Kate Spade, 55, Fashion Designer, Found Dead, Suicide

[zencompass]

As someone who has had suicidal thoughts, once the thought enters your mind, it never leaves. I know when it gets bad and I know what to do when it does get bad it's just whether or not I can trust someone to ask for help.

I think that's why so many people phone the National Suicide line or crisis numbers in their local area.

Trust is important. So is the confidentiality of these crisis phone centers. It's a lot more freeing to speak with someone who doesn't know us as we are anonymous.

The people who answer these lines are trained and also importantly they are not biased, not family members, not people in our lives who minimize or brush away what we are feeling.

I really do believe that a majority of people choose calling a crisis line as a matter of "trust" and also it's comfortable because the crisis workers expect what you are going to say - whereas a family member or someone in your family doesn't.

 

[mrsselig]

The Samaritans are also accessible to those in the United States and Canada. They are extremely helpful and there are several ways to reach them.

I'm so sorry Ms. Spade wasn't able to reach out to someone (if indeed that is true). Indeed, even if you promptly try to "seek help" via a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist, it's not always easy depending on your insurance/finances/location. Even if you have great insurance, most psychologists are not trained to help those with suicidal feelings. Talk therapy and medications don't instantly prevent suicidal feelings. She was brilliant and bright and talented and had a beautiful daughter to live for, yet she was in so much pain she couldn't see another option. This is a tragedy.

 

[mjp1228]

I’m so sorry Kate has passed. It just goes to show depression can affect anyone regardless of their wealth or success or family.

I really feel for Kate’s thirteen year old daughter not only has she lost her mum but her mum died in the apartment she lives in.

May Kate Spade Rest In Peace

Depression is an awful condition every day can be a battle to survive even when you are on anti-depressants. I suffer from it and asked to be re-referred to see my Clinical Psychologist today and there is an eleven month waiting time for an NHS appointment. I don’t know how someone who is suffering worse than I am and feels like harming themselves is supposed to wait that long. My own personal experience here in the U.K is that the seriousness of the condition is still not acknowledged and a lot more needs to be done to help. There is a lot more help available if you have the means to pay for it and that should not be the case.

If any members or guests here at Websleuths are suffering from depression and need help please visit

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention https://afsp.org/

Or if you are in the U.K

The Samaritans Samaritans

Please know that no matter how bad things seem they do get better.

I hope that somehow you are able to see someone quicker than 11 months. Depression is a horrible disease to deal with. I’ve been able to see my psychologist weekly since I lost my own husband to suicide and was diagnosed with PTSD. I don’t know how I would have made it without her help these last few years. Don’t get me wrong, family and friends have been wonderful - but having a trained professional involved has meant a world of difference. Please feel free to reach out if you need an ear. I don’t know if I can help, but I can certainly try. Take care of yourself.

 

[drama_farmer]

I really do believe that a majority of people choose calling a crisis line as a matter of "trust" and also it's comfortable because the crisis workers expect what you are going to say - whereas a family member or someone in your family doesn't.

Snipped for focus.
And, another benefit of speaking with a compassionate "stranger" on the other end of the line is there's less fear of burdening someone with your problems, or causing them pain, or having them misunderstand, or worse, somehow blame themselves.

Family dynamics and relationships can be at least part of the cause of so many deep emotional wounds, that's why these crisis hotlines are so very valuable.

IMO

 

[gregjrichards]

I hope that somehow you are able to see someone quicker than 11 months. Depression is a horrible disease to deal with. I’ve been able to see my psychologist weekly since I lost my own husband to suicide and was diagnosed with PTSD. I don’t know how I would have made it without her help these last few years. Don’t get me wrong, family and friends have been wonderful - but having a trained professional involved has meant a world of difference. Please feel free to reach out if you need an ear. I don’t know if I can help, but I can certainly try. Take care of yourself.

Thank you for your kindness and thoughtful gesture. I am so sorry you tragically lost your husband. I am ok just a bit stressed out having just been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease on top of my other numerous health problems. Thankfully I can call a Clinical Psychologist anytime 24/7 and speak to someone or see someone straight away. I also have strong family support.

I’ve seen a Clinical Psychologist on and off the past twelve years I have been ill. She only works within the NHS and because I last saw her in 2016 I have to be referred as if I was a new patient again. But don’t worry I will see someone else and seek help if necessary. Thanks again.

 

[EuTuCroquet?]

I hope that somehow you are able to see someone quicker than 11 months. Depression is a horrible disease to deal with. I’ve been able to see my psychologist weekly since I lost my own husband to suicide and was diagnosed with PTSD. I don’t know how I would have made it without her help these last few years. Don’t get me wrong, family and friends have been wonderful - but having a trained professional involved has meant a world of difference. Please feel free to reach out if you need an ear. I don’t know if I can help, but I can certainly try. Take care of yourself.

I’m so sorry for your loss, @mjp1228. And PTSD is indeed rough, and I’m thankful you’ve had success with your psychologist. It can be difficult to find quality treatment (especially for PTSD), even when people have access to treatment.

I’ve lost friends and a family member to suicide, and I’ve been in the dark hole of suicidal depression and PTSD.

I’m so sad for Kate Spade and her family. Unfortunately, there is still a powerful stigma tied to mental health care — and what has always baffled me is it usually comes once people SEEK HELP and TREATMENT for a disorder. I understand and empathize with why she was afraid for her livelihood and career. As a society, in general, we still have some educating/advocating/work to do.

Y’all know I’m not knocking anyone here. We get it — we’re talking about it and sharing our experiences, encouraging others to seek help. I agree, trust is a huge issue. It’s a huge act of courage to ask for help or to open up at all.

If anyone needs help, thinks they might need help, or has a loved one who they’re concerned about, the resources @gregjrichards listed upthread are respected and confidential.

 

[sorrell skye]

IME, the Crisis Hotline (or whatever it's called where one may live) can be a lifeline for some, but for many others it can be a hopeless dead end.

Typically, the volunteers ask rote questions and give rote answers, as the ones answering the phones at crisis centers are often students fulfilling their required volunteer hours requirement toward their degree, or they may be just a lay-person with only a modicum of training (because they want to "help" the community before they get on the phone - believe it or not).

Someone who wants to die and is seriously planning to kill themselves doesn't give a s*%t about "resources". In a last-ditch effort, a suicidal person may be desperately reaching out to someone who will actually hear them, someone who will truly listen to them, as opposed to paying lip service to them - because they've been so long unheard, unseen, ignored.

Mental heath experts would be wise to realize this fact.

 

[perfectingpink]

I just found out about this and was absolutely shocked. Kate Spade is one of my favorite designers (there is a pair of her shoes in Van Mauer I visit often) and I will miss her next designs.

 

[Satchie]

“Spade seemed concerned how hospitalization might harm the image of the "happy-go-lucky" Kate Spade brand, she said.”

Read more here: Kate Spade suffered years of mental illness, sister says. Suicide 'not unexpected'

This is awful.

What kind of sister slanders and blames the victim to the media, only hours after her suicide? Seems pretty spiteful to me, whatever the true circumstances were.

 

[charminglane]

I treated myself just 2 weeks ago to a KS business card holder.
Thank you, Kate.

 

[ElleElle]

There are reports she was a heavy drinker and her husband was looking around for another apartment. Can this be confirmed?

 

[Gardenista]

There are reports she was a heavy drinker and her husband was looking around for another apartment. Can this be confirmed?

I posted an article upthread that said they were getting separated. And some are saying the "Ask Daddy" part of the suicide note was her placing the blame for her suicide on him.

"Bea - I have always loved you. This is not your fault. Ask Daddy!"

 

[Jennifer17]

What good does it do anyone to try to place blame?

 

[Estelle]

 

[Openminded]

There are reports she was a heavy drinker and her husband was looking around for another apartment. Can this be confirmed?

Today's Daily Mail article (for whatever it's worth) said her husband had asked for a divorce and moved into a "nearby" apartment.

She sold her remaining shares of KS in 2009 to be with her daughter so I'm not sure if she was designing for KS any longer. She was trying to get back in with her new company, Frances Valentine.

Very sad for all.

 

[zencompass]

What kind of sister slanders and blames the victim to the media, only hours after her suicide? Seems pretty spiteful to me, whatever the true circumstances were.

Dear Satchie,

I was dismayed to read that as well. A little shocked too. I couldn't understand why that was said.

Privacy and dignity go hand in hand.

There is a thirteen year old daughter to consider as well.

What would the motivation ever be to reveal what was written in a suicide note?

 

[1&2&3]

I believe the contents of the suicide note was revealed by a NY police officer yesterday.

The ending “Ask Daddy” puzzled me yesterday, but after it came out today that her husband had asked for a divorce, that explains that statement.

I understand the part of the note saying “It’s not your fault”. My father left my mother when I was eight, and it took forever for me to not believe that it was my fault! For me, I think it was very caring that Kate put that in there for the daughter.

 

[zencompass]

I agree that it was very caring. I'm sorry you blamed yourself when you were younger that your father left. It saddened me when I found out that many children feel that way until they get older.

 

[Gooddeeds]

Some bits of irony:

This was the 25 anniversary year for Kate Spade.

Monday night on Jeopardy ‘Kate Spade’ was the answer to the winning question.

• Kate Spade's fashion brand, Frances Valentine, ran a marketing campaign called "Where Is Kate?" earlier in 2018.
• In the advertisement — which was written by and stars Spade's husband and business partner, Andy Spade— a detective tracks Kate Spade (who is played by an actress) as she attempts to flee.
• The "Where Is Kate?" campaign would be the last Frances Valentine campaign before Spade's death earlier this week.

 

[katydid23]

It may have been caring of her to say 'it is not your fault.' But it doesn't seem very caring of her to hang herself in the apartment where her 13 yr old sleeps at night.

I am very sorry she took her own life. I know depression is a horrible illness. I just wish she had ended it somewhere else, like a hotel or a park or something. Because even if she told her young daughter it wasn't her fault, hanging herself at the home has to be a horribly traumatic event for the poor child.