IN - Couple charged with abandonment of adopted child after legally changing her age, Sept 2019

[Dawn Day]

I think adoptive parents sometimes have different expectations of the adopted child, than do biological parents. It was alluded to in the adoption disruption article. The adoption worker talked about counseling the parents and asking them if they will be able to handle it if the child doesn’t love them for possibly weeks or months. That tells me it may be a common expectation of the parents that the child will instantly love them. If the parents have that expectation, I can only imagine the hurt and pain that results when that “fantasy” is not fulfilled by the child. I can imagine that pain being transformed to anger, even rage, at the child for not “fulfilling their end of the unspoken agreement”, namely—I will rescue you from horrific circumstances, give you a home, feed and clothe you, educate you, love you and in return you are to provide me with unconditional love and gratitude.

I’ve had very enlightening conversations with my husband about this topic. He was adopted by his step father, raised with his mother and subsequent brothers who were the bio sons of his adopted father (stepfather). His mom apparently would tell him how lucky he was to have “”Adam** for a father. He said he was raised feeling he must display gratitude in a way his brothers were not. He says “They were loved because it was their birthright. Me, I needed Luck to be loved”. The message was: He didn’t have to be your dad. He chose to. Don’t make him regret that choice.

 

[Ksprincess2]

As a former social worker I saw a number of adoption failures. They all involved children being older than 6 when adopted. A good amount of them did involve the adopted child abusing either sexually or physically other children in the home. Of course because they themselves had been sexually abused when they were younger thus the reason they were in foster care. Here are a few examples I can remember:

-A couple with grown children adopted a pre-teen girl from foster care. The adoptive Mom was the one who really wanted to adopt and a few years later she died very quickly of cancer. The adoptive Dad terminated the adoption shortly after she died. It was heartbreaking but he felt like he had no attachment to her and didn't want to raise her with his wife gone. She lived in foster homes till she aged out. I recently saw an arrest record for her It's the only failed adoption I saw that I didn't empathize with the parents

-A couple who had previously adopted multiple children from China most with some sort of disability adopted a 7 year old girl from China, she was gorgeous and had no disability, was very smart but had been sexually abused in the orphanage and had to fight for food. She had an attachment disorder and never attached to adoptive parents and over the years became very aggressive. Pushed sibling in a wheelchair down stairs, pushed another into a window breaking the glass, tried to smother a sibling, threatened adoptive Mom with a knife. They found lots of weapons and stolen in her room. They were at the point of having an alarm and camera on her door out of fear. Did years of all sorts of therapies and really tried everything before terminating her adoption when she was 16.

-A couple who had previously adopted a few boys from foster care adopted an 8 or 9 year old boy from foster care. They had fostered him for quite a while before they adopted him and had other foster children as well. Probably about a year after they adopted him they caught him sexually assaulting another child in their home. They had to report it to the state since the other child was a foster child and were told by the state either they had to have him out of the home or lose their foster children and other adopted children. They initially had him live with one of their Mom's but eventually she didn't want to care for him anymore and they had to terminate the adoption. It was very sad because they really loved him but he had to be in a home with no other children. He was on the state adoption listing page for quite awhile and I have no idea if he was adopted or not.

There were lots of cases too of informal relinquishment, where adoptive parents sent the child to live in a group home or some sort of residential facility basically till adulthood or had other family members raise the child but never formally dissolved the adoption.

But my point qin this whole long post is if a child is truly aggressive like the Barnett's claim Natalia was and and too dangerous to have in your home it's not impossible to terminate the adoption.

 

[Errrr]

Well those would be civil not criminal and I do hope Natalia sues the living hell out of them and takes them for anything they have. Because this nonsensical horror fantasy about her will follow her forever and has already led to specific, serious damages - i.e. her loss of a childhood and a free education and other services as a minor with special needs, to which she was entitled.

Well at least the producers of “Orphan” should sue for copyright infringement.

 

[Linda7NJ]

I’m convinced she was a child -
I’m interested to see if the prosecution can prove the Barnett’s knew it.
I’d love to see the results of Natalia’s evaluations- I’m super curious what her IQ is ....love to compare it to Kristine’s. Nothing would set a narcissist off more if it turns out the kid was of average intelligence and KRISTINE is proven wrong.

 

[mickey2942]

As a former social worker I saw a number of adoption failures. They all involved children being older than 6 when adopted. A good amount of them did involve the adopted child abusing either sexually or physically other children in the home. Of course because they themselves had been sexually abused when they were younger thus the reason they were in foster care. Here are a few examples I can remember:

-A couple with grown children adopted a pre-teen girl from foster care. The adoptive Mom was the one who really wanted to adopt and a few years later she died very quickly of cancer. The adoptive Dad terminated the adoption shortly after she died. It was heartbreaking but he felt like he had no attachment to her and didn't want to raise her with his wife gone. She lived in foster homes till she aged out. I recently saw an arrest record for her It's the only failed adoption I saw that I didn't empathize with the parents

-A couple who had previously adopted multiple children from China most with some sort of disability adopted a 7 year old girl from China, she was gorgeous and had no disability, was very smart but had been sexually abused in the orphanage and had to fight for food. She had an attachment disorder and never attached to adoptive parents and over the years became very aggressive. Pushed sibling in a wheelchair down stairs, pushed another into a window breaking the glass, tried to smother a sibling, threatened adoptive Mom with a knife. They found lots of weapons and stolen in her room. They were at the point of having an alarm and camera on her door out of fear. Did years of all sorts of therapies and really tried everything before terminating her adoption when she was 16.

-A couple who had previously adopted a few boys from foster care adopted an 8 or 9 year old boy from foster care. They had fostered him for quite a while before they adopted him and had other foster children as well. Probably about a year after they adopted him they caught him sexually assaulting another child in their home. They had to report it to the state since the other child was a foster child and were told by the state either they had to have him out of the home or lose their foster children and other adopted children. They initially had him live with one of their Mom's but eventually she didn't want to care for him anymore and they had to terminate the adoption. It was very sad because they really loved him but he had to be in a home with no other children. He was on the state adoption listing page for quite awhile and I have no idea if he was adopted or not.

There were lots of cases too of informal relinquishment, where adoptive parents sent the child to live in a group home or some sort of residential facility basically till adulthood or had other family members raise the child but never formally dissolved the adoption.

But my point qin this whole long post is if a child is truly aggressive like the Barnett's claim Natalia was and and too dangerous to have in your home it's not impossible to terminate the adoption.

Reuters Investigates - The Child Exchange

This is a horrifying article about how easy it is to "relinquish" a child.

 

[Ksprincess2]

Reuters Investigates - The Child Exchange

This is a horrifying article about how easy it is to "relinquish" a child.

It is scary easy but like I said I really have only ever seen the one parent relinquish for a reason I found hard to understand. All the others I truly felt they had tried their best and could understand why they couldn't have the child in their home. It's sad because it's not the adoptive parents fault or the child's fault, it's the biological parents who neglected and abused the child to the point they are almost impossible to heal and the adoptive family often gets the brunt of the child's anger at bio parents.

 

[Dawn Day]

As a former social worker I saw a number of adoption failures. They all involved children being older than 6 when adopted. A good amount of them did involve the adopted child abusing either sexually or physically other children in the home. Of course because they themselves had been sexually abused when they were younger thus the reason they were in foster care. Here are a few examples I can remember:

-A couple with grown children adopted a pre-teen girl from foster care. The adoptive Mom was the one who really wanted to adopt and a few years later she died very quickly of cancer. The adoptive Dad terminated the adoption shortly after she died. It was heartbreaking but he felt like he had no attachment to her and didn't want to raise her with his wife gone. She lived in foster homes till she aged out. I recently saw an arrest record for her It's the only failed adoption I saw that I didn't empathize with the parents

-A couple who had previously adopted multiple children from China most with some sort of disability adopted a 7 year old girl from China, she was gorgeous and had no disability, was very smart but had been sexually abused in the orphanage and had to fight for food. She had an attachment disorder and never attached to adoptive parents and over the years became very aggressive. Pushed sibling in a wheelchair down stairs, pushed another into a window breaking the glass, tried to smother a sibling, threatened adoptive Mom with a knife. They found lots of weapons and stolen in her room. They were at the point of having an alarm and camera on her door out of fear. Did years of all sorts of therapies and really tried everything before terminating her adoption when she was 16.

-A couple who had previously adopted a few boys from foster care adopted an 8 or 9 year old boy from foster care. They had fostered him for quite a while before they adopted him and had other foster children as well. Probably about a year after they adopted him they caught him sexually assaulting another child in their home. They had to report it to the state since the other child was a foster child and were told by the state either they had to have him out of the home or lose their foster children and other adopted children. They initially had him live with one of their Mom's but eventually she didn't want to care for him anymore and they had to terminate the adoption. It was very sad because they really loved him but he had to be in a home with no other children. He was on the state adoption listing page for quite awhile and I have no idea if he was adopted or not.

There were lots of cases too of informal relinquishment, where adoptive parents sent the child to live in a group home or some sort of residential facility basically till adulthood or had other family members raise the child but never formally dissolved the adoption.

But my point qin this whole long post is if a child is truly aggressive like the Barnett's claim Natalia was and and too dangerous to have in your home it's not impossible to terminate the adoption.

Were you ever skeptical of these parents claims? From the child’s perspective, how would you ever defend yourself against the claims of grownups? I see how easily the Barnetts lie, and how quickly they gained traction as the victims in all of this.

 

[Meloni88]

Were you ever skeptical of these parents claims? From the child’s perspective, how would you ever defend yourself against the claims of grownups? I see how easily the Barnetts lie, and how quickly they gained traction as the victims in all of this.

Yeah I was thinking the same reading that. What if the one dad that didn't have good reasons had just lied and said the girl was molesting her siblings or he caught her trying to smother a child? You wouldn't be able to question his decision to give her up then, he's beyond reproach because he's protecting other children from her and the girl gets stuck with the dangerous juvenile label. It seems so easy to just make up stories about adopted kids and everyone will believe it because well they were adopted so they're bound to be effed up in the head, right? The adult controls the narrative.

 

[mickey2942]

Were you ever skeptical of these parents claims? From the child’s perspective, how would you ever defend yourself against the claims of grownups? I see how easily the Barnetts lie, and how quickly they gained traction as the victims in all of this.

From my experience, the claims were not made up, but were often embellished. And I believe that the response by the parents often escalated the situation.

A game of "Doctor" with a five year old and three year old, turned into an accusation of "sexual abuse and molestation". An adopted child who had a meltdown because of being tired and hungry, was "oppositional defiant".

 

[Ksprincess2]

Were you ever skeptical of these parents claims? From the child’s perspective, how would you ever defend yourself against the claims of grownups? I see how easily the Barnetts lie, and how quickly they gained traction as the victims in all of this.

Nope these families our agency worked with weren't insular where they had no one else to back up their claims, these were families who had in home family therapists, attendant care providers ect. These were parents who were begging for help and who wanted to make things work and were seeking help before they couldn't keep the child in their home anymore And these were kids who I believe truly had reactive attachment disorders and most were very honest about their behaviors.

I think the Barnett's are an anomaly when it comes to adoptive parents not the norm. Most adoptive parents truly love the child they adopted and want to make it work and are devastated when it doesn't.

 

[mickey2942]

Unfortunately, I have seen many adopted children "dumped". And what makes it worse, is that the citizenship paperwork wasn't even completed for many foriegn born children. That leaves them without eligibility for social security benefits, and other programs.

It would be interesting to know the citizenship documentation situation for this little girl. There are some programs available, but it seems to change constantly, and becomes a paperwork bureaucracy nightmare for the children and their case managers.

 

[Ksprincess2]

Unfortunately, I have seen many adopted children "dumped". And what makes it worse, is that the citizenship paperwork wasn't even completed for many foriegn born children. That leaves them without eligibility for social security benefits, and other programs.

It would be interesting to know the citizenship documentation situation for this little girl. There are some programs available, but it seems to change constantly, and becomes a paperwork bureaucracy nightmare for the children and their case managers.

Probably the difference between what we've both seen is that I worked for the state so most adoptions I saw were from foster care and it was rarer for us to work with kids adopted internationally. And I think people who adopt from foster care and those who adopt internationally are probably in different categories in terms of motives for adopting ect.

I have read stories of kids sent back to countries they hadn't been to since babies because their adoptive parents never did the paperwork to make them citizens.

 

[Dawn Day]

The DePauls daughter has posted a must see video to yt. Shared snippet of doctors records and a school assessment

 

[Dawn Day]

And just think, if Kristine Barnett hadn’t gone all daily mail, their crimes would be largely hidden to the world at large. I guess she never heard of the Streisand Effect.

 

[mickey2942]

Probably the difference between what we've both seen is that I worked for the state so most adoptions I saw were from foster care and it was rarer for us to work with kids adopted internationally. And I think people who adopt from foster care and those who adopt internationally are probably in different categories in terms of motives for adopting ect.

I have read stories of kids sent back to countries they hadn't been to since babies because their adoptive parents never did the paperwork to make them citizens.

Yes, there is a complete difference between the folks who adopt from foster care, and folks who adopt from foreign countries. I have met with both. And have been very impressed with people who adopt from foster care, usually getting children with disabilities. They are often dedicated folks, who would often even help their children connect with siblings adopted by other families, or parents who are incarcerated.

People who adopt from other countries, don't have to go through as much home study, and certification process, as the folks who adopt foster children. International adoption, they can just pay a lawyer to do everything, it is a package deal. One home study, and I have literally seen them be verbatim almost identical from a particular attorney. The attorney works with international adoption agencies, and the child is even flown here, like pizza delivery, direct to their home. The folks just write a check. It is literally that easy.

Fortunately, the "Adam Walsh Act" made it mandatory for all foreign adoption participants to have background investigation checks, FBI verification, so that people who have criminal records cannot adopt children.

 

[gitana1]

The DePauls daughter has posted a must see video to yt. Shared snippet of doctors records and a school assessment

Good for her. These are very noble people. They didn’t have to step forward.

 

[Dawn Day]

International adoption, they can just pay a lawyer to do everything, it is a package deal. One home study, and I have literally seen them be verbatim almost identical from a particular attorney. The attorney works with international adoption agencies, and the child is even flown here, like pizza delivery, direct to their home. The folks just write a check. It is literally that easy

I have a friend who used a private attorney to adopt within the US. They did have a home study done by someone the attorney referred them to. From the time they hired the attorney, until the day they brought their new son home, it was about 2.5 months and $30,000. He was 2 yrs old at the time and still living with his (bio) mother. She was very poor and simply could not do it on her own anymore. She wanted him to have a mom and dad, and economic advantages.

 

[gitana1]

As a former social worker I saw a number of adoption failures. They all involved children being older than 6 when adopted. A good amount of them did involve the adopted child abusing either sexually or physically other children in the home. Of course because they themselves had been sexually abused when they were younger thus the reason they were in foster care. Here are a few examples I can remember:

-A couple with grown children adopted a pre-teen girl from foster care. The adoptive Mom was the one who really wanted to adopt and a few years later she died very quickly of cancer. The adoptive Dad terminated the adoption shortly after she died. It was heartbreaking but he felt like he had no attachment to her and didn't want to raise her with his wife gone. She lived in foster homes till she aged out. I recently saw an arrest record for her It's the only failed adoption I saw that I didn't empathize with the parents

-A couple who had previously adopted multiple children from China most with some sort of disability adopted a 7 year old girl from China, she was gorgeous and had no disability, was very smart but had been sexually abused in the orphanage and had to fight for food. She had an attachment disorder and never attached to adoptive parents and over the years became very aggressive. Pushed sibling in a wheelchair down stairs, pushed another into a window breaking the glass, tried to smother a sibling, threatened adoptive Mom with a knife. They found lots of weapons and stolen in her room. They were at the point of having an alarm and camera on her door out of fear. Did years of all sorts of therapies and really tried everything before terminating her adoption when she was 16.

-A couple who had previously adopted a few boys from foster care adopted an 8 or 9 year old boy from foster care. They had fostered him for quite a while before they adopted him and had other foster children as well. Probably about a year after they adopted him they caught him sexually assaulting another child in their home. They had to report it to the state since the other child was a foster child and were told by the state either they had to have him out of the home or lose their foster children and other adopted children. They initially had him live with one of their Mom's but eventually she didn't want to care for him anymore and they had to terminate the adoption. It was very sad because they really loved him but he had to be in a home with no other children. He was on the state adoption listing page for quite awhile and I have no idea if he was adopted or not.

There were lots of cases too of informal relinquishment, where adoptive parents sent the child to live in a group home or some sort of residential facility basically till adulthood or had other family members raise the child but never formally dissolved the adoption.

But my point qin this whole long post is if a child is truly aggressive like the Barnett's claim Natalia was and and too dangerous to have in your home it's not impossible to terminate the adoption.

Yeah and I know you know this but for those who may not, according to her book she’s a miracle worker and a hero who can cure any child in minutes of serious behavioral issues caused by neurological problems that professionals spend years working in and could not solve. So of course she couldn’t have a failed adoption. The only way a hero like she could get out of the situation is by making herself the victim and the innocent 8 year old as the villain.

 

[gitana1]

So it looks like according to the DuPauls Natalia has diastrophic dysplasia. Not Spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia. They’re saying in the video that the doctor who claimed to have treated NB for years doesn’t even know her actual form of dwarfism.

 

[ioethe]

So it looks like according to the DuPauls Natalia has diastrophic dysplasia. Not Spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia. They’re saying in the video that the doctor who claimed to have treated NB for years doesn’t even know her actual form of dwarfism.

It’s such an odd mistake to make. Presumably the medical records which the DePauls are referencing were made available to the Barnetts. Why would they, or their doctor, change the narrative in that way?

Unless it’s because there are famous people with the other kind and they thought they’d get more attention that way?