So another weird autism nuance. Its not that uncommon for parents of autistic children to come off like they feel burdened by their kids. There are a variety of reasons for this generally, from having the realization that your child will be different from all the dreams you had, to coming to terms with possible financial, emotional, and physical strains long term care might cause. I know some parents with nonverbal children that if you just casually overheard one of their conversations you might think was a heartless monster who hates their kids, but knowing them personally I know that's as far from the truth as possible. I understand both sides of this situation, I know how hard it is and how much sacrifice is involved in creating a safe nurturing environment for kids like JJ, and I get that parents often get overwhelmed and need to vent. That being said, the kids arent oblivious, and are just trying to find a way to a happy life, they're not trying to be a bother. I really feel for both sides, but I tend to speak up more for the kids because they sometimes dont have a viable way to do it for themselves. Long story short, Lori might not have been as fed up with JJ as she appears, a lot of loving parents to autistic children come off that way too. When they do, I tend to show them this:
I can understand what you’re saying as a parent it is exhausting, especially if the child is going through a unsettled period where meltdowns are more frequent. I’ve heard a lot of people complain about their kids, when in reality they’re perhaps just venting, tired and trying to understand how to help them.
I can’t always understand it though as I’ve always felt I had to defend my son when others don’t understand him. I’ve had to defend him a lot as well (mostly against family) as when people realise you can’t change him they get angry and dismissive of him. Even my own dad wanted to beat it out of him (we don’t see him now), his dad doesn’t speak to him. I’ve found that a lot of men in the family get frustrated by it as the child can’t just turn it in and off. They can’t just behave on cue and the more you expect from them or the more pressure you put them under the more they meltdown.
Without that pressure they’re great and a lot of fun, more perceptive than most, honest, loving and you know where you stand with them. I trust my sons opinion more than anyone’s. He’s an adult now and my best friend. MOO.
Which leads to another train of thought...Does anyone know if CD was understanding of special needs? Did he have anyone in his family with any conditions? How did he react to challenging behaviour when his kids were teenagers? KW has hinted that TR could be a stroppy teenager at times (normal and understandable). Are we overlooking something and is it possible that LV has ditched/disappeared the kids as perhaps CD couldnt be bothered with more kids?
Pure speculation and MOO.
