Kate Spade, 55, Fashion Designer, Found Dead, Suicide

[zencompass]

I will never understand why people choose to end their life in a home that is meaningful to others.

What happens to all of the hundreds of happy memories that were once shared in those homes? Saddens my heart.

I do understand that depression "lies" and "distorts" all normal thoughts so perhaps this contributes to the decision. I will never understand that wholly though.

 

[katydid23]

 

[Gardenista]

I believe the contents of the suicide note was revealed by a NY police officer yesterday.

The ending “Ask Daddy” puzzled me yesterday, but after it came out today that her husband had asked for a divorce, that explains that statement.

I understand the part of the note saying “It’s not your fault”. My father left my mother when I was eight, and it took forever for me to not believe that it was my fault! For me, I think it was very caring that Kate put that in there for the daughter.

Yes, but she was saying it wasn't her daughter's fault, it was her husband's fault. I don't find that caring at all.

 

[zencompass]

I'm not comfortable with the release of the wording in the suicide note. Personally, I feel it goes against the dignity of Kate Spade and all who love her.

This whole situation is so tragic - especially for the young daughter. My heart goes out to her.

 

[Bravo]

I am deeply saddened by her death. It represents a vast majority of people in every day life who suffer in silence. I am further saddened by her Sisters comments. Which supports again the stigma of sufferers who are shamed. I am saddened Kate chose alcohol. It in itself is a depressant. I understand why those around her gave up. Public shaming a person who clearly had issues is devastating to a movement trying to bring awareness and understanding. Perhaps that may have been a wiser choice for a public statement. Clearly she has no understanding of what the depths of depression can do to a person.

 

[Bravo]

Unless you have walked the walk people don't understand. I have been there. Not to this depth. However mine was deep. I never thought of suicide. One thought did come to mind. I get why people do commit suicide. It is not a choice. You just want it to end. Typically there is anxiety. It takes over your life. Imagine when somebody comes up behind you and scares you. The adrenaline rush. Imagine your life if u had the rush 24/7. I was always a person who dealt. Happy, great life, no worries and work in the mental health field. It can happen to anyone. Anytime. I am saddened she put her brand first. Does that not speak to the stigma? Keep going and keep it all hidden people depend on you.

 

[msphilosopher]

The brain a peculiar thing.

It saddens me that in her mind she could not get help because it would "dampen the happy-go- lucky brand" but somehow in her mind suicide doesn't dampen the brand or that suicide does dampen the brand but is the same outcome she was trying to avoid.

I just wish she could have gotten the help she needed. So tragic.

 

[liltexans]

This article clears up many of the rumors circulating right now.

Kate Spade’s Death: ‘There Was No Indication and No Warning,’ Says Her Husband

 

[zencompass]

Thank you Liltexans!

 

[kaen]

I am not sure what to make of the note and the "Ask Daddy!' is so sad. I see that some are thinking that she was blaming her husband, etc. Since Kate Spade can no longer speak for herself, I think I will go with a kinder version of meaning as I don't think it is fair to malign a woman so mentally ill that she felt she had no other option other than killing herself.

I would imagine that Kate wanted her daughter and her husband to have a very important conversation about her long struggle with mental illness, including the silence and isolation that came along with it. Mr. Spade would be able to talk about decisions to not seek treatment. He would also be able to create a running dialogue with his daughter about the stigma and breaking the chain of silence that has plagued this family.

I see this last sentence as an opportunity for Mr. Spade to ensure that his daughter gets what she needs and has a dad who recognizes that the time has come to speak candidly about what his deceased partner could have experienced rather than what she did.

 

[davehead21]

Unless you have walked the walk people don't understand. I have been there. Not to this depth. However mine was deep. I never thought of suicide. One thought did come to mind. I get why people do commit suicide. It is not a choice. You just want it to end. Typically there is anxiety. It takes over your life. Imagine when somebody comes up behind you and scares you. The adrenaline rush. Imagine your life if u had the rush 24/7. I was always a person who dealt. Happy, great life, no worries and work in the mental health field. It can happen to anyone. Anytime. I am saddened she put her brand first. Does that not speak to the stigma? Keep going and keep it all hidden people depend on you.

So much this. It literally makes me want to cry when people question the actions of those who commit suicide. It's being done in this thread by saying the wording of her alleged suicide note is cruel or that it was wrong of her to commit suicide at home. Obviously if someone is so far down the rabbit hole that they choose to end their life, they are not having rational thoughts. The brain is an organ and can malfunction just like the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, etc. If you cannot understand the behavior of someone who commits suicide then you should count yourself very lucky.

 

[Hazelnutty]

If the sister had to speak publicly regarding what she believed Kate's issues were, I wish she had waited a few weeks. Just seems cold & harsh that she went on and on , completely oversharing sensitive and very private issues. I suppose grief does that.

While the publics knowing the very base facts of what happened may help prevent future suicides, it just seems too much, too soon from sister.


If it is true that Kate didn't seek help / relief for issues because of shame/ fear of doing so may bring damage to her brand , image & name ---- the choice she made by chosing to end her life + her sister's comments + someone leaking contents of note left behind make Kate's fears seem like a small ripple in the water in comparison to the tsunami of info / press brought on by her death.
Clearly, she was not in a clearthinking , rational state of mind.

Depression is evil. It's a liar . It smothers your life .

I understand major depression & anxiety disorder. When it's at it's worst my thought processes & self talk are scrambled & muddy. It's frightening to think about what Kate was going thru the during hours & moments before her final choice.

Thoughts & prayers for Kate's family left behind.

 

[Bravo]

I just heard on one of the talk shows while channel surfing the Sister who spoke out has been estranged from Kate for a number of years. So it would explain her statements. Take it for what it's worth. At this point.

 

[katydid23]

So much this. It literally makes me want to cry when people question the actions of those who commit suicide. It's being done in this thread by saying the wording of her alleged suicide note is cruel or that it was wrong of her to commit suicide at home. Obviously if someone is so far down the rabbit hole that they choose to end their life, they are not having rational thoughts. The brain is an organ and can malfunction just like the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, etc. If you cannot understand the behavior of someone who commits suicide then you should count yourself very lucky.

I think we can sensitively discuss her actions. I did not say she was 'wrong' for killing herself at home. I said I wished she hadn't hung herself in the apartment that she shared with her 13 yr old. I think it is a valid criticism.

I know she was depressed and irrational. And suicide seemed like it was the only option. But that doesn't mean that no one can discuss/criticize/ponder her decisions and the way she followed through.


I had two friends from high school that killed themselves in their teens. One friend went to the woods, where she had a lot of nice memories, took an overdose, and died. She left a long letter for her family to find when they returned home from work. It was very very traumatic for her family. But over the years they enjoyed walking the trail near her final place, and would sit and picnic and reminisce about her and cry.


My other friend hung herself in her childhood bedroom at her parents home. Where they had lived for 30 years. She had her own apartment but went to her parents home to die, , and her 14 yr old little brother found her when he came home from school. She probably knew he would because she knew the daily schedule.

I don't think it is wrong for me to compare the two ways that my 2 classmates carried out their suicides. BOTH suicides were devastating for the families to deal with. But the aftermath was different for both families.

My friend that hung herself in the family home absolutely spoiled their ability to stay living in that home. And it really messed with her little brothers head. I don't think it is wrong for me to be critical of her final choices. If she felt she really needed to end it all, that is her choice. But I wish she had done it in a way that wouldn't have been so traumatic and devastating for her little brother. He saw her car, was excited to see her, and rushed inside, only to see her gruesome situation, feet away from his bedroom door. It haunts him.

 

[Bravo]

I hear what your saying katy. There just isn't a pretty ending, ever.

 

[Satchie]

I think we can sensitively discuss her actions. I did not say she was 'wrong' for killing herself at home. I said I wished she hadn't hung herself in the apartment that she shared with her 13 yr old. I think it is a valid criticism.

I know she was depressed and irrational. And suicide seemed like it was the only option. But that doesn't mean that no one can discuss/criticize/ponder her decisions and the way she followed through.


I had two friends from high school that killed themselves in their teens. One friend went to the woods, where she had a lot of nice memories, took an overdose, and died. She left a long letter for her family to find when they returned home from work. It was very very traumatic for her family. But over the years they enjoyed walking the trail near her final place, and would sit and picnic and reminisce about her and cry.


My other friend hung herself in her childhood bedroom at her parents home. Where they had lived for 30 years. She had her own apartment but went to her parents home to die, , and her 14 yr old little brother found her when he came home from school. She probably knew he would because she knew the daily schedule.

I don't think it is wrong for me to compare the two ways that my 2 classmates carried out their suicides. BOTH suicides were devastating for the families to deal with. But the aftermath was different for both families.

My friend that hung herself in the family home absolutely spoiled their ability to stay living in that home. And it really messed with her little brothers head. I don't think it is wrong for me to be critical of her final choices. If she felt she really needed to end it all, that is her choice. But I wish she had done it in a way that wouldn't have been so traumatic and devastating for her little brother. He saw her car, was excited to see her, and rushed inside, only to see her gruesome situation, feet away from his bedroom door. It haunts him.

Very sad for you to lose two friends like that, and very traumatic for the boy, I hope he has lots of support. But I do think talking about suicide as a 'choice' is incorrect. A suicidal person is driven by powerful inner demons of some sort, the rational person you knew was not in control. Wanting to live is a powerful instinct, only someone very messed up can over-ride that. We survivors, on the other hand, maybe can choose to feel compassion for the dead person.

 

[liltexans]

So much this. It literally makes me want to cry when people question the actions of those who commit suicide. It's being done in this thread by saying the wording of her alleged suicide note is cruel or that it was wrong of her to commit suicide at home. Obviously if someone is so far down the rabbit hole that they choose to end their life, they are not having rational thoughts. The brain is an organ and can malfunction just like the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, etc. If you cannot understand the behavior of someone who commits suicide then you should count yourself very lucky.

It is upsetting, but these sad cases also present teachable moments. I try to remember that many people truly don't understand that mental illness is not a choice. Feeling suicidal is not a choice. Every time someone dies of suicide, we have an opportunity to open the dialogue up to others and to educate others. Some people just don't understand. I agree that they are lucky people, but I also appreciate that many (most?) of them are willing to try to understand.

 

[kaen]

So much this. It literally makes me want to cry when people question the actions of those who commit suicide. It's being done in this thread by saying the wording of her alleged suicide note is cruel or that it was wrong of her to commit suicide at home. Obviously if someone is so far down the rabbit hole that they choose to end their life, they are not having rational thoughts. The brain is an organ and can malfunction just like the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, etc. If you cannot understand the behavior of someone who commits suicide then you should count yourself very lucky.

Absolutely agree with you. Kate Spade's actions are so horrifyingly sad. I believe that she would be devastated if she had the perspective to see how her death is affecting those she loved. Thinking of this as a disease is the right perspective in my book.

 

[kaen]

All of this family must be so broken, looking to figure out what could have been different.

 

[kaen]

I think we can sensitively discuss her actions. I did not say she was 'wrong' for killing herself at home. I said I wished she hadn't hung herself in the apartment that she shared with her 13 yr old. I think it is a valid criticism.

I know she was depressed and irrational. And suicide seemed like it was the only option. But that doesn't mean that no one can discuss/criticize/ponder her decisions and the way she followed through.


I had two friends from high school that killed themselves in their teens. One friend went to the woods, where she had a lot of nice memories, took an overdose, and died. She left a long letter for her family to find when they returned home from work. It was very very traumatic for her family. But over the years they enjoyed walking the trail near her final place, and would sit and picnic and reminisce about her and cry.


My other friend hung herself in her childhood bedroom at her parents home. Where they had lived for 30 years. She had her own apartment but went to her parents home to die, , and her 14 yr old little brother found her when he came home from school. She probably knew he would because she knew the daily schedule.

I don't think it is wrong for me to compare the two ways that my 2 classmates carried out their suicides. BOTH suicides were devastating for the families to deal with. But the aftermath was different for both families.

My friend that hung herself in the family home absolutely spoiled their ability to stay living in that home. And it really messed with her little brothers head. I don't think it is wrong for me to be critical of her final choices. If she felt she really needed to end it all, that is her choice. But I wish she had done it in a way that wouldn't have been so traumatic and devastating for her little brother. He saw her car, was excited to see her, and rushed inside, only to see her gruesome situation, feet away from his bedroom door. It haunts him.

Unfortunately, there is often trauma over the suicide as there are no best circumstances. So many who have lost a loved one had the trauma of finding them, not picking up the phone, not saying or doing kind things, etc. The wreckage is so awful.

I am sure if your friend was able to put all of these circumstances together she would probably still be here today because clear thinking would have clued her into what she was about to do. There is often talk of the planning that goes into a suicide but I am not sure that rational thought plays into the final action a person took.

These situations and Kate Spade's situation are a great reminder for me to remember to take the time when sometimes I feel like there is none because something could always happen and I won't have another chance.