GA - Suspicion over heat death of Cooper, 22 mo., Cobb County, June 2014, #13

[jmcgladr]

:clap:

Absolutely. A well researched fact. and not nonsense.

I would like to see some documentation that this is a fact, at least as it pertains to young boys putting a lot of time/effort into their hair (or not doing so). I could see this as a valid point if it was an older male role modeling beating up women or misogyny, but I don't think boys having low maintenance hair (or parents encouraging them to do so) is going to cause them to become domestic violence perpetrators. Nor do I think that all men with high maintenance hair are mentally deranged, and I didn't see anyone suggest that, really. I, and others, were just noting a correlation between certain personality disorders and outsized attention to appearance. And both my boys have longish hair and I let them do whatever they want with it - but they run away when I come by with a brush, lol! I think that's pretty normal for little boys.

 

[RainCheck]

nonsense.
its the rejection of "the strict gender role of a traditional male" that leads to domestic violence

You're making a joke, right?

 

[tangelo]

You're making a joke, right?

I find nothing about that nonsense funny

 

[RainCheck]

I would like to see some documentation that this is a fact, at least as it pertains to young boys putting a lot of time/effort into their hair (or not doing so). I could see this as a valid point if it was an older male role modeling beating up women or misogyny, but I don't think boys having low maintenance hair (or parents encouraging them to do so) is going to cause them to become domestic violence perpetrators. Nor do I think that all men with high maintenance hair are mentally deranged, and I didn't see anyone suggest that, really. I, and others, were just noting a correlation between certain personality disorders and outsized attention to appearance. And both my boys have longish hair and I let them do whatever they want with it - but they run away when I come by with a brush, lol! I think that's pretty normal for little boys.

So it would be pretty abnormal if they enjoyed brushing their hair?

 

[PigPong]

I know! Some posters thought that I was bashing you and that was NOT my intention at all. I really appreciate your intelligent comments and link-citing. My point, which obviously was not articulated well was that I see lots of posters asking for links to subjects that they are able to take the time to research themselves, instead of expecting someone else to do it! I was promptly bashed for saying so. OK. I consider myself bashed, though my opinion remains the same lol. AMEN

Yeah, you could have stated that better. And though I didn't specifically call you out, I did respond to it.

Now that you've articulated yourself well, though, I agree with you 100%.

 

[RainCheck]

I find nothing about that nonsense funny

Please elaborate!

 

[jmcgladr]

So it would be pretty abnormal if they enjoyed brushing their hair?

It would be unusual at ages 7 and 8, I wouldn't say "abnormal." As teens, it might definitely be "normal" but as grown adults, most men have outgrown being fussy about their hair.

This conversation also seems wildly off topic, and I think I'll bow out now. I can only hope there will be some new news in the case soon, it might stop the bickering.

 

[PigPong]

You're making a joke, right?

I hope they are joking!

 

[RainCheck]

It would be unusual at ages 7 and 8, I wouldn't say "abnormal." As teens, it might definitely be "normal" but as grown adults, most men have outgrown being fussy about their hair.

My 7 year old niece also doesn't like having her hair brushed. I'd say its common for all children to dislike it. However, it's probably also common for children of all sexes to enjoy having their hair brushed.

When your sons are teenager would you assume they have mental health issues if they spend a lot of time fixing their hair because that seems to be what the previous discussion was asserting. Men who dress well, care about their hair and general appearance probably have mental health issues because well adjusted manly men don't do those things.

 

[Spice]

I would like to see some documentation that this is a fact, at least as it pertains to young boys putting a lot of time/effort into their hair (or not doing so). I could see this as a valid point if it was an older male role modeling beating up women or misogyny, but I don't think boys having low maintenance hair (or parents encouraging them to do so) is going to cause them to become domestic violence perpetrators. Nor do I think that all men with high maintenance hair are mentally deranged, and I didn't see anyone suggest that, really. I, and others, were just noting a correlation between certain personality disorders and outsized attention to appearance. And both my boys have longish hair and I let them do whatever they want with it - but they run away when I come by with a brush, lol! I think that's pretty normal for little boys.

It had nothing to do with "Hair." What the OP said was "adherence to strict gender roles" contributes to domestic violence. And it does. It is about aggression and the lack of ability to show emotion or cry or deal with pain outwardly as a male without being shamed and told to "man up" or to stop being a "sissy".

You can check out http://therepresentationproject.org/ The representation project and their documentary"The Mask You Live In" on this website which is FULL of researched and cited sources that pertain to the harm that adherence to rigid gender roles does to both men and women in society. I'm not going to link the trailer to the documentary because it has some language in it that is NSFW, but it is out there and informative if you would like to check it out. Patriarchal views of women, and the rigid gender rules applied to both sexes, as to what it means to be either and what is "acceptable" behaviorally absolutely contributes male aggression and to domestic violence and violence against women.

The statement wasn't about hair. I think what we were saying was that there was nothing wrong with a male being a "metrosexual" and caring about their appearance and getting manis and pedis even if they are labeled and shamed for not being "manly" enough. That metrosexual is even a term used to describe a male that practices those things speaks to rigid gender roles.

There is plenty of documentation at this website. Or a simple google about rigid gender roles, patriarchy, and domestic violence and violence toward women will bring up a ton of empirically researched material. But that website is a good start.

 

[jmcgladr]

My 7 year old niece also doesn't like having her hair brushed. I'd say its common for all children to dislike it. However, it's probably also common for children of all sexes to enjoy having their hair brushed.

When your sons are teenager would you assume they have mental health issues if they spend a lot of time fixing their hair because that seems to be what the previous discussion was asserting. Men who dress well, care about their hair and general appearance probably have mental health issues because well adjusted manly men don't do those things.

Why would you assume that I would think my sons have mental health issues because of that behaviour? There would certainly need to be other personality issues at play. RH, to me, has shown a LOT of personality traits that point to narcissism. I think the obsession with "perfect hair" is just another one of those traits. Not the most important one, even, but simply another sign to me that with RH specifically points to that personality disorder.

And that is officially my last word on this topic. Like I said, this is getting way off track.

 

[LittleRose]

For some science on things like "psychopathic hair" (lol), check this out (if the topic interests you): http://www.academia.edu/2039870/Por...stations_of_narcissism_in_physical_appearance


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[Laf]

I think someone asked for links last night, so I was just trying to be helpful and share a few quickies.

I believe I was the one asking for the links. Thanks so much Bratislava!:cheers:

 

[Spice]

For some science on things like "psychopathic hair" (lol), check this out (if the topic interests you): http://www.academia.edu/2039870/Por...stations_of_narcissism_in_physical_appearance


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This is my new favorite term. LOL!

Thanks for the article. Off to read it.

 

[KristinSchmistin]

BBM -- I can see your point if you're talking about an abused woman who understands that she is being abused and wants out and is looking for the first opportunity to do so safely.

However, if she was in love with a narcissist and has yet to fully realize or accept it, it's going to significant time away from him AND his family and time to take on some sort of new daily routine outside of that world before she "gets" it. So as odd as her behavior & comments are, I could see it if she's in this type of relationship -- she's desperately holding onto him because she has put him on a pedestal and she thinks she'll die without him.

Narcissistic relationships are emotionally abusive -- it's just such a mind game the entire time -- and of course, some escalate physically. The people that realize and are able to cut off contact are lucky (even though it's still extremely painful). Some people don't have a clue until after they've been dumped and it takes time away from that person and "breathe fresh air" so to speak before they can even start to see a clue.

JMO

Agree a thousand percent for this: my own personal experience with an abusive narcissistic ex husband. My son's safety and the fact that my parents marriage was a good example of a healthy relationship were what finally clued me in. And I am a strong, educated, smart independent woman. I was all "no way I will ever wind up in an abusive relationship!" And then when it started to get weird (slowly, abuse is insidious, abusers start small) - I was all "pfft, we can work these problems out, he didn't hit me."

Which then led to "pffft, I didn't have to get stitches" when he broke my jaw. And then "oh he ONLY strangled me once" "he ONLY held the knife to my throat, he didn't do it".... See how incredibly insane that mentality is?

One night the police finally got involved and I was like "holy ****, we have a child and this is not safe for him" - this was right after my oldest was born. And it was the easiest decision I ever made once I realized how unsafe I was.

But my demeanor? Steel. I was on autopilot. It was robotic. The orders of protection, the criminal cases against him, divorce action, custody battle, etc.

So based on this experience and other women I've met through the alternatives for battered women org and a crapload of research on domestic violence, I've learned that there are a whole range of reactions and emotions at play. There is no right or wrong response (barring murder or abusing your own children obvs). But to try to speculate based on her demeanor is not a good indicator.

And this guy was a computer guy. He knew how to manipulate a computer very well. How do we know if she truly was googling the hot car stuff? And furthermore even if she was, how do we not know that wasn't his "eureka!" Moment where he realized how he was going to inflict the most pain/damage on his wife and escape his life?

All speculation and opinions of course....


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[cluciano63]

:hiding:ullhair:

Hey, remember Cooper?

Just checking, I thought I was in the wrong thread.

Thought it was me...having a lot of pain today, took extra meds, thought I took a wrong turn....BTW my hair is a mess

 

[RainCheck]

:hiding:ullhair:

Thought it was me...having a lot of pain today, took extra meds, thought I took a wrong turn....BTW my hair is a mess

Well that's good, you clearly couldn't have a personality disorder since you have messy hair!

 

[JudyBolton]

:happydance:

Oh, and War damn Eagle. :loveyou:

OMG - We are well represented here!!:happydance::happydance::happydance: War Eagle!!!

 

[minor4th]

If Kilgore was court appointed I don't think he has a chance in hell of getting out of this case, short of a medical issue. From all accounts he is a great, competent, lawyer (even though I don't think he had a great PCH).

But Kilgore, being experienced and competent, lessens the chance the state has to deal with an appeal based on RH's representation (in the case of a trial and conviction).

And I think the State believes that it has a strong enough case to overcome Kilgore's reputation as a defense attorney (especially with mental illness defenses).

I think he was as effective as he could be at the PCH and he got some info that he didn't have before the hearing.

I think Stoddard was kind of stretching some of the info or kind of misrepresenting it a bit. Like saying they had financial problems when it seems LH just said they have the same financial issues as any other young couple.

If really like to know more about the searches and internet activity related to hot car deaths.

 

[Elley Mae]

Rusty bedsprings by I.P. Knighty
Shav'in my head, just call me slick :fence: