How will Jaycee heal?

[BeenaBobba]

I think it's despicable that National Enquirer put a headline on their front page that makes people think that Jaycee did attempt suicide.

I agree.

Unless she has manic depression (which I highly doubt) I don't believe she'll make any such attempts.

Please don't take offense at my writing this, as I mean it in all due respect, but one doesn't have to have bipolar disorder in order to commit suicide. Anytime someone suffers from severe depression, they are automatically at risk for suicide. Of course, that does not mean that all people who suffer from depression will kill themselves (or even think about killing themselves); in fact, most don't. All the same, the risk is there, and people must be vigilant.

It may be a hard road for her, but why does it necessarily have to be horribly long and full of suffering. Some women are strong and have great genes, and just might be able to overcome anything without extreme doom and gloom.

I'm not sure that suffering from depression or any other mental illness is a matter of strength and weakness, as depression can strike the strong and the weak alike. If Jaycee ends up suffering from severe depression down the line, that won't mean she's weak; it'll mean she's a human being who's been through significant trauma. IMO, words like strong and weak have more to do with the choices we make and how we apply our will than with what we struggle with in life. That said, it's also possible that Jaycee may come out of this relatively unscathed. As I've written before, it's impossible to know for sure either way, but I think we have to be open to anything.

 

[songline]

I agree.



Please don't take offense at my writing this, as I mean it in all due respect, but one doesn't have to have bipolar disorder in order to commit suicide. Anytime someone suffers from severe depression, they are automatically at risk for suicide. Of course, that does not mean that all people who suffer from depression will kill themselves (or even think about killing themselves); in fact, most don't. All the same, the risk is there, and people must be vigilant.



I'm not sure that suffering from depression or any other mental illness is a matter of strength and weakness, as depression can strike the strong and the weak alike. If Jaycee ends up suffering from severe depression down the line, that won't mean she's weak; it'll mean she's a human being who's been through significant trauma. IMO, words like strong and weak have more to do with the choices we make and how we apply our will than with what we struggle with in life. That said, it's also possible that Jaycee may come out of this relatively unscathed. As I've written before, it's impossible to know for sure either way, but I think we have to be open to anything.

BBM - Unscratche :waitasec:
Not a remote possibility. no way. unscratched not realistic.
but OK with me for anyone to have their own take on this..
I counseled people with less trauma then 18 years of being a sex slave living in a hovel with 2 kids by her captor... and there is more cruelty then just this paragraph that happened in the 18 years...
But everyone is welcome to their own take on this...Mine is very very far from unscratched - but I can say ...I had seen far too much.
It is all hard for our mind to accept because we want good results for her. CERTAINLY she will need a lot of and many years of work. YES the Internet link is far shorter then the article itself....And I stand by what I have been saying it is far more informative then anything else that has been printed before this article.

 

[FlaJohn]

I hope JC doesn't take as long to recover from her trauma as I did mine. I will share some of my story. Some lunatic shot me in the back out of the blue when I was 21, then he took 2 shots at my friend (both somehow missed him) and then he put the gun to my my head and told me he was going to kill me just not so nicely. He then proceeded to taunt me with the gun pointed at me while I was helpless on the ground, paralyzed and in critical condition until the police arrive and I was airlifted to a trauma center.

I had to relearn how to walk (thankfully I wasn't permanently paralyzed) and for about 3 years after I self medicated my PTSD with alcohol and drugs. I finally got sober (12 years now) and got into counseling for several years to work through my many emotions/problems like shame, guilt, anger, insomnia, blaming myself, wanting to get revenge (which would have been a suicide mission) and finally morning the loss of my health. The spinal cord injury has left me in chronic pain and I still suffer from PTSD which I probably will have to some degree for the rest of my life.

14 years later I'm mostly healed but I still have issues with trust, being in crowds, socializing because my story was in the news everybody I know knows what happened to me and everybody I meet wants details, I just got tired of talking (being judged) about it so I'm pretty reclusive now. I also have to keep a loaded weapon around me at all times now just to be sure that I'll never be put in that helpless position again without a chance to fight back.

As much as I want/hope for JC to recover quickly and painlessly as possible I know the reality is she's most likely going to have many of the same issues I did. I was helpless and held against my will for 20-30 minutes, JC was held that way for 18 years. I will continue to hope and pray for the best for Jaycee and her family, godspeed to all of them.

 

[songline]

I hope JC doesn't take as long to recover from her trauma as I did mine. I will share some of my story. Some lunatic shot me in the back out of the blue when I was 21, then he took 2 shots at my friend (both somehow missed him) and then he put the gun to my my head and told me he was going to kill me just not so nicely. He then proceeded to taunt me with the gun pointed at me while I was helpless on the ground, paralyzed and in critical condition until the police arrive and I was airlifted to a trauma center.

I had to relearn how to walk (thankfully I wasn't permanently paralyzed) and for about 3 years after I self medicated my PTSD with alcohol and drugs. I finally got sober (12 years now) and got into counseling for several years to work through my many emotions/problems like shame, guilt, anger, insomnia, blaming myself, wanting to get revenge (which would have been a suicide mission) and finally morning the loss of my health. The spinal cord injury has left me in chronic pain and I still suffer from PTSD which I probably will have to some degree for the rest of my life.

14 years later I'm mostly healed but I still have issues with trust, being in crowds, socializing because my story was in the news everybody I know knows what happened to me and everybody I meet wants details, I just got tired of talking (being judged) about it so I'm pretty reclusive now. I also have to keep a loaded weapon around me at all times now just to be sure that I'll never be put in that helpless position again without a chance to fight back.

As much as I want/hope for JC to recover quickly and painlessly as possible I know the reality is she's most likely going to have many of the same issues I did. I was helpless and held against my will for 20-30 minutes, JC was held that way for 18 years. I will continue to hope and pray for the best for Jaycee and her family, godspeed to all of them.

FlaJohn WOW....So sorry to hear what has happened to you.
I sure am glad you are pretty much healed...but you unfortunately had a different life then had this never happened.
It is sad how many deranged people are out there changing lives in a most painful way.
The fact that she was a sex slave for 18 years makes this very different and still would have a few similarities.

Thank God you have survived your ordeal and that JC survived her ordeal. For that we can all be very grateful, those miracles speak of the amazing human spirit...the human spirit is surely very fascinating.
As for you now; perhaps enough years have passed and people will not address you about the past but only about the present, I hope you can venture out again and find some happiness in coming out of the protective shell you had to build for yourself.

I brought the NE article here for awareness of a journey laced with many more trails then just Euphoria...

Long ago I had written a post that said that the first stage is Euphoria and then after that passes reality sets in and reality is a tough journey...
I did not think then that people would be ready or want to hear REALITY.
Since this thread is titled how will JC heal it was time to give a reality check on how that process works.
I was not surprised at all that some reacted, but then again we are all different in terms of how much reality we can handle or NOT.
I was grateful to the article because it offered much more then I know, and I do know a lot.
I found all of the euphoric posts WAY out of touch at this stage of her recovery.
I am glad that NE was willing to have several doctors inform us of the many possibilities.
After all 18 years speaks of much more time then her initial 11years with family...
Even bonding with her blood family will come in many stages, and have its walls too.
and even Terry will have her many many peaks and meadows, not only JC and the girls.

Thank you for your honesty.
God Bless you always. raying:

 

[FlaJohn]

Thanks Song.

I don't have the life that I would have had but I'm a better and more compassionate person because of what happened to me. I am actually a very happy person now. I had (gladly) to raise my 2 nieces (I love them as if they were my own children) after they were abandoned by their parents and that made me get sober so I could be a positive influence for them (ones in college now and the others an honor roll student so I guess I was a decent influence on them) and that kept me sane, along with my pets. I also take care of my widowed and disabled mother.

I'm slowly trying to get re-socialized but it's hard because of the sudden panic attacks I get and my severe back pain which limits how long I can stand, walk, even sit up. I'm determined to accomplish this goal though and if I could learn to walk again when I was told that I never would than I can surely do this, in baby steps.

 

[songline]

Thanks Song.

I don't have the life that I would have had but I'm a better and more compassionate person because of what happened to me. I am actually a very happy person now. I had (gladly) to raise my 2 nieces (I love them as if they were my own children) after they were abandoned by their parents and that made me get sober so I could be a positive influence for them (ones in college now and the others an honor roll student so I guess I was a decent influence on them) and that kept me sane, along with my pets. I also take care of my widowed and disabled mother.

I'm slowly trying to get re-socialized but it's hard because of the sudden panic attacks I get and my severe back pain which limits how long I can stand, walk, even sit up. I'm determined to accomplish this goal though and if I could learn to walk again when I was told that I never would than I can surely do this, in baby steps.

Oh gosh with tears...It is all sad...but you are wonderful.... really wonderful :blowkiss:
I have handled panic attacks (as a counselor) and not with drugs...I use a technique called BREATH WORK, so "If I may guide you just a little bit. FYI I have a friend who did not go out an is going out now...it still comes on but far and few in between.

so here we go:
when you feel it coming on and I think you know when it is begin taking little breaths go sit in a quite place and continue the little breaths not for very long... because I am not there to guide you and you can hyperventilate....and as you take these little breaths you keep telling your self I am fine now this too shell pass.
JUST that littlle bit does help....I worked with my friend for 8 months twice a week for an hour.
(dont do an hour alone).
but maybe there is someone in your area whom you can see about BREATHWORK....
Like I said my friend is doing very well....
He used to take drugs to curb the anxiety, but he stoed all drugs. when he feels it coming he
says what would char tell me to do now?
Hope it will help....

 

[Billylee]

I hope JC doesn't take as long to recover from her trauma as I did mine.


(snipped & bolded by me from the above post, with the utmost of respect

14 years later I'm mostly healed but I still have issues with trust, being in crowds, socializing because my story was in the news everybody I know knows what happened to me and everybody I meet wants details, I just got tired of talking (being judged) about it so I'm pretty reclusive now.


I'm so sorry for what some sob put you through. Congratulations on your healing, what a long road of recovery you've been on! I just wanted to say that your comment above reaffirms my position about talking about Jaycee. Your description of being hounded for all the gory details, and how it made you feel, is the reason I don't like talking about Jaycee in the third person here on these forums; how everyone here is trying to second guess how she survived, how she feels, how she will react, whatever. I think her healing can be most benefited by everyone just leaving her alone with her family. There should be a very large "DO NOT DISTURB" sign around her and it should be respected by the media and everyone else.

God Bless you FlaJohn and may your healing continue!

 

[Natal]

After 14 years everyone who knows you would know about it ages ago, and wouldn't be asking now, while those that didn't know about it wouldn't find out unless you told them. If you don't want to talk about it then just don't. Don't bring it up and in the unlikely event that someone does find out about it, just politely decline to talk, most people will understand.

The only reason someone "stays in the news" in cases like these is if there is a trial going on or if they choose to keep themselves in the news. Outside of that after a few months the vast majority of people would have completely forgoten about the case. Which is probably the real seed of irritation for most of the victims, not unwelcomed attention - its just that what is very important to them quickly becomes very unimportant for everyone else. Life goes on. The only exceptions would be the really unusual cases, such as Jaycees, which will likely get sporadic renewed attention as similar cases periodically pop up.

My advice to Jaycee would be to focus on the future, and not dwell on the past beyond what you need to do to make the past the past. That in itself is a short term goal. Work on getting the skills needed for everyday day to day survival. How to drive a car, how to pay the bills, how to go on vacation, how to go on a date, stuff like that. And then get a job, a purpose in life. Keep things in perspective and ambitions realistic. Be yourself, not someone else's expectations - s*** them! Define yourself in terms of where you are going, not where you have been. You can't change the past but you can change the future, and that is where you need to put your energy.

 

[kbl8201]

flajohn im so sorry to hear everything you went thru and are still going thru.
that being said your strength to pull yourself up so that you can help your nieces is amazing and shows your inner resolve.
here's my hope for your continued healing .

 

[BeenaBobba]

I hope JC doesn't take as long to recover from her trauma as I did mine. I will share some of my story. Some lunatic shot me in the back out of the blue when I was 21, then he took 2 shots at my friend (both somehow missed him) and then he put the gun to my my head and told me he was going to kill me just not so nicely. He then proceeded to taunt me with the gun pointed at me while I was helpless on the ground, paralyzed and in critical condition until the police arrive and I was airlifted to a trauma center.

I had to relearn how to walk (thankfully I wasn't permanently paralyzed) and for about 3 years after I self medicated my PTSD with alcohol and drugs. I finally got sober (12 years now) and got into counseling for several years to work through my many emotions/problems like shame, guilt, anger, insomnia, blaming myself, wanting to get revenge (which would have been a suicide mission) and finally morning the loss of my health. The spinal cord injury has left me in chronic pain and I still suffer from PTSD which I probably will have to some degree for the rest of my life.

14 years later I'm mostly healed but I still have issues with trust, being in crowds, socializing because my story was in the news everybody I know knows what happened to me and everybody I meet wants details, I just got tired of talking (being judged) about it so I'm pretty reclusive now. I also have to keep a loaded weapon around me at all times now just to be sure that I'll never be put in that helpless position again without a chance to fight back.

As much as I want/hope for JC to recover quickly and painlessly as possible I know the reality is she's most likely going to have many of the same issues I did. I was helpless and held against my will for 20-30 minutes, JC was held that way for 18 years. I will continue to hope and pray for the best for Jaycee and her family, godspeed to all of them.

Honestly, I'm always amazed at the strong, inspirational people I run across on this site. You're one of them.

 

[BeenaBobba]

Your description of being hounded for all the gory details, and how it made you feel, is the reason I don't like talking about Jaycee in the third person here on these forums; how everyone here is trying to second guess how she survived, how she feels, how she will react, whatever. I think her healing can be most benefited by everyone just leaving her alone with her family. There should be a very large "DO NOT DISTURB" sign around her and it should be respected by the media and everyone else.

ITA. I was thinking about The NE article again the other night, and I can't help but think how hurtful it must be for Jaycee and/or her family to see that headline screaming out at them from the checkout line. That alone makes me think that perhaps that article shouldn't have been published. Perhaps there could have been a way to discuss the effects of captivity on a person without making the article specifically about Jaycee, know what I mean? I really do think it would be best if the media just let her be.

 

[FlaJohn]

Oh gosh with tears...It is all sad...but you are wonderful.... really wonderful :blowkiss:
I have handled panic attacks (as a counselor) and not with drugs...I use a technique called BREATH WORK, so "If I may guide you just a little bit. FYI I have a friend who did not go out an is going out now...it still comes on but far and few in between.

so here we go:
when you feel it coming on and I think you know when it is begin taking little breaths go sit in a quite place and continue the little breaths not for very long... because I am not there to guide you and you can hyperventilate....and as you take these little breaths you keep telling your self I am fine now this too shell pass.
JUST that littlle bit does help....I worked with my friend for 8 months twice a week for an hour.
(dont do an hour alone).
but maybe there is someone in your area whom you can see about BREATHWORK....
Like I said my friend is doing very well....
He used to take drugs to curb the anxiety, but he stoed all drugs. when he feels it coming he
says what would char tell me to do now?
Hope it will help....

Thanks SL, I'll give the breathing a try. I like to meditate but I've never tried it to help a panic attack and this technique sounds similar.

I have thought about going back into therapy since I'm much more open to it now than I was 10 years ago but I can't find one that takes my insurance. After the holiday I'll get on my insurance providers case to locate a therapist.

 

[not_my_kids]

Sadness is one of the things to be expected as Jaycee moves forward. I don't know if she will face all out depression to the point of suicidal urges, but it is a possibility.

I have attempted suicide three times, the first was a cry for help, the other two were not. I would say one was directly related to what happened to me, and the other indirectly related.
I attempted an overdose of codeine. It seemed peaceful and rational at the time. I was seeing the stress put on my family as they tried to cope with what had been done to me and my reactions to it. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I didn't even realize I was depressed. I thought I was being logical.
The second time, I was in a bad relationship, and was seeing parallels to the time I spent with my attackers. My thoughts were that if this was the way my relationships were going to go for the rest of my life, I was better off dead. I realized I was depressed and didn't care. Took a blood transfusion and 34 stitches to close my wrists back up and get me out of the woods.
With a better support system, I would likely have been better equipped to cope. That is one thing that Jaycee has going for her and it will make a world of difference. But I can't say for sure that all of the support in the world would have stopped the first serious attempt.

So, as far as how depressed Jaycee might get, I can't say. I can say it's inevitable that she will be sad, but her family will make all the difference, and they are likely being taught how to recognize the signs that she may miss in herself. I think with the level of care that she will be getting, if that care stays consistent, I don't think we will see a suicide attempt.
Hopefully, we don't see the self-destructive behavior that we have seen in other cases, like Stephen Stayner (sp) or that I have engaged in myself. Time will tell.
All of the above is MOO.

 

[songline]

Thanks SL, I'll give the breathing a try. I like to meditate but I've never tried it to help a panic attack and this technique sounds similar.

I have thought about going back into therapy since I'm much more open to it now than I was 10 years ago but I can't find one that takes my insurance. After the holiday I'll get on my insurance providers case to locate a therapist.

Good idea, the meditation breath is a circular kind of breath and great for you to engage in, when you feel an attack coming...
I do not think breath work counselors take insurance.. I did not.
PLEASE DO go back to therapy...Enjoy the holidays and maybe at the beginning of the year you can go for it...
My very best to you....

 

[songline]

Sadness is one of the things to be expected as Jaycee moves forward. I don't know if she will face all out depression to the point of suicidal urges, but it is a possibility.

I have attempted suicide three times, the first was a cry for help, the other two were not. I would say one was directly related to what happened to me, and the other indirectly related.
I attempted an overdose of codeine. It seemed peaceful and rational at the time. I was seeing the stress put on my family as they tried to cope with what had been done to me and my reactions to it. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I didn't even realize I was depressed. I thought I was being logical.
The second time, I was in a bad relationship, and was seeing parallels to the time I spent with my attackers. My thoughts were that if this was the way my relationships were going to go for the rest of my life, I was better off dead. I realized I was depressed and didn't care. Took a blood transfusion and 34 stitches to close my wrists back up and get me out of the woods.
With a better support system, I would likely have been better equipped to cope. That is one thing that Jaycee has going for her and it will make a world of difference. But I can't say for sure that all of the support in the world would have stopped the first serious attempt.

So, as far as how depressed Jaycee might get, I can't say. I can say it's inevitable that she will be sad, but her family will make all the difference, and they are likely being taught how to recognize the signs that she may miss in herself. I think with the level of care that she will be getting, if that care stays consistent, I don't think we will see a suicide attempt.
Hopefully, we don't see the self-destructive behavior that we have seen in other cases, like Stephen Stayner (sp) or that I have engaged in myself. Time will tell.
All of the above is MOO.

The article was only for AWARNESS IMHO of all the things that may or can happen based on other people who had huge traumas --- Seems Elizabeth Smart is the only one doing great because of 2 factors. 1- is Family support 2- it was only 9 month captivity not 18 years....HUGE difference.
Both of those things are huge factors.....And we do not know how JC will be doing....
We always hope she will do well.

But a very important point too is:
Bonding with her bio family will also be in stages.
So while it is great that she does have support...Sometimes she wont see it as such,
and sometimes it is also possible that she may miss what was, when she did not have
to go to therapy, and deal with anyone but the animals in the back yard.
Many possibilities...And we always hope she will do great.
But we cant assume it is Euphoria, what is real is she has a journey and not an easy journey...

Blessings to all who need healing....

 

[my2sisters]

I'm so sorry for what some sob put you through. Congratulations on your healing, what a long road of recovery you've been on! I just wanted to say that your comment above reaffirms my position about talking about Jaycee. Your description of being hounded for all the gory details, and how it made you feel, is the reason I don't like talking about Jaycee in the third person here on these forums; how everyone here is trying to second guess how she survived, how she feels, how she will react, whatever. I think her healing can be most benefited by everyone just leaving her alone with her family. There should be a very large "DO NOT DISTURB" sign around her and it should be respected by the media and everyone else.

God Bless you FlaJohn and may your healing continue!

I couldn't agree with you more, Billylee! It feels wrong to read speculation about what she feels and how she will react.

 

[songline]

ITA. I was thinking about The NE article again the other night, and I can't help but think how hurtful it must be for Jaycee and/or her family to see that headline screaming out at them from the checkout line. That alone makes me think that perhaps that article shouldn't have been published. Perhaps there could have been a way to discuss the effects of captivity on a person without making the article specifically about Jaycee, know what I mean? I really do think it would be best if the media just let her be.

Article should have been published with a very different headline.
the headline was a tabloid stunt.

There is great value in knowing from other cases about all the REAL possibilities.
There is so little awareness out there about these type of trauma cases.

Very interesting reaction:
I went to a party last weekend and people were talking about boarder patrol, illegals, etc...
I begun to mention child trafficking and got people to go on the Mark Class site to help make a difference...
However I notices how fast they wanted to go back to the topic of illegals because like they said the topic of someone like a Shanida Davis 5 year old raped and dead (allegedly sold by her mom) was too shocking to talk about...
AS IS THIS article for many...to shocking to talk about..
None the less I find all things that shed a light on any topic we do not know are of great value to keep us from being in the dark.

THE HEAD LINE WAS MISSLEADING....

 

[BeenaBobba]

I couldn't agree with you more, Billylee! It feels wrong to read speculation about what she feels and how she will react.

I agree. It just feels kind of ... wrong. I would never want to say or write anything that would hurt her or her family should they ever read it, and I'd feel bad if any speculation on my part hurt them. Anyway, it always comes down to the fact that we don't know Jaycee, so we have no idea what she's feeling or how she may feel.

 

[kbl8201]

i did get a chance to read the full article at the checkout today.
but the screaming headline on the front cover makes anything that is logical in the article look like nonsense.
if the cover headline had been "jaycee's new life, problems ahead' or something like that i might see things diffrently. instead they send out this attention grabbing lie to make you buy this rag.
once again the article is also only speculation of what jaycee might do.......what she might feel, possible drug addiction or booze problems or suicide ect. sure they actually had a couple of named doctors talking about it,
also at the end it mentions the family spokesperson says therapy is going well.
then it gives jaycee's trust fund info.
im utterly confused here.

 

[FlaJohn]

I don't have a problem with the NE speculating but I have a major problem with the headline and also that someone is leaking confidential information from Jaycee's private therapy sessions which are supposed to remain between the doctor's and patient's. That's a dangerous trust to be broken if it is indeed true. I hope it was just made up.