Damn, can't imagine many females who have sister/relative who would be defending the ex or soon-to-be-ex, when 2 female children of one's sisters have gone missing (2 nieces). Dad (Dan) is very lucky.
I cannot relate...particularly with both histories here---but I'm open to an explanation.
I don't know any of the parties involved but speaking in general terms...
I know that when people go to co-parenting classes or receive counselling to improve their parenting skills, one thing they are taught is not to bad mouth or in any way try to make the other parent look bad to the children. It's upsetting and confusing to children if one or both parents are denigrating the other in front of the child because to a child, their parents are part of them. So doing so creates confusion and emotional conflict in the child.
Even in cases where the parents are separating or divorced due to domestic violence, it's important to be matter of fact about what the other parent has done but not in a judgmental way. For instance, letting the child know in age appropriate way that it is usually not okay to hit other people in every day life and sometimes that means having to be separate from that person but it doesn't mean the other person is evil, etc.
Also it could be a hard learned example of the Rule of Contrary in relationship advice. If a family opposes a particular person, the surest way to drive their family member into that person's arms is to bad mouth that person and force the family member to argue to defend that person. It's possible that Aunt TB has learned the hard way that if she says anything bad about Dan, Misty rushes to his defence and is more likely to try to keep the relationship going.
Lastly, if Aunt TB is absolutely convinced that Dan is not the perpetrator (I don't think it is either), she may well be terrified that LE will focus on him while the real perp is allowed to go free with the girls (who she is undoubtedly hoping are alive).
In her shoes, I'd be begging LE and everyone else not to fixate on my brother-in-law even if my private judgment of his character was that he was a total jerk.
It reminds me of an incident in Florida back in the late 60s or early 70s where a town government got all upset about a regular Wiccan gathering at various private homes. Who were the Wiccan's strongest supporters? The fundamentalist Christian groups in town who also met in private homes.
Even though several of the fundamentalists had a history of regarding the Wiccans as something akin to devil worshippers, they were able to understand that forbidding the Wiccans to meet in private homes could lead to a ban against their own group.
Common interests can make for strange bedfellows.
This family does have supportive extended family and parole officers involved in their lives which helps every type of addict as long as the family is sober and non-enabling.
