officers who should report suspected abuse-but ALL OF US!!!
3.) Familiarize yourself with local groups who provide foster care-Catholic Charities, DCFS, Lutheran Social Services, DCFS-they could all use donations of money, clothing, books, toys-call your local office and ask how you can help
4.) Don't blame the system-change the system-watch how your congressmen vote-write them, call them, e-mail them that YOUR children must NOT come last. In my state, they just cut funding for foster care-meaning less workers and bigger caseloads-meaning that more kids slip through the cracks. The next time you feel like blaming a caseworker for the child who was failed, think about how much these people are paid, what their work hours are and the kinds of things they see on a day to day basis. There is only so much they can do. (Trust me-they work LONG hours and get paid practically NOTHING!!!) Lawmakers don't pay a lot of attention to OUR children because neither they nor their parents vote.
5.) Give to the Dave Thomas Foundation-the very best organization for foster children in the country. If you don't want to give-purchase one of their "keychain Frosty's." It's a buck and you get a free mini Frosty each time you visit for a whole year. It's a great deal and goes to a great cause.
6.) Consider foster care-sure, it's a lot of work, a lot of risk and often times a lot of heartache, but it's worth it. I think about how many people work so hard to recycle their garbage-saving all of their plastic bottles, cans, newspapers-but find it difficult to imagine "recycling" a child-my "recycled" children have given me the greatest reward with their love-I cannot imagine loving a biological child any more than I love my amazing kids!
I don't want to blame Ryan's foster family. I do not know enough. I know there are troubles all over with foster families, but it's not always easy to raise a child who is broken. We can't all raise a broken child like this. I am not sure I would have it in me either. But it's sad to me that someone was able to harm Ryan as a child in some way to create this monster who ultimately took the life of another innocent child. And I know in my heart that SOMEONE knew SOMETHING. Too many people look the other way when a child is being abused. These people need to stop and ask themselves if they would like that abused child they have ignored to be living next door to them in 20 years.
Anyway, I don't mean to get on a soapbox and know I am already preaching to the choir here. All of you members have such loving and caring hearts and work so hard to protect our children. God Bless each and every one of you! And keep up all of your hard work, because together, we can help make a difference.
As the mother of 3 adopted children, I must say that these things have crossed by mind. My boys were newborns adopted at birth. But I certainly see traits in their DNA that I cannot deny. Nothing bad per se, just obviously not from my DNA. Things that are just hardwired in. I nurture them and love them and care for them and I know that our hearts are joined together and that they have beautiful souls. My daughter was almost 4 when we adopted her as a foster child. Her past was much different, of course. She was neglected. She craves attention and love, but also has a tremndous amount of compassion and a sweet little soul. I feel connected to her in the same way as my boys and am so grateful to God that she has come from her past a strong, confident young girl.
But then from my research and work in the system, I have seen much darker tales. Stores of abused, neglected children. Children from overseas left in an orphanage during their baby years, never being held or loved. These children often grow up to have disorders that simply cannot be fixed. Children who have been terribly abused or molested, beaten, raped-let down by the adults in their lives who were meant to nurture them. How can we expect these children to grown into adulthood and become normal members of society?
Sure, there are countless examples of people who have come from these backgrounds only to rise above it and become fine upstanding citizens-some even great leaders. But this is not the rule, but rather the exception. I have learned through my experience with adoption and foster care that we are failing our children. And when I say OUR children I mean it. When a child is a ward of the state, that means you and me, not the beaurocrats who run the state, but the citizens of that state. So those kids out there slipping through the cracks, being failed by the "system" are truly OUR kids, so it is us who are also failing them.
How can WE help to insure our children are safe? Certainly, not everyone can adopt or become a foster parent. But there are simple things that all can do;
1.) Volunteer to help children in your community who are at risk
2.) Familarize yourself with the signs of abuse and consider yourself a "Mandatory Reporter." It's not just teachers, doctors, and officers who should report suspected abuse-but ALL OF US!!!
3.) Familiarize yourself with local groups who provide foster care-Catholic Charities, DCFS, Lutheran Social Services, DCFS-they could all use donations of money, clothing, books, toys-call your local office and ask how you can help
4.) Don't blame the system-change the system-watch how your congressmen vote-write them, call them, e-mail them that YOUR children must NOT come last. In my state, they just cut funding for foster care-meaning less workers and bigger caseloads-meaning that more kids slip through the cracks. The next time you feel like blaming a caseworker for the child who was failed, think about how much these people are paid, what their work hours are and the kinds of things they see on a day to day basis. There is only so much they can do. (Trust me-they work LONG hours and get paid practically NOTHING!!!) Lawmakers don't pay a lot of attention to OUR children because neither they nor their parents vote.
5.) Give to the Dave Thomas Foundation-the very best organization for foster children in the country. If you don't want to give-purchase one of their "keychain Frosty's." It's a buck and you get a free mini Frosty each time you visit for a whole year. It's a great deal and goes to a great cause.
6.) Consider foster care-sure, it's a lot of work, a lot of risk and often times a lot of heartache, but it's worth it. I think about how many people work so hard to recycle their garbage-saving all of their plastic bottles, cans, newspapers-but find it difficult to imagine "recycling" a child-my "recycled" children have given me the greatest reward with their love-I cannot imagine loving a biological child any more than I love my amazing kids!
I don't want to blame Ryan's foster family. I do not know enough. I know there are troubles all over with foster families, but it's not always easy to raise a child who is broken. We can't all raise a broken child like this. I am not sure I would have it in me either. But it's sad to me that someone was able to harm Ryan as a child in some way to create this monster who ultimately took the life of another innocent child. And I know in my heart that SOMEONE knew SOMETHING. Too many people look the other way when a child is being abused. These people need to stop and ask themselves if they would like that abused child they have ignored to be living next door to them in 20 years.
Anyway, I don't mean to get on a soapbox and know I am already preaching to the choir here. All of you members have such loving and caring hearts and work so hard to protect our children. God Bless each and every one of you! And keep up all of your hard work, because together, we can help make a difference.
