I want to share something along the lines what our thread Prethident Lady Edith posted earlier about sometimes things not being as they seem...and a better plan unfolding that you may not know about or see at the time.
Please forgive if I'm repeating myself but this bears repeating now I think.
When the verdict came in I was with my brother who broke in to tears, put his hand over his tearful eyes and said "I feel just like I did when they let Rudi off Death Row". They argued for 7 years to get the man who slit my sister's throat AND his brother who masterminded the plot for money off DR on a mental retardation claim. It was completely insane if you knew the facts of the case. But as soon as the Supreme Court issued a ruling that the mentally retarded cannot be executed many DR inmates become mentally retarded overnight including Cindy's killers. It was kind of a "test case" in AZ with one trier of fact , a Judge who ruled EVERYTHING for the defense and nothing in our favor. I could go on and on about the abuses levied at my family during those years --far worse than anything we ever experienced during the criminal process (which was very very mild) up to the moment of the resentencing of the one let off death row where his attorney turned and addressed me in open court offering me and my family an apology.
Right before I stepped up to kick his *advertiser censored** with a Victim Impact Statement.
Anyway, it was horrible, just horrible and exhausting and devastating. To watch my then 78 yr old father in court every day, testifying, reliving 18 years later and the ways we were disrespected and flat out abused, just horrible. And then, one of them was granted the reprieve. Horrifying. Luckily he was given consecutive life WITH parole sentences so he will be a. never let out of prison and b. forgotten.
This case brought up all that again for my dear brother.
But after hugging and crying, I sat him down and reminded him of the reality of that situation. It was a very healing conversation for us to have as Alfonse really fell apart during those trials and we just never really talked about all that..now was the time.
Those brothers were on the same situation JA will likely get--23 hrs per day in max security BUT their cells were above each other so they could communicate all day in their native tongue thru the vents. What a luxury for that kind of deprivation. Imagine if JA was in a cell all day with someone she actually cared about (cough) in a cell next to her she could talk to all day vs well nobody. it was huge..and a huge LOSS. So we lost our sister, they ultimate lost each other when one was let off DR and moved to an entirely different part of the State. The only way they will ever lay eyes on each other again is if the one invites the other to his execution. Careful what you ask for. Poetic justice.
It's funny because in a convoluted slam at me, Kiefer mentioned that appeal and how I've "never been the same since" while at the same time blaming ME for "changing in to a completely different person" (he did not mean this as a compliment). Odd as he's not even seen me since that time at all. It was clear he was making a statement about how the DP "ruins" victim's families but at the same time it's our own fault because we agreed to the DP in the first place. He was really using it as an example to bolster all the slams at the Alexanders he was making as if all the horrible things they were hearing about Travis was their own fault for not taking the plea. This is how convoluted these things get. Pure "blame the victim" plain and simple.
But I digress...because the moral of this long tale is that even though the result of that arduous appeal was devastating to us, in the long run it ended up MUCH BETTER. He got separated from his brother meaning a deeper punishment for them BOTH and at the same time, people stopped appealing for him and he ended up. ..............forgotten and locked away for life where we don't have to hear about him again.
See what I mean? There could be something going on here that has a silver lining we just can't see right now. And that's where I really want to do my best to stay open to.
This IS a good vs evil story at play here and I believe with all my heart the GOOD will prevail.
In the meantime, I want to keep supporting the family as really that's the only thing that truly makes sense to me and I can have some control over.
Ok...long winded post...thanks for indulging me and hope it rings somewhere in some of you too.
xoxo
This is making me sick, the more he speaks. 
